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Old 05-24-2009, 10:24 PM
 
Location: Orlando, FL
12,256 posts, read 15,791,470 times
Reputation: 6600

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Quote:
Originally Posted by okpondlady View Post
My older daughter has had real problems over the years with this stuff. If she had a new watch, say, and wore it to school...if one if the kids said something negative about it she would literally throw it away, AT SCHOOL. She has done all sorts of stuff like that. Poked a hole in a new shirt..and her response to me was, well no one liked it anyway. I pointed out to her she was LETTING THEM dictate to her what she wears, does, and is. If they tell you to change your hair and you do, then your clothes and you do, and your shoes and you do, then the way you walk, talk, smile, ect...and you change it guess what??? YOU ARE NO LONGER YOU. YOU are what THEY want YOU TO BE. After that she stood up to them alot more and didn't let them get to her so much till 9th grade. As a Freshman OMG it was horrible. I think Freshman year should be outlawed.
See that's the thing - kids will find someway to make other kids feel inferior. It's a given. A lot of people see uniforms as the answer but I wore uniforms in 3rd and 4th grade - they just find something else to talk about. One girl had really curly hair - they called her mophead. There was one girl in my class and the other girls said she only had one pair of pants so they would take turns walking past her trying to mark on her pants to see if the mark would be there the next day. I had a gap; kids made fun of that. Like another poster the best thing to do is teach your child self-confidence.
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Old 05-25-2009, 12:07 AM
 
3,107 posts, read 8,032,106 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skbs View Post
I am a SAHM.... used to teach (another reason I am so shocked)... so we are on a fixed income and even if we were not I think spending $50+ an outfit for a kid who is going to stain and outgrow it is a bit much. Sorry, but I do- but to each his own. However, I dress her really cute and she always has something she likes on that SHE is proud of (from an affordable store). We have gone over some "come backs" that will never get her into trouble but will make her feel good about herself and help her stand up for herself when they say things like "I shop at Justice and you don't".... she now says "I'm so happy for you!" with a little grin.... she has been practicing. I told her she will never get in trouble at school for telling another student she is happy for them but will always get into trouble for fighting. Deep down she knows what she means and that is all that counts.... She tried it and she came home and said the girls got so mad because they didn't get the reaction they wanted She was so proud of herself too.... Life lessons are tough but at least I am teaching her the right way to react right?
Ding-ding-ding!!!! I hope you don't mind but I'm going to store this one way for the day that I will inevitably come face-to-face with the same or similar issue.

We are planning to put our children in private school/uniforms but as a pp mentioned, there will ALWAYS be something that a child will be picked on for. I don't recall ever being picked on to my face but I'm sure I must have done something (or not done something) to invite comments behind my back.

No matter what we do, children will always find something to be ugly/cruel about so one of the greatest gifts I believe we can give our children is self-confidence with a touch of humility and grace. Daunting task!
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Old 05-25-2009, 08:12 AM
 
Location: (WNY)
5,384 posts, read 9,588,355 times
Reputation: 7646
Well you all are making me feel a lot better.... thanks... I guess it is bound to happen... too bad it is now.... but you all are making me feel like I am doing the right thing about it NOW.... Thanks I wasn't sure if I was doing enough.... but I guess you can only do so much and hope they take it and run with it. I think she is doing that.... and I am sticking to my guns. It seems to be working for now.
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Old 05-25-2009, 08:42 AM
 
Location: In America's Heartland
929 posts, read 1,824,067 times
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Garage sales and Goodwill are great places to purchase clothing. This is a great opportunity to teach children that the clothes don't make the person. Just like that new car does not make the person. Many times adults are giving these messages to kids by our actions. I don't give a flip if kids are embarrased by where their clothes come from. They need to be thrilled that they have clothes period.
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Old 05-25-2009, 09:16 AM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,711,508 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by the3Ds View Post
I think that we as parents need to realize that by buying them the name brand clothes when we can't afford them, we are sending them a message about their outward appearance being the most important thing. I think we believe that if we buy them all that stuff in order to help them fit in, we'll prevent them from being picked on. Unfortunately, that's not the case. You can buy them all the name brand stuff they want, they can have the latest electronic gadgets, the best car in the school parking lot, the thinnest body and the best makeup. There is still going to be some idiot who will find something to pick on them over. When that day comes, they are either going to have the self-confidence to think to themselves, "I'm great and that kid doesn't know what he/she is talking about" or they are going to go home, throw all their clothes away and declare they need something better.

