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Old 06-13-2009, 07:50 AM
 
1,091 posts, read 3,586,939 times
Reputation: 1045

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Quote:
It's not that.
Yes, it is.
The people doing the insulting aren't "concerned parents".
They're weird, brainwashed virgins.
Frankly, as a parent, I'd be far more concerned if my son made statements like this, than if he was having sex (he is).

"I can assure you I have not been misguided in my decisions but I have a family who loved me enough to teach me the value of patience which I am reaping the rewards of now and will continue to reap the rewards when I get married. Why in the world would I want to be like you and give the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with used goods? Waiting has saved me from unneccessary emotional, physical and spirtual baggage. I know that when I'm married to the man God has chosen for me, the sex will be better than the cheap imitation you are experiencing now. He doesn't have to worry about me comparing him to previous lovers. I will be able to give him ALL of me.
Thank goodness my parents taught me the REAL meaning of sex before I listened to people like you, or else I'd be similarly misguided and foolish.
what respectable person would want to follow the path you're own? EWWWWWWW
I hear people say "well 90% of the world is having sex outside of marriage". But just because 90% of the world is doing something doesn't make it ok and it doesn't mean I have to follow in the footsteps of the likes of you. So instead of being apart of that 90% that follows along with what everyone else is doing, I'm going to dare to be different and wait. Like my family always told me 'Patience is a virtue". But you wouldn't know anything about that now would you? Unlike you I choose not to let my hormones get in the way of my good judgement. I don't conisder my body as merchandise to be passed around from person to person. My body is priceless and only one man is worthy of experiencing it and when he does, it will be just like unwrapping a gift on Christmas morning. But the gift I'm going to give my future husband will never lose its value and the magic of experiencing it will never die. But unfortunately by the time you get married there will be nothing left for your spouse to experience except leftovers. Yuck."


I'd be extremely concerned about his mental state.
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Old 06-13-2009, 08:04 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
1,820 posts, read 4,482,125 times
Reputation: 1924
I am sorry, I really don't want to pass judgement on anyone at all,BUT, I really think that the people who are saying that they "wanted" to have sex at an early age are really kidding themselves just as it seems they think that those that are saying they waited or want to wait are/were kidding themselves.
I think (again-no offense-just my opinion) that if you are having sex at age 14 or 15 it is truly because you felt that that is what you had to do to have friends,to keep that boyfriend,to be part of the "in" crowd.
I dated the same guy from 10th grade until my first year of college, there were certainly times when it was discussed,but really,we both felt that it would have been the wrong decision.
My parents brought myself and my siblings up with enough self-confidence to understand that we didn't have to do what everyone else was doing and so was the guy that I dated...
We had friends from every group there was in high school,voted class couple,etc... (awwww.. )
no one ever,ever asked us if we were having sex,no one really could have cared !

Although I think that some of the posts here may be a little "much",it is possible that some of these kids were brought up in very strict,religious households and their posts are truly how they feel and what they think.
We don't have the right to say that there is possibly a mental concern or anything else.
I say "great for them!" at least they aren't giving in to what the others are doing and they will be a better person for it...

Having sex at 14 or 15 years old is not acceptable and shouldn't be to any of us as parents. Sex should not be looked at as such a casual thing. IF we find that our children ARE having sex at this age,then the only thing we can do at that point is stress the importance of protection and that just because they have done it once,doesn't mean they have to keep "doing it"... there is a thing as self-control and I don't care one thing about all the ridiculous stores of raging hormones,etc... it is just an excuse if you ask me.

I have no idea what will happen when my children are teens, but again,they will know that it not what we consider to be acceptable and I would just like to think that they will have more important things to want to do when they are 15. Like concentrate on being who they are and their school work and just being the best person they can be.
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Old 06-13-2009, 08:05 AM
 
Location: Bay Area
111 posts, read 315,821 times
Reputation: 142
Personally, I feel really sad seeing these teens walking around with babies and these are the reasons:

1) most are not equipped with the skills and knowledge of raising their child
2) chances of higher education gets thrown out the door
3) no longer have the time or the money to grow and explore the world
4) and many many more reasons ...... but the worst scenerio is to be on welfare, then their child grows up and sorta live the (mom's) life all over again....sad
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Old 06-13-2009, 08:36 AM
 
