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What I ended up doing is hiring a cool guy at work, who works out, to be a 'personal trainer' for my son. He put my son on a healthy diet and began working with him. My son took the advice because it wasn't considered 'nagging' from me. So far, he has lost 20 pounds....with 60 more to go.
Fantastic idea! Teenage boys are very receptive to male mentors. I'm not sure the same would inspire a teen girl though.
I so understand what the OP is talking about. My older teen son was gaining so much weight. Whenever I mentioned it, he would get very self defensive (probably embarrassment) about the issue and I had no idea how to help him. What I ended up doing is hiring a cool guy at work, who works out, to be a 'personal trainer' for my son. He put my son on a healthy diet and began working with him. My son took the advice because it wasn't considered 'nagging' from me. So far, he has lost 20 pounds....with 60 more to go.
So, if you can find an outside person that your daughter would look up to or even want to emulate....maybe they could do what you can't do because you are too close to the situation.
If you don't intervene, the whole weight thing can certainly get out of hand and your child loses all their confidence and the ability to control their life. Being thin isn't the point, being heavier is just fine, but THEY have to be happy with how they look rather than feeling trapped in a body they hate.
This sounds excellent.
I tutored a high school boy when I was in college and I could get that kid to do things his parents couldn't. Like cleaning his room and having a clear desk to do home work on. Making his bed and so on.
So maybe getting a personal trainer would be a good way to build self esteme, go on a decent diet, loose weight.
I come from a family of overweight women. Some of them are obese, most are "chubby." For me, it's a constant struggle. I cannot eat things that are bad for me and I have to exercise constantly. I remember one summer, after my first boyfriend and I broke up, I gained about 20 pounds. My mom never said a word but would make up reasons for us to go to the pool, take a bike ride, go for walks, go hiking. I knew from a very early age that I was never going to be skinny. I could keep my weight down and be able to fit into cute clothes only by being careful about my lifestyle. After almost 2 months, I started to lose some of the weight and my mom made a big deal out of buying fresh fruit and salad fixings (claiming it was too hot to turn on the oven). Of course, I didn't realize it then, but I can see now that she was trying to help me. And she did.
I have friends whose parents were always harping on them about their weight. Those friends are well beyond screwed up about their body image and are always going on these fad diets to lose 50 pounds in a month before some big event.
I'll bet that your daughter's weight gain has more to do with the "emotional upheaval" that she has experienced rather than a medical issue like diabetes. Remember being a teenager? Everything is extreme...first loves, fighting with friends, someone calling you ugly, doing something embarassing in front of a group of people. The best thing you can do is not to say a word about her weight. She already is having problems outside of the family...she needs her family to love her and be a shelter. However, you CAN make an effort to do physical activities (disguised as one-on-one time) and not bring garbage to eat into the house. Summer is the perfect opportunity because there are great things to eat that are in season. Berries, watermelon, chicken on the BBQ, sun tea, etc. Just be ready for that moment when she says something that gives you a clue about what she's going through. Oh, and have some money ready to take her on a self-esteem shopping excursion. Take her to the MAC counter and have them do her makeup. Maybe take her to a nice hair salon and get a cute haircut. Buy her some clothes that look good on her. If she refuses to try on clothes, go for shoes. Teenage girls need to feel good about themselves on the outside too. You need to work on the inside first but be ready to help her on the outside when she's ready.
The young woman is 19, not 12. She should be left alone to deal with whatever stress she has and get on with her life.
Sounds like mom is worried about the girl's appearance more than she should be. Looks aren't so important that they take precedence over other things like the root of the young woman's anxiety.
I'm certain she will be faced with stress many, many times in her life and she needs to figure out on her own how to deal with it.
OP- When is the last time your DD had a physical? IMHO, just to be on the safe side, maybe suggest a trip to the doc is in order. Thyroid, diabetes, or other hormonal imbalances may be at play here. At any rate maybe she can talk to the doc and together they can determine her needs. Good luck.
What is her height/weight ? I ask because "fat' etc is relative. What are we dealing with here?
Sounds to me like she is uncomfortable with it herself so I say gently point it out & buy her workout videos etc. Say it from a "health" perspective not a "look good" one.
Good luck!
ps; Maybe purchase Dr. Phils books/DVDs etc? I believe he is the expert in this?
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