Need advice on leaving baby in another country in order to work.. (daycare, custody)
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I've given a lot of thought on what to do with my 8 month old daughter. I'm a single mom currently visiting my family in Eastern Europe (Bulgaria) but I've grown up and still want to return to Miami. I never finished college so I don't have a great career and have no family to help me in Miami, so my mom offered to take care of my baby while I return to Miami to work and send money here for the expenses. But I'm not sure what is best. I have no place to go to when I return, possibly stay with a friend, I need to start looking for work right away, and it would be more difficult with a baby ofcourse. My salary would be basically for daycare cost. And still here life isn't as great either. No job, and if I do work would be for $214 a month! Not enough to take care of one person let alone 4, (since my mom would quit her job to watch the baby, and I have a younger sister who's in school - 8th grade). I've asked people for advice, and I get different opinions. Leave her, get your life in order, work hard and then bring her again. (She was born in Miami, and we've been here for about 2 months now). Others say that at least in the US, I would get more help from the government untill I get back on my feet while here (even though we'r a part of the European Union) there is no help. I have trouble leaving my first kid for one overnight let alone to go half way across the world without her. I'm torn in two. I can't stay here jobless and support a baby, and if I return with her, it'll be so difficult to support a baby anyway. Has anyone left their kids overseas for grandparents to take care of? Or how do single parents make it in Miami? It's my first time posting a question in a forum, hopefully I chose the correct one. Will appreciate any responses. Thanks - M.Z.
Whatever you do, find a way to support you and your child by staying together. Don't leave your child in another country. Don't leave your child anywhere.
You say you've grown up, but I doubt that if you think returning to Miami without your child is a grown up decision.
If you can't afford to raise a child in Miami as a single mother, chose another part of the United States with a lower cost of living and a better employment rate.
Seriously, your daughter is 8 months old and you've only been in Bulgaria for 2 months.
That means that you were managing to care for your daughter for 6 months without help from family.
You are a mother now. It's time to accept the responsibility----along with that goes the financial struggles.
It's true that you will get more financial assistance in the United States. If you're low income, you'll have assistance paying for childcare here.
You're certainly not going to save money by sending money to your mother so she can quit her job to care for your child!
And you risk losing custody of your child if you leave her with your mother!
Can you can survive in a way that allows you and your baby to be healthy? If so, keep your child with you! It's your loving, caring relationship with your child that is most important for your happiness and her well-being. Money and the advantages it buys are (sadly) not available to everyone. But, if you have good friends and and a supporting familiy, you have the essentials for a good life.
Breaking the bond between mother and a well-loved child is a formula for deep sadness.
I know in many parts of the world it is almost routine to leave a child with a grandparent while mom or dad go to other country to find work. This is especially routine in Asia.
But in this country it is not considered routine. We emphasize keeping the family together. I think you need to seriously consider what country or culture you most closely identify with. Leaving your child with granny means they will bond and granny will have a very difficult time separating from the child. Child also will have a hard time bonding to you if you put a long time and space between you.
Whatever you do or where ever you decide to go keep your child with you or decide to place her for adoption with a family who can take care of her.
I also think you would be better off staying together. If you don't have a job here anyway, why not consider staying where you at least have family around to help? It's not like jobs are plentiful here either right now.
My question is this... If your Mom quits her job to take care of your baby and you have a hard time finding a job, how will she be able to get by?
Then you do get a job, how much will you make? Will it be enough to send enough back to do any good and again, will it be enough for her to get by and take care of herself, your baby and your sister? I don't see that part working.
It sounds like a good idea IF you have a great education and some wonderful skill to offer for employment and some leads on jobs where that skill is needed. I don't see it working on some minimum wage job.
Remember, YOU will have to live on your wages here too, along with sending money back home.
keep your baby with you. you would be miserable even with a good paying job if you had to be half way around the world from your baby.
either try to get everyone back to miami and you and your mom can work in shifts.
or maybe there is a major city near where you are now that you would be able to find a job in that pays better and commute or at least stay there during the week and see your daughter on weekends.
maybe even there you and your mom can work in shifts. both bringing in money and both watching the baby and your sister
I think financially there is no perfect solution either way, - you would have to either support yourself and a child in USA, or support yourself in USA and 3 people in Bulgaria. Personally I would have preferred the former, just because of the emotional reason of having my child with me.
And if you leave the baby in Bulgaria, when do you think you would be ready to bring her back?
either try to get everyone back to miami and you and your mom can work in shifts.
There is a misconception about the ease of sponsoring relatives from Eastern Europe. Even here in Canada with more liberal immigration laws you have to jump through the hoops proving that you have enough income to support 3 or 4 people, a year worth of pay stubs. - Not sure how it works in USA, but surely the immigration would need her proof or income/roof over her head.
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