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Sorry If I came off that way but I am sick and tired of being stereotyped. "Oh you're a teen you need supervision." "If you aren't supervised you'll do bad things."
I hear it so much and it pisses me off.
My age has no relavance. Just because I am 19 and a teenager doesn't mean I need to be treated as such.
My main point here is I do not need rules like everyother teen.
I do not need a bed time and a wakeup time..thats too controlling.
I do not need to be supervised because I am not doing anything to warrant the need to be supervised.
I hated the restrictions as well. I did not talk like this though. I always believed that if I felt a certain way, it was up to me and only me to make a change.
What gets me is your talk about being treated like a teenager. It makes me wonder how you act and speak. When I was 19, I was not stereotyped by anyone. Upon meeting me and speaking with me for just a few minutes, most people guessed me to around 25 years of age...and not because I looked it. At 25, I have people guessing my age at 30 or more. Through all this I got constant compliments about how young I looked. Yet, if I was just thrown in with a group of 15 year olds at 19 or 17 year olds at 25, just by looking and not speaking with me, you'd have guessed me the same age. I can't count how many times I've been around teens and had others my age on up saying that I was too young to have children, and then apologize when I stated my age..."but you look so young...you'll appreciate it someday." And on the other end..."you only how old?! You are really mature for your age and have excellent communication skills." Always followed with..."you could have a much better job." Lol, only they didn't know that I was helping run my husbands business and did all the "geek" stuff for us.
Its all in how you present yourself. This starts now. At home. you're taking care of yourself around the house? Is that all? At your age, I took on the care of an elderly woman and kept up her entire house. I was responsible for her medical care as well. I treated her and her home with the upmost respect. I went home from work on my lunch breaks to check up on her. I grocery shopped for her, ect ect. How often do you scrub the floor so your mother does not have to get on her knees to do it? When do you stop your mother from bringing in the groceries with.."No Mom, I've got it." How often do you jump to help her? If you did these things, maybe you'd have less restrictions.
I want to tell you a little secret that we women share...our mothers are telling us..."You can tell how a man is going to respect you by the way they talk about and respect their mother." The long term bf I had before my husband talked crap about his mother. I felt bad for him...until I found out just who he was. My husband from day 1 put his mother before all and she sat on a throne in his eyes, and still does even after her death. He treats me like a queen.
All I've got to say is...life is about to slap you in the face. Are you ready for it?
Flik_becky, that's one of the best posts I've read in a long time. Instructive and compassionate. Spot on. Thank you! Trapped, I hope you take note. Good info in there .
If you came to stay with me, the first thing we would do is deal with your attitude (corporally).
Then we would teach you respect for adults.
Then you would have a pre set bed time. Starting with 10pm and we would adjust it depending on how much difficulty you had getting up on time.
You would be at school or at a job on time.
You would have some chores around the house that would get done.
Then you might get to use the computer in a family area. There would not be computer or TV in your bed room.
Because what you need is exactly what you claim you don't need.
You need to be controlled and disciplined so that you can actually get over that teen tood and build some self respect and self control and when you displayed those traits then we would loosen the strings.
Corporally?
Wow..you'd hit me to straighten me out?
You'd actually hit another adult(by law)?
Do you realize that is assualt and punishable by law?
I remember this point in my life and it was nice to just sit and chill a little bit, take a deep breath, take a little independence and be alone to think about life and where I was headed. It was the later part of the summer and fall after I graduated HS. This was a valuable time for me and, while I did live on my own and had a job, it lasted about four months without really socializing much with friends or family other than a few phone calls. With so many pressures coming in from all sides, teachers, parents, siblings, boyfriend (or girlfriend) and their parents and their other relatives you gotten to know, grandparents, aunts, uncles, family friends, friends, friends parents, all asking your whats next and offering suggestions that they think would be good for you, sometimes you just need a bit to think it all out and decide what you really want in life. Just all this racing through my head would keep me up late into the night thinkign about it in the dark.
