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Old 10-30-2009, 12:37 PM
 
Location: Geneva, IL
12,976 posts, read 11,792,833 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hml1976 View Post
I agree that children need to know how to converse politely with adults. They also need to know when they are dominating the conversation. There is nothing I hate more than going to a friend's home and spending the evening talking to their 9yr old about soccer...or watching how "cute" their 2yr old is. Children should be taught to be polite, say hello, a few moments of conversation and then leave. If its a sit down dinner then they should participate on a minimal level, while still being polite.
Oh that is a huge bug bear of mine. Not so long ago some friends invited us out to a fancy formal New Year's Eve celebration at an upscale venue. Cost us a fortune, and we paid the babysitter a fortune. Got there only to find our friends had brought along their 8 and 10 year-olds because they thought they would enjoy it. I love kids, but I was not happy, and they dominated the conversation the entire evening. The parents may have thought it was cute, but I was irate. I have taught my 9 and 6 year-olds to make eye contact, stand up staright and stop wiggling, speak clearly, and please, thank you, etc. Interrupting is another pet peeve of mine. My kids know unless someone has lost a limb, they better not interrupt an adult conversation. Can't stand the typical mommy conversation which consists of short bursts in between the interruptions. OK, I feel better now that I have vented.
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Old 10-30-2009, 04:56 PM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
34,549 posts, read 42,724,437 times
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There's a happy medium between kids who are overly familiar, and those who are clueless and disrespectful. We tried to teach our children to 1. stand up when meeting an adult 2. look them in the eye 3. shake hands when introduced, and answer when spoken to.
Nowadays, this whole "unquestioning respect for adults" needs to be tempered with wariness against perverts and pedophiles, unfortunately.
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Old 10-30-2009, 06:35 PM
 
Location: Jacksonville, FL (Northside)
3,271 posts, read 5,891,163 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by natalayjones View Post
One thing I'm trying to teach my son is to look at people when he talks to them. He is NOT shy but whenever someone says "hi" to him, he holds his head down and mumbles it to his feet. My boyfriend complains that I sound like a drill sargent because I'm always saying "Hold your head up" "say thank you" "open your mouth" "say please" but I figure I need to teach him while he's young before I send him off into the world not knowing how to act.
I try to teach you the same things. Luckily you catch on fast You better not act like you have no sense out there in the world, make me pull out my belt
Yes, kids do need to learn how to interact with adults but in today's world, you'd think some of these kids are grown by how they act, let alone talk.
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Old 10-31-2009, 07:43 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,656,439 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NCyank View Post
You are missing a very important distinction between being able to properly communicate and talk with adults and participating in adult conversations. HUGE difference. Yes, my kids know how to talk to adults. No, they are not always welcome to participate in adult conversation. As they get older, as they become adults this will change. It is changing. They are teens now and they participate in some adult conversations with us and others, but there are still times the conversation is not for them.

Our kids have always been encouraged to properly engage anyone in conversation, including adults. It was one benefit of home schooling, they were able to engage in conversation with multiple age groups in a variety of situations and it was usually welcomed. Government schools have been a different matter altogether but that is a topic for another thread.

Make eye contact and answer questions with statements instead of yeah, uh-huh or nope. Make sure your voice is loud and clear enough to be heard and understood. Make what you say is in context to the conversation, don't go off on tangents. A good conversation is like a volleyball game...it's more fun when the ball goes back and forth rather than just drops on the ground so keep up your end of the conversation. Be interested in the other person and what they are saying. These are some of the communication skills that kids should know...but many don't.


Parents do a lot of things for their kids these days, including speak for them. When you go to a restaurant notice how many parents ask their kids what they want and then tell the server instead of teaching the child to speak to the server and make their own order. Parents act as the go between or filter too often and kids lose the opportunity to develop the skills needed to converse with adults or even older kids.
There you go right there..."Parents act as the go between or filter too often and kids lose the opportunity to develop the skills needed to converse with adults or even older kids."

We definitely encourage our kids to participate in conversations with adults. We have conversations with our kids, without constantly critiquing everything that comes out of their mouths. I do, however, correct improper usage of the English language though. Not always, but quite often. I want my children to know how to converse intelligently....and let them know that they are extremely intelligent and choosing their words appropriately can either help them to come across as intelligent...OR make them sound like they're completely uneducated. If they want to be taken seriously, they need to use mature speach.

I have always been told by adults that my children are real treats to have around and that "they" so enjoy talking with my kids. My children don't just "act" respectful around adults, they ARE respectful. That is never something that has ever been allowed to slip when they were being raised. One of the differences in our household though, that I see being absent in many other's? WE try to act like respectful people. We try to set the example. Even if we run into someone we don't like and/or don't associate with..at all...our children see us speaking to them with respect. We don't hang our heads and act like we're avoiding them. We are polite. Our children have said, "Gosh Mom, why did you even talk to them?" My response? "Hon, whether you really like someone or not should have no bearing on your behavior. You don't have to go to their house and hang out, but when you run into them, why wouldn't you be polite? It's the proper thing to do."