4,253 posts, read 9,430,055 times
Reputation: 5140
Quote:
Originally Posted by monkeywrenching View Post
I am trying to figure out what to say to my 9yo daughter about sex. any suggestions would be helpful from parents. her mom and I are just not sure of how much to say and what to say or not to say.

it scares me when i see my neighbor's daughter down the street, she is 12 and 7 months pregnant by her 13yo boyfriend.
I think a lot of "saying" comes from not just direct "sex" talk, but from bigger messages the parents send, and the attitude the parents show, about specific cases. I wasn't about to have sex at 15 (a the cusp of the 80s) - it was the general understanding of NO my parents had created - no marrying/kids until the college is done. It wasn't necessarily the direct talk about sex, it was talking about long-term goals and the importance of education. I was busy studying at 15-16-17-18 (very hard-driven school). Of course we had groups of teenagers "experimenting" and having babies - my parents took that as an additional lesson of showing just what happens to a person becoming a parent too early in her/his life.

Take that opportunity of your neighbor, 12 yo girl, to talk to your daughter just what awaits the 12 yo. The sleepless nights, the inability to do kid stuff anymore. Point at other young mommies you see on the streets. Remind her again and again just what they will be missing, all the trips/fun/hanging out with friends. 9yo is still an impressionalbe age, she will learn this lesson in many small doses.
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Old 06-13-2009, 10:43 AM
 
496 posts, read 1,690,886 times
Reputation: 315
Quote:
Originally Posted by mlv311 View Post
You are entitled to your opinions and choices in life, but please be respectful of people who choose abstinence. It may be hard for you to comprehend the faith-based reasons for choosing to wait until marriage, but when someone believes his/her body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, it makes complete sense to treat it with utmost respect and wait until marriage. It has nothing to do with "eroticism of virginity."
Thank you.
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Old 06-13-2009, 10:53 AM
 
47,525 posts, read 69,515,932 times
Reputation: 22472
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
You know it's not just parents of girls who are concerned. I am the parent of 3 boys, 2 teens. I do not want them sexually active at a young age because I do not think they are ready to handle all that comes along with that. I do not FORBID dating, or contact with girls but I do make sure that they are appropriate at all times.

When girls are at the house the kids need to stay downstairs (out of the bedrooms) and an adult needs to be home. IMO it is not smart to put kids in positions where a problem is likelly.
No - I agree. It's like my dad would say "Sex is an urge but it's also what creates new life and if you don't love a girl to spend the next 20 years helping her raise your child, then you don't love her and are only using her" and then he would add that it's wrong to use anyone.

Of course he also had the talks about that he believed in shotgun weddings, that whatever the situation the father has a responsibility for his child and that even if he doesn't marry, the government will hold you responsible for the child and there goes at least 25% of your income for the next 20 years.

You're right. A 13 year old is too far from being an adult to deal with adult issues. They need time to be kids. They need time to not have to deal with rejection, being "too close" to someone and then getting dumped.

A boy learning to act like a dog in rut isn't learning much of value.
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Old 06-13-2009, 03:15 PM
 
1,261 posts, read 6,092,962 times
Reputation: 565
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
Of course he also had the talks about that he believed in shotgun weddings, that whatever the situation the father has a responsibility for his child and that even if he doesn't marry, the government will hold you responsible for the child and there goes at least 25% of your income for the next 20 years.
That's funny because my mom's scare tactic was the opposite--"And don't think I'm going to force some guy into marrying you. I won't add one problem to the other (i.e., unplanned pregnancy)."

I agree that the "standards" for children (teens) should be the same for females or males. Boys are just as likely to suffer the same possible negative consequences (STDs or an unplanned pregnancy). Just the other day I learned something new: women who go after a guy years later for child support. The men didn't know about the pregnancy or the women's choice to parent, but they were tracked down years later for child support. One of the men was already married and had two children--now he has to send $350/mth to an ex-"girlfriend" even though he had no clue about her pregnancy. In all my year's of hearing the "safe sex" talk, I never heard anyone mention how it's legal to go after a guy years later even if he had no saying in the woman's choice to parent.

Last edited by mlv311; 06-13-2009 at 04:17 PM..
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Old 06-13-2009, 03:38 PM
 
17,101 posts, read 16,264,152 times
Reputation: 28389
Quote:
Originally Posted by mlv311 View Post
That's funny because my mom's scare tactic was the opposite--"And don't think I'm going to force some guy into marrying you. I won't add one problem to the other (i.e., unplanned pregnancy)."

