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My 6 year old daughter is so materialistic that it makes me sick and angry. I'm not sure how she became this way, she does have a lot of "things", but we always talk about other kids, what it's like in other countries, war, hunger in our own city. I'm just very frustrated that she has little awareness and depth to be able to see beyond her own little world and the things she has. Is that normal? I feel like other kids her age aren't so focused on material goods. My friend told me that she makes her kids give up as many things as they are old before their birthdays. I tried to make my daughter do that and she just cried and screamed. What am I doing wrong??
First off, a 6 year old is not going to have a clue what it really means that anonymous people in other countries (which in itself is a concept she probably doesn't get) have less than she does. Getting angry or frustrated at her for not understanding that isn't fair. Kids generally reflect the values they learn at home so look at yourself and your attitude toward the latest toys and gadgets - not just hers but yours. Also the amount and/or type of television she is allowed to watch - pay attention to commercials as well as the behavior and expectations of the characters in the shows. Randomly taking things away from her so she will "appreciate" them doesn't make sense either. Instead, take the time to do things with her that don't utilize these things. Instead of her getting the newest thing that everyone seems to be getting spend the time/money doing things together and placing value on the memory those things provide. She's still young and all kids will get grumpy and behave in a disappointing fashion from time to time but the best thing is to look at the values you embrace and the choices you are making. Kids are great little mirrors most of the time.
If it's just asking "What did you bring for me?" every time you come home, or pushing for a new toy every time you shop, - then it's a phase. I noticed that since my dd was 4yo (she's 6 now) and was pretty frustrated until I remembered how I was 6yo and I wanted so badly for my father to bring me something every night. I got easier on my dd since, - it's just a phase (hate to use this cliche). They are not realizing yet that a) their room is full of stuff, b) the new toy will be forgotten tomorrow, and c) toys cost money. Whenever they are ready to understand the value of money they will learn, from seeing their allowance depleting etc.
If "materialism" is something else and beyond the normal button-pushing of a 6yo, then please explain how.
PS: My son just entered this phase, since turning 4. I have two toy-pushers now on my neck - if it makes you feeling better a bit.
take my advice with a grain of salt as my kid was over indulged and had all kinds of "thing" I got as much pleasure giving it to her as she got having it. with that being said. in hindsight I should not have gone so overboard.
she had too many things, did not really take care of them. she always felt a bit too entitled to get things as well. the majority of her things were just "stuff", it really wasn't special enough to her that she bothered taking much care of it. the "stuff" came with ease and that was her attitude about it.
I would still give, but I would make her "work" for it a bit more. they are far too young to understand empathy for others. they only know their life and really can't compare it to others.
I did make mine go through her stuff and give what she didn't use away. if yours won't then really the only thing you can do is HOLD the line and not buy her any more till she gets rid of stuff.
I always used the line...this is baby stuff. or you are so much bigger now, this is for little kids.
if you have to when she is out go through and start removing stuff she doesn't play with. it is doubtful she will even miss it. or keep it in the garage and if she doesn't ask for it within a few weeks then toss it.
impress on her the value of earning...you could also make a weekly chart, that has chores on it that if she completes daily or weekly. she gets a star or an amount of money so that she can earn/buy what she wants. the bigger the toy, the more stars she needs to earn.
you could also bribe her in a toy clean out for another toy she covets.
again I was a complete pushover lol
Yes I sort of understand her developmental phase, but honestly I just don't see it that way. We talk a lot about the homeless, there was a homeless man on one of the intersections that she referred to as "my friend". We used to chat a lot and I'd give him food and money from time to time. We do talk about kids and war, since my family is from the middle east and continue to travel there every year. My husband is also from another country and so she has a big understanding of different cultures outside American. We don't watch commercial tv, unless it's the news and it's just drug ads anyhow. Honestly, I know I should be so hard on her, but I just want her to understand the value of "things". We have a saying in our house that "people come first" and we really try to live by it. And she knows and will say it, "yeah mom, I know, people first". She knows, yet she can't give up her need for "things". She doesn't get something every time we go out, but she will get disappointed if she doesn't get a little something. I just don't hear other parents in her peer group talking about this. I'm sort of ashamed of her greedyness. I feel bad saying that.