I moved out before I graduated because of some of the things my parents were doing....10 pm bedtime, no lights on past 10 even to do homework, no radio what so ever, not allowed to use the family computer to finish school work, no going out at all, not even outside to enjoy the sunshine, not allowed to go to track practice (we prevented me from participating in meets, all the potential I had that year for a possible scholarship were shot because of them), and doing all the house chores to the point where I did not have the time to do homework, my final straw was when my parents shut off the electric to my room (I was doing homework at 10:30). My parents claimed I was disturbing my siblings at bedtime, even though they weren't going to bed, (one was listening to music and other playing video games) and I had made no noise except a pencil on a piece of paper since they had taken away my radio and tv (which I had paid for myself and would never play loudly as I have a sensitivity to loud noises.) The next day my father thought he'd talk some sense into me. I stood up for myself and said it wasn't right that I was washing the laundry for a family of 7, cooking two to three meals a day for them, cleaning the entire house, and raising two of my siblings. I said that I would not do more than the chores that were assigned to me before my 18th b-day (which was the turn point for all this) and that school would be my focus so that I could graduate with my class without failing any classes. I told him I hated living there and I wanted to move out. He slapped me across the face and I was completely moved out two days later. The whole while he kept trying to tell me that he would call the cops on me, call me a run away, and said that he could until I was graduated. I knew he had no ground and I only had 6 weeks of school left. I can't believe I made it that long!
If I had the expectations that the OP had, I think that I would have been able to follow them because I wouln't have been up past that time anyway, lol. It depends on the kids. Especially boys this age. I read a study on this once. During the teen years, the internal clocks are changing and things are all messed up do to all the growth and hormones. Girls have reached their physical maturity by 19 but boys are still growing. Their biological clocks are still reworking and it is nature that keeps them going at these hours.
If I was the OP, I would be less annoyed that my mother was concerned but maybe do some research and present it to her. Say that you're not trying to be a wild or irresponisble kid and that hopefully you're current lifestyle/goals is one that makes her proud of the son she raised. Definitely help around the house. Surprise her and make her dinner. Get up early sometime and make you both pancakes and have breakfast together. The time for these moments is fading fast. Make memories that you're mom will remember when she feel like that is all has left to hang onto. The sappy, empty nest moments will linger longer than your desire to go back home, that is for sure. I sure wish I would have felt safe to stay at home and not be pushed into the real world completely unequipped with the feeling like I could never, ever turn back.
I hated the restrictions as well. I did not talk like this though. I always believed that if I felt a certain way, it was up to me and only me to make a change.
What gets me is your talk about being treated like a teenager. It makes me wonder how you act and speak. When I was 19, I was not stereotyped by anyone. Upon meeting me and speaking with me for just a few minutes, most people guessed me to around 25 years of age...and not because I looked it. At 25, I have people guessing my age at 30 or more. Through all this I got constant compliments about how young I looked. Yet, if I was just thrown in with a group of 15 year olds at 19 or 17 year olds at 25, just by looking and not speaking with me, you'd have guessed me the same age. I can't count how many times I've been around teens and had others my age on up saying that I was too young to have children, and then apologize when I stated my age..."but you look so young...you'll appreciate it someday." And on the other end..."you only how old?! You are really mature for your age and have excellent communication skills." Always followed with..."you could have a much better job." Lol, only they didn't know that I was helping run my husbands business and did all the "geek" stuff for us.
Its all in how you present yourself. This starts now. At home. you're taking care of yourself around the house? Is that all? At your age, I took on the care of an elderly woman and kept up her entire house. I was responsible for her medical care as well. I treated her and her home with the upmost respect. I went home from work on my lunch breaks to check up on her. I grocery shopped for her, ect ect. How often do you scrub the floor so your mother does not have to get on her knees to do it? When do you stop your mother from bringing in the groceries with.."No Mom, I've got it." How often do you jump to help her? If you did these things, maybe you'd have less restrictions.
I want to tell you a little secret that we women share...our mothers are telling us..."You can tell how a man is going to respect you by the way they talk about and respect their mother." The long term bf I had before my husband talked crap about his mother. I felt bad for him...until I found out just who he was. My husband from day 1 put his mother before all and she sat on a throne in his eyes, and still does even after her death. He treats me like a queen.
All I've got to say is...life is about to slap you in the face. Are you ready for it?
I act and speak older. People think I am younger because I look younger. I look about 14 or 15 but I am 19. I have always looked younger than I really was. My mom looks younger than she really is..it runs in the family.
