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Old 05-20-2009, 10:05 AM
 
1,577 posts, read 3,270,450 times
Reputation: 530

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making too many rules is giving too many opportunities to bend them. If she's as strict as you say, she needs to loosen up.

We don't know her side, and I gotta say the OP keeps adding stuff that wasn't there before to add armor to the argument.
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Old 05-20-2009, 10:25 AM
 
3,566 posts, read 4,497,729 times
Reputation: 1846
That's why I don't buy it.
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Old 05-20-2009, 11:55 AM
 
756 posts, read 1,947,776 times
Reputation: 621
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jackyfrost01 View Post
making too many rules is giving too many opportunities to bend them. If she's as strict as you say, she needs to loosen up.

We don't know her side, and I gotta say the OP keeps adding stuff that wasn't there before to add armor to the argument.
Ahhh, the teenage years! They will argue you to death!!!
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Old 05-20-2009, 01:39 PM
 
2,702 posts, read 5,165,258 times
Reputation: 5520
I guess my attitude is that the 19 year old has two choices: 1) suck it up and deal with mom's rules as long as she's living in mom's house or 2) move out.

Period.

I'm not willing to get into the argument of whether the mom is being fair or not fair, or whether the rules are too strict, or whether the kid has a right to feel so put-upon. Doesn't seem to me that any of that is going to change. Besides, I've learned through experience that the truth of a matter generally lies somewhere in the middle between one person's POV and the other's. I certainly don't believe that we've gotten a completely objective accounting from the OP -- although I don't mean that as any kind of criticism or insult toward her. I just mean that there's another side to this situation (the mother's).

Viable relationships require give and take. The mom is "giving" by providing shelter and financial support. I haven't read through the entire thread, but the original post seemed to indicate that the kid, while making good grades and holding a job and being generally a good kid, is not planning to contribute much to the arrangement. Unfortunately, that kind of puts the kid in the "take" category, especially if she's upset over such things as curfews, etc.

Whining about the current situation is not a viable third choice. It's ineffective and accomplishes nothing except the exacerbation of ill feelings on both sides.

Independence means the ability to take care of oneself, to manage one's own affairs, to handle whatever crises and difficulties come one's way, to stand on one's own feet. If the kid truly desires independence, then she needs to pursue it COMPLETELY instead of trying to have her cake and eat it, too. If she's unable to afford to live on her own and must continue to live with Mom, then guess what...Mom has EVERY RIGHT to lay down whatever guidelines she sees fit.
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Old 05-20-2009, 01:41 PM
 
Location: southern california
55,237 posts, read 72,517,680 times
Reputation: 47458
when you are on your own which should be like yesterday.
then you make the rules.
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Old 05-20-2009, 08:32 PM
 
54 posts, read 55,977 times
Reputation: 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948 View Post
when you are on your own which should be like yesterday.
then you make the rules.
By that statement you are saying that I should already be moved out?
Did you not read everything?
Like the part where all my money is blown on my medical bills from getting sick.


I had this plan, an awesome plan and it was ruined and that is no ones fault...


What I am getting as is my mom DOESN'T have to act the way she is and because she is so weird she is doing so.

I came on here to get peoples opinions and to seek advice. The more people I had agree with me, the more courage I felt in standing up to my mom and what I felt was right.

I told her there was NO WAY I waking up at 10am and that there wasn't any chance EVER that I would be getting up before 12pm, unless I had something planned. I told her it wasn't happening today, tomorrow or ever. And she dropped the subject and told me fine.
I won.

I also told her that I wasn't sticking to her bedtime in the sense I wasn't going to bed at the times she said to. I told her I would go to bed around those times but there wasn't anyway that I was just going to up and drop whatever I was in the middle of at those exact times.
I won again.

So far over the past few days since her giving me the new rules..I have gone to bed earlier than those times, later than the times but Ive gone to bed on my own terms because I am 19 and I can make that choice for myself and can do a good job doing so.

I would like to say Thank You to the people who backed me up. You saw that my mom was unreasonable and that I shouldn't have to put up with that and you backed me up in my opinion and were helpful.

To the people that didn't back me up I would like to say thanks to as well. You tried..but you came short. You need to realize that unreasonable is unreasonable and just because it comes from a parent doesn't make it right nor should it be tolerated. You also need to learn that everything is negotiable and that everything can be discussed and worked out and that both parties can come to more reasonable terms. You also showed me what kind of parent that I don't want to be, you helped me grow in a way.



