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Old 05-19-2009, 11:17 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMD67 View Post
In our elementary school,either you invite the entire class or you invite no one... unless you have everyone's addresses and can send private invites.
The notice comes home at the beginning of the year...
We have twins - I cannot imagine inviting 60 children (if they had 30 kids in their class) to my children's birthday party. NO WAY. I would definitely go the route of making sure to send private invites to the children's home.

I think I would also encourage my children to invite the kids they actually interact with. I remember in grade school that a lot of kids were invited to parties just because they were "popular". I realize you avoid all that by inviting the whole class but I think for many families, that is impractical on many levels including financially.

Someone posted about inviting the number of children by the age of the child - that's a nice/different idea.

OP: what does your son want to do?
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Old 05-20-2009, 12:06 AM
 
Location: NE Oklahoma
1,036 posts, read 2,581,294 times
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For several years I have taken my 2 daughters (whose birthdays are 4 days apart) and ONE friend each to the local Renaissance Faire for the day. We do EVERYTHING. Face paints, carriage rides, get the little flower crowns, Lemonades, funnel cakes, basically whatever they want. We spend close to $150. Sometimes more. But it is limited to 4 girls (I can keep up with that many) and there is no mess to clean up except faces and hands, and I don't have to deal with a sleepover. This year I will only have the one daughter to have a Birthday for (HAPPY BIRTHDAY JULIE!! it is today she turns 12) and I told her she could invite 2 friends from her new school and 1 friend from Girl Scouts for the day at Incredible Pizza and a sleepover. I don't think she wants to invite anyone from her new school..so I might get away with only 1 extra girl and she is like my own kid so that is a breeze.
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Old 05-20-2009, 05:37 AM
 
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We are in the midst of planning my daughter's party and no, we are not inviting everyone. She's inviting the girls, a couple of boys and a few neighborhood friends. It's starting to get really big though, about 17. I am not a fan of big birthday parties myself, but since we made a house rule that kids get a party on even birthdays, I feel like it's ok. I think as kids get older, they get more sophisticated in how they socialize, and therefore will have specific friends, instead of the whole class nonsense. No, you absolutely don't have to invite everyone, but you shouldn't let your child talk about the party at school, and you should send private invites, like einvites or my mail.
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Old 05-20-2009, 06:53 AM
 
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I'd give a choice: the whole class and no pool, or a few friends and a pool. It's not safe for you to have 30 kids in the pool, with or without other adults present. I sure as heck wouldn't let my kids get into a backyard pool with 28 other children!
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Old 05-20-2009, 11:43 AM
 
Location: The Big D
14,874 posts, read 36,280,357 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMD67 View Post
In our elementary school,either you invite the entire class or you invite no one... unless you have everyone's addresses and can send private invites.
The notice comes home at the beginning of the year...
If the school is going to foot the bill THEN they can dictate how and what I spend on my PERSONAL time and my childrens time outside of school and whom I choose to invite to MY home. Until then, if I am hosting a party on MY property I will invite those people I want. They can NOT force someone to host a party for all children at all. There is no way this "invite them all" bs could stand up in court. What are they going to do? Sue you as the parent because you did not invite every single child to your childs birthday party. Pretty soon it won't be just the kids in that one class it will be the entire grade because "kids talk" and they know what goes on in other classes. It is time to stop this pathetic bs. All because ADULTS behave like children.

This nonsense got started because some toobusybody mom got her nose bent out of shape. It started because of an ADULT! Kids can deal w/ these things a lot better than most adults. It is how the adults handle the situation that will determine how the kids will react. My daughter has a friend down the street a few doors that they go to school together, go to the same church and have been on the same sports teams. Guess what? She didn't invite my daughter to her last b-day party. How did my daughter and myself take it? Fine. We had other things going on anyway and being a busy family on our own my daughter didn't miss out on one single thing. As a matter of fact she doesn't even like being around this girl all of the time any more because of her bossy attitude which is just fine w/ us. I brushed off the party and so did my daughter. It didn't bother her one bit she wasn't invited. We had more fun that day than the kids at the party probably did.

