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Old 05-16-2009, 05:52 PM
54 posts, read 55,964 times
Reputation: 22


Long story short I graduated HS a semester late due to mono. So I am 19 and my graduation is coming up in less than a week. Meaning I still live at home. I have a semester of college under my belt so far and plan on continuing.

I am well behaved. I never go out..no really I mean it. Its either school or home, right now only home because I finished up my college semester last monday.

Right now, I do not have a job but have one lined up to start at the beginning of June, I'll be working as a lifeguard. And I plan on helping my mom out with finances. I do not have a car so she will be taking me.

I know I am relying on my mom for a lot right now and I am living rent free and am not having to pay for anything like cell phone and what not. I will be going on my own plan March '10 when the contract is up. I plan on paying for my portion of the phone bill and helping out with what I can.

Really, I have no place to complain but I am at wits end here and could just about implode from frustration.
My mom is trying to give me a bed time and an internet curfew. She wants me off my laptop by 2am and going to sleep. I know that sounds generous and all but it really isn't. I am a night person, I like being up at night. Plus I turn 20 in less than 3 months. Who does this to a 20 year old?

Its quiet silly IMHO.
Im not out partying all night.
I don't sneak out.
I don't even socialize with people, the people I met in HS are too immature and I rather not be around them.

I am a moderator for frostwire, I am enjoying it.
Its not my top priority and I won't be on as much when my job starts but for right now until June, its what I have to do.

I am getting sick and tired of my mom trying to enforce this. I am 19 and can and should be able to decide what time I go to bed.
I am not up making noise. I am in my room door shut with my lights off, tv off, head phones in, just as quiet as I would be if I were asleep.

My mom simply wants to control me. She has this idea of how life should go and if anyone deviates from it they aren't normal.

I need some help, advice, anything.


During the week go to bed by 2am.
During weekends go to bed no later than 4am.
Regardless of time you go to sleep you need to be up by 10am on mornings you don’t have to work or go to school.
This is part of what my mom just wrote. She wrote up a list of rules for me.

Last edited by TrappednHades; 05-16-2009 at 06:08 PM..
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Old 05-16-2009, 06:05 PM
13,496 posts, read 14,000,274 times
Reputation: 11120
at this point in your life with what you have posted if I was your mother you could stay up and do as you please. it does sound like she is trying to control you but maybe you can look at it as it is her last ditch effort to try to parent you as you will soon be gone. she could be worried you are not getting enough rest. I think the only thing you can do is talk to her about it witout emotion. if she can't give up her "mothering" than as long as you are in her house you will have to listen to it. if it gets too bad for you before march of 2010 you will have to find a place where you could rent a room. it is very hard for a parent to quit telling their ids what to do, it has been our job for so long and just because you are an adult you will always be her little girl. only you know if your mom is being a mom and not letting go or if she is a control freak. I would think she lays somewhere in the middle.
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Old 05-16-2009, 06:09 PM
Location: Denver area
21,150 posts, read 22,157,419 times
Reputation: 35614
Well, it all is as you've represented, it sounds a bit over the top. HOWEVER (and it's a big one), you are living in her house at her expense so until you are on your own she does get to make the rules whether or not you, I or anyone else agrees or disagrees. Speaking from the standpoint of a mom of a daughter your same age (or pretty close), I would make an extra effort to pitch in around the house (especially during those weeks after school is out and before your job begins) so that when your mom comes home from work the house is clean and extra chores are done. Doing this without her asking shows that you are mature. Once you have established this routine, you might ask if certain expectations can be renegotiated. Be polite and respectful not accusatory. Show you should be treated as an adult by your actions. Good luck.
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Old 05-16-2009, 06:14 PM
Location: Here... for now
1,747 posts, read 2,622,788 times
Reputation: 1208
For what it's worth, you have my sympathy. And I say that as both a mom and as a fellow night owl. Have you tried having a discussion with your mom about this? Have you gone over all the facts, just as you've presented them here? You sound like a wonderful, mature young person who just ran into a bit of bad luck (getting sick).

Sounds like mom is having a bit of trouble accepting the fact that you're basically an adult. True, you're not paying rent and "living under her roof" but it sounds as if she needs to loosen up a bit. It's difficult. It's tough for a parent to make the switch, especially if the "child" still lives at home.

If you haven't done so already, please do try to have the conversation with her. Present your side just as calmly and rationally as you have here. Sounds like mom has done a wonderful job with you so far. I hope she can see that, appreciate what she's done and trust that you won't "go bad" by staying up later than she does.

Good luck to you and congratulations on completing your first semester! Well done!
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Old 05-16-2009, 06:17 PM
52 posts, read 386,942 times
Reputation: 66
Maybe your mother is trying to avoid "losing" you by reinforcing the idea that you are still her baby, and that she is still in charge. Maybe she is afraid that your new life will not involve her. Has she been like this always, or is this a new development? If it's new, I say spend time with her, give her hugs, and tell her you love her. Maybe you can start cooking breakfast/brunch for the two of you every Sunday, you could make a date out of going grocery shopping, or do something more "extravagant" if you have a little extra cash. Let her know she's important to you. Then sit down and have a talk with her.

If she's always been controlling, I don't really know what to say. Move out?

I miss my mom
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Old 05-16-2009, 07:32 PM
Location: Stuck on the East Coast, hoping to head West
3,785 posts, read 8,787,739 times
Reputation: 7334
Just curious, how does your mom know when you go to bed?
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Old 05-16-2009, 07:49 PM
54 posts, read 55,964 times
Reputation: 22
She is a light sleeper plus she knows I like to stay up late and she'll wake up and come see if I am still up and then she'll get pissed.
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Old 05-16-2009, 08:17 PM
Location: chicagoland
1,636 posts, read 3,659,808 times
Reputation: 1061
Though her rules are unfair and a bit strange, it is her house.

I can understand the getting up by ten business on days you don't work or go to school. How many days don't you go to school or work??? Is your mom up doing things around the house? Does she cook for you? Maybe you could try taking some of the responsibilty around the house.

If she doesn't sleep past ten and you don't share the responsibilities or mortgage, you SHOULD be up at that time if not before making breakfast, doing laundrey or cleaning.
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Old 05-16-2009, 08:20 PM
Location: southwestern PA
20,426 posts, read 35,813,447 times
Reputation: 38836
Bottom line... her house, her rules.

And if you can't live by those rules, leave.
(that's what I did 30+ years ago)
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Old 05-16-2009, 09:05 PM
Location: Australia
1,492 posts, read 2,659,818 times
Reputation: 1693
You should obey your mom.
You live at home and are dependant on her and you should obey her rules.
You should get out and meet people and have a life.

Up till 2am playing on a computer seems dangerous to me.

Having strict parents, a curfew and limits on internet do not stop you having a life. If I was your mom, I would be concerned. I would be trying to make sure you went out and socialised with people.

At 19 and still at school, I would give you a curfew and I woudl supervise your internet and you sure would not be on the net at 2am.
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