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Old 05-18-2009, 09:27 PM
Gue
 
24,120 posts, read 8,723,699 times
Reputation: 60974

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In a previous post you stated:

"I had a similar experience. When my son was 8 he was suspended from school for a day and required to have a risk assessment before he could return to school because he and two friends drew a picture of a plane, headstone with RIP and red lines(supposedly bullets). According to the teachers, the children were drawing the school being shot at. By the way, he walks home from school everyday and passes a cemetary.

We had to take him to the emergency room to get the risk assessment done. The counselors assessing him and the picture said it was blown way out of proportion. My son is in no way a threat to himself or anyone else."


When I googled loner teen who sets fires I found helpful sites.

Here is a link where they state " ALL children who have engaged in fireplay or firesetting behavior need intervention." Firesetting and Youth

Please make the school aware & request counseling.
Sending you prayers & best wishes.
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Old 05-18-2009, 09:31 PM
 
Location: All around the world.....
2,886 posts, read 7,357,638 times
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[
Quote:
QUOTE=mamom1;8872777]My 15 yo is very destructive. He pretty much always has been. It is really, really getting old. We moved into our house about 4 years ago and bought him a new bedroom set (his other was a hand-me-down) and furniture. A couple months later I discovered he had drawn on it and carved things on it. Same with his desk and window sill. He claims he is bored and that's why he destroys things. And unfortunately, he is now grounded due to lighting things on fire in his room (not the first time) so he says it's going to get worse now.

So I have come up with a plan and I would like some imput. I am first going to clean out his room from all unnecessary, and flammable, things. Then I will begin charging him for anything he destroys/ruins. When he runs out of money, I will give him extra chores and "pay" him for the chores only to collect the money for the destroyed items.

Does this sound like a good plan? If anyone has any other suggestions please provide them. I am at a loss right now.
[/quote]

NO!!!
Get into the first appt slot that they have for MH eval,
before he burn the whole house down with you in it...
Seriously, this is not a patty cake matter, call Crisis the next time he
try and act a fool, this is not cute...
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Old 05-18-2009, 09:47 PM
 
13,496 posts, read 13,968,489 times
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well after reading all the posts I think medical evaluation is probably the thing as well. however if it is something that is troubling him mentally I don't see how taking away his bed and dresser will do anything for him other than make him feel more strange. yes take away all the things that he might use in a bad way but the rest I can't imagine that would help. besides the doctor I think a kid that can only ride a bike when the weather is good. likes to drum but can't because of the niose sometimes bothers the neighbors does need some other outlet. he needs something that makes him feel worthwhile and something to occupy his mind. good luck
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Old 05-19-2009, 03:24 AM
 
Location: England
1,171 posts, read 2,185,778 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamom1 View Post
My 15 yo is very destructive. He pretty much always has been. It is really, really getting old. We moved into our house about 4 years ago and bought him a new bedroom set (his other was a hand-me-down) and furniture. A couple months later I discovered he had drawn on it and carved things on it. Same with his desk and window sill. He claims he is bored and that's why he destroys things. And unfortunately, he is now grounded due to lighting things on fire in his room (not the first time) so he says it's going to get worse now.

So I have come up with a plan and I would like some imput. I am first going to clean out his room from all unnecessary, and flammable, things. Then I will begin charging him for anything he destroys/ruins. When he runs out of money, I will give him extra chores and "pay" him for the chores only to collect the money for the destroyed items.

Does this sound like a good plan? If anyone has any other suggestions please provide them. I am at a loss right now.

15 year old boys can be pretty monstrous!!! All the hormones are kicking in! What I would do is, sign him up for every physical activty going, football, swimming....anything! Hopefully, he will be soooo tired that when he gets home, all he will want to do is sleep!

But, if you suspect there are deeper issues here, more than hormonal, than you need to get help! Only you really know what is bothering your son. Talk to him, get some people involved who can also help.
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Old 05-19-2009, 04:48 AM
 
Location: USA
1,107 posts, read 2,519,084 times
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Got to agree with the other folks, get him a professional evaluation. If need be, temporarily place him in a live in school/program for troubled kids.

My next door neighbor has a 16 year old that likes to steal, skip school, smoke pot and other things. When he stole his grandparents car and was caught by police, the judge sent him to one of these live in programs for 9 months. It's a structured environment that doesn't mistreat the kids, but doesn't put up with their baloney either. They earn privileges with good behavior.

