U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 06-02-2009, 11:34 AM
 
11,614 posts, read 19,707,814 times
Reputation: 12043

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948 View Post
she can buy a 9mm too or a bag of dope too. is that ok? its her money? she is not your roommate. the kids can move out and do the room mate thing if they want. parents are very uncomfortable being parents. causes lots of problems.
This is crazy projecting. Allowing kids to make decisions is not an all or nothing proposition. Just because you allow them to buy a phone (or a certain pair of shoes, or a shirt) doesn't mean you would allow them to buy ANYTHING that they can afford.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 06-02-2009, 11:36 AM
 
11,614 posts, read 19,707,814 times
Reputation: 12043
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
Children lose the respect of their parents when they play an unfair power game. The parents might think their children respect them, but they are truly just counting the days until they can escape. It's possible to parent and punish without being unfair. It seems fewer and fewer parents understand how to do that.
Great post!!!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-02-2009, 11:50 AM
 
8,935 posts, read 15,847,848 times
Reputation: 6639
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
My mother never had a problem getting us to do chores either. If we started slacking on keeping our room clean, she'd give us fair warning by saying "you can't go anywhere until your room is clean." You'd be amazed how fast we cleaned our rooms. We weren't grounded. There were simply expectations we had to meet in order to maintain our freedom.
right on - i was in a youth bowling league on saturdays - started up around 11am

i had chores I needed to get done before I could go play - i knew what they were, I knew the expectation and I knew the resulting action if I chose to just lay around and watch cartoons all morning instead of spending some time knocking them down

with that my parents gave me the leeway of not setting me to a stringent time schedule - just get it done before you want to go do things
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-02-2009, 12:32 PM
 
Location: Upstate NY
1,289 posts, read 2,325,522 times
Reputation: 3689
If the kid payed for something his or herself then I think it should be off limits to you, especially if they're older. If either of my parents had taken away things that were mine, that I payed for, I would have been out the door pretty quick.

The only thing of mine that my mother kept in her possession were my rifles. She let me have them when I turned 18, but before then they were kept in a locked case in her room when they weren't in use and she was the only person with the key. She didn't take them as a form of punishment and at the time I completely understood why she kept them in her possession.

Last edited by Puru; 06-02-2009 at 12:42 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-02-2009, 12:54 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,103 posts, read 17,634,355 times
Reputation: 22429
I am sorry but my house and my rules regardless of who bought what .
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-02-2009, 01:19 PM
 
467 posts, read 844,765 times
Reputation: 223
Quote:
Originally Posted by Puru View Post
If the kid payed for something his or herself then I think it should be off limits to you, especially if they're older. If either of my parents had taken away things that were mine, that I payed for, I would have been out the door pretty quick.

The only thing of mine that my mother kept in her possession were my rifles. She let me have them when I turned 18, but before then they were kept in a locked case in her room when they weren't in use and she was the only person with the key. She didn't take them as a form of punishment and at the time I completely understood why she kept them in her possession.
I gotta say I was rebellious as a teen. Had my mom taken my cell, I'd have bought another phone or reported it lost and had it all transferred to a new phone and let her keep my old one. Or in some way had a spare phone to use.

I'd probably let her keep thinking that old one was "the" phone I used and keep the real one a secret, so if she wanted to keep taking it away, go for it, cuz thats not the phone I use anyway. I know.... BAD!!! lol
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-02-2009, 01:19 PM
 
758 posts, read 1,594,562 times
Reputation: 952
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
It's one thing to take something they own away until the chore is done. It's another thing to take something they own away for extremly long periods of time or forever. The only reason I can see to take something away forever is if the child is caught doing something illegal or dangerous with the item they own.

That's exactly what I am talking about. Not taking it forever, just grounding.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-02-2009, 01:29 PM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
34,526 posts, read 42,694,765 times
Reputation: 57174
Good for you making your children pay for things in order to have them. I would have no issue with confiscating those items as consequences of their actions. Let's say your daughter with the cell phone, was caught doing something wrong that involved the cell phone. Would anyone have a problem taking away the phone as punishment then? So why not take it away for any other infractions also?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-02-2009, 09:55 PM
 
Location: Upstate NY
1,289 posts, read 2,325,522 times
Reputation: 3689
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrMom2 View Post
I gotta say I was rebellious as a teen. Had my mom taken my cell, I'd have bought another phone or reported it lost and had it all transferred to a new phone and let her keep my old one. Or in some way had a spare phone to use.

I'd probably let her keep thinking that old one was "the" phone I used and keep the real one a secret, so if she wanted to keep taking it away, go for it, cuz thats not the phone I use anyway. I know.... BAD!!! lol
Yeah, I probably would've done the same thing or something similar. As I got older and my mother got wiser stunts like that were harder to pull. :/
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top