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Old 05-24-2009, 08:41 AM
 
Location: Here... for now
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A few posts ago, I wrote:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nelly Nomad View Post
...I have no statistics, but I'm willing to hazard a guess that most move-about kids are just a small minority of the total school population. If they do move, it's more likely to be a local move.
To which Aconite answered:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aconite View Post
...I think that depends on where you live. Coalton, Ohio? Maybe. Most of Florida, DC, New York, anyplace that's a "destination" state or city, you'll see this quite a bit.
I'm not trying to be snarky but are you saying that in cities like those you mentioned, a good portion of the kids who show up on Day One of the school year are brand new to the area with no support system anywhere nearby? That a good portion (25-30% or more) have just moved in from another state and don't know a soul in the area? Our family has moved a lot but in most cases, the vast majority of the kids in the schools were lifers in the community. There were only a few total transplants (like us) with absolutely no support system. If most of the kids in places you've mentioned are total transplants, I'd be really surprised.

Jackyfrost chimed in with:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jackyfrost01 View Post
Military families came to my mind.
Military families do transfer a lot. In those cases, doesn't the military tend to help the new folks get acclimated? I was under the impression that military spouses lept at the opportunity to help out the new folks and that there was also generally some official mechanism in place to help people, especially the kids, get settled. Not being military, I don't know this. I was making an assumption. Is that not correct?
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Old 05-24-2009, 08:44 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jackyfrost01 View Post
Military families came to my mind.
It's extremely tough for dual military (which my dh & I were with our #1). Extremely. I'm not even going to go into it b/c I doubt many on here respect what dual military families endure (though they have chosen the lifestyle) when it comes to children. BUT, dual military families are required to have a Family Care Plan which requires an emergency contact person to pick up your child or watch them for 2 weeks while both of you are out on a field problem or deployed to a foreign country for 15 months. Yeah, the FCP covers lots of ground Military members who are dual can be & are discharged from the military if they cannot meet the requirements within 90 days of entering a new duty station. That gives families 3 months to meet people who they feel safe enough to leave their children with for 1 hour or 10 days. It's very hard.

Also, teachers. A teacher cannot just leave a classsroom of students to pick up his/her sick child. A sub has to be called in. Principal has to approve. If a sub is not available, kids have to be broken up into other classrooms. That all takes TIME.

Nurses, EMTs, doctors, firefighters, & police. They cannot just "leave" work to pick up a sick child.
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Old 05-24-2009, 08:56 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nelly Nomad View Post
...Jackyfrost chimed in with:Military families do transfer a lot. In those cases, doesn't the military tend to help the new folks get acclimated? I was under the impression that military spouses lept at the opportunity to help out the new folks and that there was also generally some official mechanism in place to help people, especially the kids, get settled. Not being military, I don't know this. I was making an assumption. Is that not correct?
I'm chiming It depends on the individuals. Military or not they are just regular people whose spouse has a unique job

I don't remember any special things growing up, but I'd have to ask my parents about that. I do remember being chummy with one neighbor in Ft Bragg when I was a kid, but I don't remember anything special from anyone. People come and go so fast, I think people just become desensitized. Again, its probably different experiences for everyone, though.

Depends also if you have on-base housing or not. On base is a bit more "homey", but off-base housing, your just in regular neighborhoods with regular civilians who vary in their personalities (as you know)

There's a waiting list for on-post housing, so you don't always get a choice to live on post and go to on-post school, etc.

On post and off-post schooling are different too. If you live off-post your going to school with all the local's kids. Which makes you an immediate outsider and target for bullying.

As an adult, I was enlisted and single, so I was in barracks, which is a totally different can of beans. Barracks are like a college dorm
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Old 05-24-2009, 09:12 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jackyfrost01 View Post

As an adult, I was enlisted and single, so I was in barracks, which is a totally different can of beans. Barracks are like a college dorm
Which is why staff duty is always such a joy on the weekends Though I did have a solider who was getting BAH & living in the barracks & kept was shuffling his family around in the barracks & friends where letting his family stay there while they were on FTXs, etc. Stunk for him b/c he had to pay the Army back over $9,000 in BAH.

It would be nice if the miltiary helped families get acclimated. Some branches are better at this than others & some posts are much better at this than others. Much of it does depend on the duty station.

Parents just have to realize that sometimes its just not feasible to drop everything you are doing to pick up a child with a runny nose.
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Old 05-24-2009, 09:22 AM
 
Location: Here... for now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 121804 View Post
...Parents just have to realize that sometimes its just not feasible to drop everything you are doing to pick up a child with a runny nose.
Again, I don't think the OP was referring to a child with a runny nose. I think she was referring to a SICK sick kid. Vomiting. Fever. Moaning, groaning, sneezing, wheezing, I can't concentrate discomfort. Obvious, "OMG this HURTS!!!" pain. That sort of thing.

I'd assume most schools wouldn't call for a runny nose (especially if they know the child is prone to seasonal or environmental allergies). I'd assume the call is reserved for then the child is in major discomfort. I'd assume it's not an every day, or even every month occurrence. Maybe once or twice a year. If it's more frequent than that, the parents really need to address the problems, including the need to have the child picked up when needed.
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Old 05-24-2009, 12:27 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nelly Nomad View Post
Again, I don't think the OP was referring to a child with a runny nose. I think she was referring to a SICK sick kid. Vomiting. Fever. Moaning, groaning, sneezing, wheezing, I can't concentrate discomfort. Obvious, "OMG this HURTS!!!" pain. That sort of thing.

