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Old 05-14-2009, 01:02 AM
 
Location: uk
35 posts, read 86,233 times
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there's a difference between verbal teasing and excluding which lasts a short time, which all children deal with at some time.as parents,we are able to give our children the confidence and skills to deal with this.but it's completely different if it's long term isolation or physical bullying.
my 20yr old was physically bullied at age 6,7 and 8.....head banged agaist a wall every playtime(so the dinner ladies told me)punched,kicked,stamped on and bitten........when he came out with his cheek bleeding,the head teacher told me he'd bitten his own cheek for attention!........he needed 3 stiches.
verbal complaints did nothing,log every thing,photocopy ervery letter you send,use recorded delivary,and if the school won't take it seriously, send copies of the letters to the govenors.
fortunately, my son was very bright,and won a full bursary to a prep school.
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Old 05-14-2009, 05:03 AM
 
1,986 posts, read 3,468,487 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by okpondlady View Post
This is PARTIALLY correct. Kids are not prepared by their families to deal with bullying. BUT ALSO. They are told by the school in alot of instances no matter who starts it ALL fighters will be suspended or in trouble. No matter who started it. No matter if you were only defending yourself. This stops alot of kids from fighting back, besides just plain being afraid. They KNOW no one (except maybe their parents) will defend them. The school won't take their side even if it is on tape that they were being beaten senseless.
On one hand I understand the reasoning for these policies but they do NOTHING to help a kid who is being bullied. All they do is make a decent kid even more afraid to stand up for themselves.
I have had to write letters to the school board, superintendent, principle, and individual teachers who were IGNORING bullying of my daughter, threatening with lawsuits if they didn't do their JOB and protect her. She might be in 10th grade but she is far from an adult. Telling me "this is just the way life is" doesn't work for me. After a couple of times I finally realized they are not going to do anything about it unless I back THEM to the wall and force it. And I had to also think about this. Do you really think, as a parent, ANY of them have dealt with this? Who do you know is going to pick on the High School Principle's daughter or son? They are on the A list (socially) in our little town I can assure you. It just isn't the same. Of course we are from a town that has a total school population of about 950 so everyone knows everyone else.
Good Luck and when they start that 0 tolerance crap... make sure they understand YOU have 0 tolerance when it comes to your child being bullied also.
No, it's ALL the way correct. The school isn't the parent. It's up to the parent to MAKE SURE their kids are equipped to handle any situation.

The trouble with society is everybody wants to blame everything on somebody else. Take responsibility for your kids and teach them. So what if they get 'in trouble' at school for fighting back. They need to know that's a small price to pay for their safety. What kind of 'trouble' can they get into that really matters?

As for changing schools, that's crazy. All that does is give ALL the power to those who do the bullying. It gives them strength to do even worse to the next schm**k who comes along. THOSE KIDS NEED TO BE STOPPED, NOT PACIFIED, NOT RAN FROM. Don't teach your kids to run from adversity, teach them to stand up to it. Give your kids the strength, not the bullies.
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Old 05-14-2009, 05:42 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, Texas
1,692 posts, read 3,341,811 times
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What do you think is the right way to approach a situation where your child is being bullied?

the right approach is what is right for YOUR child. Not every approach will work for every kid. Try not to think of your child as being like all the rest and what worked for this kid will work for yours. KNOWING you child will help you set up the best situation for them. Now having said that, Your first step is keeping communication open with your child. Don't beleive everything they say and don't disbelieve it either.

I watched a show recently where two boys committed suicide because of they were being bullied at school. The mothers of the children saw signs of fear and depression when their children attended school and on vacations and breaks from school the symptions disappeared.
Have you ever had a child be bullied or have you yourself been bullied in the past?

I was always bullied in school. I was the easy target kid.

Would you consider homeschooling or even changing school for your child if the bullying became severe?

I wouldn't consider home schooling. it is my belief that kids who are home schooled miss out of extra education of life. Learning to deal with the idoits of society starts at school. My mother was preschool teacher and she always said that kids need to start young on how to interact with others. Home schooling takes away that interaction on several levels.

Do you think boys and girls handle bullies differently?

Nope, either one can cause as much harm as the other. Had a teach once tell me that he would break up a boys fight but never a girls fight. I asked why, and he replied... "you girls go for blood, any body's blood. Just too dangerous" A bullie is a bully no matter the gender. Verbal bullies do the most harm. Physical bullies are easy to deal with.

