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Old 06-11-2009, 11:39 PM
 
Location: Johnston County, NC
440 posts, read 804,961 times
Reputation: 326

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nelly Nomad View Post
I didn't mention how I've reacted when in Observer role. Often, my reaction depends on my proximity to the Meltdown and Parent's reaction. If I'm close and Parent looks like they're trying to take action, whatever it may be, I'll try to distract Kiddo, like wyoquilter said. Or I'll offer a sympathetic, "yeah, I've been there" look of solidarity to Parent.

However, if it looks as if Parent couldn't care less about the ruckus, I admit, I get annoyed. Depending on my mood, I'll admit, I have given Parent the dirty look (Parent, not the child) because Parent should be taking SOME action. Parent is the only one who can take control of the situation and has chosen not to.

If I'm aisles away and the racket just.won't.stop., I get annoyed. I wonder, why won't they leave??? Of course, in some cases, there's probably a good reason why Parent can't shuttle Kiddo out and MUST continue shopping, but I'm willing to bet that's not the case most times. Sometimes, I've rushed my own shopping just to escape the racket.

Thanks, DubbleT, for providing a response as a store employee. I've often wondered how they feel about it.
Why would you feel the need to to tell a stranger in a store whose kid is having a tantrum "yeah. ive been there." or even worse if you feel the parent looks like they don't care about the ruckus, give them a dirty look?

its got to be frustrating enough for the parent that needs to shop when their kiddo is being grouchy or having a fit. i dont think anyone should make any comments to them. they are most likely embarrassed as it is.

i have been there. seems many moons ago but my daughter was 2 and had a fit everywhere for awhile. sorry but we needed groceries. i did my best to calm her down, if someone had given me a dirty look because they felt that i didnt care about the ruckus.. after i was already frustrated. i dont think i would have been very polite in return.

if it bothers someone so much that a parent is trying to shop with a screaming kiddo, than you leave. why should they have to? sorry but i was not going to make several attempts to the grocery store and each time my little one (who is now 12 lol) had a fit leave.

what is worse really i wonder? a kid having a fit or a kid having a fit and the parent buying them whatever they want to keep them quiet. most of the fits i see kids have at stores is over them wanting something, candy or a toy. a lot of times i see the parents just give them the candy or toy to get them quiet because they are being embarrassing. i wasnt that kind of parent. when my little one was at that age and screamed because she wanted a bag of chips, than sorry for the disturbance because she was not going to be rewarded with a bag of chips. boy oh boy there were times when the rudest people did stop and stare at me. oh well. go shop elsewhere if you dont like it. kids are going to be grouchy and have fits. yes we can try to calm them down, but its not always going to work. does that mean the family cant get groceries i dont think so.

Last edited by AutumnOrange3; 06-11-2009 at 11:43 PM.. Reason: oops

 
Old 06-12-2009, 12:18 AM
 
Location: Johnston County, NC
440 posts, read 804,961 times
Reputation: 326
Quote:
Originally Posted by stormy night View Post
I have an idea; why don't the parents of the screaming, tantruming kids stay at home and shop on the internet. That way, the paying customers (Yes, those of us who have the money are who have the 'right' to be in the store) are happy, the screaming, tantruming kids are happy and the mothers are happy. Everybody wins.

By the way, kids in stores alone are frowned upon by management. So it is actually the adults who have the 'right'. The kids are only there because they are with an adult.
Oh right. because parents who have children don't have any money or rights to go shopping with their kids. LOL I'm so sure all kids are frowned upon by management. Your not making any sense, but please keep going on.
 
Old 06-12-2009, 12:19 AM
 
1,122 posts, read 1,310,512 times
Reputation: 710
Quote:
Originally Posted by glass_of_merlot View Post
Are you looking for a fight? If anybody would have the nerv to come up and tell me to feed my child or have them buy my child food to shut my child up, I would have to restrain myself not to do something I regret. Bad idea!
Stay out of other peoples business. You have no idea why the child is acting up. You don't know if he or she is hungry, or tiered or just being a rebellious child who wants everything in the store that looks like a toy.
Wow. Such hositilty. Where does the child get the behavior? If a young child is hungry, why are they out shopping at mealtime? If a young child is tired, why are they out shopping instead of sleeping? If a young child is being rebellious, how long ago was this behavior exceptable for it to develop in the first place? When a person becomes a parent, their number one concern should be putting the needs of their child first. Anything else is neglect.

There should never be a reason for a person to offer a child a reward for bad behaivor. There is no reason to glare a bad behaving child. The glare belongs to the parent. If the child is screaming or crying, it is the duty of everyone to investigate abuse to ensure the child is not hurt. Everything else is because the parent is letting them act that way. I raised two of my brothers through this and now have three children of my own. I have had other people's children with me who always get everything they want from everyone they shop with. Not one has ever had a blown out tantrum.

