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Old 05-18-2009, 12:54 PM
 
897 posts, read 2,094,622 times
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thanks to all of you-I feel alot better now and yes we have discussed the sex thing several times lately and i just hope she waits... I am trying to let her be independent and all but it is SOOO hard!!!
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Old 05-18-2009, 01:19 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,103 posts, read 17,634,355 times
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I would agree make her get a summer job that would make the boyfriend time less and less time to get into trouble . Kids are sneaky when they want to be and if she has less time on her hands she wont be getting into trouble .
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Old 05-18-2009, 01:35 PM
 
Location: Wethersfield, CT
1,268 posts, read 3,636,442 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wyoquilter View Post
Oh the wonderful sweet 16. I do not know why it is called that really when so many of them are anything but sweet at that age. My oldest daughter was absolutely the most wonderful, reliable, helpful, friendly girl a parent could be blessed with, then she turned 16 and that girl vanished. She turned into a moody, cranky, to independant for her own good, thought my Dh and I were stupid and diseased or something because she never wanted to be around us, pimply faced stranger. By 18 slowly but surely the girl we once knew was starting to show through again, by 20 you would have never known that for the past few years we lived with a moody monsterous teen girl.

Thankfully it only lasts a few years, but they are the longest and hardest years a parent can face. The terrible twos and horrible fours will seem like a cake walk compared to the mid-late teen years. You will need to balance independance and freedom with discipline and rules. You have to stay strong and assertive, but be relaxed and lenient. It's enough to make your head explode trying to find the perfect balance. She needs you more now than she probably has in her years leading up to this age, but she will fight you tooth and nail and do her best to push you away. Don't let her push you away for as much as she may fight you on things, she needs you to show her that you care for her by setting good solid ground rules, and let her use you as excuses to not do things she may not want to do but feels pressured by her friends to do. You may be viewed by her friends as the bummer parent who spoils all the fun and your daughter may say the same thing, but deep down she will be glad that you are the kill joy.

I wish you much luck and strength and remember like all things, This To Shall Pass.
I'll have to agree with you. Looking back at the terrible 2s, etc....those years were a piece of cake compared to some of the issues that are dealt with now. It's definitely not a fun time. The sweet little girl that used to love spending time with mommy is gone!
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Old 05-18-2009, 03:13 PM
 
1,297 posts, read 3,049,737 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Leilani Vasquez View Post
Ahhhhh....the teen years! So much fun aren't they?
Best time of a parents life in my opinion.

The children are becoming independent and are really starting to see that they can make choices that will shape their lives. It is perfectly natural for them to assert themselves a little and see how far they can push their new found freedoms. I think as parents we think this "change" is strange for some reason.
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Old 05-18-2009, 04:06 PM
 
Location: Wethersfield, CT
1,268 posts, read 3,636,442 times
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Originally Posted by BrokenTap View Post
Best time of a parents life in my opinion.

The children are becoming independent and are really starting to see that they can make choices that will shape their lives. It is perfectly natural for them to assert themselves a little and see how far they can push their new found freedoms. I think as parents we think this "change" is strange for some reason.
I don't think the correct word to use here is "strange". I believe it can be extremely challenging for both parents and teens...just the point of learning how to accomplish that "happy medium". There are so many different changes going on at this time.
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Old 05-18-2009, 04:41 PM
 
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I agree- she is actually going to be gone for 5 weeks- on a church mission trip and then a CIT at summer camp so i will have some relief- they actually are good-it's just me that is the worry wart thinking they are doing everything they shouldn't be doing-
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Old 05-18-2009, 05:06 PM
 
Location: Australia
1,492 posts, read 2,653,749 times
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My kids are not teens so I am yet to face this personally but of course, I was a teen once and I do work with teens in a voluntary capacity.

Personally, I do not see any reason to accept the sulky behaviour that some teens get into. In a way it is manipulative and controlling on their behalf. It's a tough world and unfortunately girls cant use 'that time of the month' as an excuse anymore.

