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Old 05-19-2009, 08:41 PM
 
363 posts, read 1,003,668 times
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You may be in luck if you hold it during the summer. Is this a school situation where all the moms are close and talk all the time? If not, just invite who you want or maybe just the boys from the class. I think the older the kids get that people understand that limits must be established and many kids are turning to gender only parties. This may or may not be the case in your community.

Of course ultimately, you also don't want to alienate people and make things difficult for your child. It should not be that way but we all would be kidding ourselves if we did not think that gossip and mean-spirited moms can not cause harm. You have to "live" with these people for many years...unless you are planning on moving soon.
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Old 05-19-2009, 08:51 PM
 
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Why not offer a conpromise? Have a party for the kids in his class and an after party for a few chosen ones. We do this often with the girls and slumber parties. I would call the children's parents who are invited to the after party and specifically tell them what you are doing (safety concerns with large groups being the main reasoning) And ask that they bring the swimming gear directly to you at drop off so that the other children won't feel left out.
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Old 05-19-2009, 08:55 PM
 
Location: Denver area
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By age 9, they should be starting to come to the understanding that everyone doesn't get everything all the time. Sometimes we're all going to be left out - it's how you handle it. They should be learning how to handle that gracefully whether they are the inviter, the invited or the uninvited. This thing that no-one should ever feel bad is not preparing our kids for life very well. They are 9 not 3.
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Old 05-19-2009, 08:57 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by flourpower View Post
Here's the deal: My son is turning 9 in a couple of weeks. I'm thinking of having a simple pool party for him (that's what he really wants). If we invited his whole class (like pretty much everybody else has), it would be over 30 kids!!! I simply can't supervise or entertain 30+ kids in a medium sized pool for 2 hours! Quite frankly, I don't even think that it is very safe. I'm thinking of having the party after school is out for the summer. Do you think there will be a lot of hurt feelings/misunderstandings/anger??? Or should I bite the bullet and invite everyone (which includes kids my son is not particulary "best buds" with)?
What would you do???
Around here it is uncommon for parents to invite every single child to birthday parties at age 9. My son usually likes to invite about 5 from his class and another 5 from his sports teams. Not everyone.
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Old 05-19-2009, 09:15 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
1,820 posts, read 3,902,322 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by decembergirl View Post
I would invite his "best buds" only. That is just crazy people having the entire class come to their kids bday. Kids don't socialize like that. Those are just for adults who want to show off. If you don't feel you have anything to prove I wouldn't worry about it. My sons birthday is in the summer and it is going to be close friends only! Maybe just three other kids. Small, intimate and more fun for them in my opinion. And way less headache for me

In our elementary school,either you invite the entire class or you invite no one... unless you have everyone's addresses and can send private invites.
The notice comes home at the beginning of the year...
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Old 05-19-2009, 09:30 PM
 
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I definitly would only invite his friends. I have never been one of those big party persons myself. It seems like the most reasonable option for everyone to get what they want with a minimum of fuss.

You could do the two separate parties like someone suggested but that's an extra cost and for what? So somebodies feelings don't get hurt. It's likely they wouldn't be hurt anyway if they're not friends.

You could forgo the pool party because 30 does seem like too many kids for a pool no matter how many adults are there, they would have to take turns or something. But again for what? He really wants a pool party.

Also the class is probably half girls (or close anyway) and I know my 10yr old ( 11 this month) would never in a million years want all those icky girls there.

Go with your gut and what your son wants, it's his day anyway.
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Old 05-19-2009, 09:40 PM
 
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I would opt for holding the party in the summer, inviting everyone and counting on a 'No' from at least 25% as it is vacation time. Ask the parents of a couple of your child's best friends who are invited. You could consider contacting the local Y or community pool and seeing if you could hire a lifeguard for the party. I've seen that done and it gave the hostess some great piece of mind.
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Old 05-19-2009, 10:29 PM
 
363 posts, read 1,003,668 times
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Quote:
By age 9, they should be starting to come to the understanding that everyone doesn't get everything all the time. Sometimes we're all going to be left out - it's how you handle it. They should be learning how to handle that gracefully whether they are the inviter, the invited or the uninvited. This thing that no-one should ever feel bad is not preparing our kids for life very well. They are 9 not 3.
This may be true but you still have to be very careful. It can be tricky for any age kid.

A mom of a child in my sons class did not want an all class party and told her son he could invite 10 people to the party. He wanted to invite the boys from the class (9 total) but also wanted to invite two non school friends. For whatever reason, the mom would not budge on the number and so the child ended up invited 8 class boys (left just one boy out). She had the party at her house...not a big deal...tacos and play. She could have easily accommodated one more child...especially since not all the original people came. I think she had a total of eight at the party in the end.

Anyway, the parents received the invitation to the party via e-mail. One of the other moms in the class noticed that one boy was left off the invitation list. She wanted to make sure that the mom knew that just in case it was a mistake. The moms response...."I know that. I told ___ that he could only invite ten and he chose his ten. As far as the other boy in the class....that's life..it is not always fair and that is the way it goes. He might as well learn now".

What she did was just cruel and mean. You know kids talk and I am sure this little boy knew he was the only boy from the class not invited. How would she have liked to be the mother of the left out boy? Heart breaking, really.

So, yes there is a point where things get out of hand but you also have to weigh the consequences of your actions. I am sure that was a pretty hard lesson for that seven year old to learn.
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Old 05-19-2009, 10:37 PM
 
Location: Denver area
21,145 posts, read 22,139,461 times
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The problem in that case was the parents. Send out invitations in the mail. You are not obligated to invite the whole class to everything. Also there is a big difference between 7 and 9. Things are going to happen in life that disappoint us. How we as parents choose to handle these situations is paramount. When my kids were not invited to something, I explained that that sometimes happens. I did not get all up in arms about things being "fair". At some point, we will not all be included, crushes will not respond in kind, friends will make teams that we don't. Colleges will accept some but not others. This is just part of life. The lesson for all (on all sides of the issue) is to treat others respectfully. The lesson should not be to avoid at all costs anything that might possibly, make someone else feel bad.
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Old 05-19-2009, 10:44 PM
 
Location: Denver area
21,145 posts, read 22,139,461 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maybe So View Post
This may be true but you still have to be very careful. It can be tricky for any age kid.

A mom of a child in my sons class did not want an all class party and told her son he could invite 10 people to the party. He wanted to invite the boys from the class (9 total) but also wanted to invite two non school friends. For whatever reason, the mom would not budge on the number and so the child ended up invited 8 class boys (left just one boy out). She had the party at her house...not a big deal...tacos and play. She could have easily accommodated one more child...especially since not all the original people came. I think she had a total of eight at the party in the end.

Anyway, the parents received the invitation to the party via e-mail. One of the other moms in the class noticed that one boy was left off the invitation list. She wanted to make sure that the mom knew that just in case it was a mistake. The moms response...."I know that. I told ___ that he could only invite ten and he chose his ten. As far as the other boy in the class....that's life..it is not always fair and that is the way it goes. He might as well learn now".

What she did was just cruel and mean. You know kids talk and I am sure this little boy knew he was the only boy from the class not invited. How would she have liked to be the mother of the left out boy? Heart breaking, really.

So, yes there is a point where things get out of hand but you also have to weigh the consequences of your actions. I am sure that was a pretty hard lesson for that seven year old to learn.
But I do agree that leaving out one child is not nice and uncalled for. That did not appear to be the OP's situation. That is different though than having to invite the whole class.
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