Onve when, my daughter was a toddler and sitting in the cart, she was reaching out for candy at the checkout. I told her no. She reached again. I firmly told her no and to sit back down before she got hurt. The woman behind us took the candy bar and put it in her hand and told her to put it on the conveyor belt. I took the candy bar from my daughter and asked the grandmother aged woman if she ever had children. When she said yes, I asked her if she taught her toddlers bad eating habits by giving them candy before dinner. She amazingly told me it was not my business what she did with her children, but for my information, telling children no was not healthy for them and she never did that with her children. My daughter, after being given candy and then having it taken away began to cry. I told her that I was sorry but she would not be getting candy, that this woman was not being respectful or concerned for her safety or health. The woman decided she would buy it for her and she told the cashier to ring it on her slip and to make sure the little girl got it. I looked at the cashier and told her that if the woman purchased the candy, to please put it in her bag, not mine. The cashier said, more than loud enough for that woman to hear, "Oh you should see the parents who come through here with their children your daughters age, still in diapers, sucking on bottles full of soda with a candy bar in their hand that you wouldnt dare take away to ring up. Those children scream through the store. It's refreshing to see someone who isn't like this Good job to you for not giving in."

And, I do NOT tell my children it is ok to steal..ie opening packages and consuming the contents inside before buying. I have seen parents buying fruit, "Add on about 5 more grapes. That's about how much they ate." Yea, by weight stupid. That's not happening. That's theft. These are the type of children who grow up to be the ones opening products to test the product before they buy to see if they like it or not before buying, not thinking that anything is wrong by doing so or drinking a pop through the store and paying for the empty bottle, if they bother.

Or another favorite. "My child has been chewing on this toy but I will set it on the same counter that people place their food and the cashier is required to touch the germ infested thing to ring it up. What did you say??? The World Health Organization says that children are the number one carrier for disease in the world? Not MY child! By the way, take this and put it in the trash, would you. I've been wiping my childs nose with thanks to some awful illness."

Come on. Ownership is 9 tenths of the law. Meaning the child is yours and you become responsible for their behavior. But in the end, that 1 percent is reserved for those who can clearly see a parent who either needs a little help or, needs a wakeup call. That is what making sure the needs of a child are met is all about. That is responsibility of our society, not just of one or a pair of parents.

My worse case of ADHD children, parents refuse to medicate the brats you'd have ever seen but our children NEVER act out in the store, EVER. They may be full of energy but I expect respect and respectful behavior. None respectful behavior is simply shocking to them because they would never dream of acting like that.
 
Old 06-12-2009, 12:23 AM
 
1,122 posts, read 1,310,512 times
Reputation: 710
Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamsncharms View Post
Why would you feel the need to to tell a stranger in a store whose kid is having a tantrum "yeah. ive been there." or even worse if you feel the parent looks like they don't care about the ruckus, give them a dirty look?

its got to be frustrating enough for the parent that needs to shop when their kiddo is being grouchy or having a fit. i dont think anyone should make any comments to them. they are most likely embarrassed as it is.

i have been there. seems many moons ago but my daughter was 2 and had a fit everywhere for awhile. sorry but we needed groceries. i did my best to calm her down, if someone had given me a dirty look because they felt that i didnt care about the ruckus.. after i was already frustrated. i dont think i would have been very polite in return.

if it bothers someone so much that a parent is trying to shop with a screaming kiddo, than you leave. why should they have to? sorry but i was not going to make several attempts to the grocery store and each time my little one (who is now 12 lol) had a fit leave.

what is worse really i wonder? a kid having a fit or a kid having a fit and the parent buying them whatever they want to keep them quiet. most of the fits i see kids have at stores is over them wanting something, candy or a toy. a lot of times i see the parents just give them the candy or toy to get them quiet because they are being embarrassing. i wasnt that kind of parent. when my little one was at that age and screamed because she wanted a bag of chips, than sorry for the disturbance because she was not going to be rewarded with a bag of chips. boy oh boy there were times when the rudest people did stop and stare at me. oh well. go shop elsewhere if you dont like it. kids are going to be grouchy and have fits. yes we can try to calm them down, but its not always going to work. does that mean the family cant get groceries i dont think so.
How often did your daughter get a timeout in the store? How often did you make her look you in the eye and tell her that she will stop and there was absolutely no other choice and give her a consequence for her behavior, make her repeat to you what you said, why her behavior was not exceptable, and then follow through? When children are acting out in the store, it is a learned behavior. It stops when the parent decides it will stop. If they are acting out in the store, you can bet that there are other things that are going on where either the needs of the child are not being placed first or there are other problems going on, like the behavior not being addressed and stopped.
 
