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Old 05-19-2009, 04:16 PM
 
3,842 posts, read 9,248,179 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by denverian View Post
I don't think she's done anything worth firing her over. She's very attentive to their needs and a hard worker. Maybe I fear them becoming too attached to her as well. When she's in the house during the week, she spends all their awake time right there with them. In the evening, that's impossible for me to spend 5 hours one-on-one with them because I have dinner to cook, preparations for the next day, laundry, cleaning, etc. Although they're near me while I'm doing those things (sometimes a little too near!) and I make an effort to talk to them and interract the entire time. And the last hour of each weekday, at least, is just for them with no interruptions. As a first time parent, I'm probably over-analyzing the entire situation!
I wasn't implying to fire her But you mentioned daycare & I suggested that if possible, use a nanny.

You're not overanalyzing as much as recognizing just the next new challenge that has come your way as a parent. Next week there will be a new one
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Old 05-19-2009, 04:35 PM
 
15,204 posts, read 16,070,411 times
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She's fulfilling a need of yours for child care and you and your sons are fulfulling a need of hers--for someone to love as she grieves for her husband. Sounds like a win-win situation to me. That doesn't mean that you need to let her take your boys home for the weekend, but recognize that the line sometimes blurs between employee and childcare giver when you have a good one, because the kids and the caregiver come to love each other. That's a good thing.

And to the extent you're feeling jealous, or like she's giving them more attention than you can, that's something all working parents go through. Just remember that the more people your boys have in their lives to love them, the happier they'll be.
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Old 05-20-2009, 10:10 AM
 
1,577 posts, read 3,268,636 times
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We had a nanny that used to dress like a French Maid (or close to it). All the boys wanted to visit the house she was at all the time. Funny when I look back.
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Old 05-20-2009, 10:12 AM
 
Location: Denver, Colorado U.S.A.
14,174 posts, read 22,522,283 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow View Post
She's fulfilling a need of yours for child care and you and your sons are fulfulling a need of hers--for someone to love as she grieves for her husband. Sounds like a win-win situation to me. That doesn't mean that you need to let her take your boys home for the weekend, but recognize that the line sometimes blurs between employee and childcare giver when you have a good one, because the kids and the caregiver come to love each other. That's a good thing.

And to the extent you're feeling jealous, or like she's giving them more attention than you can, that's something all working parents go through. Just remember that the more people your boys have in their lives to love them, the happier they'll be.
Great advice and thanks! It went better yesterday as I distracted them with toys when she left.
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Old 05-20-2009, 10:15 AM
 
Location: Denver, Colorado U.S.A.
14,174 posts, read 22,522,283 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jackyfrost01 View Post
We had a nanny that used to dress like a French Maid (or close to it). All the boys wanted to visit the house she was at all the time. Funny when I look back.
That's funny!
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Old 05-20-2009, 11:26 AM
 
Location: here
24,477 posts, read 28,773,973 times
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She sounds lonely. If you ever do want or need to leave them overnight, I would have the nanny stay at YOUR house. You know it is child-proofed, and all the supplies, toys, etc. are already there. Telling her that you don't want to leave them on the weekend because you feel bad enough leaving them during the week makes perfect sense, and is a perfect excuse.
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Old 05-20-2009, 05:35 PM
 
324 posts, read 765,291 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maybe So View Post
Your situation does sound a bit odd. We employed a nanny for several years and I would say that I would have been uncomfortable with that situation. Trust your gut. If you think something might be strange than it probably is. Finding someone to watch your children in your home is tricky because you don't know what goes on during the day...unless you have a nanny cam. We never used one but there are probably others out there that can give opinions on that.

I might approach the whole taking them home on the weekend a bit differently. I probably would be more "joking" about it like "You are so funny. I know you love the boys but I would never dream of sending them home with you. They are too young and as you know, we need our family time"....or something along those lines. Shut it down so that it does not come up again.

Regarding her leaving, you could usher the boys to a backroom and engage them in an activity while she is leaving. You can always excuse yourself and say that you are taking the kids to go play a game or to the backyard and that you will see her tomorrow. That way, she does not have an audience upon her departure.

Again, I understand you have to approach things like this very diplomatically. You want her to continue to provide great care for your kids. If strange things continue, you may consider putting them in some sort of day care situation.

Good luck!!
\

IA with the bolded. OP, you catch the bees with honey not soap!
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Old 05-21-2009, 09:10 PM
 
1,352 posts, read 4,160,788 times
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Sounds to me like you're feeling a bit guilty and/or jealous (IMO). I wouldn't recommend firing her or putting the boys in daycare - especially since good help that is trustworthy is hard to find these days.

What you are feeling is normal since she is spending most of the time with them, attending to their every need. I don't think there is a problem with your nanny - what she is doing is natural for someone her age - she's acting as a grandmother to your boys, something that she doesn't have in her life.

Relax and just try to see her as part of your extended family and spend as much free time as you can with the boys. They know who their Mother is and just because they cry when she leaves doesn't mean that they love you any less.
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Old 05-22-2009, 01:28 PM
 
23 posts, read 25,149 times
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As everyone suggested, it sounds like she is lonely. I'd just politely thank her for the invite, but say that you need your family time on the weekends. It doesn't sound like anything dangerous so be kind about it.

I doubt she is a hoarder. Most likely she takes the recycling because she needs a little bit of extra money.

It can be really hard keeping things professional with a Nanny/family relationship. As an ex-nanny I became REALLY close with the kids and the family. It was hard to sometimes draw the line and it was hard on all of us when I finished my degree and started teaching (and thus couldn't be their nanny anymore).
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Old 05-22-2009, 02:12 PM
 
Location: England
1,171 posts, read 2,187,973 times
Reputation: 1007
She sounds lonely. But your sons welfare comes first so trust your gut feeling.
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