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You didn't give us any insight as to your age! Wish you had!
If you are under 35, you still have time to make up your minds about having children. The worst reason in the world to have children would be b/c you felt pressured into doing it. I have several friends who are childless-by-choice. They are terrific aunts and uncles, but this was just not something they envisioned for themselves.
Have kids when you get the urge to create a family. It changes everything! If you are not sure about it, then don't do it. But if you think the clock is ticking and you need to make a decision . . . why don't you spend some time w/ friends who have newborns or toddlers and think about how you would be handling the situations that occur while you are together . . . how it would feel if that were your child. Spend some time really trying to envision what it would be like to feel the most overwhelming sense of love and desire to protect/nurture than is possible . . . to WANT to shape your world so it includes a child you will raise.
There are a million reasons NOT to create a family. There is only one good reason: b/c you want to be a parent - you want to share your life w/ someone who will rely on your judgement and guidance as they mature - and will continue to be an integral part of your life as long as you are alive.
Until you are sure about wanting that in your life . . . just smile when family asks about your time table for having children. Or you can do what one of my friends did: tell family members you are "working on it." And just leave it at that.
I personally think that you are very wise to not rush into having a family.
I am an extremely nuturing person, and wanted lots of kids. Always pictured myself as a mom, and couldn't imagine not being one. That's me. Now my 17 year old daughter claims she never wants kids (okay, she's young, could change her mind.) BUT -- if she never does have kids, that's fine with me. I would NEVER pressure her into having kids if she doesn't want them.
This is your and your husband's decision. Don't let ANYONE else talk you into it. Enjoy your life, and don't worry about being 75. A lot of parents have kids who move across country and they never get visitors when they're 75 either. Don't let that be the defining moment for you. You have to put up with an awful lot to have those visitors. If it's not for you, it's not for you, and that's no one's business but yours.
You could have a bunch of kids and still have no one visiting you in a hospital bed. Go to any nursing home and ask the residents how often their kids visit. My mom was in one and it was heartbreaking how many kids ignored their parents.
It is a personal decision. My husband and I have been married close to 20 years and do not have kids. It is something we NEVER regret. Other people may not be happy with no children. It does sound like your mind is made up so go with what YOU want (and your husband of course).
That is, sadly, oh-so-true. Having children is no guarantee that your kids will be there for you. Parenting is something we do b/c children are dependent until 18. What they decide to do with their lives after that (and how they decide to interact with you) . . . there are simply no guarantees about that!
Your advice is so true . . . it is a very personal decision. The couples we know who decided not to have children relay that they have never regretted the decision. Every situation is different.
Two years ago my husband wanted a dog. I refused, never been a dog person. I finally caved in and we got a 8 week old puppy. He's now 1 year old and I could never imagine not having him. He's the best thing that's happened and the dog and I have a very special bond. We loved him so much that we got a second. If you had told me 4 years ago that I would have a dog, I would have laughed. My sister says that's what would happen if we had a child. She said that the love that I would feel for the child would be 10 times more than the love I feel for the dog. That statement definetely made me think on the positive side of having a child. I'm 29 and do have a few more years to decide.
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Originally Posted by breji
Two years ago my husband wanted a dog. I refused, never been a dog person. I finally caved in and we got a 8 week old puppy. He's now 1 year old and I could never imagine not having him. He's the best thing that's happened and the dog and I have a very special bond. We loved him so much that we got a second. If you had told me 4 years ago that I would have a dog, I would have laughed. My sister says that's what would happen if we had a child. She said that the love that I would feel for the child would be 10 times more than the love I feel for the dog. That statement definetely made me think on the positive side of having a child. I'm 29 and do have a few more years to decide.
Well, your sister is right about the dogs. They will very suddenly be playing 16th or 17th fiddle to the baby. That's what it was like for our dog anyway. He's a trained hunter and my wife used to think it was her job to spoil my very well disciplined dog rotten (made me so mad). Once she got a baby in her arms I got my dog back.
How long have you been married? We were married for almost 8 years before our dd was born. The first few years of marriage were great but after a while it got boring. Now with kids our lives are never boring. Of course that is not a reason to have children. Let your life run its course if children are meant to be part of your life then at some point you will have them. You may get baby fever or you may have an oops. As it stands right now and based on your comments it sounds like you are not ready.
Well, your sister is right about the dogs. They will very suddenly be playing 16th or 17th fiddle to the baby. That's what it was like for our dog anyway. He's a trained hunter and my wife used to think it was her job to spoil my very well disciplined dog rotten (made me so mad). Once she got a baby in her arms I got my dog back.
Our Suzie was spoiled rotten before kids now she is lucky if we remember to feed her.
Two years ago my husband wanted a dog. I refused, never been a dog person. I finally caved in and we got a 8 week old puppy. He's now 1 year old and I could never imagine not having him. He's the best thing that's happened and the dog and I have a very special bond. We loved him so much that we got a second. If you had told me 4 years ago that I would have a dog, I would have laughed. My sister says that's what would happen if we had a child. She said that the love that I would feel for the child would be 10 times more than the love I feel for the dog. That statement definetely made me think on the positive side of having a child. I'm 29 and do have a few more years to decide.
I didn't want a dog and we got one and honestly I wish we didn't have a dog. I mean, he's nice and all, but I don't want him under my feet all the time, i don't want his muddy paws everywhere, I don't want to sit there looking at him thinking I should really take him for a hike. I knew I didn't want a dog but I caved. I'm a cat person. I love our cat. I knew I would. So don't assume you'll come around.
Now, a baby is not a dog. So...if you suddenly got pregnant by mistake, and had a baby, I would be willing to bet you would love that child like you would not think possible. But unless it's a surprise baby, do what YOU want. And you're 29 for goodness sake! You have YEARS to decide. Most women I know weren't even married by 29! There's no rush. You could always have a baby at 43 (and if you couldn't have one biologically you could adopt one at 43). You have literally at least 15 more years to decide. Think about how much you've changed in the last 15 years--you were 14 years old 15 years ago! Do you still want the same things you wanted when you were 14? I doubt it!
Take your time. You have lots of it. And don't do it if you don't want to. You have to be ready, not only for a healthy child you'll raise for 18+ years but also for the possibility of a child with minor or major health issues. You need to be in a place where you can provide for your child, no matter who s/he is.
. . . why don't you spend some time w/ friends who have newborns or toddlers and think about how you would be handling the situations that occur while you are together . . .
Newborns and toddlers are easy! Spend some time with TEENAGERS!! That may be just the thing you need to make a definate decision.
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