Old 06-12-2009, 12:34 AM
 
Location: Johnston County, NC
440 posts, read 804,961 times
Reputation: 326
Quote:
Originally Posted by glass_of_merlot View Post
Are you looking for a fight? If anybody would have the nerv to come up and tell me to feed my child or have them buy my child food to shut my child up, I would have to restrain myself not to do something I regret. Bad idea!
Stay out of other peoples business. You have no idea why the child is acting up. You don't know if he or she is hungry, or tiered or just being a rebellious child who wants everything in the store that looks like a toy.
Although it seems the quoted poster was well meaning, I have to agree! That would seriously **** me off for a stranger in a store to assume that I was starving my kid and making him or her go grocery shopping LOL. Although I am sure there are some ****ty parents in the world, There are also kids who want to eat and eat and eat regardless if they are really hungry or not and will ask and ask and ask... especially being in a grocery store with all the food around lol. My daughter was that way too.
 
Old 06-12-2009, 12:36 AM
 
Location: southern california
50,274 posts, read 47,603,261 times
Reputation: 41667
my parents would beat the tar out of me on the spot but that was b4 dr spock.
 
Old 06-12-2009, 12:54 AM
 
Location: Johnston County, NC
440 posts, read 804,961 times
Reputation: 326
Quote:
Originally Posted by flik_becky View Post
How often did your daughter get a timeout in the store? How often did you make her look you in the eye and tell her that she will stop and there was absolutely no other choice and give her a consequence for her behavior, make her repeat to you what you said, why her behavior was not exceptable, and then follow through? When children are acting out in the store, it is a learned behavior. It stops when the parent decides it will stop. If they are acting out in the store, you can bet that there are other things that are going on where either the needs of the child are not being placed first or there are other problems going on, like the behavior not being addressed and stopped.
I beg to differ. I don't recall teaching my child that it was okay to act out at the store. The behavior was addressed absolutely, in the tantrum stage, when the tantrum started at the store there was no stopping it. She seemed to just not want to go to the store and or would see a certain item and have a fit if she didnt get it, so she had the fit. Thank God those days are over.. She is 12 now. My childs needs were always addressed first. I didnt have a magic wand as the parent to make it stop since "It stops when the parent decides it will stop" I always made sure she was nor hungry or tired before going to the store. Sorry but at 2 years old, I did not think I could have my child repeat back to me what I had said for consequences of behavior. She did not talk very much at two years old. Now she is chatterbox!
 
Old 06-12-2009, 01:01 AM
 
Location: Johnston County, NC
440 posts, read 804,961 times
Reputation: 326
Quote:
Originally Posted by flik_becky View Post
How often did your daughter get a timeout in the store? How often did you make her look you in the eye and tell her that she will stop and there was absolutely no other choice and give her a consequence for her behavior, make her repeat to you what you said, why her behavior was not exceptable, and then follow through? When children are acting out in the store, it is a learned behavior. It stops when the parent decides it will stop. If they are acting out in the store, you can bet that there are other things that are going on where either the needs of the child are not being placed first or there are other problems going on, like the behavior not being addressed and stopped.
I will agree with you about doing this "

"make her repeat to you what you said, why her behavior was not exceptable, and then follow through?" I have always used this method when my daughter misbehaved.. When she was old enough to understand to do this. I'm not speaking about misbehaving at a grocery store, I'm just saying in general. It is quite effective.

I will also say that my daughter has always been a little bit slower at certain things. She was recently diagnosed as being High Functioning Autism, so that could explain why maybe she had fits like that at two. I'm not really sure.
 
Old 06-12-2009, 02:26 AM
 
1,122 posts, read 1,310,512 times
Reputation: 710
Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamsncharms View Post
I beg to differ. I don't recall teaching my child that it was okay to act out at the store. The behavior was addressed absolutely, in the tantrum stage, when the tantrum started at the store there was no stopping it. She seemed to just not want to go to the store and or would see a certain item and have a fit if she didnt get it, so she had the fit. Thank God those days are over.. She is 12 now. My childs needs were always addressed first. I didnt have a magic wand as the parent to make it stop since "It stops when the parent decides it will stop" I always made sure she was nor hungry or tired before going to the store. Sorry but at 2 years old, I did not think I could have my child repeat back to me what I had said for consequences of behavior. She did not talk very much at two years old. Now she is chatterbox!
Learned behavior because she was not ever taught anything else. At younger than two, my children could repeat some words. I would MAKE them look me in the eye period. Then I would MAKE them say "No yelling, crying, ect." and "What happens next time?" one word was enough "timeout." For crying of any kind, I teach the kids there are some things worth crying over and somethings not worth the effort. If it's not, I teach them to take deep breaths and blow it out until they get themselves under control and teach them another way to handle the situation. No cry babies that need constant babying, yeah!