Is it more prevelant in schools today?
It would seem so. Mostly I think it is because schools have such large classrooms and many more of them. More time between classes and longer lunch hours can equate to more bully time. Not to mention what can happen in class with the usage of cell phones, laptops etc. We have a local middle school just open that is Wi-Fi connected. If a kid has a moble laptop they are internet bound at school.

I would say the best thing you can do for you child is knowledge. You keep informed with school activities, teachers, leadership, stay abreast of local gangs what your schools do about them and bullies, etc. Also do what you are already doing. Learn various ideas and technics on dealing with bullies and schools.
Make sure your child knows consitutes bullying ( kind of like good touch bad touch lessons), when and what actions should be done in responce.

One thing that really helped me with dealing with my bullies was knowing that I could take 'em out when I wanted too. My mom made sure I went to self defense classes. I also learned not to brag about them. If a bully knows you have a fight talent they try to push you. So my 'talent' was kept secret and I could then ignore the bullies cause it didn't matter anymore. Being self-aware and self-assured with confindence can mean so much to a child.

Knowledge is key. Knowing your child, knowing what to do and how to do it.
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Old 05-14-2009, 06:12 AM
pll pll started this thread
 
1,042 posts, read 2,093,280 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stormy night View Post
No, it's ALL the way correct. The school isn't the parent. It's up to the parent to MAKE SURE their kids are equipped to handle any situation.

The trouble with society is everybody wants to blame everything on somebody else. Take responsibility for your kids and teach them. So what if they get 'in trouble' at school for fighting back. They need to know that's a small price to pay for their safety. What kind of 'trouble' can they get into that really matters?

As for changing schools, that's crazy. All that does is give ALL the power to those who do the bullying. It gives them strength to do even worse to the next schm**k who comes along. THOSE KIDS NEED TO BE STOPPED, NOT PACIFIED, NOT RAN FROM. Don't teach your kids to run from adversity, teach them to stand up to it. Give your kids the strength, not the bullies.
I truly think that sometimes the bullying gets to be too big for some children. Like the two boys on Oprahs show that committed suicide at 11 years old. At my daughters school an 11th grader committed suicide a month ago because he was always picked on. He had some learning challenges and supposedly he was 'fair game' because he was different.

I have a sibling who drove 30 minutes and back so he could attend a private school. It wouldn't bother me one bit to drive my child that distance so they could have a more success learning environment. I think sometimes the faculty can do everything in their power to stop the bad behavior and sometimes its not enough.

As an adult I would NEVER stay at a job where I didn't like the people and felt I was being harrassed dailyto where I didn't want to face the day. I wouldn't stay at a job to where my job performance was affected and quality of life. Let we make our children. We tell them to "be tough, get over, fight like a man/woman..." . But could we do the same. Yes, there have always been mean kids in every school, I'm just wondering if they are becoming meaner today?

If there were no other schools where I would send me kid, I would consider home schooling.
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Old 05-14-2009, 07:52 AM
 
11,304 posts, read 16,823,077 times
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These threads come up periodically as its obviously an important topic. My response is always the same. I have a toddler and fully expect bullying or similiar to be an issue down the road.

As soon as he is able, I will enroll him in some kind of martial arts or boxing instruction. Probably both. Concurrently, I will teach him to never start up with anyone and to always attempt to ignore nonsense. But...there will come a time when he will have to use his fists against his will. He is to do his best to knock the living crap out of the bully, turn the tables, and humiliate him. As long as its clear he was backed into a corner, he will have my full support. If I find out he started it, he will deal with me and the bully will look like the better option.

The playground is analagous to what some guy told me about his stay in a medium security prison. At one point, you just have to hit someone back. Does not matter so much if you end up losing the fight. You gain respect by fighting back.
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Old 05-14-2009, 08:05 AM
 
2,838 posts, read 8,849,189 times
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I would absolutely switch schools. (We actually homeschool, and contrary to popular belief, we do still have to deal with jerks, but it's in a more controlled environment.) Adults don't put up with that crap, and it pains me that kids are supposed to "just deal with it." If I were bullied by a manager or coworker at work, then I would file a complaint, and if that didn't solve anything, I'd pursue other more aggressive options. I would not think "it's all my fault because I refuse to engage in physical combat with this person." The tools to stop bullying don't need to include a throwdown fight. That's not how these things are handled in the "real world." (Not that school replicates the "real world" anyway, but from what I'm told, it's supposed to be training for the "real world.")
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Old 05-14-2009, 08:23 AM
 
1,986 posts, read 3,468,487 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kerowyn View Post

I wouldn't consider home schooling. it is my belief that kids who are home schooled miss out of extra education of life. Learning to deal with the idoits of society starts at school. My mother was preschool teacher and she always said that kids need to start young on how to interact with others. Home schooling takes away that interaction on several levels.
Not true. Kids do not miss out on anything except the ridiculous politics of the system itself. Homeschooling does not take away anything.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Kerowyn
Is it more prevelant in schools today?
It would seem so. Mostly I think it is because schools have such large classrooms and many more of them. More time between classes and longer lunch hours can equate to more bully time. Not to mention what can happen in class with the usage of cell phones, laptops etc. We have a local middle school just open that is Wi-Fi connected. If a kid has a moble laptop they are internet bound at school.
Actually, there is LESS time between classes and MUCH shorter lunches. Younger kids get only 15 minutes of playground time.

