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It's everywhere, Hopes. In Seattle there were those 13 year old boys who were arrested because they patted a couple girls on the butt. A practice that most kids in that school participated in.
It has become a "HANDS OFF" society. An over-reacting society. An over protective society. An overly sensitive society. Kids are told what to think, what to say, how to feel, what to do, how to act, how to think; it's never left up to the kids to figure out anymore.
You know what the results will be? In the next generations, the human brain will get smaller and smaller until it's the size of a tennis ball because there will be no use for it anymore. Kids will be programmed when small. There will be no more childhood.
Do you think by not allowing him to use the word, he doesn't still think it? Think about that. By keeping the word out of your house, only makes him internalize it.
So when he used it to denigrate himself, he thinks he just can't verbalize how he thinks of himself. Instead, had you re-inforced his goodness and left the word alone, it would have built on his self-esteem.
When you make it about the word instead of him, tells him what he says is more important than what he thinks of himself.
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Is there a specific reason you're being so defensive? Am I not allowed to make an observation on a post? Had it been anybody else, I would have posted the same thing. Why take it so personally?
Perhaps I am taking your comments more personally than I should; however I don't think that my son should be subject to armchair psychoanalysis from someone who has never personally met or interacted with him, much less me. I wasn't aware that posting a two-line response to a thread someone else initiated was an invitation for you to comment on my child's well-being or to call into question my parenting style. And, please don't further insult me by claiming that was not your intent, since you assumed in your response that I did not take the time to "reinforce his goodness."
The whole story behind my aversion to the word "stupid" is that my child uses it as a cop-out, rather than expending sufficient mental effort when things get tough. He's not lacking in self-esteem; he's using the word as an excuse to be lazy, and I'm onto him. Similarly, he frequently uses the phrase "blah, blah, blah" when he doesn't want to answer a question completely.
Here's a typical exchange: "What did you do in school today?"
"We did some math, blah, blah, blah."
It's disrespectful and lazy, and I won't tolerate it. He's more than capable of holding up his end of the conversation, just like he's capable of doing his homework. He'd just prefer to claim that he's stupid. I'm not willing to play his game, so I banned the word. That's not micro-managing my child; it's refusing to allow him to use cheap excuses for not living up to his potential.
Your response to my post was grievously misdirected, but that's par for the course on an anonymous parenting forum where everyone seems to think she knows best regarding the challenges we all face in raising our children.
It's everywhere, Hopes. In Seattle there were those 13 year old boys who were arrested because they patted a couple girls on the butt. A practice that most kids in that school participated in.
Patting girls (who are not your girlfriend) on the butt is wrong. I'm not backing you up on this one.
There is a line that shouldn't be crossed. I'm just disappointed that school districts are resorting to complete no-touch instead of figuring out the line.
Patting girls (who are not your girlfriend) on the butt is wrong. I'm not backing you up on this one.
There is a line that shouldn't be crossed. I'm just disappointed that school districts are resorting to complete no-touch instead of figuring out the line.
They didn't do anything but swing a hand on their way past each other. It was common practice in that school among all students, girls and boys. More of a sign of affection, like a hug, than anythign esle. Only two boys were arrested for sexual assault and had to go to court when the entire school did the same thing. One of the options of the judge was to force them to register on the sex offender's list.
It's everywhere, Hopes. In Seattle there were those 13 year old boys who were arrested because they patted a couple girls on the butt. A practice that most kids in that school participated in.
It has become a "HANDS OFF" society. An over-reacting society. An over protective society. An overly sensitive society. Kids are told what to think, what to say, how to feel, what to do, how to act, how to think; it's never left up to the kids to figure out anymore.
You know what the results will be? In the next generations, the human brain will get smaller and smaller until it's the size of a tennis ball because there will be no use for it anymore. Kids will be programmed when small. There will be no more childhood.
It's called evolution.
A commonly accepted practice? Little boys smacking little girls on the behind?? Overly sensitive?? These guys turn out to be old dirty men in bars who know nothing of the concept of inappropriate.
A decade or so ago, I met a young man who had signed up to work for an NGO and see if he could spend a few years of his life doing some good. His agency sent him to somewhere in what had been Yugoslavia, where he was attached to a facility for displaced or homeless children. He was dumbstruck when he got there. The children were climbing all over him. When he would show them a picture book, they literally crawled all over him. When he walked somewhere, the children would accompany him, each one struggling to reach into the crowd and touch him somewhere as they walked, some of them being carried. These children had been raised in a culture where touching people is not taboo, and in their disrupted lives, it was touching that they missed most of all, and that brought them back to life.
At first, being a modern American male, he was very reluctant to put his hands on a child. But he soon learned that he could very freely hug and cuddle any child at any time, and they immediately blossomed in response to it. The monkey piles were chaotic, and he feared that his hands might land in inappropriate place, but he soon learned that that didn't matter at all---nobody noticed or paid any attention to it.
