If you dont get along with ur parents do u let your parents see ur kids or you avoid? (party, meal)

[suzie02]

Originally Posted by Infamous92

I think the children should be left out of the situation, its not there fault that the parents and grandparents don't get along, grandparents should be able to see there grandchildren whenever they want IMO, parents and grandparents shouldn't bicker in front of the children either.

You might want to read the other thread of a grandmother wanting to convert her grandchildren against the wishes of their parents.

Not all grandparents are created equal. Sometimes it is just healthier for the children not have certain people in their lives regardless of blood relationship.

[copperbrass2]

Thanks, this is so true!!!

[KylieEve]

If you don't get along with your parents because of a personality conflict then you are only punishing your own kids by not letting them see their grandparents.

[Magritte25]

We have had more than one falling out with my husband's mother. But she IS a good grandmother and she does have a huge heart. She is one giant pain in my arse and she drives me up the wall with her "advice" but our children have a great relationship with her. Even during times when we were hardly speaking, I still allowed our children to go on sleepovers with her.

[Magritte25]

I have a pretty stormy relationship with my mother. We argue a lot, we don't see eye to eye on most things from politics to grocery shopping to fashion. LOL She, at times, has been and is very critical of me.

However, she has never said one cross word to my children, she puts them on pedestals, loves them, etc. The biggest problem I have with her is that she is too self involved to spend more time with them.

I think a lot of parents have an easier time relating to their grandchildren vs. their children. Not sure why...

[Magritte25]

Originally Posted by seeniorita

My mother and I have always had a strained relationship due to her alcoholism however, when I had my son, I decided that I would not give him any preconceived notions about his grandmother. She ended up showing her true self to him all on her own. He does not have a relationship with her and this seems to suit her just fine. So sad!

Originally Posted by suzie02

At what age did you expose him to alcoholism? If I had been in your shoes I would have kept them apart until he was old enough to understand it. Maybe in his teens. I wouldn't have bad mouthed her or anything like that.

I can see both sides of this. My father died of alcoholism and he created an indelible mark on me and my siblings because of it. However, my youngest sibling knew at the age of 4 that she didn't want to spend time with him because of his erratic behavior, moodiness, etc. I think, sometimes, its good to give the problematic parent a chance because (a) they could surprise you and (b) if they continue the behavior, MOST kids will pick up on it and say, "I don't wanna be around this person".

[Magritte25]

Originally Posted by golfgal

My mom was a very difficult person to be around. After several years we decided not to have a relationship with her. If she called we talked to her but that was about it. The kids did not want to see her either. It wasn't an abusive relationship just one that was not good. For those that have not lived with a relationship like this you really can't tell people that you should 'just let them see the kids". If you had a friend like my mom you would not have maintained that relationship. I do not believe that just because they are family that you have to have a relationship with them. Our kids have wonderful Grandparents-my Dad and step-mom, DH's parents and a couple friends of our family that are grandparent age. They have missed out on nothing.

But what about those of us who DO have difficult relationships with our parents?

And you can't say they've missed out on nothing - every person and their offerings are unique.

[VelcroQueen]

I was fortunate to have two great sets of parents-in-law, the first of whom were my children's grandparents. I would let them spend any amount of time i could with them -- they are great. (My children are now in their later 30s.)

But with my parents, it was different. I would have trusted my father with them anytime at any age.

[haggardhouseelf]

In our situation, we live far enough away that it's not an issue. We've stopped spending the money and going to great lengths to travel and go visit the people that we'd rather not have anything to do with, and they aren't the sort to ever make an effort to do anything, even though they probably spin different stories to their friends and to each other. It's what you DO that means something, not what you SAY. I remember hearing for years (and believing, at the time...), "It's the thought that counts." I'm sorry, but that's bologna. Thoughts don't do anything. It's action that counts. Anyway - So once we stopped wasting our time and money, it was all over and done with and we don't have to deal with them anymore excepting the odd and random text message. Bizarre.

[haggardhouseelf]

Just wanted to say, too, that if the problems with the parents or grandparents stem from abuse, then there shouldn't even be a question. If it's just nit-picky stuff, then there's more to be considered here.