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Old 06-04-2009, 09:11 AM
 
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These are just personality traits. It would probably be somone's dream - to have medications for all possible "deviations" from the "ideal" human (ideal in America) - talkative, social, suave, networking-loving, the heart of the party etc. (By the way, if everyone is the heart of the party, who is going to be the audience?)

Social anxiety happens, and those people usually choose lonesome professions - scientists, writers, even farmers - and as long as they are happy and productive in a different way - what is the problem? Not everyone is carved out for salesmanship.

I'm probably taking it far in the future, but personality traits start from childhood. Many parents of autistic or ADD children are unhappy to resort to medications, even, but if we go into medicating something as small as social anxiety - ?

My son has, what I consider, secondary autistic symptoms - but not primary ones. (Primary ones being not having eye contact and not social, - he doesn't have that). But, while sweet at home and one on one, he gets owerwhelmed in crowds (doctors' offices, swimming pools) - he gets restless and walks/lays on the floor/bothers you non-stop. He's 4. In his pre-school, he would go away from organized activities and play with his cars - no sulking though, but still he preferred to remove himself. Am I wondering how he will manage school? - you bet. Am I going to medicate him? - No. Some kids are painfully shy, should we medicate them? Some kids are loners, should we medicate them? School is a place where kids get exposed to difference in personalities, as training for the future world.
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Old 06-04-2009, 09:18 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
Thanks for that info. My grandmother and I both have a certain amount of anxiety around people, but nothing that has been officially diagnosed. I do ok once I get to know people. Was your DD put on meds, or anything, or therapy? Do you think it could have been diagnosed earlier?
I think that you are making assumptions very soon and without using other variables. The fact is that your son DOES interact with OTHER children (who just happen to be older). Just b/c they are not his AGE does NOT necessarily mean that the is anti-social b/c he doesn't care for a playgroup you take him to & he needs to be medicated & taken to therapy! Nothing is expected of him when he is playing with his brother. When he goes to playgroup, something is expected of him; he doesn't want to do it, so he walks away. Doesn't mean he is anti-social.

He is 3yrs old & just starting to understand the concept of interactive play with others; sharing; proper communication; self-control & the list goes on.

What has he told you when you ask him why he wants to go home or why he is not deciding to play with other children? By 3, he should be able to communicate with you fairly well & simplistically what is bothering him.

Or, he just not might like playgroups. My 3 1/2yr old struggles with playgroups b/c of the overstimulation of so many kids with many options (toys in particualr) without a sense of organization. So, I've just figured out other means to help him learn the necessary socialization skills in life rather than continually placing him in an environemnt that does not work for him. He is in a Tot & Parent class once a week & an ORGANIZED playgroup once a month. I think that is enough for a 3yr old. We also do things like the library, park, zoo with family & he sees other kids & talks to them or doesn't talk to them.

Personally,I think half the times parents take their children to playgroups it's based on obligation & the thought process of "If my child doesn't interact with every 3yr old right now he is going to grow up to be institutionalized". I don't even think kids have that much fun...there's too much noise; too much overstimulation & too much disorganzation. Parents are forcing an environment on their children based on assumptions rather than what works best for their child.

A typical 3yr olds ability to handle independent play & situtations such as playgroups is not that long. 3yr olds are still working at this age to figure out how to communicate with one another.

9 months of him being unhappy should be a sign to move on.

There are several, several other options (library, park, art classes, music classes) to provide your son so that he gets the appropriate social interaction in a manner that works for him that may not entail therapy & medication.

Do not pass on your worries based on your past issues to your son. As parents, many times we do that & start a problem that wasn't even there to begin with...

Switch things up & try new things.

(I am not saying that toddlers cannot be professionally diagnosed with social anxiety issues; they can. But it's like the ADHD debate...the first time a parent sees their child hyper they assume he/she is ADHD & things spiral out of control when in fact the child just needed different variables & TIME).

Labeling toddlers can be very harming & needs to be approached very slowly & gently.

If your son was 5,6,7..then I would start to question the behavior. 3 is very young & your expectation level may just be too high.

Last edited by 121804; 06-04-2009 at 09:39 AM..
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Old 06-04-2009, 09:51 AM
 
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I agree with a lot of the pp. The playgroup may be too much stimulation for him. It may be too large of a group. He may enjoy the company of older kids more then those of his same age. He may be an introvert and just enjoy one to one relationships more then large groups. The personalities in the group might not be a good fit. He may be more of an observer and one who likes to take everything in before he acts. His behavior sounds perfectly normal and I definitely don't think that it's anything to worry about.
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Old 06-04-2009, 12:04 PM
 
Location: here
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I DID NOT say I want to medicate my son! I simply asked a specific poster about her daughter's specific case. There ARE meds for social anxiety. Don't read into my questions. I'm just gathering info.

I am concerned about how he'll do in preschool in the fall. If he doesn't like the playgroup, he may have issues in the classroom too.

