Junior high bedtimes (teenage, parents, daughter, natural)
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My 14 y.o. niece is coming to live with us. We are busy trying to catch up to speed on parenting a teenager.
What "bedtime" do your young teenagers have on weeknights and weekends? School starts at 7:30 a.m., so she will need to wake up early. I was thinking of having two different times, one for being ready for bed and in the bedroom and a second one for lights out. (i.e. at 9 she is ready for bed, lights are out by 9:30) Is this a good idea?
I think that's way too early, but of course you have to make your own decision on it.
What was her bedtime at home?
I would think sometime between ten and eleven would be better; you could have a "no phone/ no computer" rule after that, but I wouldn't say there's any point in having a time where she has to lay in bed with her eyes closed. At this age, the best you can do is make her go in her room, shut the door, and be quiet.
If she can't sleep, let her read or whatever, as long as she isn't keeping the rest of the family awake.
You have to keep in mind that school is 8 hours a day, plus transit time, and then there are usually a couple of hours of homework.
A nine o'clock bedtime with a 9:30 "lay down in bed and shut your eyes" mandate would leave the girl very little time for taking care of her own business, whatever that might be.
That's just my opinion, of course; you need to do what you think best.
I've never made an issue of bedtime. As long as they're home and safe, if they're quietly reading, still doing homework or having family time, talking issues or whatever, if they have to wake up early for school, they'll go to bed when it's time because they'll be tired.
Sometimes making an issue of something makes it worse because then it's something to fight you on. Or if a child that age comes home and takes a good nap before dinner, he/she may not be that tired at 9 pm.
Kids around that age tend to like to spend time in their rooms alone anyhow, as long as they're in there reading or thinking or playing solitaire or homework, to me it's good enough. If she wants to be out talking with you and it's late -- you might suggest it's getting late but sometimes the best discussions are ones that go on into the wee hours.
I think that's way too early, but of course you have to make your own decision on it.
What was her bedtime at home?
I would think sometime between ten and eleven would be better; you could have a "no phone/ no computer" rule after that, but I wouldn't say there's any point in having a time where she has to lay in bed with her eyes closed. At this age, the best you can do is make her go in her room, shut the door, and be quiet.
If she can't sleep, let her read or whatever, as long as she isn't keeping the rest of the family awake.
You have to keep in mind that school is 8 hours a day, plus transit time, and then there are usually a couple of hours of homework.
A nine o'clock bedtime with a 9:30 "lay down in bed and shut your eyes" mandate would leave the girl very little time for taking care of her own business, whatever that might be.
That's just my opinion, of course; you need to do what you think best.
Yes, the no phone, no computer after a certain time is a great rule. Quiet time is relaxation even if it's not actual sleep.
My 14 year old son does NOT do well without a certain amount of sleep. We tried letting him go to sleep when he wanted, and he did not do well w/ that. So he has to go to bed @ 9, lights out @ 9:30 (during the week). Fri, Sat, holidays and summer he can sleep whenever he wants. We've found that he does much better in school and his attitude is much improved w/ his 9:30 bedtime.
Next year for 9th grade, I guess it will be 10. I wish we were in a school district that did the later school times for high school. I know that he'd rather be up later and sleep later, like most teens.
Bedtime on school nights for my DD when she was in middle school was 9-9:30. She doesn't really have a bedtime now that she's in highschool but she still goes to bed at the same time, only because she needs her sleep and she knows it. The first 2 weeks of highschool she stayed up til 10:30 or so and after that she knew she had to start going to bed earlier. DS will be starting middle school in the fall and his bedtime will be the same or earlier depending on how he handles it. He's an early bird which is ok now, he's up by 6 and leaves for school by 7:45 but in middle school he won't have to leave the house until 9 but he'll still be up at 6. That's just the way his internal clock is.
On the weekends and summertime they have no bedtime.
I have a 16, 13 and 11 year old. My oldest has been on her own bedtime schedule since she was a freshman, but she is always up and ready for school, no problems. My 11 and 13 year old were usually in their bedrooms by 9:30, but welcome to read or watch TV until 10. I believe we will continue this schedule until next year when my 13 year old will be a freshman and then she can do as she pleases, but had better get up in the morning!!!
I have a ton of cousins in that age range and during the week its like 9:00 in your room doing what they want getting ready for school 10:00 lights out but on weekend and vactions they stay up until they pass out... One poster had it perfectly "pick your battles"
Why not make 9:30 bedtime for everybody. Doors locked, cat out, TV off, lights out, everybody in bed by 9:30. Get up as early as you like, make a nice cooked breakfast, get some housework done before you go to work in the morning. What are you doing after 9:30 that is so important?
Why not make 9:30 bedtime for everybody. Doors locked, cat out, TV off, lights out, everybody in bed by 9:30. Get up as early as you like, make a nice cooked breakfast, get some housework done before you go to work in the morning. What are you doing after 9:30 that is so important?
Talking with my husband over games . We don't go on dates, but when we think about it, we shrug because we have a lot more together time playing games, teasing each other, talking about serious stuff and worries... Don't you dare take my game nights away! But really, it is a good suggestion otherwise!
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