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Old 05-28-2009, 07:47 AM
 
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In general, are the parents of kids today expected to be closer to their kids and have more personal communication with their children and spend more time with them? I think this is the case. I know many parents of kids who are just so personal and connected with their kids.

In the past when I was a kid back in the 60s and 70s most of my friends were distant from their parents and the folks were more formal and rigid.

Is there a parenting philosophy today that encourages more closeness?
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Old 05-28-2009, 07:51 AM
 
Location: Norwood, MN
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Weekend Traveler View Post
In general, are the parents of kids today expected to be closer to their kids and have more personal communication with their children and spend more time with them? I think this is the case. I know many parents of kids who are just so personal and connected with their kids.

In the past when I was a kid back in the 60s and 70s most of my friends were distant from their parents and the folks were more formal and rigid.

Is there a parenting philosophy today that encourages more closeness?
I certainly think they are closer to their fathers. When I grew up (I was born in 1956) fathers were pretty much breadwinners and disciplinarians and that was it.
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Old 05-28-2009, 07:59 AM
 
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Yes and no.

Back in the past, kids had moms home all day with them, they had fathers living in the home who came home from work every day. Plus kids had siblings, cousins and the neighborhood kids to relate with.

Today's parents often have just 2 or 3 hours with their kids. There sometimes are no siblings, they don't grow up with cousins as much. The parents have them to fullfill some need of their own and want something else from parenting than parents in the past did. Parents in the past didn't see kids as their best friends.
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Old 05-28-2009, 08:00 AM
 
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Its dependent on individuals. I was plenty close to my parents. I think my kids are close to me, but that doesn't apply to everyone. It depends on people and their situations. No cut and dry answer there.

Honestly with all the technology, I'd bet as kids leave their little kid years, they probably aren't as close. imho
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Old 05-28-2009, 08:05 AM
 
Location: Denver area
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I don't know that they are "expected" to be. I think that many parents today are more involved/close with their kids because there are more opportunities for that to happen. We share a lot more in common with our kids than our parents (at least in my generation - whose parents grew up in the 40s and 50s small town). Music is much more cross generational, as well as the type of peer pressure. Computers, cell phones all of the stuff that can contribute to more closeness than was previously available.
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Old 05-28-2009, 10:51 AM
 
43,012 posts, read 88,978,939 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Weekend Traveler View Post
In general, are the parents of kids today expected to be closer to their kids and have more personal communication with their children and spend more time with them? I think this is the case. I know many parents of kids who are just so personal and connected with their kids.

In the past when I was a kid back in the 60s and 70s most of my friends were distant from their parents and the folks were more formal and rigid.

Is there a parenting philosophy today that encourages more closeness?
I'll also go with yes and no. My parents were very close to us. My siblings and I were very connected to them. All of my friends were close to their parents too--with an exception or two.

Today's push to encourage closeness has to do with there being more two income family. Since both parents are working, society has to be reminded of "quality time." In the past, quality time just happened. Now people need to be aware and fit it into their schedules.
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Old 05-28-2009, 11:00 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
546 posts, read 1,463,681 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Weekend Traveler View Post
In general, are the parents of kids today expected to be closer to their kids and have more personal communication with their children and spend more time with them? I think this is the case. I know many parents of kids who are just so personal and connected with their kids.

In the past when I was a kid back in the 60s and 70s most of my friends were distant from their parents and the folks were more formal and rigid.

Is there a parenting philosophy today that encourages more closeness?
It's not necessarily a bad thing to be close and connected to your kids, so long as you continue to keep the boundaries of parent vs. friend. Your kids can have as many friends as they want, but they only get two parents, and it's the parents job to help them become mature adults who can spread their wings and fly.

In regards to communication, I think a lot of parents nowadays look back on their own childhood and try to implement a more open line of communication to their children than what they received. I include myself in that. I was never talked to about sex, drugs, alcohol, etc. I never had an open line of communication where I felt comfortable to go to my parents and talk. Without being pushy about it, I make it well known my kids can come to me with anything and I am there to listen, and offer advice. My oldest is only 7 now so I have a long way to go, but I hope that I have at least established the connection that he can ask me anything without worrying about my reaction. He's already brought up a lot of hard questions about sex (I'm pregnant so Im sure that brought a lot of curiousity on this young) and I answer his questions simply, yet honestly.