I wonder what we are doing to our children, depriving them of simple ordinary human touch. Teaching them to fear being touched.
A decade or so ago, I met a young man who had signed up to work for an NGO and see if he could spend a few years of his life doing some good. His agency sent him to somewhere in what had been Yugoslavia, where he was attached to a facility for displaced or homeless children. He was dumbstruck when he got there. The children were climbing all over him. When he would show them a picture book, they literally crawled all over him. When he walked somewhere, the children would accompany him, each one struggling to reach into the crowd and touch him somewhere as they walked, some of them being carried. These children had been raised in a culture where touching people is not taboo, and in their disrupted lives, it was touching that they missed most of all, and that brought them back to life.
At first, being a modern American male, he was very reluctant to put his hands on a child. But he soon learned that he could very freely hug and cuddle any child at any time, and they immediately blossomed in response to it. The monkey piles were chaotic, and he feared that his hands might land in inappropriate place, but he soon learned that that didn't matter at all---nobody noticed or paid any attention to it.
I wonder what we are doing to our children, depriving them of simple ordinary human touch. Teaching them to fear being touched.
Sad, but people won't realize what is happening until it's too late.
In our house we touch, we hug, we pat, we talk all the time. We use words that express what we need to express. We NEVER consider political correctedness; it's taboo. When my 15 year old daughter isn't feeling well, she still sits in my lap for comfort, and I rock her or just hold her.
My daughter hugs all her friends, some of whom have not been hugged in years. She says 'I love you' to them. Sometimes it takes her weeks of saying that before they begin saying it back, and always they say they aren't used to hearing those words and certainly not used to saying them. One of her friends has told her that the only time a person loves another person is when they get married. That's the only love there is (high school aged teen said that).
We've been running into parents going nuts when their kids say the word "stupid". Not about another person (i.e. you're stupid) but about an object, such as homework, being "stupid". Why is it a bad word? I keep hearing kids saying stuff like "oh shoot" or "darn it" (just a fancy way of saying that other word) all the time and their parents don't mind. So why the word "stupid"? Our child is only a toddler and we're starting to watch what we're saying around him. But "stupid" never crossed our minds as necessarily a bad word. What do you think?
The English language has taken a turn for the worse over the past few years. Bad means good, stupid means good, hot means sexy or good looking, how are children suppose to learn the true meaning of words any longer. I have heard kids in groups talking and half the time cannot figure out what in the world they are saying or referring to. They have their own language on the computer...which...by the way, if you go online to Dr. Phil's website, he will give you a list of all the computer jargon.
I too think that kids use far too much foul language and don't care who they toss it out around. In their defense, however, I have to tell you that in a conversation with my very own sister not too long ago, she tossed out the "f" word at least 15 times and we were just chatting. Her daughters are on facebook and they use this same kind of language on there..it was amazing to hear and see. I haven't said anything to her as yet about her "MOUTH" but my nature being what it is, I will.
The only way to keep our kids from sounding like oxy morons when they talk is to keep on them at home about their vocabulary and make them understand that it could all hurt them somewhere down the road. Foul talk on Facebook can and will eventually be detected by employers doing background checks on potential employees and has already been done in some cases so kids, be careful what you say and what you post on Facebook, My Space or Twitter...it will be checked and has been checked by college recruiters and employers.
Excuse me? There is no victim or game here, and I have no desire to try to get rid of you. You have just as much right to be here as I do. I was simply offended by your presumptuousness and chose to say so. End of story.
Does he just say "stupid" at home? Or other places too?
Can you control what he says when your not with him? Just saying he may figure that part out and just guard what he says when your around.
Not trying to be contradictory, just saying its really hard to control kids 100% of the time, especially when a good portion of that is spent in school away from us parents.
The kids figure out pretty fast thats the place they can get away with doing or saying the stuff they can't do at home and the school won't necessarily care if its not against school rules.
I knew a boy who got suspended for a day for calling a girl a bad word. The Principal expected the parents to make it clear this language was not acceptable. Okay, thats fine, but how do you keep him from saying it again? You can't. All you can do is teach WHY its not okay and not allow it to be said. But if the parent or the principal (in this case) isn't around, he could get away with saying it whenever he wanted (in theory) and for all I know he did, how would I know? You can't be around them 24/7 to make sure they don't say "whatever".
I totally understand your reasoning. I do, but trying to control a child who isn't home 24/7 is an act of futility, you can only hope they take your lessons to heart and stick to it even at school and when they are out playing, etc. Otherwise, the kid is pretty much going to say and act whatever way they want to around their friends and they do. They try to fit in and be cool and aren't anything like the kid you know at home. I've seen my kids when they don't know I can see them, and its like different people. I can say they seem much more relaxed and at ease since they don't have to feel so guarded about what they are doing and saying around each other. Parents can learn from their kids, as well.
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, and I rock her or just hold her.
