U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-27-2009, 03:10 PM
 
Location: beautiful NC mountains!
904 posts, read 2,533,710 times
Reputation: 1240

Advertisements

My most important day was over 12 years ago now. My two oldests were about 5 and 8. I sat them down and told them their Dad was moving out. We all cried together and my oldest asked me if we were going to be okay. At that point, I wasn't sure we were. I put my arms around them both and told them that I would do everything in my power to make sure we would always have a nice place to live, clothes on our backs, and food in our bellies. They both stopped crying. I didn't know how, but I knew that no matter what I had to live up to that promise. So far...so good.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-28-2009, 05:41 AM
 
1,577 posts, read 3,265,717 times
Reputation: 530
Quote:
Originally Posted by VBmom View Post
My most important day was over 12 years ago now. My two oldests were about 5 and 8. I sat them down and told them their Dad was moving out. We all cried together and my oldest asked me if we were going to be okay. At that point, I wasn't sure we were. I put my arms around them both and told them that I would do everything in my power to make sure we would always have a nice place to live, clothes on our backs, and food in our bellies. They both stopped crying. I didn't know how, but I knew that no matter what I had to live up to that promise. So far...so good.
Whenever I see posts like this, it makes me appreciate my marriage all the more. I think these type of posts honestly strengthen my marriage, as I don't ever want it to fail. We need each other. That and my kids need us both to get thru their issues.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-28-2009, 11:56 AM
 
5,945 posts, read 12,717,149 times
Reputation: 6677
Hmmm... I can't really think of one important day... everyday matters, we build on our relationships every day... but yesterday is a day I'll absolutely never forget. Our oldest son, who just turned 14, came home from school so thrilled and excited. He asked a girl out to the movies - and she said YES. His first date.

I'm shaking!

He'd been talking about this girl for a few weeks. We knew he thought highly of her, and that they sat next to each other in science class. But I had no idea he was going to ask her out.

So then we had to ask him... how are you going to pay for the date? How are you getting yourself and your date to the movies? And a talk between mom, dad, and young son lasted through the evening about all kinds of things...

It was a good night, a great day for our oldest boy, but I have to admit... I'm a little freaked out. I don't want to hover or isolate, yet I don't want to allow anything bad to happen, either. Secretly, I'm hoping the girl's parents decide this is not a good idea. I know that's probably not PC or very nice, but that's what I'm secretly hoping.

Anyway - so I'm not sure if important is the word for yesterday, but it's a day that surely will always stand out in our memory as parents.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-28-2009, 12:56 PM
 
2 posts, read 1,805 times
Reputation: 10
I think of things like the first words, the 1st steps, 1st day of school. Those are all precious once in a lifetime treasures you don't get back and are the amongst the most important to me.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-28-2009, 05:33 PM
 
5,945 posts, read 12,717,149 times
Reputation: 6677
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jackyfrost01 View Post
Whenever I see posts like this, it makes me appreciate my marriage all the more. I think these type of posts honestly strengthen my marriage, as I don't ever want it to fail. We need each other. That and my kids need us both to get thru their issues.
I feel the same way!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-28-2009, 06:33 PM
 
Location: Victoria TX
42,668 posts, read 71,523,609 times
Reputation: 35864
Haggard, see to it that they get to the movies safely, and back home again, and leave them alone. Don't even wait up for him. Let him tell you about it in the morning---or come and wake you up, as you pretend to sleep.. And then, of course, tell us.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-28-2009, 08:06 PM
 
2,699 posts, read 5,151,595 times
Reputation: 5514
Quote:
Originally Posted by jtur88 View Post
When I first met the mother of my darling step-daughter, the 8-year-old hated me and did every mean and nasty thing she could think of break up me and her mom. From that day to this, DSD (now 30) and I have been best friends forever,
I just want to kiss you all over! Seriously! I'm lucky to have a step-dad whom I absolutely adore and reading your post made me think of him.

He came into my life when I was 16. Poor guy. (Ha!) My biological father had been an alcoholic and abusive, but my mother stayed with him for 19 years total. For the kids, you know? Her heart was in the right place, but by the time she finally split from my father, my older brother and I were pretty messed up. I was suicidally depressed and had been diagnosed with PTSD, and I was just full of rage. So much anger! But from day-one, my dad stepped in and gave me what I needed: his love, his support, his steadfastness. Himself. He'd never had kids of his own because he and his first wife hadn't wanted them. Then he met my mom, fell in love with her, inherited two effed up teenagers...and was man enough to be the kind of father every child deserves to have.