Most schools have internet access for students, they don't need a laptop, and cell phones, for the most part are not allowed to be turned on in the school building or on the school buses here.

I don't think there is MORE bullying. I think it attracts more attention because before kids learned how to cope and end it where now the parents get over involved and talk about it a lot more.
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Old 05-14-2009, 12:33 PM
 
Location: England
1,171 posts, read 2,187,407 times
Reputation: 1007
Quote:
Originally Posted by pll View Post
What do you think is the right way to approach a situation where your child is being bullied? I watched a show recently where two boys committed suicide because of they were being bullied at school. The mothers of the children saw signs of fear and depression when their children attended school and on vacations and breaks from school the symptions disappeared.
Have you ever had a child be bullied or have you yourself been bullied in the past?
Would you consider homeschooling or even changing school for your child if the bullying became severe?
Do you think boys and girls handle bullies differently? Is it more prevelant in schools today?

If my kids were bullied I would try to sort it. If it couldn't be sorted I would talk to my children, see what they could do. If they felt depressed or were becoming increasingly anxious, or if there was serious bullying going on - involving physical or verbal abuse - I would take them out. There are other schools, there are independant schools and there is homeschooling.

He who fights and runs away, lives to fight another day. Yes, you can teach your children to stand up to bullies - but do you seriously expect them to take on 2, 3 or 4 of them? I would not stay in a very toxic enviornment so why should little children!
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Old 05-14-2009, 02:24 PM
 
1,831 posts, read 3,735,699 times
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I don't thnk parents get over-involved. I think parents are more involved because the schools had not stepped up to the plate to handle bullying. I had the misfortune of attending a crappy junior high school for about two years, where I was teased daily and at one point bullied by a girl who bullied many others while teachers and administrators sat back and did nothing. All those kids wanted to do was fight, bully and tease. Learning was not their priority.

These days, in a more litigious society, schools that do nothing face the wrath of parents and the lawsuits. Also, people are more educated about the traumatic effects of bullying. And I'm sure that the incidents of bullying victims gunning down students and teachers are an additional eye opener.

So now, we have zero tolerance and suspensions all around when bullying is involved. From one extreme to the other. Sure, parents need to teach children to stand up for themselves. I was not taught that very well. Meaning, I could speak up for myself, but I wasn't taught how to get around being an easy target. Most of the teasing and bullying occurred in class. Where were the teachers, you ask? Please, that's a whole 'nother story.

Beyond parental teaching, schools need to face a simple fact: all the parenting in the world does not negate the responsibility that schools have for the children within their walls. Once the children are in that school, the school is responsible for their well-being. Period. That responsibility includes handling bullying. While children do need to learn to handle themselves, they should not be shouldered with the task of stopping bullying and harassment. That is the school's job. The parents are responsible for helping their children and holding the schools accountable. Everyone needs to do their job.
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Old 05-14-2009, 04:31 PM
 
Location: Australia
1,492 posts, read 2,656,886 times
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We handle it this way.
We tell our kids to ignore it and report it to a teacher.
We make sure we talk to our kids so that we know whats happening. Sometimes kids can feel ashamed and not want to tell you.
Then when they tell us that they have been bullied, we write a letter to the school.
After this we tell the kid, if a kid hits you then hit em back.
Invarably, because our kids are not bullies, if they do fight back, they are caught and the school sets about punishing them.
Thats when I bring the letter to their attention and ask what they did about the bullying.

As I see it, the problem with bullying is that initially the kid feels disempowered because he/she is on the receiving end and is not allowed to fight back. Then when they do fight back, they get caught and punished. Because the bully is accomplished at doing things in a sneaky way, they don't get caught. The victim then has a double whammy. They see the system is on the side of the bully. The bully knows it and of course uses that to his/her advantage.

So that is why I make sure that the school admin have written records of bullying and I tell my kids to fight back. Even if they get caught they have the satisfaction of knowing that that they fought back.
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