I agree that the "standards" for children (teens) should be the same for females or males. Boys are just as likely to suffer the same possible negative consequences (STDs or an unplanned pregnancy). Just the other day I learned something new: women who go after a guy year's latter for child support. The men didn't know about the pregnancy or the women's choice to parent, but they were tracked down years later for child support. One of the men was already married and had two children--now he has to send $350/mth to an ex-"girlfriend" even though he had no clue about her pregnancy. In all my year's of hearing the "safe sex" talk, I never heard anyone mention how it's legal to go after a guy years later even if he had no saying in the woman's choice to parent.
Well that would be a nightmare (understatement). Not only has the man missed the opportunity to get to know his child early on, he now gets hit for support payments that he has not budgeted for. It would be even more complicated if he is married and/or has other children - yikes!

Casual sex can have big, big, lasting consequences. No doubt about it.
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Old 06-14-2009, 06:02 AM
 
18,656 posts, read 33,251,193 times
Reputation: 37042
If I may add something (as a non-parent), as a teenager, I was, uh, physically very desiring. I had a great boyfriend from ages 15-18, and we eventually had the full range of sexual activity. I always thought of casual sex as icky, even then-like using someone else's toothbrush. I apparently was quite imprinted with "in love" sex with that boyfriend.
But becoming pregnant would have been a nightmare- like a big black X on my life and self. I absolutely would not have chanced it, plus, abortion had become legal in New York the year I became fully active. Once I was four days late, and already had a whole plan in place to go to New York.
I also never wanted children and didn't think much of marriage, so slowly the idea that "you don't have sex until marriage" seemed kind of odd. Also, if I had married, I still didn't want children. So the issue really was going to be birth control, not celibacy.
I'm 56. Virtually every woman I've talked to in my age group had an abortion in late teens (usually first year of college) and for those older, an illegal one, with varying levels of terribleness and abuse.
I think if people simply insist that girls not have sex until marriage because of morality and pregnancy, a certain number will still have sex before marriage, in love, or not (preferably in love). Because they've absorbed the "no sex until marriage," they might well not use birth control because they are cognitively caught between what they are doing and what they are supposed to do. Using birth control is taking responsibility for the actions and also taking same in advance, and I think teens who have been inculcated against sex are not able to cognitively make the jump to "I'm having sex, I need to plan to have sex."
Needless to say, I think teen and unmarried pregnancy is a disaster. Thank you for letting me post here.
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Old 06-14-2009, 03:31 PM
 
47,525 posts, read 69,515,932 times
Reputation: 22472
Quote:
Originally Posted by mlv311 View Post
That's funny because my mom's scare tactic was the opposite--"And don't think I'm going to force some guy into marrying you. I won't add one problem to the other (i.e., unplanned pregnancy)."

I agree that the "standards" for children (teens) should be the same for females or males. Boys are just as likely to suffer the same possible negative consequences (STDs or an unplanned pregnancy). Just the other day I learned something new: women who go after a guy years later for child support. The men didn't know about the pregnancy or the women's choice to parent, but they were tracked down years later for child support. One of the men was already married and had two children--now he has to send $350/mth to an ex-"girlfriend" even though he had no clue about her pregnancy. In all my year's of hearing the "safe sex" talk, I never heard anyone mention how it's legal to go after a guy years later even if he had no saying in the woman's choice to parent.
There was woman where I worked who had an affair with a married man, she went after him for child support right off the bat and he had to pay it. One fourth of his income for the next 18 years plus other costs like health insurance.

No longer is marriage required for a woman to go after child support - so it is something that boys should be aware can happen.

Also what kind of sons are people raising when they simply buy them a box of condoms when they turn 12 or 13 and tell them to go have their fun with the girls?

I know a woman who bought her son condoms when he was 13 and told him use them because she didn't want him marrying the little "biitch" he was "dating" if she let herself get knocked up. This mother felt he should get his rocks off but take no responsibility otherwise. What kind of parenting is that?

My son told me of a girl in his high school who was crying and telling him that she was afraid she might be pregnant and when she told her boyfriend, his answer was "That's okay because I already dumped you".

Who wants that kind of lifestyle for their kids?
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