Good luck to you, I hope it works out for your family.
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Old 05-19-2009, 07:50 AM
 
3,566 posts, read 4,489,505 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamom1 View Post
My 15 yo is very destructive. He pretty much always has been. It is really, really getting old. We moved into our house about 4 years ago and bought him a new bedroom set (his other was a hand-me-down) and furniture. A couple months later I discovered he had drawn on it and carved things on it. Same with his desk and window sill. He claims he is bored and that's why he destroys things. And unfortunately, he is now grounded due to lighting things on fire in his room (not the first time) so he says it's going to get worse now.

So I have come up with a plan and I would like some imput. I am first going to clean out his room from all unnecessary, and flammable, things. Then I will begin charging him for anything he destroys/ruins. When he runs out of money, I will give him extra chores and "pay" him for the chores only to collect the money for the destroyed items.

Does this sound like a good plan? If anyone has any other suggestions please provide them. I am at a loss right now.

Yeah, I am going to go with what others have said, you want to get that child in some type of counseling. Before you wind up dealing with the system and wind up with a court order to do it.
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Old 05-19-2009, 09:13 AM
 
Location: Visitation between Wal-Mart & Home Depot
8,309 posts, read 33,322,966 times
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You know, I was always inclined towards "evil carpentry" as a youngster. It wasn't a mental problem, I didn't need a psychiatric evaluation, I needed something to do and I needed to be outside. Bored, under-exercised kids get into trouble.

I don't know anything about your family, but I'm not sure that getting a shrink involved is going to be the solution to a parenting problem. You have to be the boss and you have to get creative about how to meet his exercise and stimulation requirements. He obviously has some un-met need to do something with his hands. Is he artistic? Handy? Whatever it is he's good at, you need to get him neck deep in it.

Drums are not a good choice. He wants attention and he knows he gets it if he disturbs the neighborhood. Try an acoustic guitar, send him to a lutherie school, get him into a woodshop, whatever you need to do, but keep him busy. I think that's the problem here.
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Old 05-19-2009, 09:26 AM
 
1,425 posts, read 3,520,891 times
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Okay... I used to play with fire when I was a kid. I used to like to dip my finger in rubbing alcohol and set it ablaze when I was bored. I wasn't mentally unstable, just facinated and curious about fire. I outgrew the phase and that was that.

The fact that your son is threatening to continue the behavior to get back at you is more of a red flag to me. I have a son who is 15. I know that they are moody. I agree with the previous poster who suggested wood working. Seriously, take away his "weapon" and turn it into a positive. Get him a wood burning kit. Have him make a checkers set. He can burn the patterns into the wood pieces. I would supervise it..... better yet, help him with it. Teach him the proper way to stain designs into the wood. Then give him a canvas.... an old coffee table.... old chair....whatever. When he has developed his talent, take him to swap meets and yard sales to buy furniture to design into his works of art. Contact your local children's hospital.... ask what you could do to enter these into their charity auctions, he could sell them to the the public at the flea market. Show him how to turn his destructive behavior into constructive art.

The red flag remains of him threatening you. This is why I suggest you help him. Show him that you aren't the ogre just barking orders at him.... become involved in his life.
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Old 05-19-2009, 10:21 AM
 
1,986 posts, read 3,465,565 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockinmomma View Post
Okay... I used to play with fire when I was a kid. I used to like to dip my finger in rubbing alcohol and set it ablaze when I was bored. I wasn't mentally unstable, just facinated and curious about fire. I outgrew the phase and that was that.
We used to play with fire as kids as well, though never tried the alcohol on the finger . My brother did burn down the barn though. The difference was all our fire experimentation was outside or in the barn (We once laced twine up and down the ladder to the loft and lit it.).

This boy burning in the house and threatening his mother that it will get worse is disturbing though. He's not doing it out of curiosity.
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Old 05-19-2009, 02:34 PM
 
Location: The Big D
14,874 posts, read 36,236,200 times
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There are far more red flags than just the playing with fire. I think all kids have done the "strike a match to watch it burn" phase in life. This child needs HELP FAST!!!! If he does not get help this is the kid we will be reading about in the news at some point in time in his life. None of us want that EVER. Not for our own children nor others children.

Some of the Red Flags being exhibited by this child:
1. Destructive behavior and does not care that it hurts others or himself. He IS threatening you.
2. Loner. This one is HUGE!!!!!!!!! Look up the people that have gone "whacko" on the public and others be it opening fire in a mall or their school. Most all of them were loners. They also had some of the same characteristics being described here.
3. Likes attention from "bad" behavior. Or rather, it does not bother him that he does things that are not appropriate to upset others.
4. Disobedient.

Get him some professional help before it is way too late.
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