Self confidence is the biggest gift you can give to your kid. Eventually, they are going to get a huge zit on their nose. They are probably going to have braces. They might need glasses. They will probably trip in the hallway at school. Kids who are trying to insulate themselves with material things instead of focusing on how great they are on the inside are not going to deal well with life's disappointments later. We as parents can and should do our best to help our kids look great (whether it's buying them cool glasses or just helping them figure out how to wear makeup), but some name brand clothes are absolute garbage. I don't want my 6-year old wearing pants with the word Juicy on her butt.
Exactly. It's a perfect time to teach them a lesson about standing up against peer pressure and that if they're hanging around shallow and vain people that it's time to find better friends.

It's a good lesson on economy. As young as 6 or 7 they can learn why someone must live within a budget, that buying something just because everyone else does it, is a stupid reason to buy anything. They can learn now why some people foolishly live way above their means and try to compensate for their defects with brand labels.
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Old 05-25-2009, 01:00 PM
 
3,107 posts, read 8,032,106 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
Exactly. It's a perfect time to teach them a lesson about standing up against peer pressure and that if they're hanging around shallow and vain people that it's time to find better friends.

It's a good lesson on economy. As young as 6 or 7 they can learn why someone must live within a budget, that buying something just because everyone else does it, is a stupid reason to buy anything. They can learn now why some people foolishly live way above their means and try to compensate for their defects with brand labels.
I guess I've given you too many rep points lately because I couldn't today.

for this post.
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Old 05-25-2009, 02:17 PM
 
Location: Aurora, Colorado
2,212 posts, read 4,494,638 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
Exactly. It's a perfect time to teach them a lesson about standing up against peer pressure and that if they're hanging around shallow and vain people that it's time to find better friends.

It's a good lesson on economy. As young as 6 or 7 they can learn why someone must live within a budget, that buying something just because everyone else does it, is a stupid reason to buy anything. They can learn now why some people foolishly live way above their means and try to compensate for their defects with brand labels.
Also, I know this is the most difficult thing to explain to a kid (if my parents would have said this to me, I would have rolled my eyes right out of my eyesockets), but if you're a cool kid on the inside, no one is going to care what you are wearing. Kids gravitate towards those they admire. Wearing name brand clothes, IMHO, is just another way to try and compensate for a lack of personality. I went to a very rich school and was not at all affluent. I played basketball and made my friends that way. I didn't have the fancy car, the clothes or even the house to bring my friends over to. No one cared that I didn't have expensive clothes, they cared that I could sink a 3 pointer.

My kids will go to school every day with cute clothes that are clean. A Dooney & Burke purse will hold her wallet and other things just as easily as a purse from Target. Lucky Brand jeans can get stained and worn out just as easily as jeans from Children's Place. I do make an effort to find her clothes that not every kid is wearing but currently just had a spending spree at Target for her summer clothes. Cannot beat cute shorts and t-shirts for $3.50 each and flip flops from Old Navy, 2 for $5.
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Old 05-25-2009, 02:20 PM
 
Location: Aurora, Colorado
2,212 posts, read 4,494,638 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NC~Mom View Post
I agree to an extent.
My kids wore their yard sale Aeropostale & Hollister clothing...$1 a pop, and my youngest has braces, and she rocks them.
They can fit in inexpensively....and TASTEFULLY!
I don't think most Moms here would let their kids run around with "juicy" on their butts either.....
I can only speak from what I see personally at my daughter's elementary school, but there are a lot of 5th graders with braces and glasses. Some of them clearly are trying to hide in a corner until they come off, but others are wearing bright purple bands and colored funky glasses and look like they could take over the world. Those kids have parents who have worked hard to instill confidence in them.
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Old 05-25-2009, 02:32 PM
 
