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Old 06-04-2009, 07:09 PM
 
10 posts, read 33,149 times
Reputation: 12
Angry Daycare and children inappropriately touching eachother

I got a call at work on monday from my daycare provider who watches children in her home and she had said that my child who is 5 was caught with two other children all three had their pants down in the playroom and she said my child was on his knees and telling another child to put his weiner in his butt while the third child was looking out to make sure the provider wasn't coming. I told her that my child had another incident in the beginning of the school year where a girl went home and told her parents that my child asked her to touch his weiner on the school bus. This accured right after he started this daycare which didn't dawn on me until this happened so I'm thikning he learned this at her daycare. I then called my husband and he left work to go pick up our son. The provider was unaware he was coming and when he got there the children were again left alone in the playroom while the provider was sitting on the couch in the living room. My husband and I decided their wasn't enough supervision and called the provider and told her our children would no longer be going do to lack of supervision. I told my sister what happened her son who was not involved also goes to this daycare and she called the provider and told her that her son would no longer be going either and the provider then told my sister a different story about what had happened then she had told me. Thats when the provider called me back and told me not to lie to my sister about what happened and that me son is a liar and is sick and needs help and that she is going to tell the other parents that the problem is solved because my child is no longer going. My sister and I were already looking for other daycare before this happened for this coming fall because my other son has come home with soaked diapers and my sisters child has come home with diaper rash and the provider never supervises the children when the are outside in the play yard or in the play room which we have both witnessed when we have gotten there to pick up our children. Also when we drop kids off in the morn she is sleeping and the children watch cartoons til she wakes up which is who knows when. She has also been seen at the bar when she will be watching kids the next day. This incident just speed it up. We live in a small town and my child that was involved in this will be going to school with the providers child next school year so we will have to see her and I'm afraid she is spreading rumors about my child. When we talked to our child about the incident he told us that this has happened before in the basement when the provider sends the three older children who were involved in the incident down to the basement to watch movies while the little ones take a nap in the play room. I was just glad to her when asked if the provider had touched him he said no. Since she is state licensed she has a caseworker that looks after her daycare. I talked with the caseworker and told her what I'm telling you and she siad the only thing she can do is write a complaint that the kids are in the basement when there is no second exit in case of a fire and also do a drop in visit. I'm looking for advice onm what you thin kI should do?

 
Old 06-04-2009, 07:13 PM
 
2,376 posts, read 2,342,340 times
Reputation: 2319
Quote:
Originally Posted by randill View Post
I got a call at work on monday from my daycare provider who watches children in her home and she had said that my child who is 5 was caught with two other children all three had their pants down in the playroom and she said my child was on his knees and telling another child to put his weiner in his butt while the third child was looking out to make sure the provider wasn't coming. I told her that my child had another incident in the beginning of the school year where a girl went home and told her parents that my child asked her to touch his weiner on the school bus. This accured right after he started this daycare. I then called my husband and he left work to go pick up our son. The provider was unaware he was coming and when he got there the children were again left alone in the playroom while the provider was sitting on the couch in the living room. My husband and I decided their wasn't enough supervision and called the provider and told her our children would no longer be going do to lack of supervision. I told my sister what happened her son who was not involved also goes to this daycare and she called the provider and told her that her son would no longer be going either and the provider then told my sister a different story about what had happened then she had told me. Thats when the provider called me back and told me not to lie to my sister about what happened and that me son is a liar and is sick and needs help and that she is going to tell the other parents that the problem is solved because my child is no longer going. My sister and I were already looking for other daycare before this happened for this coming fall because my other son has come home with soaked diapers and my sisters child has come home with diaper rash and the provider never supervises the children when the are outside in the play yard or in the play room which we have both witnessed when we have gotten there to pick up our children. Also when we drop kids off in the morn she is sleeping and the children watch cartoons til she wakes up which is who knows when. She has also been seen at the bar when she will be watching kids the next day. This incident just speed it up. We live in a small town and my child that was involved in this will be going to school with the providers child next school year so we will have to see her and I'm afraid she is spreading rumors about my child. When we talked to our child about the incident he told us that this has happened before in the basement when the provider sends the three older children who were involved in the incident down to the basement to watch movies while the little ones take a nap in the play room. I was just glad to her when asked if the provider had touched him he said no. Since she is state licensed she has a caseworker that looks after her daycare. I talked with the caseworker and told her what I'm telling you and she siad the only thing she can do is write a complaint that the kids are in the basement when there is no second exit in case of a fire and also do a drop in visit. I'm looking for advice onm what you thin kI should do?
I think everyone in your town is a moron if they think there's something wrong with your child because he was sexually experimenting. All little kids do that if not watched.

Personally, my experience has been that ONE child is sexually molested and then THAT child goes around trying to act out what was done to him/her on other children. Not saying that your kid was the one that was molested, he could just be imitating what he saw from another kid. I know your child is young, but is there anyway you could get him to tell you the whole story? Maybe you could take him to a child psychologist to help you help him communicate what's going on with him. Not saying anything bad def happened to your kid, but if it were me, I would want to make sure, at least to try and figure out where he learned all this sexual stuff. Kids DO sexually experiment, but it's very slipshod and trial and error. If your child was attempting to carry out anal sex, I would say that's learned behavior and I would want to know where he learned it from.
 
