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Old 05-18-2009, 07:51 AM
897 posts, read 2,095,614 times
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I have a 16 year old who has been such a wonderful child until now- she thinks she can do anything anytime without asking- stays in her room -doesn't have a lot to do with us- apparently after talking to others they are seeing the same attitudes etc. She also has a boyfriend whom i really do like- they go to his house more - she has grown up with out a dad around- so i feel like he is kinda like a father figure- I m concerned about SEX- we are going to get on pill soon- she also is very moody around the cycle time and has bad acne that time of the month. anyone with 16 years olds -please chime in-let me know if and when it may get better
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Old 05-18-2009, 07:55 AM
Location: Denver area
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Your 16 yo daughter's boyfriend is like a father figure? How old is he?
You can expect it to start getting better in 2-4 years.
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Old 05-18-2009, 08:16 AM
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Mine is 15 (I also have a 32 year old). We have a very close relationship, but this last year she has decided that she knows more than I about most anything. We talk all the time.

I think there is a dawning at around 14, close to 15 when teens, especially girls, realize they can hold their own in conversations with adults, and not feel like they are thinking like children. That gives them a tremendous amount of confidence. They exert that confidence with an air as being higher on the food chain than the parents. They are also under the impression that since they are so very smart, they are ready, willing and able to make decisions that are not theirs to make.

There is a fine line between nurturing that new found confidence and leading them to make solid decisions. It's all in the wording. They have to think is was all their idea.
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Old 05-18-2009, 08:32 AM
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If possible, I would try and limit her free unsupervised time w/ this boyfriend, if he is behaving or she views him like a father figure, then that seems like a bad sign (how can another kid adminster "fatherly" assistance to another kid, this can lead to teen domestic violence amongst other things).

If possible maybe get her into some activities where she can be surrounded by better role models, and maybe you should try and spend some more time with her yourself if possible. Also a summer job wouldn't hurt as well. Hopefully once you are able to open up a better line of communication, you can get to the bottom of what is really going on with her.

Whether it is typical "tweenager" behavior, or their is something else deeper there (resentment or attachment issues towards you or her father) that may need to be addressed.
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Old 05-18-2009, 10:36 AM
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what i meant was-she has a male that actually she can talk to-father has been out of picture most of her life- this BF is one year old and i like him-
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Old 05-18-2009, 11:41 AM
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I have a 15 yr old and I think it's just part of them exerting their independence. Not that we as parents have to go along with everything they think they should be able to do.

I remember when I got my license and had a job, that I was done with asking my parents permission to do things, I just told them what I was doing. My relationship with my parents was/is very different from the relationship I have with my kids. So when she tells me what she is doing I have to give her a little reminder about the proper way to get what she wants.

So I think her behavior is normal but that doesn't mean she can do all the things she thinks she can do. There will probably be arguments but is that any different then other times in their life?
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Old 05-18-2009, 11:47 AM
Location: Wethersfield, CT
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Ahhhhh....the teen years! So much fun aren't they?
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Old 05-18-2009, 11:50 AM
Location: Upstate NY
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Sounds like normal teenage behavior to me. If you haven't already, I would suggest that you have "the talk" with her (but seeing as how birth control is just around the corner I'm assuming you have or are already planning the talk).

When will things get better, you ask? It's kind of hard to say, but my guess would be when she moves out. Unless you're asking when will the acne and moodiness around cycle time get better, because it might not.
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Old 05-18-2009, 11:59 AM
Location: Pendleton County, KY
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She sounds like a normal, rebellious teenager to me. If it makes you feel any better, I have two of them (16-year-old twin daughters).
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Old 05-18-2009, 12:15 PM
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Oh the wonderful sweet 16. I do not know why it is called that really when so many of them are anything but sweet at that age. My oldest daughter was absolutely the most wonderful, reliable, helpful, friendly girl a parent could be blessed with, then she turned 16 and that girl vanished. She turned into a moody, cranky, to independant for her own good, thought my Dh and I were stupid and diseased or something because she never wanted to be around us, pimply faced stranger. By 18 slowly but surely the girl we once knew was starting to show through again, by 20 you would have never known that for the past few years we lived with a moody monsterous teen girl.

Thankfully it only lasts a few years, but they are the longest and hardest years a parent can face. The terrible twos and horrible fours will seem like a cake walk compared to the mid-late teen years. You will need to balance independance and freedom with discipline and rules. You have to stay strong and assertive, but be relaxed and lenient. It's enough to make your head explode trying to find the perfect balance. She needs you more now than she probably has in her years leading up to this age, but she will fight you tooth and nail and do her best to push you away. Don't let her push you away for as much as she may fight you on things, she needs you to show her that you care for her by setting good solid ground rules, and let her use you as excuses to not do things she may not want to do but feels pressured by her friends to do. You may be viewed by her friends as the bummer parent who spoils all the fun and your daughter may say the same thing, but deep down she will be glad that you are the kill joy.

I wish you much luck and strength and remember like all things, This To Shall Pass.
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