Do you get this because I don't... (weigh, spank, support)

[lisdol]

You need to get out of the house and live on your own.

My suggestion is to follow the rules laid out while getting yourself ready to move out. Then go.

You are painting your mom to be like Kathy Bates' character in "The Waterboy" - everything is "the devil". If this is true, you're better off getting independent. Even if it is not, you obviously do not want to be subject to her rules, and since its her house, and you are 19, its time to go somewhere you can make your own rules.

[TrappednHades]

Haha she gets that way.
If she could she would live out like that. Way out away from people and civilization.
She keeps looking for a new house..way out in the wilderness.

[usmcfamily]

I wonder what your mothers point of view would be? How different would it be from the picture you paint?

Something must have triggered her wanting to look thru your things and take things away. She doesn't seem to trust you, why? Are you leaving out some details?

[TrappednHades]

Originally Posted by usmcfamily

I wonder what your mothers point of view would be? How different would it be from the picture you paint?

Something must have triggered her wanting to look thru your things and take things away. She doesn't seem to trust you, why? Are you leaving out some details?

She doesn't trust anyone and it stems from her childhood and her hatred for her mother...I kid you not.
She trust no one.

When the swine flu was at its biggest scare peak my mom was sooo paranoid about it. If my brother touched his eyes or anything, she'd yell at him and tell him he did it on purpose. He went to hold the door open for himself after she went through and she cussed him out saying she knows he did it on purpose.

[OhBeeHave]

Originally Posted by TrappednHades

Long story short I graduated HS a semester late due to mono. So I am 19 and my graduation is coming up in less than a week. Meaning I still live at home. I have a semester of college under my belt so far and plan on continuing.

I am well behaved. I never go out..no really I mean it. Its either school or home, right now only home because I finished up my college semester last monday.

Right now, I do not have a job but have one lined up to start at the beginning of June, I'll be working as a lifeguard. And I plan on helping my mom out with finances. I do not have a car so she will be taking me.

I know I am relying on my mom for a lot right now and I am living rent free and am not having to pay for anything like cell phone and what not. I will be going on my own plan March '10 when the contract is up. I plan on paying for my portion of the phone bill and helping out with what I can.


Really, I have no place to complain but I am at wits end here and could just about implode from frustration.
My mom is trying to give me a bed time and an internet curfew. She wants me off my laptop by 2am and going to sleep. I know that sounds generous and all but it really isn't. I am a night person, I like being up at night. Plus I turn 20 in less than 3 months. Who does this to a 20 year old?

Its quiet silly IMHO.
Im not out partying all night.
I don't sneak out.
I don't even socialize with people, the people I met in HS are too immature and I rather not be around them.

I am a moderator for frostwire, I am enjoying it.
Its not my top priority and I won't be on as much when my job starts but for right now until June, its what I have to do.

I am getting sick and tired of my mom trying to enforce this. I am 19 and can and should be able to decide what time I go to bed.
I am not up making noise. I am in my room door shut with my lights off, tv off, head phones in, just as quiet as I would be if I were asleep.

My mom simply wants to control me. She has this idea of how life should go and if anyone deviates from it they aren't normal.


I need some help, advice, anything.



Edit:

During the week go to bed by 2am.
During weekends go to bed no later than 4am.
Regardless of time you go to sleep you need to be up by 10am on mornings you don’t have to work or go to school.
This is part of what my mom just wrote. She wrote up a list of rules for me.

I would have a curfew (no WWW back then) when I moved back home from college after the end of the semester. Like you, I paid no rent, but I did hold a job outside the house. I cleaned the house, purchased any foods that I ate which my mother did not cook. I cooked meals, too. I owned a car which I purchased used, and paid for insurance and fuel out of my own money. I was responsible and toed the line.

In short, I was even more independent than you are. And yet, I was saddled with a curfew! My parents made it very clear: they loved me, but this is their house -- not mine; if I didn't like the rules, I was free to move out. Well, I couldn't afford rent elsewhere, so I abided by the rules.

Eventually I married, was divorced, and approached my parents about returning home so I could save some money and pay off the debt my ex saddled us with. Mom and dad opened their arms and welcomed me home -- with one condition: CURFEW! Twenty-seven and a curfew? Yes.

By this time I had lived on my own, had my own habits and came to understand how a grown child's transient habits and odd hours could interfere with them. I had the opportunity to see things from the other perspective.

Trust me, it is a drag dealing with a curfew -- I really do understand and sympathize. Before you know it, you will be working, have money saved and will be on your own. Be happy your mother is still here, loves you enough to care about your well being and lets you live home until such a time as you ready to fly on your own.

It's hard to appreciate now, but you will later on.

[usmcfamily]

Originally Posted by TrappednHades

She doesn't trust anyone and it stems from her childhood and her hatred for her mother...I kid you not.
She trust no one.