When my nephew was staying with us, we imposed similar rules on him. Unlike the OP, he was employed... for about 15 hours a week. He did not contribute to household, he just took. He also did not have a diploma or GED, but talked a lot about "getting one". He was constantly tired during the day and complained about the "noise" (walking, vacuuming, dishwashing, kids playing) when he did bother to get up during daylight hours. He claimed he was a "night person" but on paydays, he managed to get up at 6am and ask for a ride to go pick up his check asap. He was always "about to"... which sounds like what the OP posted above. He was also always full of "But I never..."
The solution is obvious... move out and support yourself. Then you can pay for the lights, TV and computer to be plugged in and used 24/7. And the internet thing? Pay for that too. And your cell phone..and rent... and food... and laundry costs... and shampoo... and... and... and...
When I was 17 and stayed with my grandparents for 3 weeks, GMA was always complaining that I slept until 8:30am... excessive to her. Of course, I was waitressing from 6pm to 2am and working at Subway from 9am to 4pm.
She felt that anyone who slept past 7am was lazy... after 3 weeks, I moved out and got my own place. 3 weeks is about all it takes to save up enough for a first month rent and deposit... that is, if you're working, not laying around complaining that others are trying to tell you what to do while you sponge off of them.
If you came to stay with me, the first thing we would do is deal with your attitude (corporally).
Then we would teach you respect for adults.
Then you would have a pre set bed time. Starting with 10pm and we would adjust it depending on how much difficulty you had getting up on time.
You would be at school or at a job on time.
You would have some chores around the house that would get done.
Then you might get to use the computer in a family area. There would not be computer or TV in your bed room.
Because what you need is exactly what you claim you don't need.
You need to be controlled and disciplined so that you can actually get over that teen tood and build some self respect and self control and when you displayed those traits then we would loosen the strings.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TrappednHades
Corporally?
Wow..you'd hit me to straighten me out?
You'd actually hit another adult(by law)?
Do you realize that is assualt and punishable by law?
1 You need it
2 Yes
3 You would agree to it. Actually at 19 it suspect it makes it far easier than if you were say 16. Because you can legally agree / concent to it.
You are petulant and a bit of discipline is just what you need!
1 You need it
2 Yes
3 You would agree to it. Actually at 19 it suspect it makes it far easier than if you were say 16. Because you can legally agree / concent to it.
You are petulant and a bit of discipline is just what you need!
1. Internet supervision is healthy and respectable for a parent to do to a teenager who is living at home, especially one who seems to have little communication skills with their parent.
Wtf do YOU mean by play? I myspace(with friends I know IRL), I facebook ( with people I know in real life), I IM. I am a moderator for frostwire.
2. I was using your term, and abbreviating curse words is no less disrespectful than using them in full. Again, your true nature shows.
Why would I need to be supervised? And what and how would you supervise?
3. Regardless of your use of the internet in your parent’s home it is their responsibility to not unleash you on the rest of us without supervision. You may be using the Internet in the utmost responsible fashion, regardless; you are not the only person online. Many parents have learned the hard way that an unmonitored teen can become our next Columbine, Mathew Sheppard, or other Internet crime perpetrator. As you get older and finally move out it will be your peers, neighbors, co-workers, and friends who will carry the responsibility of calling you on your actions or behaviors. I hope you respect them more than you have your mother so far.
You said it like if I wasn't supervised then Id be getting into trouble.
Seems the questions you are asking are in an attempt to get the answer that suits you.
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Through all this I got constant compliments about how young I looked. Yet, if I was just thrown in with a group of 15 year olds at 19 or 17 year olds at 25, just by looking and not speaking with me, you'd have guessed me the same age. I can't count how many times I've been around teens and had others my age on up saying that I was too young to have children, and then apologize when I stated my age..."but you look so young...you'll appreciate it someday." And on the other end..."you only how old?! You are really mature for your age and have excellent communication skills." Always followed with..."you could have a much better job." Lol, only they didn't know that I was helping run my husbands business and did all the "geek" stuff for us.
.
The sappy, empty nest moments will linger longer than your desire to go back home, that is for sure. I sure wish I would have felt safe to stay at home and not be pushed into the real world completely unequipped with the feeling like I could never, ever turn back.
HHmmm
