U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 06-02-2009, 08:49 AM
 
Location: Kansas
3,855 posts, read 11,461,611 times
Reputation: 1706

Advertisements

Quote:
Is is selfish for parents to smoke??
Yes.

But...there is a lesson that can be learned there.

My father smokes and has for nearly 50 years. I got to witness first hand what it did to his health. My grandfather also died of Emphysema well before I was born. Between that and all the anti-smoking advertisements growing up I was dead set on never taking a single drag on a cigarette. I take that back. I tried it once just to make sure it was as aweful as what I figured it was (science experiment). And it was....so I never once have even wanted to smoke.

I'm amazed when I see so many people that are my age that smoke. I just plain don't understand it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 06-02-2009, 08:49 AM
 
Location: chicagoland
1,636 posts, read 3,654,307 times
Reputation: 1061
Quote:
Originally Posted by deerislesmile View Post
Not to put down your concern, but it *IS* her choice to do what she does, and though you may not agree with her choice, I think you have to respect that she is an adult and able to make decisions for herself. There are plenty of things that most people *could* do to improve their health and likely prolong their lives, but I don't think that parents of grown children should be considered selfish if they choose otherwise. What if you and your siblings were staunch vegans and your mother ate red meat at every meal? If you felt that your mother should be increasing her physical activity to x hours per week?

I agree to a point. MY SISTER is the one who is extremely angry. I am not saying she is selfish. I am simply saying that I have expressed to her that I am really sad, scared and concerned. And she has acted as if she doesn't care.

I think EVERYONE can agree however that cigarettes ARE bad for you. You cannot say the same for NOT being a vegan.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-02-2009, 09:16 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,907 posts, read 34,973,454 times
Reputation: 42369
Quote:
Originally Posted by miasmommy View Post
I completely understand and respect that. But what if the children go to a parent and express great concern and practically beg the parent to stop something like smoking? What if the parent then refuses to stop dispite the children's concern?????
I don't know. You certainly have my sympathy. I am in the same boat as you with one of my uncles.

My husband struggled for years to quit smoking. He hasn't smoked in about three years, but he's quit before so I'm not sure whether it's forever this time. This is the longest he has ever quit, though, so I'm hopeful. I smoked for a year or so before i got pregnant with our son and promptly quit cold turkey. That was easy, so after he was born and bigger, I picked it back up, thinking I could quit again whenever I wanted. When I did decide to quit several months later, it was harder. My husband told me each time he quits is harder than the last time. Although I still crave one every now and then, that was enough to keep me from going back.

I think a lot of people don't quit because they don't think they can.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-02-2009, 09:22 AM
 
Location: chicagoland
1,636 posts, read 3,654,307 times
Reputation: 1061
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
I don't know. You certainly have my sympathy. I am in the same boat as you with one of my uncles.

My husband struggled for years to quit smoking. He hasn't smoked in about three years, but he's quit before so I'm not sure whether it's forever this time. This is the longest he has ever quit, though, so I'm hopeful. I smoked for a year or so before i got pregnant with our son and promptly quit cold turkey. That was easy, so after he was born and bigger, I picked it back up, thinking I could quit again whenever I wanted. When I did decide to quit several months later, it was harder. My husband told me each time he quits is harder than the last time. Although I still crave one every now and then, that was enough to keep me from going back.

I think a lot of people don't quit because they don't think they can.

You know what bothers me more than the fact that I would miss HER? The fact that this woman loves life. The fact that she lives for time with her grandchildren (one of whom lives so far away and she "can't" afford to take off work and vist since she and her husband spend over $100 week on cigarettes). If she was on her death bed BECAUSE of the cigarettes I know for a fact how much she would regret the decision to not even try and quit. It would break my heart to know that SHE wouldn't have been able to continue to live and love life and time with her grandchildren and family. No more afternoons with her daughters in the pool. No more gardening. No more late night talks to her highschool friends, no more taking the grandchildren to the children's museum. No more life but instead death from cigarettes.

She should at least try. She is punishing all of us but most of all herself. And WE will have to live with that NOT her.

Her mother (my grandmother whom I still haven't gotten over) died at 60 after a 6 year battle with lung/brain/bladder cancer. Her father died of lung cancer. Three aunts and uncles suffered the same way.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-02-2009, 09:24 AM
 
467 posts, read 844,864 times
Reputation: 223
on the fence about it. some people say its rude to eat in front of your kids too even when they said they weren't hungry. When do the rules stop?

Smoking in particular is unhealthy for everyone around the person doing it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-02-2009, 09:29 AM
 
2,466 posts, read 4,201,759 times
Reputation: 1300
Quote:
Originally Posted by miasmommy View Post
I agree to a point. MY SISTER is the one who is extremely angry. I am not saying she is selfish. I am simply saying that I have expressed to her that I am really sad, scared and concerned. And she has acted as if she doesn't care.