Teach her about the joys of giving (as opposed to receiving, as it appears she is already familiar with those joys ).
Help her... I don't know, make personalized gifts for other family members.
Encourage her to give some of her toys to less fortunate children through some charity. Talk to her about how good it can make you feel to give things away, to bring joy to others through giving.
Maybe enlist her help in one of those "sponsor a child" programs, where you sponsor a foreign child for a small monthly donation, and receive reports on that child's progress.
In the long run, kids develop their own personalities, which may include some traits we don't share or like.
We can but expose them to various positive experiences... whether or not they internalize the lessons we try to teach is really up to them.
I wouldn't worry too much about it as it is natural to want stuff and it is fun when you get it. I would just work on her earning it a bit more and making sure she really appreciates what she does get. I think what she is getting out of what you are teaching her about people coming first is exactly what she should get from it...she is learning to love all people, rich or poor without care as to what they look like. which is huge. I think that is different than "stuff" I as an adult have lots of stuff that I would be sad to get rid of too so I understand that it would be hard for a small child. again I would try to figure out a way how to indulge her less with things, encourage something so that she is more active in the ability to get new things. my child is an adult now but I tell ya I was so frustrated over the years with the feeling that I got that seemed to me that she expected to get stuff, never really took care of what she did have, nor really felt what it all cost. I think it is more about appreciation of what you do have as opposed to how much stuff you have. trust me I think there are tons of parents with 6 year old greed monsters...lol most of my kids playmates were. it is good you see it now, just try to guide her in the right direction. I think she will be a wonderful woman with the world view you are giving her!
But when she comes home from a poorer country (if it is poorer), or after talking to a homeless person, she's back to seeing full shelves of stuff.. I think it's hard to battle desires down at that age.
But I think I understand that there could be small degrees of "greediness" - in fact, I started a thread a few months ago about my own daughter's more than average "me" attitude and less than average empathy. I had a period of fervently looking for SOMETHING - books on kindness, talking about kids with no toys...
I'm at a stage now where I'm just letting her be her, with either slight corrections (prep talks before we go to a store), or just saying NO (taking whatever comes with it), or talking about behavior (great that at this age, they listen and take your words like religion). I also see that some other girls in her class may not be expressively greedy, but - they have more developed interest in jewellery, clothing, nail polish, fancy shows (their mothers' influence) - and I realize that we are not doing that bad - my dd does not have as deep knowledge about this stuff. We are just lower key people than other families, with less exposure to stuff, which in turn makes my dd enjoy simpler things... fishing, beach, garden...
I come from another country, too, and I'm sure she would visit there and still would not be able to grasp the differences to the degree that would be expected from an older child. I think by 7-8 I will start allowance, where she can buy all things her heart desires for $5... That age is more suitable...
For now, I've given up explanation about "money", (and poorer people) - it's like fighting ghosts. I commend her on good things she's doing, and on her friendliness, - and my saviours are Dollar stores.
It is a phase. My 7 yr old is going through it now, despite the fact it has always been a ground rule that the only time he can get a new toy is if its his birthday, Christmas, or for a very special occasion (i.e. he did something amazing and I feel something is appropriate). Otherwise the standard answer is "Buy it on your own with the money you earn doing extra chores." And he does. He will do chores and save up to buy what he wants. But that doesnt stop him from constantly asking for things everytime we go into a store. It is frustrating, and drives me insane when I know he knows the answer before even asking. At the same time I look at it as both a way of conversation, him letting me know of his likes and passions, and also a reminder each time that even if he wants something, he is not necessarily going to get it just by asking. He needs to earn it.
A 6 year old isn't capable of understanding the concepts you are trying to teach, especially just by talking about them. What she does understand is that if I go to the store Mommy buys me something. If I cry hard enough Mommy doesn't take away my toys. I have always operated on the "just because you can doesn't mean you should" premise. Yes, you can afford to indulge your child and it is fun, however you are learning that it isn't the best idea. Stop buying her so much, learn to say no more often. Don't let her get her way when she cries. You will do more harm with overindulgence then being firm with her over donating toys-which she will forget about in a couple weeks by the way.
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