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Old 06-03-2009, 07:39 PM
 
Location: Denver area
21,137 posts, read 22,112,687 times
Reputation: 35508

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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamom1 View Post
Newborns and toddlers are easy! Spend some time with TEENAGERS!! That may be just the thing you need to make a definate decision.
Meh - it's just different. And it's not like they are dropped on you overnight....that's why you spend time teaching them when they are younger to be the kind of person you'd like to be around when they are older....

As to the OP - I agree with everyone else who say's if you don't want them, please don't have them. It's a huge committment and responsibility. Having kids just to avoid dealing with nosey or intrusive relatives is not only selfish but it ultimately doesn't work -they will find even more reasons to be nosey/intrusive once kids are in the picture. Live the life YOU want to live - whatever that may be.
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Old 06-03-2009, 09:53 PM
 
Location: Rocket City, U.S.A.
1,806 posts, read 4,994,320 times
Reputation: 843
If you don't want to have children, don't.

Family needs to understand that this one is about you, not them. That isn't something you do for someone else...

You need to come right out with it and ask them to let it drop. Good luck.
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Old 06-03-2009, 11:28 PM
 
2,542 posts, read 5,821,348 times
Reputation: 2595
You obviously don't want children now, but it does kind of sound like you *might* want them in the future or at least realize you don't know how you will feel in the future. If your husband feels the same way, just come to an agreement that you will have another in-depth discussion about children in so many years (3? 5?). Then, if you must, you can tell your nosy relatives that you are happy now and you and your hubby open the discussion every once in a great while to make sure you are on the same page.

Personally, though, I would just tell them that they should butt out unless they want to partake in the actual making of the baby with the two of you!

BTW--you can always change your mind later if you do want a child. You can't change your mind once you have one!
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Old 06-03-2009, 11:36 PM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,711,508 times
Reputation: 22158
People who don't want kids should obviously not have them.

I also think it's terrible to have them just so someone will take care of you when you get old. People who do that deserve it when their kids don't come by to see them. People who have children for the right reason will be loved by their children and they will visit.
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Old 06-04-2009, 06:05 AM
 
Location: NE Oklahoma
1,036 posts, read 2,578,850 times
Reputation: 1080
If I thought I didn't want children then I wouldn't have them. A baby isn't something you can change your mind about once it is here. SO just say NO!. Tell them you are working on it and just do what you want to do. If they continue to pressure you further then you can feel free to tell them to butt out. I would. This isn't 100 years ago when people needed a huge family or even 3-4 kids to help work the family farm. Don't feel bad if you don't want kids. It is your life and it isn't selfish to want to live in a manner you are happy with.
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Old 06-04-2009, 06:48 AM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 65,265,344 times
Reputation: 22271
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamom1 View Post
Newborns and toddlers are easy! Spend some time with TEENAGERS!! That may be just the thing you need to make a definate decision.
LOL! Well, I was thinking . . . the warm, fuzzy stage would be where to start, since that is where we actually do begin w/ having our children in our lives. Those years when we are nurturing, teaching, and imprinting are so rewarding.

Just wanted to mention, tho . . . not all kids are difficult as teens. My son wasn't at all rebellious or difficult and many of my friends have had the joy (gratefully!!!!) of having kids who have not been difficult at all in their teen years. Other than things like speeding tickets and some less than stellar grades on occasion . . . no drug problems, rebellion, broken curfews, disrespect, etc. That may be the exception, LOL, but indeed - not every kid is a rebellious teen (or college student, for that matter).
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Old 06-04-2009, 08:10 AM
 
Location: somewhere
4,264 posts, read 7,931,569 times
Reputation: 3129
I agree with the majority on here in that you should never have kids because you are being pressured. Having a child is a decision to be made by you and your husband. That being said, I would never trade my kids for any amount of money. Having kids is a huge sacrifice but to me it was worth it. Do what you want to do and what makes you happy, not what makes your family happy.
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Old 06-04-2009, 10:46 AM
 
2,542 posts, read 5,821,348 times
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If you wanted to be evil...the next time someone brings it up at a family gathering, burst into tears and start blubbering about how the doctor says you can't have children and all the family's badgering just makes it worse. Okay, okay, not the best route, but it would be fun to see their reactions!
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Old 06-04-2009, 02:59 PM
 
Location: Mountains of middle TN
5,232 posts, read 13,556,847 times
Reputation: 6011
I think what's not fair is having kids you don't want because other people expect it of you.

My mother convinced me that having children is a Leave it to Beaver episode and life wasn't complete without them. I have 5. I love them and would give anything for them, but I've never enjoyed being a mother. Later when my mom and I talked honestly about it she said she felt the same way, but didn't want people to know because they'd say she's selfish.

So be it. If I'm selfish, fine. I don't like having to spend all of my money on clothes and formula and diapers when they're babies and sports equipment and outings and name brand clothing when they're teens. I don't like having to pre-plan every single movement to make sure I've packed everything they'll need or to get babysitters just to run to town. I like my freedom.

It's not so bad now that they're older. 3 have moved out and are on their own. The two girls are in high school. They're all good kids. I enjoy being around them now more than when they were little. But if I could go back and do it again, I'd get a puppy.

I also won't continue the lies that my mother did with me. I've been very open and honest with my kids about my feelings. They know I love them and they know I'd defend them to the death. They find it entertaining that mom can go from snuggly little kitty cat to wild tigress in the blink of an eye when it comes to protecting them. But they also know how very hard motherhood is and how ungrateful a job it usually is and that if they decide to raise a puppy instead of a child, not only am I all for it, I greatly support it.
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Old 06-04-2009, 05:05 PM
 
Location: Santa Barbara
1,474 posts, read 2,585,630 times
Reputation: 942
Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyme4878 View Post
If you wanted to be evil...the next time someone brings it up at a family gathering, burst into tears and start blubbering about how the doctor says you can't have children and all the family's badgering just makes it worse. Okay, okay, not the best route, but it would be fun to see their reactions!
Ok, I admit, I have done something like this. I didn't cry, but I got real quiet and told them I am unable to have kids. I didn't tell them it was because I had my tubes tied .
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