He does ok in play group for about 30 minutes, then he either wants to leave, or goes off by himself. I don't want to jump the gun on anything, but I don't want to miss or dismiss signs that something might be wrong either. I'll just watch him for the next year or 2 to see if anything changes. I'm just trying to be proactive so I don't miss anything, or ignore it hoping it will go away.
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Old 06-04-2009, 01:17 PM
 
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Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post

I am concerned about how he'll do in preschool in the fall. If he doesn't like the playgroup, he may have issues in the classroom too.

He does ok in play group for about 30 minutes, then he either wants to leave, or goes off by himself. .
He's 3!!! I am sure you understand that the attention span of a toddler is not that of an adult or older sibling.

And he does like playgroup. He just loses interest or wants to go on to another activity after some time.

How long is the playgroup? And how long are you expecting him to stay fully engaged with other children?

Not sure what you are expecting from him, but from the posts, sounds like his behavior is age-appropriate & extremely normal.
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Old 06-04-2009, 01:28 PM
 
Location: here
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Originally Posted by 121804 View Post
He's 3!!! I am sure you understand that the attention span of a toddler is not that of an adult or older sibling.

And he does like playgroup. He just loses interest or wants to go on to another activity after some time.

How long is the playgroup? And how long are you expecting him to stay fully engaged with other children?

Not sure what you are expecting from him, but from the posts, sounds like his behavior is age-appropriate & extremely normal.
We usually stay at play group for about 60-90 minutes. We are usually at a park, or someplace where he can change activities when he wants. I know all kids are different, but I have noticed that the other kids his same age don't seem to act like this.
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Old 06-04-2009, 02:05 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
We usually stay at play group for about 60-90 minutes. We are usually at a park, or someplace where he can change activities when he wants. I know all kids are different, but I have noticed that the other kids his same age don't seem to act like this.
I know it's really, really hard not to compare YOUR child to all the others...but YOUR child is not everyone elses...so, the comparisions not only go no where but can bring on paranoia to the parent. "Why is Johnny this way if all the other 30 are THAT way".

Again, he is 3. If he was 6 and not interacting AT ALL & walking away for months...there could be an issue.

But, your child interacts with his sibling. He interacts with other children.

I walked down this road several months ago to find out what a waste of time it was & how it took away from who my son is & my relationship with him. By the time I was done with my analyzing, he was every thing in the child psychology book & then some...

30 mins of playgroup is a long time. He's done. And his actions are telling you that he is done. So, some kids can play for 45 mins. Super. Bet their parents are wondering why their kids don't play for 60 mins.

Stop the comparision & just enjoy who he is at this age. That's what he needs.
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Old 06-04-2009, 08:31 PM
 
Location: here
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 121804 View Post
I know it's really, really hard not to compare YOUR child to all the others...but YOUR child is not everyone elses...so, the comparisions not only go no where but can bring on paranoia to the parent. "Why is Johnny this way if all the other 30 are THAT way".

Again, he is 3. If he was 6 and not interacting AT ALL & walking away for months...there could be an issue.

But, your child interacts with his sibling. He interacts with other children.

I walked down this road several months ago to find out what a waste of time it was & how it took away from who my son is & my relationship with him. By the time I was done with my analyzing, he was every thing in the child psychology book & then some...

30 mins of playgroup is a long time. He's done. And his actions are telling you that he is done. So, some kids can play for 45 mins. Super. Bet their parents are wondering why their kids don't play for 60 mins.

Stop the comparision & just enjoy who he is at this age. That's what he needs.
We'll see how he does in school in the fall. Meanwhile, maybe I will limit the time we spend with his playgroup.
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Old 06-04-2009, 08:53 PM
 
Location: NYC
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I think it's important to have patience and to remember that children mature and gain confidence at different rates. My son, who's now 5, has had some similar issues, so I think I can understand where you're coming from. Last year he was in pre-K, and a social worker who came to observe another child alerted us that there might be concerns with him, but we decided not to have him put under a microscope.

A year later, he's in kindergarten in another public school (we moved, lease was up) and is now separated from his twin sister, with whom he gets on fine with, normally, and we're told he's all sunshine and light. I think we were right to take it slow ... of course, every situation is different.

Best of luck ... and try not to worry too much! Kids notice that, no doubt.
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Old 06-04-2009, 09:15 PM
 
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rkb0305, I do think she could have been helped earlier. My daughter was put on meds at the age of 15 and you must try many before finding one that works. She has been getting therapy since she was about 13, but her first therapist missed the diagnosis. It's not until she tried self harm that we found out that she suffered from anxiety disorder. Her dad is diagnosed as uni-polar and I did not find this out until last December when he had no desire to live and had to be hospitalized for about 6 weeks. So some of this is inherited, he never shared his disorder with me. Although, I sensed a couple years later that something wasn't right.

My advice stands, watch the behavior and once the child is about six years and able to hold a conversation--seek help. Even its temporary, try all avenues to give him the best life.
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