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Just looking for some honest opinions on a situation...
I will be very upfront here, I am somewhat of a "clothing snob" if you will.
(for my children...)
Now, I do not mean that my children only wear "high end" ,Ralph Lauren,Lily ,etc.... because they do not.
What I mean is that I like different things,I shop alot online in many of the wonderful online stores there are. I do not like Old Navy and usually don't like Gap ,only because everyone is wearing the same thing!
I just like different things,but cute... I do love Lands End,Matilda Jane.. just fun ,cute things for my girls.
What I do not like-at all,is the clothing with Hannah Montana all over it,or any other character or latest "pop icon". I can't stand it actually.
I am lucky that neither of my girls care about it-yet! I can still easily shop for their clothing without much of an arguement from them.
I realize times will change.
Here is the thing... my mother knows that I absolutely do not like the Hannah T-shirts ,etc.. and today is one of my daughter's bday... and what is one of the gifts that my mom buys her? yes-a Hannah Montana T-shirt... I was shocked when my daughter opened the gift but polite and said "oh,it is kind of cute" and my mom laughs and says " I knew you wouldn't like it,but it is time that she starts to wear what all the other kids are wearing !"
Since when does my child have to look like or go along with the crowd first of all?
I am really offended and feel that it shows a lack of respect for what I choose for my children.
I know that it truly is trivial,but I was (I guess I still am!) upset about it.
I feel like it completely doesn't validate me as the parent.
Any thoughts... I know.. I will be prepared for the wonderful responses such as "get over it",etc... but really, just wondering if anyone else would be bothered by it?
what is "cute" is a personal opinion and you have the right to dress your kids as you like. I would worry if you are too exclusionary your children will not feel like they "fit in" with the rest of the kids that do wear hanah montana stuff. children like to fit in. I would allow the kids to wear at least some of the things they pick out or want themselves. they should be able to figure out what they think is "cute" for themselves. every generation's parents think the younger generations looks silly. hippies to punks to goths... I can see where you would be bugged at your mom but I would pick my battles to something that may be more important to win with bith my mom and the kids. I had this same conversation with a mom pal of mine, she was picking out her kid's music for her 12 year old, I told the child you mean she doesn't want you listening to things with parental advisory on it the kid said no she picks all my music. children should develop their own sence of style and listen to what they want (within reason) they will wear a ton of stuff you won't like the older they get. you can only hope your taste has rubbed off on them. everyone one to fit in w/ their peer group
Yeah I would be bothered a little by it, but what do ya do? I'm guessing this isn't the first or only time Mom has done something similar. My MIL does silly stupid things all the time but I remind myself that I probably do silly, stupid things that annoy her also.
Once children start school and start making friends outside the house, they will find children who (for whatever reason) they admire. Janie might have Hannah Montana shirts, Susie a Jonas Brothers backpack. You can control what is purchased, but despite your loathing mass market teenie bopper idol merchandise, chances are at some point in time, they are going to want a teenie bopper clothing item because 'ALL' of their friends have one. I believe your mother recognizes this fact, but should have spoken with you prior to her purchase.
As your child ages, you can shop with her and teach her how to put together cute, trendy outfits (while staying away from that which you abhor) but you might need to soften a wee little bit in the event dd wants Hannah/Jonas/iCarly, etc.
My dd has Hannah pjs, but nothing teenie bopper idol for daily wear. It is a small compromise which works for us.
Once children start school and start making friends outside the house, they will find children who (for whatever reason) they admire. Janie might have Hannah Montana shirts, Susie a Jonas Brothers backpack. You can control what is purchased, but despite your loathing mass market teenie bopper idol merchandise, chances are at some point in time, they are going to want a teenie bopper clothing item because 'ALL' of their friends have one. I believe your mother recognizes this fact, but should have spoken with you prior to her purchase.
As your child ages, you can shop with her and teach her how to put together cute, trendy outfits (while staying away from that which you abhor) but you might need to soften a wee little bit in the event dd wants Hannah/Jonas/iCarly, etc.
My dd has Hannah pjs, but nothing teenie bopper idol for daily wear. It is a small compromise which works for us.
I disagree. We managed to get all throught school (DD is in college now) without any of that junk. Never was an argument with my DD. My kids never wore character themed clothing as kids/babies either. I just don't care for it. I think it was poorly handled by your mom but what's done is done and the bigger lesson for your kids is to be gracious - even when receiving gifts you may not necessarily like. Let her wear it to visit your mom or as a sleep top or whatever. I would have a private discussion with your mom or else you could be in for an interesting time when your kids are teens.....You are the mom this time and you get to make the rules.
Why don't you just return it or make it play/craft clothes?
It's annoying that your mom would do that knowing that you don't like that stuff. Ultimatley she's your child and you can dress her however you please.
If you do end up returning it let your daughter pick something (you and her) agree on. Then she can proudly tell her grandma that she loves the outfit. Also in the future perhaps you could suggest she gets your daughter a gift card to a clothing store in lieu of actual clothing- this way your daughter can pick out clothing she really likes (and that you like too! )
Or maybe pull out the great "well if everyone else was jumping off a bridge would you do it as well line" and reinforce how you value and want to encourage uniqueness or something along those lines.
Lots of good advice here - all I have to say is that I totally agree with your tempered level of annoyance. Your mom was pretty thoughtless. I would have been equally irritated.
For some reason when I was a kid my mother was all into "being independent" and "making my own choices not running with the crowd" she even bought me a book about being different from everyone else. It had a picture on the front cover of a bunch of oranges and ONE apple. I hated being different. Today with MY children she emphasis's how much they "need to fit in" to me. Over and over again. She buys "trendy" clothes..read Gasoline Jeans and Guess and Tommy and American Eagle stuff. I really really hate it. I told her she needed to quit and refused to let them bring anything else home. She argued with me about it and I asked her how long it was going to be until she retires? Just a couple of years she says. So when you retire and can't afford all this expensive crap, then what? You are creating an EXPENSIVE HABIT for them that I can't and won't try to maintain. She has pretty much stopped but she still don't like it much.
Lots of good advice here - all I have to say is that I totally agree with your tempered level of annoyance. Your mom was pretty thoughtless. I would have been equally irritated.
Actually, it doesn't sound like a "thoughtless" act on your mom's part at all. Sounds like she put a lot of "thought" into controling the situation. I would have been ticked! Bet this isn't the first time either! Good luck!
I'd be bothered, but wouldn't make an issue of it. It just might inspire her to buy more. Yikesl Look at it this way. Your daughter will outgrow it in no time. Also, accidents happen. It's tragic, but it's a part of life. Just pull out the grape juice.
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and reinforce how you value and want to encourage uniqueness or something along those lines.
Good luck!
