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Old 06-09-2009, 10:49 AM
ttz
 
Location: Western WA
677 posts, read 1,662,904 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scarmig View Post
Do you think the gangs would start turning our national parks into tobacco farms instead?
Yes that is exactly what would happen! For Nicotine is a DRUG...
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Old 06-09-2009, 10:51 AM
 
6,066 posts, read 15,005,436 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ttz View Post
Yes that is exactly what would happen! For Nicotine is a DRUG...
Hmm... I hadn't thought of that. But isn't tobacco harder to grow than pot? I dunno...
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Old 06-09-2009, 10:57 AM
ttz
 
Location: Western WA
677 posts, read 1,662,904 times
Reputation: 430
It's funny when topics like this come up, it's the smokers who get all defensive and argumentative. The OP has valid concerns. She loves her mother and does not want to see her die prematurely. She also does not want her children around this nasty addiction and the second hand smoke. Is that punishing the grandmother? NO! So what that she just started to put her foot down and not go over there? She is just doing what she should of done long before. I would never go to anyone's home to visit if they smoked inside. Even my own parents. Sorry! Cigarette smoke causes CANCER. It's nasty and it stinks. No offense but we don't want to die. If you want to die early go right ahead. If the grandmother wants to see her children and grand children she will smoke outside on her time. Slap a patch on or chain smoke a dozen before the family comes over if you have to. But if you care for yourself and your loved ones you will just quit and be healthy.
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Old 06-09-2009, 11:32 AM
 
Location: El Paso, TX
3,494 posts, read 4,536,497 times
Reputation: 3026
Quote:
Originally Posted by ttz View Post
It's funny when topics like this come up, it's the smokers who get all defensive and argumentative. The OP has valid concerns. She loves her mother and does not want to see her die prematurely. She also does not want her children around this nasty addiction and the second hand smoke. Is that punishing the grandmother? NO! So what that she just started to put her foot down and not go over there? She is just doing what she should of done long before. I would never go to anyone's home to visit if they smoked inside. Even my own parents. Sorry! Cigarette smoke causes CANCER. It's nasty and it stinks. No offense but we don't want to die. If you want to die early go right ahead. If the grandmother wants to see her children and grand children she will smoke outside on her time. Slap a patch on or chain smoke a dozen before the family comes over if you have to. But if you care for yourself and your loved ones you will just quit and be healthy.
My wife and I did tell my mother-in-law we could not have our daughter around her when she was smoking. She did not stop smoking for a while and we just saw her when she agreed not to smoke.
I am not a smoker, my point point is that the OP did give the impression of pulling a guilt trip on the mother. She got defensive. It is to be noted that anyone posting a personal issue for discussion leave him/her open for comments he or she may not like. OP writers posting personal problems/issues should have some thick skin because they may read things they may not like.

You have a great day.
El Amigo
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Old 06-09-2009, 12:00 PM
 
2,855 posts, read 10,399,250 times
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Yes its selfish.

My father-in law smokes but never in his own home. So we will visit there, but anyone who smokes in there home does not get a visit from us, even more so when with our children.

It's selfish in the sense that they are portraying that second hand smoke on US and our CHILDREN and robbing their grand kids of having their grandparent around longer, as this will cut their life expectancy.

Even worse are those parents i see smoking in the car while there kids are in the backseat, nothing more disgusting then that.
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Old 06-09-2009, 12:46 PM
 
Location: El Paso, TX
3,494 posts, read 4,536,497 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KH02 View Post
Yes its selfish.

My father-in law smokes but never in his own home. So we will visit there, but anyone who smokes in there home does not get a visit from us, even more so when with our children.

It's selfish in the sense that they are portraying that second hand smoke on US and our CHILDREN and robbing their grand kids of having their grandparent around longer, as this will cut their life expectancy.

Even worse are those parents i see smoking in the car while there kids are in the backseat, nothing more disgusting then that.
On the other side of the coin smokers can say it is selfish of others to expect or demand of them to give up what they like to do for what they may consider their children selish desire. It is pulling a guilt trip on them.

It not difficult to simply not smoke in front of kids when they are not around. It is not conducive to try to find a harmonious middle ground when someone is telling them "You are selfish because you will not be around my kids longer because you smoke".

Well, as I said before, a parent would probably also get a not so good response if he goes and tell his adult son "If you keep eating like that and keep all that weight I may live longer than you so you are selfish because I will not have my son around".
The principle is the same.

You have a great day.
El Amigo
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Old 02-28-2010, 01:42 PM
 
1 posts, read 946 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by frogandtoad View Post
If there are children actually living in the home, then yes, I think it's selfish b/c the child could end up with lung issues, asthma, etc. b/c of her decision. As the children are grown at this point, I don't think it's selfish. I think it's actually more selfish of you to try to dictate how your mother should act and try to control her, even if it means she might die earlier. If she's OK with that, it's her choice.

Plus isn't it kind of like being fat? Is it selfish for a mother to be fat? After all, a myriad of health issues comes along with that, and chances of dying young are much higher. So should children of fat parents tell their parents they are being selfish by being fat and tell them they need to lose weight?

Or junk food...is it selfish not to eat healthfully? To eat processed foods? To drink soda a lot? To not exercise?

I think the answer is different when small children are in the house. When the children are grown, it's up to the adult to decide for him/herself.

YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS!!!
Smoking is a terrible thing to do to a child, it is causing actual bodily damage and they have no say in it what-so-ever. My now wife, grew up with heavy smokers. I'm worried about her health and can't help but feel very angry at her parents.

Negatives:
Bronchitis
Emphysema
oxidative damage
premature aging

Positives:
None! (except perhaps some short-term socialising in some social club somewhere)
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Old 02-28-2010, 02:44 PM
 
Location: Australia
1,492 posts, read 3,223,784 times
Reputation: 1723
Personally I find smoking disgusting, smelly and I understand it kills you.

But I know people who have tried and tried and tried to give it up. Perhaps they are weak? But it is only killing them (unless they blowthat smoke at me).

We live at a time when it is trendy to force our position on others.

I am just thankful that I am not addicted to smoking as it seems to me that it is extreemly adictive.

So while it would be nice that no adults smoked around kids, I think that the trend is going in that direction, I do not think that we should condem those who just can't give it up.
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Old 02-28-2010, 03:27 PM
 
Location: Hawaii
1,689 posts, read 4,289,065 times
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Your mother is from another generation where we were taught it was glamorous to do. I think it would be selfish to keep on bothering your mother as it seems she knows how you feel.
Now days the schools teach about smoking; we didn't get the memo in my time.
Gentle reminders are good; drawing a line in the sand not good. Putting a guilt trip on her will only hurt the relationship. Please don't use the "grandchild card" as it is using your kids as a pawn.
I know this is an old post but if your mom hasn't seen a doctor in 21 years perhaps that is what should be concentrated on.
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Old 02-28-2010, 03:42 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,386 posts, read 35,431,289 times
Reputation: 14692
Quote:
Originally Posted by miasmommy View Post
I completely understand and respect that. But what if the children go to a parent and express great concern and practically beg the parent to stop something like smoking? What if the parent then refuses to stop dispite the children's concern?????
Given the children in question are adults, the parent has the right to do what she wants in her own home. I can see making the argument that a parent should not smoke around children but as long as they're not endangering anyone else, they have the right to do what they want.

Why draw the line at smoking? Why not tell her she shouldn't drink, eat sugar or red meat? Why not tell her she has to exercise 6 hours a week? Why pick one health issue to attack and not others?
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