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Old 05-23-2009, 11:18 PM
 
Location: Nova Scotia
458 posts, read 1,137,571 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skyegirl View Post
Yes she does, definitely time for a professional!
A professional is not always the answer
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Old 05-24-2009, 12:42 AM
 
1,091 posts, read 3,235,326 times
Reputation: 1039
Quote:
I will tell you my youngest daughter has been my handful. She went through the fire bug phase and it scared the crap out of me. She burned her PILLOWS. Big burn holes in them. So I made her sleep with those pillows without a pillow case, very uncomfortable, so I am told. Then I brought her to our hospital in the burn unit and asked the dr on duty If we can have a "look see" I explained why and he was happy to oblige, one less victim he would have to treat he said. So we had a look see and she was nearly sick to her stomach with what she saw. Afterwards I asked the doctor if he had time to talk to her about being burned. I also asked him not to sugar coat anything.
My sister-in-law was severely burned in an apartment fire a decade ago; 2nd and 3rd degree burns over 80% of her body. She was a teenager at the time. Nose, lips, and eyelids burned off. Only two fingers left on one of her hands. They kept her in a morphine-induced coma for months afterward; didn't expect her to survive. She's had years and years and years of reconstructive surgeries. Maybe 30 surgeries in all.

From this perspective, having a burnt loved one and watching the years of agony she's gone through to try to put herself back together again... I'm a little appalled that hospital personnel allowed you to traipse through the burn unit, violating patients' privacy as some sort of object lesson for your wayward child.
If nothing else, burn victims- lacking skin, in most cases- are incredibly susceptible to infection and can die of it. It seems medically irresponsible at best, and monstrously invasive at worst, for hospital staff to allow spectators into the burn unit to stare at recovering burn patients so that they can "nearly get sick to their stomachs" while "learning a lesson" from them.

I'd be interested to know what hospital would permit such a travesty.
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Old 05-24-2009, 03:16 PM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,761,562 times
Reputation: 22167
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamom1 View Post
My 15 yo is very destructive. He pretty much always has been. It is really, really getting old. We moved into our house about 4 years ago and bought him a new bedroom set (his other was a hand-me-down) and furniture. A couple months later I discovered he had drawn on it and carved things on it. Same with his desk and window sill. He claims he is bored and that's why he destroys things. And unfortunately, he is now grounded due to lighting things on fire in his room (not the first time) so he says it's going to get worse now.

So I have come up with a plan and I would like some imput. I am first going to clean out his room from all unnecessary, and flammable, things. Then I will begin charging him for anything he destroys/ruins. When he runs out of money, I will give him extra chores and "pay" him for the chores only to collect the money for the destroyed items.

Does this sound like a good plan? If anyone has any other suggestions please provide them. I am at a loss right now.

The fire may be a big red flag that he's got serious problems, although it's possible it's for attention and out of boredom.

One thing to keep in mind is that kids do play with fire, they find it fascinating. For that reason they need cookouts, bonfires where they can play with fire to get out the curiousity.

I'd cut off the allowance completely until he is "old enough" to have one. Tell him he's acting like a 4 year old and will be treated as one.
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Old 05-24-2009, 03:23 PM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,761,562 times
Reputation: 22167
Quote:
Originally Posted by cool rob View Post
I would try :

Boxing or another full contact sport (wrestling, karate)-can help him with confidence, thus allowing him to meet people also with discipline and help him release his anger

Boy Scouts or some type of outdoorsey club-Instant friends and an oppurtunity to interact with nature

The therapy thing may be needed, but its not like he is torturing animals, so the fire thing might truely be out of boredom

Boy scouts sounds like a good idea for a child who sounds bored. Boy scouts teaches them the proper use of fire too.

I'm sure most of us remember playing with fire -- helping our dads build a campfire when out camping, taking pride in getting a good blazing fire started with twigs, leaves, some newspapers. We remember how plastic bags on the end of a stick would drip and how some materials added to a fire produce colors. We'd put in glass and things that didn't burn.

Fire in itself isn't bad, it's not a sure sign of mental illness. Playing with fire is normal -- it's all about the right time and place for it.
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Old 01-20-2012, 12:45 AM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
17,604 posts, read 21,797,274 times
Reputation: 44478
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamom1 View Post
My 15 yo is very destructive. He pretty much always has been. It is really, really getting old. We moved into our house about 4 years ago and bought him a new bedroom set (his other was a hand-me-down) and furniture. A couple months later I discovered he had drawn on it and carved things on it. Same with his desk and window sill. He claims he is bored and that's why he destroys things. And unfortunately, he is now grounded due to lighting things on fire in his room (not the first time) so he says it's going to get worse now.

So I have come up with a plan and I would like some imput. I am first going to clean out his room from all unnecessary, and flammable, things. Then I will begin charging him for anything he destroys/ruins. When he runs out of money, I will give him extra chores and "pay" him for the chores only to collect the money for the destroyed items.

Does this sound like a good plan? If anyone has any other suggestions please provide them. I am at a loss right now.
I really sympathize with you, it does sound like a difficult situation.

I am all for having kids pay for tings that they destroy. And consequences for action, but grounding him is not going to change him,

However, I really think that your son needs a thorough psychological evaluation.

Please do not take my recommendation in the wrong way - it is not meant to be an indictment of your skills as a parent.

Lighting fires, as well as the type of destructive behavior that you have shared, he needs help.

Best of everything,

Sheena
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Old 01-20-2012, 12:52 AM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
17,604 posts, read 21,797,274 times
Reputation: 44478
Quote:
Originally Posted by 88txaggie View Post
Fires are a big red flag, please seek help - how does he do in school? Does he have friends? Speak to the counselor at school and get a referral for a psychological evaluation/screening/therapy - something!

Fires are a HUGE RED FLAG!!! PLEASE HAVE HIM EVALUATED!
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Old 01-20-2012, 12:56 AM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
17,604 posts, read 21,797,274 times
Reputation: 44478
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamom1 View Post
ok, so i have read through all of these posts. Thank you all very much.

However, i would like to clarify a few things. He has been in therapy before and it was a waste of time. The therapist was not at all concerned about anything and thought i was just too controlling. He does have add and is on medication for it. He is very defiant so if i tell him not to do something he will want to do it just because i told him not to, which is another thing i am trying to deal with.

For the poster who brought up my other post about when my son was 8 and suspended for a drawing, that was my other son. They are nothing alike-apples and oranges.

ok honestly - have him evaluated - in a hospital!
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Old 01-20-2012, 01:50 AM
 
Location: Arizona
555 posts, read 736,522 times
Reputation: 332
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamom1 View Post
When it is me disciplining him he will stand up to me. However, if it is another authority figure, he will back down. My husband (his step-father) works second shift so he is rarely here to help with discipline. But he will back me up later as needed.
His behavior is characterized as "acting out" and is common in broken homes. His step-father has no right to discipline him unless it is negotiated. Your whole family needs therapy.
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Old 01-20-2012, 01:57 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
7,215 posts, read 7,577,311 times
Reputation: 7717
The first post in this thread is from 2009.
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Old 01-20-2012, 02:28 AM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
17,604 posts, read 21,797,274 times
Reputation: 44478
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaseMan View Post
The first post in this thread is from 2009.

So? Perhaps the helpful responses posted by many people who are justly alarmed by this aberrant behavior, will help another.
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