My favorite memory of my relationship with my dad -- I never refer to him as my step-dad, except for the purposes of clarification -- was when I was about 17 years old. I was very angry and standoffish at that point in my life. I hated being touched...mostly because so many of the touches I'd received had been kicks or slaps or shoves, and I was still pretty nervous and flinchy because of the PTSD. But at the same time, I desperately needed to be touched, to be hugged, to be held. To receive some kind of normal, loving physical contact. So I started hugging my dad. He respected my boundaries and would never initiate the contact himself, but if I approached him and put my arms around him for a hug, he'd hug me back, totally following my lead.

So this one night I came into the kitchen where he was making dinner. He had pots and pans going on all four burners and was in the middle of an elaborate meal. I walked up to him and put my arm around his waist. He put his around mine. Something snapped in me and I couldn't let go. I put my other arm around him...and he turned off all the burners and turned to face me and put both arms around me and held me for about 5 minutes while I just cried. He didn't talk. He didn't console me. He didn't offer platitudes. (He probably didn't know what to say!) He just hugged me and stroked my back. When I was in control of myself again, I gave him a squeeze and stepped away...and my dad went back to making dinner as if nothing had happened. And 20+ years later, I still remember that moment with perfect clarity, as if it were yesterday.

I know I've been blessed to have had such an awesome dad in my life, so reading your story about you and your own daughter just put a huge grin on my face. Bless you and every man like you.

I don't know what moment my dad would pick as his most important day in his parenting life, but that's the one I'd pick for him. It was certainly one of my most meaningful days as a kid.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-29-2009, 05:20 PM
 
5,945 posts, read 12,717,149 times
Reputation: 6677
Quote:
Originally Posted by jtur88 View Post
Haggard, see to it that they get to the movies safely, and back home again, and leave them alone. Don't even wait up for him. Let him tell you about it in the morning---or come and wake you up, as you pretend to sleep.. And then, of course, tell us.
Thanks for the advice! I was so nervous, that I actually spoke to a child psychologist that works part-time at my sons school about it. She reassured me that this is totally OK and normal for this age (14) and just suggested lots of communication with the girls parents as well as insisting upon certain established times being met. (For example: we'll drop you off at 6pm and pick you up at 8pm...)

As it stands now, they were both busy this weekend so they are planning on going to the movies next Friday or Saturday. We've told our son that we're only allowing this and supporting this as long as he gets us the names and numbers of the girls parents, and after we've had a chance to discuss all this with them. That's been part of my being nervous as well - I have no idea who this girl is or who her parents are as she recently moved here from out of state. There's no familiarity or comfort level there at all, yet. Anyway - that's where it stands now...

I'm actually way less nervous about it now. I'm more excited for him. And so, a new chapter begins... for all of us!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-29-2009, 10:31 PM
 
Location: Victoria TX
42,668 posts, read 71,523,609 times
Reputation: 35864
I'm not sure I would talk to the girl's parents before hand. I would trust my son to have made a reasonably good character assessment before he asked her out, and let it play out the first time according to its merits. After all, how much trouble can they get into in a movie theater in a couple of hours. After the date, if things go well and they both seem interested in going further, then it might be nice for you to talk to her parents, and express your delight that things went well. If thins DON'T go well, then it is a non-issue.

Dropping them off at 6 and picking them up at 8 seems kind of tight---they won't even have a chance to talk to each other. Is there a restaurant within a safe walk of the cinema, where you can pick them up at about 9? Or offer to take them to a restaurant at 8, tell them you need to run an errand, and you'll be back to pick them up at 9?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-30-2009, 07:47 AM
 
Location: Southern NC
1,917 posts, read 4,224,265 times
Reputation: 2500
Quote:
Originally Posted by jtur88 View Post
I'm not sure I would talk to the girl's parents before hand. I would trust my son to have made a reasonably good character assessment before he asked her out, and let it play out the first time according to its merits. After all, how much trouble can they get into in a movie theater in a couple of hours. After the date, if things go well and they both seem interested in going further, then it might be nice for you to talk to her parents, and express your delight that things went well. If thins DON'T go well, then it is a non-issue.

Dropping them off at 6 and picking them up at 8 seems kind of tight---they won't even have a chance to talk to each other. Is there a restaurant within a safe walk of the cinema, where you can pick them up at about 9? Or offer to take them to a restaurant at 8, tell them you need to run an errand, and you'll be back to pick them up at 9?
Well...he said he just turned 14, so I would just let them meet at the movies.
I agree...no need to talk to the parents beforehand...they should each have their own transportation to and from. Let them start out slow.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top