Quote:
Originally Posted by beanandpumpkin View Post
I'd give a choice: the whole class and no pool, or a few friends and a pool. It's not safe for you to have 30 kids in the pool, with or without other adults present. I sure as heck wouldn't let my kids get into a backyard pool with 28 other children!
We have a pool in our backyard. One year we had a surprise b-day party here for a friend. The husband arranged it and of course families were invited. When I counted 25 kids IN MY POOL I sat down in shock. You could not even see water. Backyard pools are NOT made for that many kids and it is just flat out not safe.

Someone mentioned having another adult present. One more adult present is NOT going to help if you have even 20 kids swimming. Adults are going to get busy talking and socializing and a few helping out the hostess but they are NOT going to be paying close attention to EVERY SINGLE CHILD in the pool. Throw in the fact the hostess would then have to make sure she had refreshments for the adults this party could very well top out being VERY EXPENSIVE!!!! If something happend to anyone at the party be it an adult or child her homeowners insurance could say they were negligent and not cover it. Sorry, I'm not going to lose my family and home over some stupid upset parents rule of "invite them all" or no one. As I said, the school is not footing the bill and neither are the parents that get bent out of shape over this kind of stuff. It is a CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY and that child and parent(s) can invite who they want and not one person more.

Oh, another thing about this "invite them all" bs. Some party places do have a limit on how many people can attend. Their packages are a set fee and then it is an additional fee per person MORE. Sometimes a parent has not choice but to set a limit on how many kids they can invite. I've always set one for my kids and we have never had a problem. Depending on what we are going to do dictates how many friends they can invite. I always make sure they invite at least 2 friends from each "activity" so that the child knows someone other than the birthday kid. Like 2-4 from church, 2-4 from school, 2-4 from sports activities, etc. About 3 or 4 from each and you already have a decent sized party.

The parties that have a LARGE number in attendance the birthday kid hardly ever can open their presents in front of everyone. Then it just seems like your having the party so you can get a lot of gifts. That is not me nor my kids at all.
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Old 05-20-2009, 12:02 PM
 
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Think about the number of students you feel is appropriate. Then ask your child to choose who they want to come. If they begged for one more you know that they are friends with, add them to the list but don't do way over. You are setting expectations for future years. Don't set a standard you feel you have to beat the next year. My sister was like that, until she left her husband and could not afford it. The picture was not pretty, though it is finally getting better now.
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Old 05-20-2009, 12:15 PM
 
1,122 posts, read 1,969,140 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by momof2dfw View Post
If the school is going to foot the bill THEN they can dictate how and what I spend on my PERSONAL time and my childrens time outside of school and whom I choose to invite to MY home. Until then, if I am hosting a party on MY property I will invite those people I want. They can NOT force someone to host a party for all children at all. There is no way this "invite them all" bs could stand up in court. What are they going to do? Sue you as the parent because you did not invite every single child to your childs birthday party. Pretty soon it won't be just the kids in that one class it will be the entire grade because "kids talk" and they know what goes on in other classes. It is time to stop this pathetic bs. All because ADULTS behave like children.

This nonsense got started because some toobusybody mom got her nose bent out of shape. It started because of an ADULT! Kids can deal w/ these things a lot better than most adults. It is how the adults handle the situation that will determine how the kids will react. My daughter has a friend down the street a few doors that they go to school together, go to the same church and have been on the same sports teams. Guess what? She didn't invite my daughter to her last b-day party. How did my daughter and myself take it? Fine. We had other things going on anyway and being a busy family on our own my daughter didn't miss out on one single thing. As a matter of fact she doesn't even like being around this girl all of the time any more because of her bossy attitude which is just fine w/ us. I brushed off the party and so did my daughter. It didn't bother her one bit she wasn't invited. We had more fun that day than the kids at the party probably did.



