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Old 06-04-2009, 10:20 PM
 
Location: Sacramento
2,568 posts, read 5,847,768 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
My hope was for him to make his own friends, not just cling to his brother's friends, and to get him ready for preschool. We do all kinds of things together with all different numbers of people. He just seems happier when bro is around no matter what the setting.
He is too young to make friends.

Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
Thanks for that info. My grandmother and I both have a certain amount of anxiety around people, but nothing that has been officially diagnosed. I do ok once I get to know people. Was your DD put on meds, or anything, or therapy? Do you think it could have been diagnosed earlier?
Do not use medication unless it impairs his ability to carry on normal daily functions. They have way too many side effects.

Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
I am concerned about how he'll do in preschool in the fall. If he doesn't like the playgroup, he may have issues in the classroom too.
That is what preschool is for to teach him socialization, how to listen to teachers, how to participate in organized activities, etc...

Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
I know all kids are different, but I have noticed that the other kids his same age don't seem to act like this.
I bet you if I saw your kid I would think he was completely normal.

Now let me tell you about my 4yo. She is my oldest so I started taking her to play groups when she was a baby. I finally gave up because I thought it was a waste of time to have her sit on my lap the whole time.
The day of the open house at her pre-school the teacher sat all the kids on a table with a cookie so he could talk to the parents about the rules and other stuff. My dd sat with her head drooping down the whole time. Very disturbing. I did my best to prepare her for her first day of pre-school. I got her a watch and told her that mommy couldn't stay and that I would be back a 11. She also happened to watch a Dora episode about the first day of school. So the big day arrived and I expected a lot of tears and "mommy don't go". Boy was I in for a shock. She went straight for he cubby to put her back pack. Then after a couple of minutes of me saying goodbye she finally told me to "go away".
She continues to be shy and doesn't talk at school but she loves it.
Things that are easy for other kids have just taken longer for my dd. Because of her shyness at first she wouldn't eat snack. She also had accidents because she didn't want to go to the bathroom.
She started in August and finally in May her teacher told me that she finally participates in songs and dances at school.
I don't expect her to ever be a public speaker but she'll find something that makes her happy in life.
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Old 06-04-2009, 11:07 PM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,800,745 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
My 3 1/2 year old son is in a play group with others his age about once every other week. While the other kids are playing and having fun, he often starts acting very moody, pouty, or goes off to a corner by himself, or tells me he wants to go home. There are usually about 6-10 kids there, boys and girls. He has an older brother, almost 6, and he seems more comfortable and outgoing when big brother is there, and around big bro's friends. We have been attending this group for about 9 months now. What do you think? Could this be a phase? just his age? maybe he's just a loaner type, and I shouldn't push it?
It is very frustrating!
Some people by nature abhor groups. He may be on the asocial side.

There are kids whose nervous system wiring can't handle overload. It doesn't benefit them to stress them and make them miserable. If he's happy in a situation with no other kids or 1 or 2 other kids then I'd arrange that for him.

In my opinion, there's not much you can do about innate qualities, an introvert doesn't get over shyness being pushed and made miserable.
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Old 06-04-2009, 11:17 PM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,800,745 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
I DID NOT say I want to medicate my son! I simply asked a specific poster about her daughter's specific case. There ARE meds for social anxiety. Don't read into my questions. I'm just gathering info.

I am concerned about how he'll do in preschool in the fall. If he doesn't like the playgroup, he may have issues in the classroom too.

He does ok in play group for about 30 minutes, then he either wants to leave, or goes off by himself. I don't want to jump the gun on anything, but I don't want to miss or dismiss signs that something might be wrong either. I'll just watch him for the next year or 2 to see if anything changes. I'm just trying to be proactive so I don't miss anything, or ignore it hoping it will go away.
I'd be very careful with the thinking that individual differences are a sign there's something wrong.

I have one son who was a very easy going child, always happy, but very much a loner. He had no friends at all until he was 15 years old. He never wanted friends. He would work away for hours at his "projects" taking things apart, building things from pieces of other things, "inventing", mixing stuff together.

In a crowd, he'd actually start acting odd, running around like a wild animal, misbehaving, even having a wild eyed look. In family get togethers, he never played with cousins while his siblings did, but he would play at the edge in his own world. As long as he wasn't forced into social situations, he was happy, quiet, inquisitive.

When he reached 15, he began to have some social needs and made a few friends. He's in college now, has something of a social life, but with a few good friends, no crowds. Some big advantages to a kid like this is they are too asocial to feel peer pressure. They live their own lives, care little what others think, aren't easily talked into drugs or drinking.

Your son is very young, he will outgrow his social indifference in his own time or maybe he'll go through life never wanting to be part of a big crowd. It's okay to be a bit unique or individualistic.
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Old 06-05-2009, 09:23 AM
 
4,218 posts, read 7,866,654 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
In a crowd, he'd actually start acting odd, running around like a wild animal, misbehaving, even having a wild eyed look. In family get togethers, he never played with cousins while his siblings did, but he would play at the edge in his own world. As long as he wasn't forced into social situations, he was happy, quiet, inquisitive.
Ah! This is my son. This is the behavior I was stumped with at first, until I figured out - it's just his personality. No admonishing/embarassment/guilt would help. Now, I try to minimize his being overwhelmed in crowds - by holding him closer and saying to him, "Concentrate on me, it's just us, don't pay attention to people around, it's just you and me" etc etc. It helps, he calms down significantly.

Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
Some big advantages to a kid like this is they are too asocial to feel peer pressure. They live their own lives, care little what others think, aren't easily talked into drugs or drinking.
This is a wonderful observation - my husband is this way - never felt peer pressure all his life (our son is his copy). Always blazed his own path. He's been free him from many shortcomings we usually fall to, socially, and then spend years trying to free ourselves from those constraints, - and call that "acquired wisdom".

Last edited by nuala; 06-05-2009 at 09:31 AM..
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Old 06-05-2009, 09:50 PM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,800,745 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nuala View Post
Ah! This is my son. This is the behavior I was stumped with at first, until I figured out - it's just his personality. No admonishing/embarassment/guilt would help. Now, I try to minimize his being overwhelmed in crowds - by holding him closer and saying to him, "Concentrate on me, it's just us, don't pay attention to people around, it's just you and me" etc etc. It helps, he calms down significantly.



This is a wonderful observation - my husband is this way - never felt peer pressure all his life (our son is his copy). Always blazed his own path. He's been free him from many shortcomings we usually fall to, socially, and then spend years trying to free ourselves from those constraints, - and call that "acquired wisdom".

They are normal, but they aren't "cookie cutter" kids. To me kids like that are easier to raise, they're happy alone, don't have to have constant outside stimulation, they aren't bored, always finding little projects, staying busy, happy with their own company.

I don't think pushing them socially does anything but bring unhappiness, I think keeping social settings to a minimum works best because they don't get pushed beyond their limits which when they're little will just bring embarassment - and to them and just make them feel bad.

They do well doing things like hiking and camping, or they tend to like the zoo if it's not overly crowded with people. Just do those kinds of things and things are fine. Forget team sports, crowded parties and places.
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Old 11-14-2012, 11:04 AM
 
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Hi Guys,

I'm a new teacher and I have two children in my classroom who doesn't like taking part in classroom activities. Whenever a class activity is going on, they try to hide behind classmates so they don't get call upon. I have tried making the activities more fun, I have also tried placing the class into gender groups and still nothing. Can anyone give me insight of what I should try next?

Thanks in advance!
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Old 11-14-2012, 11:13 AM
 
7,245 posts, read 12,682,582 times
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Kibbie... is there an update to this? Have you figured if your son just doesn't like to be around that many people?



Quote:
Originally Posted by RacheleP View Post
Hi Guys,

I'm a new teacher and I have two children in my classroom who doesn't like taking part in classroom activities. Whenever a class activity is going on, they try to hide behind classmates so they don't get call upon. I have tried making the activities more fun, I have also tried placing the class into gender groups and still nothing. Can anyone give me insight of what I should try next?

Thanks in advance!
Details... You haven't even mention how old these kids are.
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Old 11-14-2012, 11:31 AM
 
5,210 posts, read 8,824,755 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RacheleP View Post
Hi Guys,

I'm a new teacher and I have two children in my classroom who doesn't like taking part in classroom activities. Whenever a class activity is going on, they try to hide behind classmates so they don't get call upon. I have tried making the activities more fun, I have also tried placing the class into gender groups and still nothing. Can anyone give me insight of what I should try next?

Thanks in advance!
How are they on the playground? Do they play/interact with the other kids? Have you talked to their parents? Do they have friends over outside of school?

If this is only happening in the classroom, is there something about the activity that is intimidating to these particular kids - not all kids like to be "called on", for instance. Is there some way to modify the lesson - maybe group the kids in pairs so that you call on the pairs (as opposed to individual kids), the paired children can whisper with each other and the more outgoing child can do the talking....

I'm not a teacher, never have been, so you might try asking this question on the education/teaching forums.

Last edited by springfieldva; 11-14-2012 at 11:50 AM..
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Old 11-14-2012, 03:52 PM
 
12,461 posts, read 14,607,415 times
Reputation: 14208
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
My 3 1/2 year old son is in a play group with others his age about once every other week. While the other kids are playing and having fun, he often starts acting very moody, pouty, or goes off to a corner by himself, or tells me he wants to go home. There are usually about 6-10 kids there, boys and girls. He has an older brother, almost 6, and he seems more comfortable and outgoing when big brother is there, and around big bro's friends. We have been attending this group for about 9 months now. What do you think? Could this be a phase? just his age? maybe he's just a loaner type, and I shouldn't push it?
It is very frustrating!
He is veeery young, maybe too young. Every child is different, and there really IS no certain way your son should be acting, he is who he is...maybe he just doesn't feel comfortable in crowds, I still don't, maybe he IS a loner type, though it'd be pretty hard to figure that when the little guys only 3...I agree with your thoughts when you say you shouldn't push it....give him some time to grow and maybe things will change..I wouldn't worry AT ALL that he's not wanting to socialize with other children, and that he likes his older brother around...he's just a baby really, and they can have fears and anxieties too.
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Old 11-14-2012, 04:05 PM
 
5,210 posts, read 8,824,755 times
Reputation: 5865
One of mine used to **freak out** when a little kid of his own age would come toddling up to him to play. He acted like a zombie was after him (repulsed). I'm not exaggerating. So much for play group.

He did enjoy being around kids that were just a little older than him. He likes playing with other kids now. And he eventually developed more of a tolerance for the little guys - he's actually really good with them now. I'm not really sure what his initial reaction was all about. Kids do seem to like to give their mommies gray hairs, though...
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