I think parents need to remain in their role as parents and this means that sometimes they have to restrict the teen and punish them.

Having a boyfriend is part of being a teen. The parents role is to provide rules about how that relationship goes on. Rules like if the guy wants to take the daughter out then he has to ask the girls parents. Rules like providing a chaperone or ensuring that they go in a group. Rules like a time to be home. I knew a girl where if I as a boy wanted to see her, I had to phone and ask the parents first. If I just showed up at the door, she was never available. I soon learned.

I would not be trying sneeky ways to restrict the time with the boyfriend. I would be up front about what is expected of her in all areas of life and that the boyfriend is a part of that life. It is not her entire life (although she may think it is). I would ensure that he is invited to our house and that we get to know him. I would insist on him also showing respectful behaviour. I would be asking to meet his parents. Have the father over for a beer. My wife could do whatever girls do with the mom. The important thing is to get to know the parents.
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Old 03-16-2010, 10:24 AM
 
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Default 16 year old daughter

My daughter is just an amazing girl with a problem with doing what she thinks is OK and lying about it. She has caused a lot of hearth ache with her lying and she always gets caught. She is not doing drugs or drinking and but was a slip up with some sexual experimentation that she feels awful about. She is always sorry and at the moment of her getting in trouble is when she comes out with all these feeling she has. The latest stating she does not want to be here and would rather live on the streets. We don't have a perfect home, but that is pretty out there. She also states things I know I don't say. She wrote a letter stating I told her our family is falling apart because of her and I can't deny saying it and she knows what she heard. NO I would not say that and I don't even think are family is falling apart. I could have said, her decisions and lies cause problems and they do. How can I take what she says as truth when it comes out when she is in trouble. She does not want to be around the house, she is moody with her brother and sister. Her big trouble lately was taking the car and going somewhere she lied about going. We have had so much issues and we were really rebuilding trust and then she does this. It is crazy! I know things are not perfect here, she would like the apple pie family. I get that, but this is where we are at. A busy family of five that loves there kids but it is kinda crazy around here. She wants to be able to come to us with stuff and say she can't and I get that stems from us doing something wrong. I have so much guilt right now. I want my daughter to be happy. She is a great kid but I don't know what to do. We have her in counseling (and us) but if her thinking is skewed and she sees things differently, I don't know how it will help. I just want to love my daughter and be like other relationships and it be fun. She said she gets she is causing problems, but something is not right and I feel she is telling us she is making these decisions because of us. ARGH. I just want for her to be happy.
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Old 03-16-2010, 10:50 AM
 
2,605 posts, read 3,936,194 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stormy night View Post
Mine is 15 (I also have a 32 year old). We have a very close relationship, but this last year she has decided that she knows more than I about most anything. We talk all the time.

I think there is a dawning at around 14, close to 15 when teens, especially girls, realize they can hold their own in conversations with adults, and not feel like they are thinking like children. That gives them a tremendous amount of confidence. They exert that confidence with an air as being higher on the food chain than the parents. They are also under the impression that since they are so very smart, they are ready, willing and able to make decisions that are not theirs to make.

There is a fine line between nurturing that new found confidence and leading them to make solid decisions. It's all in the wording. They have to think is was all their idea.
This is funny. Sounds a little like mine.

I WISH she would spend some time in her room and not talk quite so much. She's an authority on everything.

Actually, I'm pretty lucky. She's a good girl. The only time she gets into trouble is when she's standing up for herself.
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Old 03-16-2010, 11:09 AM
 
Location: Brooklyn New York
15,226 posts, read 23,743,496 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RuralGuy View Post
She sounds like a normal, rebellious teenager to me. If it makes you feel any better, I have two of them (16-year-old twin daughters).


LOl, I'll do ya one better, i have triplets, boys......

am I glad the teen years are over or what?????
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