We have a pool in our backyard. One year we had a surprise b-day party here for a friend. The husband arranged it and of course families were invited. When I counted 25 kids IN MY POOL I sat down in shock. You could not even see water. Backyard pools are NOT made for that many kids and it is just flat out not safe.

Someone mentioned having another adult present. One more adult present is NOT going to help if you have even 20 kids swimming. Adults are going to get busy talking and socializing and a few helping out the hostess but they are NOT going to be paying close attention to EVERY SINGLE CHILD in the pool. Throw in the fact the hostess would then have to make sure she had refreshments for the adults this party could very well top out being VERY EXPENSIVE!!!! If something happend to anyone at the party be it an adult or child her homeowners insurance could say they were negligent and not cover it. Sorry, I'm not going to lose my family and home over some stupid upset parents rule of "invite them all" or no one. As I said, the school is not footing the bill and neither are the parents that get bent out of shape over this kind of stuff. It is a CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY and that child and parent(s) can invite who they want and not one person more.

Oh, another thing about this "invite them all" bs. Some party places do have a limit on how many people can attend. Their packages are a set fee and then it is an additional fee per person MORE. Sometimes a parent has not choice but to set a limit on how many kids they can invite. I've always set one for my kids and we have never had a problem. Depending on what we are going to do dictates how many friends they can invite. I always make sure they invite at least 2 friends from each "activity" so that the child knows someone other than the birthday kid. Like 2-4 from church, 2-4 from school, 2-4 from sports activities, etc. About 3 or 4 from each and you already have a decent sized party.

The parties that have a LARGE number in attendance the birthday kid hardly ever can open their presents in front of everyone. Then it just seems like your having the party so you can get a lot of gifts. That is not me nor my kids at all.
Not only all this, but can you imagine your chidl being invited to 30 other parties! And what happens when two students share the same birthday but the families want to celebrate seprately?
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Old 05-20-2009, 12:28 PM
 
Location: Ca2Mo2Ga2Va!
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I've never invited the whole class. My kids aren't friends with the whole class so why should we? I have 2 kids with summer birthdays so it's never been an issue and my twins have a Feb birthday so we are just discreet and ask the teacher to pass out the invites in their folders.

By 9 years old, the children should understand that you aren't always going to be invited to something. I can understand kindergarten and even 1st grade, but they have to learn how to handle rejection at some point.
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Old 05-20-2009, 12:32 PM
 
3,107 posts, read 8,037,915 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by momof2dfw View Post
This nonsense got started because some toobusybody mom got her nose bent out of shape. It started because of an ADULT! Kids can deal w/ these things a lot better than most adults. It is how the adults handle the situation that will determine how the kids will react.
Excellent post!

And I agree 100% that kids take their cues from how their parents react.

I think we need to teach our children how to handle some things that may not always go their way (winning/losing) or hurtful (not being invited to Cindy's grand birthday party) rather than trying to go fix it for them or turn the situation around to make it more pleasant for them. I don't really think we help our kids with that kind of thinking.
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Old 05-20-2009, 12:42 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,907 posts, read 35,019,169 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by momof2dfw View Post
If the school is going to foot the bill THEN they can dictate how and what I spend on my PERSONAL time and my childrens time outside of school and whom I choose to invite to MY home. Until then, if I am hosting a party on MY property I will invite those people I want. They can NOT force someone to host a party for all children at all. There is no way this "invite them all" bs could stand up in court. What are they going to do? Sue you as the parent because you did not invite every single child to your childs birthday party. Pretty soon it won't be just the kids in that one class it will be the entire grade because "kids talk" and they know what goes on in other classes. It is time to stop this pathetic bs. All because ADULTS behave like children.
My daughters' schools also have this policy, at least how I'm interpreting it. Their policy is that you can't hand out invitations at school unless you invite everyone. It's the old "bring enough for everyone" chestnut. They don't care about invitations by mail, sent on your own time and with your own money. That's all.
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