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Old 05-27-2009, 02:12 PM
 
Location: Here... for now
1,747 posts, read 2,624,282 times
Reputation: 1208

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Yeah! He's 18 or 19. He's an adult. he needs to go out there and get a job, durnit!

I want to live where some of you folks live. From what I gather, it's a place where an 18- or 19-year-old, from a broken and apparently somewhat dysfunctional family (based solely on the facts provided), barely out of high school can just go out and BAM find a job (in THIS economy!) that pays well enough to fully support himself and have enough left over to send some to the grannies.

My goodness, what a place!
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Old 05-27-2009, 07:26 PM
 
1,352 posts, read 4,163,830 times
Reputation: 570
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jackyfrost01 View Post
Kid is 18, he can get a job and not learn to depend and expect Dad to support him all the time.
Last I heard, a child who is in school SHOULD depend on their parent to support them, unless he/she chooses to act a fool, become a drop out, etc. Doesn't seem to be the case here, seems as though Dad has chosen to use 18 as an EXCUSE to forgo his responsibility.
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Old 05-27-2009, 07:41 PM
 
1,091 posts, read 3,237,792 times
Reputation: 1039
I think some of the respondents must have missed the first line of the OP, which was:

"My son chose to live with his grandparents when he was fifteen."


Ooh, the poor wittle baby! Thank god he's got grandparents to love and care for him! Some people don't deserve to have children! Ooh, you bad, bad, heartless man!



Look, I'll be damned if I'll pay for my over-18 son to live, by choice, with someone else.
If they want him, let them pay his way.
If he wants them, let him pay his own way.

If he wants my support beyond the age of 18, he'll "choose" to move home, just like he "chose" to move away a couple of years ago.

In my experience, it's a lot cheaper to support your kid under your own roof than under somebody else's. At least if they live with you, it's only one roof you're having to pay for.
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Old 05-27-2009, 07:51 PM
 
758 posts, read 1,598,527 times
Reputation: 952
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jane72 View Post
I think some of the respondents must have missed the first line of the OP, which was:

"My son chose to live with his grandparents when he was fifteen."


Ooh, the poor wittle baby! Thank god he's got grandparents to love and care for him! Some people don't deserve to have children! Ooh, you bad, bad, heartless man!



Look, I'll be damned if I'll pay for my over-18 son to live, by choice, with someone else.
If they want him, let them pay his way.
If he wants them, let him pay his own way.

If he wants my support beyond the age of 18, he'll "choose" to move home, just like he "chose" to move away a couple of years ago.

In my experience, it's a lot cheaper to support your kid under your own roof than under somebody else's. At least if they live with you, it's only one roof you're having to pay for.

I'm kinda with you on this, although I don't think I can be easy on Dad for letting him go. My children know that if they want to move out they are not going to go to granny's house, or any other relative. But I have a good relationship with her and if I say no then she will abide by that. If they want to leave then they can be big kids and do it on their own.

However my kids living at home will be supported until they are done with college and maybe a bit beyond as long as they are working and saving for their own place.
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Old 05-27-2009, 08:31 PM
 
496 posts, read 1,518,083 times
Reputation: 312
Quote:
Originally Posted by NCyank View Post
Yeah....just what has this kid been doing for the last 18 years? Imagine, expecting your parents to support you until you graduate from high school. The slacker...it's about time he learned to do a few things on his own. Who needs a diploma anyway when you could be out working to support yourself?




Yeah, who needs an involved dad and mom anyway. Just what kind of life was this kid expecting? He ought to be out there working already, paying his grandparents since his father is already "doing a hell of a lot more than most father's out there". Dad shouldn't be expected to raise and support his own kids...at least not after they are 15 years old and certainly any kid who still gets parental support until they graduate from high school is just some piece of work already. Throw his butt out if he can't pony up some cash to help his grandparents, it's the least he can do since his dad is "doing a hell of a lot more than most father's out there".

Couldn't have put it better myself.
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Old 05-27-2009, 09:16 PM
 
Location: Here... for now
1,747 posts, read 2,624,282 times
Reputation: 1208
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jane72 View Post
I think some of the respondents must have missed the first line of the OP, which was:

"My son chose to live with his grandparents when he was fifteen."


