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Old 06-02-2009, 08:54 AM
 
467 posts, read 845,312 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948 View Post
she can buy a 9mm too or a bag of dope too. is that ok? its her money? she is not your roommate. the kids can move out and do the room mate thing if they want. parents are very uncomfortable being parents. causes lots of problems.
we're not talking about weapons and drugs are starting their own Cartel, just a silly phone and some toys lol ...sheesh.

mountain out of molehills not required
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Old 06-02-2009, 09:30 AM
 
758 posts, read 1,595,882 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
With teenagers you can tell them that you will not provide them a ride anywhere. You can tell them that they cannot have friends visit. You can make them solely responsible for some hated chore on a daily basis. You can tell them that they have to clean out the garage, basement, etc or do some other household project.

There are lots of things you can do without taking away stuff that they paid for.

Sure there are lots of things you can do besides taking their stuff, but what happens if they say they aren't going to do the chores, or have no plans for the weekend?

I'm not sure I see the difference in taking a favorite toy from an 8yr old that was misbehaving and taking a phone, ipod or whatever from a 15 yr old that was misbehaving. The toy they probably got as a gift or bought with gift money and the phone, ipod etc. they got with their own money, it's all still their property.
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Old 06-02-2009, 10:36 AM
 
Location: Right where I want to be.
4,507 posts, read 7,829,088 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skahar View Post
No she doesn't tell my daughter these things, it was something that we were discussing on our own.

For those of you who do not believe it is right, what about presents they receive or things that they buy with gift money? Technically those things are their property but if we were not allowed to use those things as punishment then would there be anything left to use?
I am not talking about taking things away permanently, a grounding if you will.
Glad to hear it. I didn't mean to be adding in something that wasn't stated but sometimes situations have multiple dimensions and a meddling MIL can cause all kinds of problems when they get between parents and the kids.

The way I see it, the kids may own just about whatever they want (and can buy, or receive as gifts, etc) but it's all under our jurisdiction. They can buy a video game, tv, phone, computer, car....but we get to regulate the usage as needed. Just because you own it doesn't mean you can stay up all night on the computer or spend the entire summer playing video games or be on the phone whenever you want or just drive to where ever, whenever you like. Once it's agreed that parents can regulate usage it's not at all a leap to be able to completely suspend privileges as a form of punishment. Again, I like the punishment to fit the crime so any punishments are in context of the offense committed (as much as is possible).
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Old 06-02-2009, 10:51 AM
 
8,938 posts, read 15,863,446 times
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exactly - when did this overwhelming concept of fair play come into place?

parents and children are not on equal standing

there should definitely be respect, but never forget who must drive the ship

as long as the child is dependent on the parents then they will have to abide by the parents request - this extends to the use and possession of property that they have the ability to purchase

what ever happened to being grounded?

if a kid pulls bad grades, gets into a fight at school, shows disrespect or any other type of punishable offense are you telling me that a parent couldn't restrict the use of their vehicle if the kid bought for and insures the vehicle with their own wages?

if your kid wanted to buy a product you didn't think was appropriate you'd green light it, because after all it's their money and why should I restrict their property rights?

it's little wonder kids have such an entitlement complex these days
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Old 06-02-2009, 10:52 AM
 
11,615 posts, read 19,729,031 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
Purchasing a car involves signing a contract. Minors cannot enter into a contract without parent/legal guardian involvement.
Why would buying a car be any more complicated that buying a book? They may not be able to enter into a finance agreement, but if they have cash, or receive a gift, I can't see any reason why they cannot own a car. I will ask my husband when he gets home. I owned my own car when I was 17.
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Old 06-02-2009, 10:53 AM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,033,856 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skahar View Post
Sure there are lots of things you can do besides taking their stuff, but what happens if they say they aren't going to do the chores, or have no plans for the weekend?
It's one thing to take something they own away until the chore is done. It's another thing to take something they own away for extremly long periods of time or forever. The only reason I can see to take something away forever is if the child is caught doing something illegal or dangerous with the item they own.
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Old 06-02-2009, 10:57 AM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,033,856 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
Why would buying a car be any more complicated that buying a book? They may not be able to enter into a finance agreement, but if they have cash, or receive a gift, I can't see any reason why they cannot own a car. I will ask my husband when he gets home. I owned my own car when I was 17.
Right. There is no contract when purchasing a car for cash.

Furthermore, even with a parent's signature, a minor can't take out a loan.

The law does not allow parents to put their minor children into debt.
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Old 06-02-2009, 11:01 AM
 
11,615 posts, read 19,729,031 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skahar View Post
Sure there are lots of things you can do besides taking their stuff, but what happens if they say they aren't going to do the chores, or have no plans for the weekend?

I'm not sure I see the difference in taking a favorite toy from an 8yr old that was misbehaving and taking a phone, ipod or whatever from a 15 yr old that was misbehaving. The toy they probably got as a gift or bought with gift money and the phone, ipod etc. they got with their own money, it's all still their property.

I never had my kids refuse to do chores that were assigned, whether they are normal household chores, or assigned by me because they irritated me. I reallly don't know what I would do, but my kids don't do that to us.

You can make the no transportation thing last as long as you want. It can last a month, or two months, or can be designed to refuse transportation to certain places. You have to get creative.

I stand somewhere in the middle on this. I wouldn't say NEVER take stuff away from them that they purchased. But I wouldn't use it as a regular run of the mill punishment either. I would reserve it for abuses of that thing or very serious issues, not as a run of the mill consequence for every little thing a kid did wrong.

Someone above mentioned that kids and parents are not on equal footing. I agree with this concept. The reason that I would not use this type of punishment frequently has more to do with respect, than being nice, or thinking the kids are equals. There is a fine line between being authoratative and authoritarian. I strive to be the latter but sometimes I fail.
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Old 06-02-2009, 11:06 AM
 
8,938 posts, read 15,863,446 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
Someone above mentioned that kids and parents are not on equal footing. I agree with this concept. The reason that I would not use this type of punishment frequently has more to do with respect, than being nice, or thinking the kids are equals. There is a fine line between being authoratative and authoritarian. I strive to be the latter but sometimes I fail.
definitely - respect is key and the old cliche of making the punishment fit the crime holds and that is definitely not easy

i believe the goal is to have kids act appropriately because they respect you, respect your household, respect the opportunities you are providing and that it is the right thing to do ............. not that they will be punished if caught

however, when they do decide to test the waters and see where the lines are drawn a parent shouldn't arbitrarily handcuff themselves by deeming areas as completely off limits
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Old 06-02-2009, 11:12 AM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,033,856 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
I never had my kids refuse to do chores that were assigned, whether they are normal household chores, or assigned by me because they irritated me. I reallly don't know what I would do, but my kids don't do that to us.
My mother never had a problem getting us to do chores either. If we started slacking on keeping our room clean, she'd give us fair warning by saying "you can't go anywhere until your room is clean." You'd be amazed how fast we cleaned our rooms. We weren't grounded. There were simply expectations we had to meet in order to maintain our freedom. She was fair about it too; she didn't wait until we were asking to go somewhere. Children lose the respect of their parents when they play an unfair power game. The parents might think their children respect them, but they are truly just counting the days until they can escape. It's possible to parent and punish without being unfair. It seems fewer and fewer parents understand how to do that.
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