I'd assume most schools wouldn't call for a runny nose (especially if they know the child is prone to seasonal or environmental allergies). I'd assume the call is reserved for then the child is in major discomfort. I'd assume it's not an every day, or even every month occurrence. Maybe once or twice a year. If it's more frequent than that, the parents really need to address the problems, including the need to have the child picked up when needed.
Speaking from teaching experience, I can say it was not a normal thing for a severly sick child to stay at school for more than an hour or two. Mildly sick? All day & probably back at school the next.
I remember when 9/11 happened that half my classroom was empty within 2 hours of the attack.
So, parents do respond rather quickly in very severe sitautions.

But, over 5 years, I saw the "severe" maybe once or twice a year...that being a very sick child spending the day laying on the nurses couch & back the next day to spend the entire day back on the nurses couch. That parent had several, several issues to include not properly clothing or feeding her daughter. I've seen them rushed to the ER from the school by the schools call b/c no one can contact the parents. It does happen.

Frequently? Just not in my experience.
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Old 05-24-2009, 01:31 PM
 
Location: (WNY)
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My daughter had a Low Grade fever of 99 and they sent her back to class. Now, I never get a fever (had pneumonia and bronchitis and no fever) if I get one at 99 I feel it!!!! She came off the bus sicker than a dog! I guess they called my cell phone and it went to voice mail... I was HOME! I don't know why they didn't call my house but I would have come to pick her up. I think schools are so used to people having their cell phones readily available. I am a SAHM and only use mine if I am out running errands. I was not pleased that day.... They DO send kids back to class with fevers and they don't always make every effort to get in contact with the parents.... and it is not the parents fault! I was home that whole afternoon.... they just failed to call my house- my PRIMARY phone number! I was not pleased...... nor might I add did they call my husband at work that day!!!!
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Old 05-24-2009, 04:45 PM
 
3,422 posts, read 9,450,320 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nelly Nomad View Post
Jackyfrost chimed in with:Military families do transfer a lot. In those cases, doesn't the military tend to help the new folks get acclimated? I was under the impression that military spouses lept at the opportunity to help out the new folks and that there was also generally some official mechanism in place to help people, especially the kids, get settled. Not being military, I don't know this. I was making an assumption. Is that not correct?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jackyfrost01 View Post
I'm chiming It depends on the individuals. Military or not they are just regular people whose spouse has a unique job
...
Depends also if you have on-base housing or not. On base is a bit more "homey", but off-base housing, your just in regular neighborhoods with regular civilians who vary in their personalities (as you know)
Quote:
Originally Posted by 121804 View Post
It would be nice if the miltiary helped families get acclimated. Some branches are better at this than others & some posts are much better at this than others. Much of it does depend on the duty station.

YES!

We are military. When you live on base, there is more of a 'I know what it is like" thing. When you live off base you are surrounded by people who may have extended family nearby or a spouse who works 8-5 and never goes out of town......Its not that those people are uncaring, its just that they can have no clue the logistical issues military families can face when one spouse is unavailable and something happens.

There is also a subculture of military spouses that are competitive about who is the toughest. You automatically lose if your spouse gets deployed for 6 mos and you decide to go home and live with family for a while. If you show weakness, you get told "suck it up" and get to hear the "walked up hill both ways for 10 miles in the snow with no shoes" type story. Don't go asking these women for help.

There is no official mechanism to help families PCSing in that I know of, besides the 20 free hours of childcare the family center offers so you can get some official business done (if there is a family care home that has openings).

If you show up and your husband's unit is full of single guys, there may be no person who can even fathom that you need anything. Conversely, you could arrive to find a wonderfully organized spouse has put together a schedule of hot meals for you, or there are monthly coffees where you can meet people. It depends on the people entirely and there is no requirement for the spouses to be helpful or even nice.
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Old 05-24-2009, 05:25 PM
 
Location: Dunwoody,GA
1,871 posts, read 4,565,174 times
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Even emergency contact people are sometimes unavailable. Although it's never happened to us (knock on wood), there could potentially be a time that the school would call and my husband and I would both be in meetings during which we must turn our phones off (I'm a psychologist and he's an attorney). Our contact people are our nanny (who keeps her phone with her, but could be at the gym or in the shower before her hours officially start) and my parents, who could be out of town or elsewhere. It is theoretically possible that they could call five different cell phones and not reach anyone at any given time (not likely, but possible). Does that make us bad parents????

Last edited by CMMom; 05-24-2009 at 06:24 PM..
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Old 05-24-2009, 05:35 PM
 
Location: Orlando, FL
12,256 posts, read 15,807,166 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CMMom View Post
Even emergency contact people are sometimes unavailable. Although it's never happened to us (knock on wood), there could potentially be a time that the school would call and my husband and I would both be in meetings during which we must turn our phones off (I'm a psychologist and he's an attorney). Our contact people are our nanny (who keeps her phone with her, but could be at the gym or in the shower before her hours officially start) and my parents, who could be out of town or elsewhere. It is theoretically possible that they could call five different cell phones and not reach anyone at any given time (not likely, not possible). Does that make us bad parents????
Nope. I made that point earlier. I was in a 2 week orientation (that I couldn't miss a second of). His dad was still in class so more often than not his cell was off and he was a good 40 minutes away. So I had my mom, brother and a girlfriend play emergency contact. During those 2 weeks my grandfather died so my mom was off during funeral stuff, my girlfriend's daughter was sent home from school with lice and my brother's car got towed because he didn't park in a visitors spot and he couldn't get it out of impound for 3 days

Like I said, you can prepare and plan all you want to but life happens. It may sound neglectful but if the school had called me unless he needed to be rushed to the E.R he would have had to wait on his dad because I wouldn't have left.
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