I think EVERYONE can agree however that cigarettes ARE bad for you. You cannot say the same for NOT being a vegan.
What right does your sister have to be angry at your mother when she is smoking herself? That is being very hypocritical of her. As a smoker herself she probably knows how addictive smoking is and just because she says she would quit when she has kids doesn't mean she will be able to when that time comes. If she is so concerned about your mom's health then she should be just as concerened about her own. Your mom could just as easily lose a daughter from the daughter's own smoking as you all can lose a mom from her smoking. Don't your kids deserve to have a healthy aunt also, not just a healthy grandmother?

You know they say when you point fingers three more are pointing back at you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-02-2009, 09:35 AM
 
Location: chicagoland
1,636 posts, read 3,654,307 times
Reputation: 1061
Quote:
Originally Posted by wyoquilter View Post
What right does your sister have to be angry at your mother when she is smoking herself? That is being very hypocritical of her. As a smoker herself she probably knows how addictive smoking is and just because she says she would quit when she has kids doesn't mean she will be able to when that time comes. If she is so concerned about your mom's health then she should be just as concerened about her own. Your mom could just as easily lose a daughter from the daughter's own smoking as you all can lose a mom from her smoking. Don't your kids deserve to have a healthy aunt also, not just a healthy grandmother?

You know they say when you point fingers three more are pointing back at you.

I agree. My sister has already started the process of quitting. When WE went to my mother about it my sister said she would quit with them. So did one of my brothers. My sister is standing by her word.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-02-2009, 03:30 PM
 
Location: in a house
3,574 posts, read 12,839,778 times
Reputation: 2332
Quote:
Originally Posted by miasmommy View Post
You know what bothers me more than the fact that I would miss HER? The fact that this woman loves life. The fact that she lives for time with her grandchildren (one of whom lives so far away and she "can't" afford to take off work and vist since she and her husband spend over $100 week on cigarettes). If she was on her death bed BECAUSE of the cigarettes I know for a fact how much she would regret the decision to not even try and quit. It would break my heart to know that SHE wouldn't have been able to continue to live and love life and time with her grandchildren and family. No more afternoons with her daughters in the pool. No more gardening. No more late night talks to her highschool friends, no more taking the grandchildren to the children's museum. No more life but instead death from cigarettes.

She should at least try. She is punishing all of us but most of all herself. And WE will have to live with that NOT her.

Her mother (my grandmother whom I still haven't gotten over) died at 60 after a 6 year battle with lung/brain/bladder cancer. Her father died of lung cancer. Three aunts and uncles suffered the same way.
I am a smoker who has had to make a conscious choice each day since November 16 1988 not to light up. I say that because I made a choice that morning not to buy a pack of Virginia Slims Light Menthol to enjoy during the day. That said - your parents are not going to stop smoking until they themselves decide to do it for THEMSELVES not for the children or the grandchildren. I wouldn't be surprised if your mother was afraid of what a physical exam would show, given her experiences with her own mother. They are both adults and in charge of their own lives. All you can do is love them both and not make any concessions to their habit. But you already know this - you have my sympathy, dear heart.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-02-2009, 03:54 PM
 
3,566 posts, read 4,490,175 times
Reputation: 1846
Quote:
Originally Posted by miasmommy View Post
I was talking to my sister (who smokes) about my mother and father who smoke. I had told her that I was concerned about my mother since she hasn't been for a checkup in over 21 years! She's been coughing much more and a few other things. I mentioned that it makes me sad that she smokes so much and that she probably won't be around to see my children grow up. My sister then said "yea, sounds pretty selfish. If I had kids I'd quit. Mom should defintitely quit."

So we approached my mother with the idea that my siblings try WITH my parents. We told her how much we want her around and especially my little girl who adores her already!

Her response was that she's going to die anyway, why not die happy. She also said that it's too late and she's too addicted. She said that her not quitting has nothing to do with being selfish.

What do you think? Is it selfish to smoke when you have children/grandchildren? Would you quit for your children/grandchildren? How would you approach your parents?
No, I do not believe that it is selfish. It is her problem that only she can try to resolve.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-02-2009, 09:21 PM
 
Location: chicagoland
1,636 posts, read 3,654,307 times
Reputation: 1061
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pandamonium View Post
No, I do not believe that it is selfish. It is her problem that only she can try to resolve.

I thought about a bit more and decided that you are right. It's HER problem. So I told her that I no longer was going to bring my baby IN her house. She can come over anytime she pleases and we will come by to hang in the yard or meet at the park. But no more sleepovers. Because gosh darn it, it's HER body and what she wants to do with it is up to her.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top