I had no magic wand. I had years of experience handling/raising kids, worked with handicaped kids, colicky babies, ect. But this is why everyone says I am like Super Nanny. I do not blame "adhd" for allowing my children to act out. On top of that, they have mulitple oversensitivities, like our youngest who has to have the lines on his socks just right before putting on the shoes, will untie his shoes and keep coming back to you to tie them because he didn't like the bow, has to pick out his own clothes because, God forbid you don't color cordinate right with his favorite color of the day, all are pulled by sounds, sights, bright colors, shapes, anything familiar and unfamilar to them more so than other kids (this is the only reason no one wants to babysit, because they don't know how to handle it and can't keep up when they allow it to go too far. Their not bad, just busy). I teach them different from birth.

Children do not flip out when they don't get something, unless they have not been taught that this is unexceptable. In the stores we have worried more about our children wandering off than flipping out. They are so independent with absolutely no fear, ultra high levels of risk taking. But we address it like everything else and teach our children when things are and are not appropriate. We don't have this worry anymore. We don't even have to hold their hands, they keep up, stay out of crap and, if they are looking (but NOT touching) something and we think that they might miss us going around the corner, we simply say, "We're leaving this area and heading to...) And, oh, their attention is zapped back and on we go.

Example on the youngest range. My sister, having had plenty of experience with children, had a so called colicky baby. When asked if the baby needed to burp she said, "She's just not a burper." Turns out she did the classic baby over shoulder thing but this baby was a tough burper. I taught her how to hold the heel of her hand into the baby's tummy and cup her hand and pat her back and to sit with one leg sitting across the other, laying baby's tummy right onto her leg with burp rag underneath and to do the same cupped hand burping and voila, massive burp followed by contented baby. She wasn't a "colicky" baby. She was a tough burper but mommy decided to just believe that it was just the way her child was, nothing wrong with how she did things.

Point is, even though a stage might be tougher with one child, there are multiple ways to make a child behave in the store, or anywhere for that matter. The first step is to determain what is causing the child to act that way and the second is addressing it. They may flip out at the checkout everytime because they want candy or because they don't like the beeping sounds of the checkout, are afraid of stuff moving all by its self on the conveyor belt. But when you figure it out, no matter how little it seems, boy does your life become easier.

Timeouts for us were hell. Our daughter would spit on the wall. So we put her at the table and made her put her head down. She spit on the table and I MADE her keep her face down in it until her timeout was up. (Timeout's restart when they lift their head or otherwise move from where their timeout began.) Guess what? No more spitting. Next, our second child would sit in the chair and rock it on two legs. He was removed to the floor, face down away from anything to touch. Guess what? After a big tough cry the firrst time, he suddenly decided that timeouts wheren't fun anymore and he still takes timeouts like that. Third one comes along and squirms around in circles on the floor, plays with fluff or other invisible stuff on the floor, at the table he rocks the chair, and enjoys the timeout in the corner like he got off easy, with the little humph sound to show off. Until I made him kneel in his timeout with his arms above his head where he could not touch anything. Guess what? Creative parenting worked again. Now the mere mention of a timeout is all I need with any of them. Our 7 year old gets talked to or a timeout maybe once a month if that, our 5 year old is around 3 a month and our 3 year old? Well he's still testing the water. I'm not afraid to give him a timeout if we are in the park, store, car, (yes and it works great), backyard, family gathering, ect. He's learning and I might think he's testing but everyone else thinks he's well behaved. Having good kids is hard work boy, but it's worth all the consistancy, time and the moments of stress for a couple of years so that we can relax the rest of the years, at least until the teen years come around, but I am sure that if they are use to the consistancy by then, they will not be as bad as some kids I know.

The number one problem is with people saying..."They're just being a kid." No. The job of being a kid is on the kid. The job of raising a child that is ready for the real world as an adult, understanding acceptable and unacceptable behavior and being a productive member of society is the parents. Bad behavior is not a kid being a kid. Its a parent with a bad excuse.
 
Old 06-12-2009, 04:39 AM
 
Location: England
1,169 posts, read 1,495,308 times
Reputation: 957
Try not to do big shopping trips with children. I work shifts and when my children were very young, my husband also worked shifts. I would wait till he came home, then go out - 10pm if neccessary - for big shopping trips. Whats the point of stressing yourself out? For little things, its ok to take young children, but make sure they're not hungry, over tired etc. Other then that - they have to learn to socialise and just put up with things sometimes. The world does not revolve around them.
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