I think I'm closer to my kids than my parents were to me. That doesnt mean I aim to be their bestest friend in the whole world. First and foremost, I am Mom. But hopefully a Mom, who can both keep structure and stability in the house and at the same time allow my kids to feel good enough in our relationship that they can trust me even with the big issues
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Old 05-28-2009, 02:38 PM
 
Location: In My Own Little World. . .
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Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
I'll also go with yes and no. My parents were very close to us. My siblings and I were very connected to them. All of my friends were close to their parents too--with an exception or two.

Today's push to encourage closeness has to do with there being more two income family. Since both parents are working, society has to be reminded of "quality time." In the past, quality time just happened. Now people need to be aware and fit it into their schedules.
Not so in my case. I was home with my kids for 15 years, and that formed our closeness. They are now 19 and 17 and believe it or not, they seek me out to ask advice and tell me things. We text back and forth, and listen to a lot of the same music, enjoy a lot of the same TV shows. My 17 year old daughter and I go to concerts together (Jonas Bros coming up), and talk about EVERYTHING. She knows I won't be shocked or upset by anything she tells me, and consequently, I see no "rebellion" in her. My 19 year old son is very open with me also and we talk a LOT about things he does (right and wrong).

I loved my parents and they were good parents, but I would NEVER have talked to either my mom or dad about the things my kids and I talk about. In fact, my kids' friends text me on occasion to ask questions and/or for advice and help. I wouldn't change my relationship with my kids for anything.
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Old 05-28-2009, 02:58 PM
 
Location: Connecticut
1,461 posts, read 4,098,902 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Weekend Traveler View Post
In general, are the parents of kids today expected to be closer to their kids and have more personal communication with their children and spend more time with them? I think this is the case. I know many parents of kids who are just so personal and connected with their kids. In the past when I was a kid back in the 60s and 70s most of my friends were distant from their parents and the folks were more formal and rigid. Is there a parenting philosophy today that encourages more closeness?
You grew up in the same era as I did and I do think that parents of that era in particulalr were far too rigid and not close to their children at all. I don't think it is an expected thing for parents today to be closer to their children, I just think that because of the way we were raised back in "the day" that all that rigidity and strictness slowly has melted out of the picture. There has not been a sensible inbetween developed, meaning that at times I think the children today have way too much leeway with how they interact with their parents. I have been around young people growing up who are now in their early 20's to early 30's and have seen an amazing disrespect for their parents. I have often thought to myself that there would never be any way in hell I would have survived talking to my parents the way I have heard kids talk now...I cannot imagine what would have happened to me!! The "I hate you's", or "you are a beeeech"...made me cringe when I heard it.

More recently, I have a friend who has a teen age daughter and it just totally blows my mind how this Mom knows ALL this kids business right down to the most intimate moments. I also can't believe how this Mom can relate a story VERBATIM of something that may have gone on in school with this kid and who said what about who...like she was in the middle of it all. Worst case...this young teen is so overindulged and that is something I cannot for the life of me figure out either..a $450.00 prom dress, $100.00 shoes, $100.00 hairdo...and this kids date decides he can't take her to the prom!! Oh yes, Mom was into that one too. Closeness is one thing but to try to totally control a teens life is not a good thing.

I don't think it is a Philosophy that says you should be closer to your kids, I think it is something that has evolved over the last 30 plus years. God forbid you crack them on the butt for being mouthy or take an electronic device from them. Sure, give them a cell phone to stay in touch and they are sending each other naked photos or they are bullying some other kid with the phone. Too late...you gave them the phone now try to take it away with this kid threatening to run away, saying they hate you, etc.

So, what to do?? I don't know. Has it gone too far...Yes, I think it has and NO I am not condoning the old time laws of speak when spoken to or children should be seen and not heard. We have developed this new philosophy ourselves without any guidelines or assistance along the way and now are paying the price.
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Old 05-28-2009, 04:11 PM
 
Location: here
24,469 posts, read 28,737,691 times
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Now that we have kids, DH and I keep thinking back to childhood and trying to remember what it was like. Neither of us remember our parents playing with us much. My mom was a teacher, so we were home together in the summer. She was always cleaning or doing house work of some sort. We were always outside playing with the neighbor kids. We always had dinner together as a family, and hung out in the family room, watching TV, or whatever together in the evening. I don't remember how much we talked or about what. BTW, I grew up in the 70's and 80's.
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