Location: Aurora, Colorado
2,212 posts, read 4,494,638 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skbs View Post
I am talking about the store JUSTICE not JUICY.... don't know if that was the confusion...but I agree there will always be something else around the corner.... I am just shocked it is starting so young.... and I am not ready to buy it....to teach her it is something to place importance on.... even if I am purchasing it off the sale racks or thrift stores.... either way she is going to read the label... and she is only six. I am not ready for this game yet. I think she needs to wait.....
Yes, I know what Justice is...we've got one down the street. I just thought of Juicy because I saw a young girl with sweats on that said Juicy across the butt at the movies a few days ago. She could not have been more than 10.

I guess question #1 is to figure out why Justice is the place to shop. Most kids if they didn't read the labels (and there wasn't a logo on the outside) could probably not tell the difference. The younger kids are likely just imitating their older sibling's ideas of "coolness".

I make big strides to find clothes without logos on them. Few kids are going to flip over a collar to see if it says Justice on it, but everyone knows if it's got a blazing logo across the chest. This is right around the corner for me (my daughter is heading for 1st grade) but I will do the same thing for her as I do for myself. Go and look at what's in fashion and find a good knock off. At Justice, there are tons of bright colored plaid bermuda shorts for Summer. You can find that same style everywhere.

Also, if you can afford it, buy her something from Justice that she really wants for her birthday and/or Christmas. There isn't a good reason to have an entire wardrobe full of clothes from Justice, but why not get her a few things that she says she really likes? A good wardrobe no matter what age you are is full of a mixture of stuff. I don't know anyone who buys all of their clothes from one specific store (and if they do, they've got no imagination). Mix and match and buy what you can afford.

Another idea is to set a budget for school clothes. A friend of mine has a 7th grader who also wants stuff from a specific store. She tells her daughter that this is her budget and she can either buy 2 outfits to last her the school year or she can shop around and find clothes for a lot less and therefore have more to chose from.
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Old 05-25-2009, 04:49 PM
 
1,428 posts, read 2,772,580 times
Reputation: 1460
Quote:
Originally Posted by okpondlady View Post
My older daughter has had real problems over the years with this stuff. If she had a new watch, say, and wore it to school...if one if the kids said something negative about it she would literally throw it away, AT SCHOOL. She has done all sorts of stuff like that. Poked a hole in a new shirt..and her response to me was, well no one liked it anyway. I pointed out to her she was LETTING THEM dictate to her what she wears, does, and is. If they tell you to change your hair and you do, then your clothes and you do, and your shoes and you do, then the way you walk, talk, smile, ect...and you change it guess what??? YOU ARE NO LONGER YOU. YOU are what THEY want YOU TO BE. After that she stood up to them alot more and didn't let them get to her so much till 9th grade. As a Freshman OMG it was horrible. I think Freshman year should be outlawed.

My youngest LIKES name brand stuff and I have always shopped at a resale shop for her. Last week I took her to a place in Tulsa called Plato's Closet. We got 4 summer outfits, and extra shirt and camisole for $64. Alot of the clothes they had still had the original tags on them.
Without trying to start wars over whether homeschooling or public schooling is best -- for the record, I think there is no "one-size-fits-all" solution -- it is one of the several reasons our family chose to homeschool. It's not the most important reason, of course, but it was on the list. Both my spouse and I were very familiar with the situation you're describing, and whereas I think for some students this kind of confrontation can strengthen their sense of self, I think too often for many students, they react as your older daughter did -- they make understandable attempts to escape from the attention of those who wanted to "get to her," as you put it. For some kids in some schools, the pressure to conform can be excruciating.
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