Old 06-04-2009, 07:20 PM
 
10 posts, read 33,149 times
Reputation: 12
I totally agree although I'm postive that my child has never been touched or molested by an adult so I think for sure he learned this from another child although nobody can be 100% postive their child hasn't been touched by an adult which it saddens me to even think where the other child learned this. Because I know somewhere down the grapevein one child had most likely gotten molested.
 
Old 06-04-2009, 09:29 PM
 
1,671 posts, read 4,067,853 times
Reputation: 1124
Some of these problems you are blaming on the provider, could be asserted back to you as parents. I drop my child off and the provider is sleeping. The children have to watch cartoons until she gets up. We don't think there's enough supervision. How many children does she watch? She has older children and younger children with no help. As parents we have to blame ourselves, just from the little you wrote, my child could not be left in her care. Anytime as parents we have doubt--don't leave your child.

For the other sexual stuff with your child, it could be learnt behavior.
 
Old 06-04-2009, 10:45 PM
 
47,586 posts, read 34,426,613 times
Reputation: 21537
That day care needs to be investigated, if they are leaving children unattended and this kind of thing goes on. Even if your son is guilty and has some kind of problem, the day care should have caught it before it got to that stage even to protect the other children from what he's doing - no matter where it's coming from.

It's much further than the "playing doctor" or examining stage, he's obviously interested in sex acts and I would think some counseling should be done now to make sure there's not more going on somewhere and get him back on the right track. Otherwise, if you let this go, other parents will keep their children from yours and he could be further harmed.
 
Old 06-04-2009, 11:23 PM
 
1,122 posts, read 1,271,077 times
Reputation: 709
Well there are two things you can do. You can call child services and have the day care and the children all there questioned.

The second one is to find out from your son where this started. He is old enough to be able to tell you that. If he can't give you much info, start with what you know and ask "And what happened next?" Never ask direct questions like, "Did so and so touch you here?" Because you can create false memories or they begin to say what you want them to.

You could say "The daycare provider called me today. Do you know what she talked to me about?" if no, "She told me a story about you and two other kids. Do you know what it was about?" if no still then You guys had your pants down. I need you to tell me what happened." "Has anyone every touched your private areas?" If he was alone with someone recently ask him to tell you about the time they spent together and if he feels comfortable around the person. Always do this in a comfortable and quiet place with no distractions and follow whatever he might tell you with, "What happened next."

Get a movie that talks about the different dangers. Winnie the Pooh: Too Smart for Strangers covers just about everything so that will start him learning what is and isn't appropriate contact. Its rated for ages 3-10. Its old and only on VHS but if you can play it, its very age appropiate and gets the point across. We started our daughter at age two on that and she still remembers all about it and quotes it to our 3 year old son. She's loving and teaching to him, wanting to make sure he knows how to be safe, lol. I think its really cute. She's doing the same things we did with her. I would never wait for anything to happen but have always been proacitve about it, making sure the children know whats appropriate and what is not right off.

Nows the time to find out from your son where this began and get it taken care of. If you simply pull your son from the daycare, which I believe is a good move, and do not address it, this problem may become bigger.
 
Old 06-05-2009, 05:15 AM
 
7,782 posts, read 7,802,434 times
Reputation: 10753
I would also check out her older kids if she has any and check with the police dept and see if the older boy or girl has any charges against them for sexual molestation or been involved in anything like that . I agree I would never leave my child with her since she seems to like her sleep more than watching kids . No when you are in doubt never leave your child and you should always make surprise visits too . And if she is hesitant to let you in then you definately know something is going on. Good luck and I hope you get this issue resolved .
 
Old 06-05-2009, 05:53 AM
 
Location: NE Oklahoma
1,036 posts, read 1,745,947 times
Reputation: 1016
The first time I went to drop off my kids and she was sleeping would have been the last. Next time when you start seeing issues like this don't keep going back to the daycare. Change asap. There WILL BE more problems down the line. I know what you mean by living in a small town. I hope it all goes well for your child. You might consider getting them some councelling... it would help the child and yourself both to deal with it.
 
Old 06-05-2009, 08:37 AM
 
2,602 posts, read 5,922,543 times
Reputation: 1400
If my son were exhibiting that behavior I'd schedule an appt at a doctor immediately and probably with the therapist too.
 
Old 06-05-2009, 09:00 AM
 
42,465 posts, read 47,596,826 times
Reputation: 28054
I don't think that's normal experimenting for a 5 year old. You really have to think about what your son's actions are portraying. That's not normal sex---boys don't think things go up their butts. It seems to me that you might have your head in the sand. If you call child services on the daycare center, your family very well might be investigated too---especially if your head is in the sand about your son being exposed to inappropriate treatment.
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