Ok, I stand by "her house, her rules". So while you are living there you will need to follow her wishes.

I think it may be better for you to look at living in a dorm. Find out about financial aid and need based scholarships. Consider becoming a RA (resident assistant) as they get free room and board.

I would also suggest counseling. Your mom sounds like she has some "issues" that she may have passed on to you. Good luck to you.

[Drover]

Originally Posted by TrappednHades

I know you guys can't help and I know the simple reality of the situation.
But hey im optimistic and feel there is a solution and a way to fix everything or a way to make a situation better. I guess I am desperately searching for a solution. My whole life I said I never wanted a parent like how my mom is now and I couldn't ever fathom how I would cope and Ive found the answer..I can't cope, I can't live by her rules.

Well I wish I had better news for you, but here are your solutions:

1) Try to negotiate a change in the rules with your mom, rationally and calmly.

2) Live with it for now because it's still better than the alternative.

3) Move out.

That's really it. I wish the best for you whichever option you choose.

[flik_becky]

Originally Posted by TrappednHades

1. Why are you on this forum when you should be in school? I am on summer break. I finished my first semester of college a week ago. My job doesn't start till the first week of June.

2. What was the altercation you had between you and your mother that caused you to feel the need to reach out here? What happened? Has their been a recent change in your home or your mothers finaces?

No recent change really. The altercation was her yelling and screaming at me that she was going to put a block on the internet at night and she was going to shut off all the cell phones if I didn't go to bed when she told me. And then she typed up a rules list for me and gave it to me.



Is you mother...

• telling what clothes to wear or not wear -No but unless I bought it myself she would have to approve.
• telling you who you can be friends with - yes
• telling you who you can or can not date - yes
• watching the time it takes you to go to the store and back -idk
• wanting to know where you are going everytime she hears the door open -yes, I can be going upstairs and she'll ask "where are you going?"
• checking your eyes for dilation for drug use - she threatens drug test all the time
• walking into your room unannounced -yes
• making you clean up after your 14 yr old brother -yes
• dictating the type of music you listen to or the hobbies you have -no
• telling you how to spend your money (other than helping out) -yes
• telling you what you are allowed to own or not own -yes
• taking things from your room as a punishment, believing everything in the house belongs to her regardless of you paid for it -yes
• tell you how often, which days and what time of day, you're allowed to shower and tell you're not allowed to shower at school to make up for it yes, Im not allowed to show after certain times and they can only be a certain amount of time.
• Check your pockets, shoes, bra and book bag for non-approved items you might be trying to leave the house with -a few instances she has

Ok...A few more questions...please feel free not responding if you think they are too invasive


Does she...

• attend church
• drink excessively
• on any medication for metal disorders, antidepressents, ect.
• does she avoid going to the doctor
• does she talk about abondoning you and your brother
• have other children besides you and your 14 yr old brother
• did she get abused as a child
• did she have you kids later in her life (late 30's-40's)
• does she have many close friends
• does she have close relationships with anyone in her family (parents, siblings, an aunt, a cousin, ect)
• Was your father abusive to her
• where is your father in the picture
• was she jealous of a close relationship that you might have had with a male relative (your father, grandfather, an uncle)
• does she go on the internet herself much
• what does she do for work
• you mentioned your grandmother...what are her roles in your family, does she have control over your mother?
• how do you and your brother get along
• does she have a boyfriend in the picture

And has she or does she:

• hit you
• believe in spanking you still or other types of physical punishment she's done her whole life (face slapping, hand slapping)
• tell you that you have no other place to go
• call you names (and if so, what)
• tear you down verbally
• leave you in dangerous situations
• treaten suicide

Describe a typical argument between you two.

I'm just trying to see more than what you've shared so far to get the full picture here. Be honest with your role here or anything we respond with will not help you.

[usmcfamily]

Originally Posted by flik_becky

Ok...A few more questions...please feel free not responding if you think they are too invasive


[*]did she have you kids later in her life (late 30's-40's)

I understand why you are asking all of the other questions, except this one.

Why did you ask this one?

[Magnolia Bloom]

Originally Posted by TrappednHades

While I understand its her house her rules, why make rules like that?

I understand curfew, not coming in at all hours.
I understand contributing to the house, whether it be money or chores or both.
I understand reasonable things. In my case no guys staying over. Be quiet after certain hours.
Things of that nature.

What I don't get is to go as far as giving a bedtime and a waketime and making threats against me if I don't listen.

My question was in the topic, "do you get this because I dont?"
The only thing I do understand is that her motives are selfish and stem from her opinion.
The whole people should go to bed early and wake early and do things in the AM and if you don't do that you aren't "normal" in her eyes.

So move out! It's her house. Stop whining and grow up. You sound very immature. Her house, her rules. What part of this do you not understand?