For the poster who says they go to family functions/social events and people's kids are stand-offish..... TALK TO THEM! Perhaps no one speaks to them. If they won't communicate with you, is there something they've heard about you? Something they don't like about you? Do you get along with their parents? Regardless, go to them, ask them how they've been doing. Ask how school is going. Ask them about themselves.....what they do, what they LIKE to do. Perhaps the real reason those kids don't talk is that no one REALLY talks to them, therefore, they don't think anyone cares. Joke with them. Laugh with them. Be the one adult at that function who will talk to them. I have found that with many of these teens....they want to talk. We just don't act like they have anything worthwhile to say! Bring these kids out of their shells by making them feel like they have something to contribute. Because we do this with our kids, their teachers and pretty much all adults that they talk to, get into ADULT conversations with them and actually forget that they're talking to a kid! I hear it all the time. LOL
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Old 10-31-2009, 07:55 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,656,439 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
There's a happy medium between kids who are overly familiar, and those who are clueless and disrespectful. We tried to teach our children to 1. stand up when meeting an adult 2. look them in the eye 3. shake hands when introduced, and answer when spoken to.
Nowadays, this whole "unquestioning respect for adults" needs to be tempered with wariness against perverts and pedophiles, unfortunately.
Very good point here. There really is a fine line that has to be walked with "unquestioning respect for adults". Some adults are not respectable. Children should be polite, but that does not mean that they should never question. They should always question, because things aren't always what they appear to be. Regardless, they should always "appear" to be respectful.....just not too familiar with some people.
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Old 10-31-2009, 08:02 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,656,439 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hml1976 View Post
I agree that children need to know how to converse politely with adults. They also need to know when they are dominating the conversation. There is nothing I hate more than going to a friend's home and spending the evening talking to their 9yr old about soccer...or watching how "cute" their 2yr old is. Children should be taught to be polite, say hello, a few moments of conversation and then leave. If its a sit down dinner then they should participate on a minimal level, while still being polite.
That is when the parents need to excuse themselves for a moment, take their children into the other room, explain to them that mommy is trying to have some grown-up time with her friend for a bit.....then find something for the kids to do. Unfortunately though, some people spend so much time having "grown-up" time, that their little ones constantly feel unimportant. Once my kids got a bit older....if they continued to come in and interrupt because they were bored....I would politely let them know, "Honey, if you're bored, you can go clean your room/wash the dishes, etc." They figure out pretty quickly that coming in and interrupting is drawing my attention to them....hehe....and I WILL find something for them to do if they're bored! Don't blame the kids here...it's the parents who aren't doing their jobs.
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Old 10-31-2009, 04:53 PM
 
Location: California
29,597 posts, read 31,914,576 times
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My kids spent a lot of time with their grandparents and sometimes their grandparents friends, so they were both naturals at talking to anyone about anything. I like it when their friends come in and talk to me and when they don't, especially when they don't thank me for feeding them or whatnot, I let my kids know that their friends are rude.
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Old 11-01-2009, 05:50 PM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,711,508 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Weekend Traveler View Post
One thing that always shocks me when I go to family or friends social events is how uncommunicative the kids are and the parents seem not to care. If I had kids one of the things I would drill into him/her is the ability to interact with adults. I am not expecting an adult conversation at an early age but at least some polite greetings and an attempt at a little small talk.

Why do so many parents not teach their kids to interact with adults? Or is it an impossible chore?
At family events my kids go off with their cousins, and when they're little apart from teachers the only adults I want them communicating at all with are family members and that's another story.

Mostly they follow the "children are to be seen but not heard" all on their own, they'll listen in quietly to adults talking but don't speak up or give their opinions. Apart from a polite greeting and answers to the usual questions like how is school, I don't expect kids to converse with adults. It doesn't bother me if my kids are intimidated by adults and prefer sticking with the cousins in their age group but in my family the adults are involved with kids -- outdoors activities, tubing, boating, camping horses and so on -- but not really conversing with.

I don't remember conversing much with adults until after a certain age -- pretty close to adulthood.
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Old 11-01-2009, 06:46 PM
Status: "Even better than okay" (set 9 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
51,225 posts, read 50,519,955 times
Reputation: 60110
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zimbochick View Post
Oh that is a huge bug bear of mine. Not so long ago some friends invited us out to a fancy formal New Year's Eve celebration at an upscale venue. Cost us a fortune, and we paid the babysitter a fortune. Got there only to find our friends had brought along their 8 and 10 year-olds because they thought they would enjoy it. I love kids, but I was not happy, and they dominated the conversation the entire evening. The parents may have thought it was cute, but I was irate. I have taught my 9 and 6 year-olds to make eye contact, stand up staright and stop wiggling, speak clearly, and please, thank you, etc. Interrupting is another pet peeve of mine. My kids know unless someone has lost a limb, they better not interrupt an adult conversation. Can't stand the typical mommy conversation which consists of short bursts in between the interruptions. OK, I feel better now that I have vented.
In the same vein, I can't standing talking to a friend on the phone who lets her kid constantly interrupt her. This just happened yesterday, so it's fresh in my mind and reminded me why I don't call her often. She has a 6-year-old son. The conversations are always half with me and half with him.
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Old 11-01-2009, 10:07 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,656,439 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
In the same vein, I can't standing talking to a friend on the phone who lets her kid constantly interrupt her. This just happened yesterday, so it's fresh in my mind and reminded me why I don't call her often. She has a 6-year-old son. The conversations are always half with me and half with him.
LOL..... yep, I have a friend who does that too. After 2 interruptions, I simply say. "Well hey, it's been nice visiting with you...but it sounds like your little one needs you. Give me a call when you have some time." She's getting better!
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