U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-31-2009, 04:20 PM
 
Location: Denver area
21,137 posts, read 22,107,592 times
Reputation: 35503

Advertisements

Another thing to consider - at some point you and your spouse will age and/or require care. I feel for the 'onlies" that have no one to share the responsibility of caring for their elderly parents. No one to share the decision making etc that needs to be done - and, as has been mentioned, no one to share the grief when the time comes. I understand that having siblings does not guarantee that sharing will take place but being an "only" pretty much guarantees it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-31-2009, 04:29 PM
 
5,748 posts, read 10,502,858 times
Reputation: 4494
My husband is an only, with parents who were also only children. I am one of two, my brother is gay and childless, and both of my parents were only children. Needless to say, our extended family is very small. My children complain often about their lack of cousins. From an adult perspective, as our parents have grown older and needed extra care and attention, it's added up to a lot of responsibility and perpetual exhaustion. It would so nice to share the load, but there's nobody else to help out.

edit: My brother does help out a great deal with my parents, but even so, it's a lot of work to care for both sets.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-31-2009, 04:32 PM
 
Location: Denver area
21,137 posts, read 22,107,592 times
Reputation: 35503
My thoughts exactly. My mother and aunt are going through this now with my grandmother. It is a lot of work, worry and decision making. I can't imagine how difficult it would be if my mom did not have her sister to help out......
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-31-2009, 04:35 PM
 
3,566 posts, read 4,490,175 times
Reputation: 1846
Quote:
Originally Posted by skchi View Post
I don't have any children, but my husband and I have been discussing it. He say that if we have children, he would prefer to only have 1.

We each have one sibling, so neither of knows what it's like to grow up as an only child. We both get along with our siblings.

Do any of you have opinions or experiences (bad and good) with having only 1 child?

I have one child.

The bad is that a good majority of his friends have brothers and sisters that are younger. This means, for him, they often tag along. He does not, at this age, grasp that those kids have to tag along. They have to play as well. They can't be excluded. This is dawning on him, but jeesh, it is drama in his world.

The good is that I don't have to prioritize one child's current needs at the expense of another. There are no arguments for equal distribution. We can afford to do things together that we may not be able to do if he had another sibling.

I think parenting is easier with one because if he is angry or hurt or confused or inquisitive then he can have my full attention. There is not another one who is competing for my attention. I'm perfectly happy with one and I think that at the moment he is as well.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-31-2009, 05:44 PM
 
758 posts, read 1,594,840 times
Reputation: 952
I as well would think the bigger problem might lie later on when the parents are gone. Can you imagine being an only child and having both your parents gone and being the only one in the family left? I would think that would be a scary thought. Sure they may have a spouse to turn to but not everyone gets married.

These are just my thoughts though, having 2 sisters and being very close to one of them anyway and my DH is close with his brother and sister, make me a little biased.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-31-2009, 06:41 PM
 
7,099 posts, read 23,889,158 times
Reputation: 7248
I am an Only. I had no problems with it except that I was my mother's only child. She needed at least six and maybe she wouldn't have smothered me so much. That's one problem with being an Only, it's easy to try to do tooooo much for the child. That's not good.

I was determined that I would have at least two. They are 17 months apart and I don't think that the oldest remembers being without a little brother to play with. It was great. It was harder having two young ones, but it paid off when they go older.

My husband comes from a large family. Lots of nieces and nephew. And frankly, they didn't all turn out well. His brothers and sisters argued a great deal. And their children carried on that particular family tradition. He saw as little as possible of his brothers and sisters. There's only one left now, and he still avoids her.

So, as you can tell, there are two sides to both coins. There is good and bad, happy and unhappy, you just can't say an Only Child is best, or not best. I like it that I don't have to worry about my family, just my own children. And I am very glad that I raised boys that like and enjoy each other's company.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-31-2009, 06:56 PM
 
1,091 posts, read 3,233,042 times
Reputation: 1039
Quote:
Originally Posted by skahar View Post
I as well would think the bigger problem might lie later on when the parents are gone. Can you imagine being an only child and having both your parents gone and being the only one in the family left? I would think that would be a scary thought. Sure they may have a spouse to turn to but not everyone gets married.

These are just my thoughts though, having 2 sisters and being very close to one of them anyway and my DH is close with his brother and sister, make me a little biased.

I can't stand the thought of leaving my son alone in the world with no one.
And we're such a small family. I don't have any cousins. My son doesn't have any cousins. It's very likely that he will eventually be the last member of this family left alive.

I will give him a way to contact his brother, my birthson, when I'm gone (or when it looks like I'll soon be going).
There's no guarantee that his brother will want contact with him, or vice versa, but it's worth a shot.
And it's all I have to offer.

Hopefully by the time I die, also, my son will be married, with a big extended family of in-laws, and lots of kids.
That is my hope.

Not that I intend to die for a long time. Fifty years, or more.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-31-2009, 07:19 PM
 
Location: here
24,469 posts, read 28,730,432 times
Reputation: 31039
I have 2, 2 years apart. I am so glad they have each other, not just to play with, but to be true companions. Now that I have 2, I can't imagine having only 1. It would be almost too quiet and boring I think.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-31-2009, 07:26 PM
 
1,986 posts, read 3,466,057 times
Reputation: 1288
Quote:
Originally Posted by Padgett2 View Post
...My husband comes from a large family. ... He saw as little as possible of his brothers and sisters. There's only one left now, and he still avoids her.
The difference is, only children don't have a choice. Those with siblings do.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-31-2009, 07:27 PM
 
Location: Sacramento
2,568 posts, read 5,838,497 times
Reputation: 1905
Quote:
Originally Posted by Padgett2 View Post
And I am very glad that I raised boys that like and enjoy each other's company.
That is it. Good parenting is needed to foster good sibling relationships. I know in my case favoritism did a lot of harm.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top