Ooh, the poor wittle baby! Thank god he's got grandparents to love and care for him! Some people don't deserve to have children! Ooh, you bad, bad, heartless man!



Look, I'll be damned if I'll pay for my over-18 son to live, by choice, with someone else.
If they want him, let them pay his way.
If he wants them, let him pay his own way.

If he wants my support beyond the age of 18, he'll "choose" to move home, just like he "chose" to move away a couple of years ago.

In my experience, it's a lot cheaper to support your kid under your own roof than under somebody else's. At least if they live with you, it's only one roof you're having to pay for.
Not sure if you're referring to me, Jane, but I did not miss that line. Matter of fact, it was one of the factors I used when saying that the young man comes from a broken and apparently somewhat dysfunctional family.

The facts, as presented by the OP, suggest that the OP was awarded custody (meaning there was some sort of break-up of the original two-parent family), mom contributed no support whatsoever (again, making it sound like a dysfunctional biofamily) and that son chose to live with the grannies. If things were all sunshine and roses with Dad, why would son chose to go elsewhere?

I don't know if he's a "poor wittle baby" or absolute hell on wheels. I can only make assumptions, which is all any of us can do, given how few facts we have to work with. I'm making an assumption that at age 19 (or so), this young man is having to deal with issues that many of his peers from more stable backgrounds don't have to deal with.

I hope you know I've agreed with you on lots of other parenting issues, Jane. On this one, though, looks like we're seeing the same info in vastly different ways. To me, based solely on the info presented by the TC, the whole situation is heart-breaking, including the TC's apparent concern only for his legal obligation.
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Old 05-27-2009, 09:48 PM
 
Location: Here... for now
1,747 posts, read 2,624,282 times
Reputation: 1208
Original Poster/Topic Creator has not come back to clarify any information, nor has he made ANY other posts anywhere. A one-shot Charlie. /sigh Troll, perhaps?
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Old 05-27-2009, 10:36 PM
 
1,091 posts, read 3,237,792 times
Reputation: 1039
Quote:
Originally Posted by skahar View Post
I'm kinda with you on this, although I don't think I can be easy on Dad for letting him go. My children know that if they want to move out they are not going to go to granny's house, or any other relative. But I have a good relationship with her and if I say no then she will abide by that. If they want to leave then they can be big kids and do it on their own.

However my kids living at home will be supported until they are done with college and maybe a bit beyond as long as they are working and saving for their own place.

Well, the amount of control you have over your child/ren might be to your credit; then again, some older teen/adult children are simply easier to control, while others are fiercely independent and are absolutely going to go where they want to go and live where they want to live, regardless of anything.
This is not necessarily a hallmark of poor parenting.
Some character traits are innate, some are the result of experiences outside the home. Not everything about a young adult's character is the result of good or bad parenting. There are many other influences in young people's lives, including the disposition they were born with.
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Old 05-27-2009, 10:42 PM
 
1,091 posts, read 3,237,792 times
Reputation: 1039
Quote:
The facts, as presented by the OP, suggest that the OP was awarded custody (meaning there was some sort of break-up of the original two-parent family), mom contributed no support whatsoever (again, making it sound like a dysfunctional biofamily) and that son chose to live with the grannies. If things were all sunshine and roses with Dad, why would son chose to go elsewhere?
More freedom, probably.
Why else do teenage boys choose to do anything?
I'm gonna guess it's not because he wanted more hugs, more discipline, or more home-baked cookies.

Not to sound cynical, but, you know... I am the parent of a teenager.
Also, I used to be one.
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Old 05-28-2009, 06:51 AM
 
758 posts, read 1,598,527 times
Reputation: 952
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jane72 View Post
Well, the amount of control you have over your child/ren might be to your credit; then again, some older teen/adult children are simply easier to control, while others are fiercely independent and are absolutely going to go where they want to go and live where they want to live, regardless of anything.
This is not necessarily a hallmark of poor parenting.
Some character traits are innate, some are the result of experiences outside the home. Not everything about a young adult's character is the result of good or bad parenting. There are many other influences in young people's lives, including the disposition they were born with.
Just to clarify, I was saying my MIL wouldn't take my kids in if I told her not to, not that my kids listen to me everytime I say no.
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