I am glad I stuck up to my mom. She thinks its a compromise but I call it a victory. I don't have to go by some lame "bedtime" and she thinks I am compromising with her...
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Old 05-20-2009, 08:39 PM
 
3,566 posts, read 4,497,729 times
Reputation: 1846
I'm glad you stuck up to your mom. I'm going to be even more glad when you move out on your own and pay your own way for everything. I think that is going to be phenominal.

Nobody that didn't agree with you came up short. The only one who will eventually come up short is you.

Then, if we are going to keep tallies, I win.

Muhahahahaha.
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Old 05-20-2009, 08:45 PM
 
Location: Denver area
21,159 posts, read 22,162,714 times
Reputation: 35671
Quote:
I told her there was NO WAY I waking up at 10am and that there wasn't any chance EVER that I would be getting up before 12pm, unless I had something planned. I told her it wasn't happening today, tomorrow or ever. And she dropped the subject and told me fine.
I won.
Both your tone and the fact that you see it as a "win" give credence to your immaturity. Had you come back on saying "I spoke to my mother about what I felt was an unfair situation and laid out my goals and how I planned to attain them - after some discussion, she agreed with me." Then I would have seen a maturing individual. All I see is a bratty kid who bullied her mom who is providing for her - then is online gloating.
Nice.

I sincerely hope you gain maturity in dealing with situations you don't agree with. That is a huge part of growing up. There are ways to deal with people you don't agree with - this isn't it.
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Old 05-20-2009, 08:46 PM
 
Location: Sacramento
2,568 posts, read 5,847,768 times
Reputation: 1905
Quote:
Originally Posted by TrappednHades View Post
By that statement you are saying that I should already be moved out?
Did you not read everything?
Like the part where all my money is blown on my medical bills from getting sick.


I had this plan, an awesome plan and it was ruined and that is no ones fault...


What I am getting as is my mom DOESN'T have to act the way she is and because she is so weird she is doing so.

I came on here to get peoples opinions and to seek advice. The more people I had agree with me, the more courage I felt in standing up to my mom and what I felt was right.

I told her there was NO WAY I waking up at 10am and that there wasn't any chance EVER that I would be getting up before 12pm, unless I had something planned. I told her it wasn't happening today, tomorrow or ever. And she dropped the subject and told me fine.
I won.

I also told her that I wasn't sticking to her bedtime in the sense I wasn't going to bed at the times she said to. I told her I would go to bed around those times but there wasn't anyway that I was just going to up and drop whatever I was in the middle of at those exact times.
I won again.

So far over the past few days since her giving me the new rules..I have gone to bed earlier than those times, later than the times but Ive gone to bed on my own terms because I am 19 and I can make that choice for myself and can do a good job doing so.

I would like to say Thank You to the people who backed me up. You saw that my mom was unreasonable and that I shouldn't have to put up with that and you backed me up in my opinion and were helpful.

To the people that didn't back me up I would like to say thanks to as well. You tried..but you came short. You need to realize that unreasonable is unreasonable and just because it comes from a parent doesn't make it right nor should it be tolerated. You also need to learn that everything is negotiable and that everything can be discussed and worked out and that both parties can come to more reasonable terms. You also showed me what kind of parent that I don't want to be, you helped me grow in a way.



I am glad I stuck up to my mom. She thinks its a compromise but I call it a victory. I don't have to go by some lame "bedtime" and she thinks I am compromising with her...

Was this a war or a competition? How would this winning translate into your future relationship with your mother?
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Old 05-20-2009, 09:36 PM
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
9,560 posts, read 13,393,323 times
Reputation: 20095
Quote:
Originally Posted by TrappednHades View Post
What I am getting as is my mom DOESN'T have to act the way she is and because she is so weird she is doing so.

I told her there was NO WAY I waking up at 10am and that there wasn't any chance EVER that I would be getting up before 12pm, unless I had something planned. I told her it wasn't happening today, tomorrow or ever. And she dropped the subject and told me fine.
I won.
I sincerely hope the next time you need to use the car that your mom tells you NO WAY, it ain't happening today, tomorrow or ever.

You familiar with the phrase "biting the hand that feeds you"? For someone who is still very dependant on her mother your attitude towards her is pretty hostile. You might regret that later.
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