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Old 06-02-2009, 07:23 AM
 
758 posts, read 1,596,262 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NCyank View Post
She may own the phone but as parents we have management privileges for everything in our house. Removing the phone for a while as a punishment is not the same as taking it and selling it. I like for the punishment to fit the crime so if she isn't using the phone properly (or using it causes her to neglect things such as chores or homework) it certainly can be removed/restricted and if she is grounded on a major level the phone would be included.

You could also get creative...sure, the phone is hers but the electricity to charge the phone is yours.

I hope your MIL isn't telling your daughter that you are wrong to take the phone...undermining a parent's authority with their child has to be just as bad as 'taking' something they own....no???

No she doesn't tell my daughter these things, it was something that we were discussing on our own.

For those of you who do not believe it is right, what about presents they receive or things that they buy with gift money? Technically those things are their property but if we were not allowed to use those things as punishment then would there be anything left to use?
I am not talking about taking things away permanently, a grounding if you will.
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Old 06-02-2009, 07:24 AM
 
Location: Texas
42,272 posts, read 49,833,895 times
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I say that until they are financially supporting themselves, their stuff ain't their stuff.
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Old 06-02-2009, 07:27 AM
 
758 posts, read 1,596,262 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hypocore View Post
How old is said daughter and how does she get the money to pay for the phone?

If she's old enough to and has a job and then is paying for it from money earned outside the house, then no, I don't think it would be fair to leverage her phone against her.

However, if she is younger and/or has no job, then the money likely comes indirectly from the parents to pay for it, so it's not fully hers to call her own and it would be fair to use it for restrictions.

She is 15 and does babysitting jobs to pay for it.

I haven't had to take her phone I am using it as an example, same with 11 yr old sons toys. I don't see the difference between the two.
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Old 06-02-2009, 07:28 AM
 
Location: Denver area
21,144 posts, read 22,135,031 times
Reputation: 35604
Quote:
For those of you who do not believe it is right, what about presents they receive or things that they buy with gift money? Technically those things are their property but if we were not allowed to use those things as punishment then would there be anything left to use?
I am not talking about taking things away permanently, a grounding if you will.
Again, you are the parent and you get to decide what is appropriate. Your responsibility to raise them properly outweighs any percieved "rights" to toys, gadgets etc.
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Old 06-02-2009, 07:30 AM
 
467 posts, read 845,476 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
Whatever. The only reason this kid can pay for anything is because you pay for everything else in her life.

You are her parent, you are responsible for raising her properly, and you decide what she can and can't do.

Just bc she has paid for something does not mean she is entitled to use it inappropriately. By your mother-in-law's logic, if she bought herself a car, she should be able to do whatever she wants in it, go wherever she wants, race, demolition derby, run drugs...and you can't take it away. I don't think so.
Well actually if the car is solely in their name then yeah they can actually

At 15 I'd say she needs close guidance though.

Taking their stuff they paid for might make someone become sneaky, however, in some way. Like having a friend hold on to your item in question for you, in other words hide it (example).
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Old 06-02-2009, 07:37 AM
 
Location: Denver area
21,144 posts, read 22,135,031 times
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Quote:
Well actually if the car is solely in their name then yeah they can actually
Can a car even be solely owned by a minor?


Quote:
Taking their stuff they paid for might make someone become sneaky, however, in some way. Like having a friend hold on to your item in question for you, in other words hide it (example).
If your child is so defiant that they are doing this, then you've got bigger problems and concerns. JMHO
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Old 06-02-2009, 07:38 AM
 
Location: chicagoland
1,636 posts, read 3,657,673 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
Whatever. The only reason this kid can pay for anything is because you pay for everything else in her life.

You are her parent, you are responsible for raising her properly, and you decide what she can and can't do.

Just bc she has paid for something does not mean she is entitled to use it inappropriately. By your mother-in-law's logic, if she bought herself a car, she should be able to do whatever she wants in it, go wherever she wants, race, demolition derby, run drugs...and you can't take it away. I don't think so.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hypocore View Post
How old is said daughter and how does she get the money to pay for the phone?

If she's old enough to and has a job and then is paying for it from money earned outside the house, then no, I don't think it would be fair to leverage her phone against her.

However, if she is younger and/or has no job, then the money likely comes indirectly from the parents to pay for it, so it's not fully hers to call her own and it would be fair to use it for restrictions.

I agree. If you are paying her room and board, her grocery bill, doing her laundrey, and providing her clothing and transportation YOU ARE paying for the phone by "allowing" her to spend what money she does have on it.

And yes if she has a job it IS her phone but the above still applies. But if she is old enough and responsible enough to have job why is she having such problems where you would need to "punish" and take the phone away????
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Old 06-02-2009, 07:41 AM
 
467 posts, read 845,476 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
Can a car even be solely owned by a minor?

If your child is so defiant that they are doing this, then you've got bigger problems and concerns. JMHO
If the parents allow it, yes. I owned mine, but I had proved I was trustworthy and worked very hard for it.

and.. agreed or just stubborn
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Old 06-02-2009, 07:47 AM
 
Location: Denver area
21,144 posts, read 22,135,031 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrMom2 View Post
If the parents allow it, yes. I owned mine, but I had proved I was trustworthy and worked very hard for it.

and.. agreed or just stubborn
If you are young enough that the parents must give permission, then you are young enough that parents can withdraw that permission.

And one can be stubborn without being defiant and disrespectful of parents.
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Old 06-02-2009, 07:48 AM
 
467 posts, read 845,476 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
If you are young enough that the parents must give permission, then you are young enough that parents can withdraw that permission.

And one can be stubborn without being defiant and disrespectful of parents.
agreed
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