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Old 06-12-2009, 04:38 PM
 
3,842 posts, read 9,170,828 times
Reputation: 3177

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Quote:
Originally Posted by springfieldva View Post
Think of it this way: "Will my dirty glare help this situation?"

In most cases, the answer is a big "NO". Shooting a glare at the mother may make *you* feel better but it won't make the situation any better for the child.
Never said to give the parent a glare. Parents such as those are the ones who will have no problem saying, to the person, in front of the child "What are you looking at?"

For the parents who cannot control THEMSELVES let alone their child in a store or public setting...I just ignore them.

For the parents who are showing an obvious attempt to manage a situtation that is escalating and respondingin a normal manner (and yes, that may mean raising their voice..difference b/w raising your voice & screaming), if they look like they need a hand, I have no problem offering one.

The point is, parents who make excuses for their behavior and pass it over to excuse the child's behavior is not really the best thing & I do not give them a smile & look of encouragement as they push their child down the aisle & the child stumbles over a display & the parent says "well, if you'd look the hell where you were going you wouldn't trip"..those sort of people...sorry, I distance myself & my children from parents who behave that way & find it acceptable behavior to show a child.

 
Old 06-15-2009, 10:07 AM
 
1,122 posts, read 1,947,143 times
Reputation: 731
Quote:
Originally Posted by suzie02 View Post
She has perfect children. I have read her posts before and that is her theme.
My children are not perfect. They are very well behaved and I am proud of that. Not just of them, but us too for dedication and long lasting consistency in raising them that way. I'm not a casual parent. I take my role very seriously and take a lot of pride in raising great, well behaved kids. They are handfuls more than most children, my boys are little alpha males, our daughter was a huge handful, but although we have difficulties, I don't use it as an excuse to be a lazy parent.

But I have low tolerance for ignorance. Actually, my saying goes, "Debate the ignorant, leave the stupid alone." Meaning that if someone is saying something because they just don't know, simple ignorance, take the time to help them learn it. But stupid people, the ones who turn their ignorance around to somehow be the problem of the person with the knowledge or skills, or just don't believe that they may possibly not know something, don't waste your time. They are stupid by choice, not taking the time to acquire the knowledge.

Don't take this as me knowing everything. I have many ignorant moments. But I have the knowledge to shut my mouth and listen to learn something new when the opportunity arrives.

AND, if my children have a moment where they aren't "perfect" it isn't THEIR fault. It's MINE for either not teaching something or allowing something to happen. My children will only be as "perfect" I choose to make them.

We just spent a weekend camping with 200 people, mostly strangers, and never have to worry about out kids. There are just a few parents who could sit back and let their kids just run knowing that they will respect other people's space, not litter, not fight, go out of sight, ect. And guess where all the kids were playing? In front of our camp as usual. At the end of the weekend, everyone gathered to tell us goodbye, hug us, and tell us how great our kids were and thank us for our help keeping all the kids entertained and busy from morning until night. I didn't know what they were talking about because they could all clearly see my boys biggering about which seat was theirs in the truck and I had to tell all of them three times to do something. And we had just finished a meeting where I had to leave with my son and another little girl because they were playing. At the back where they should have been fine but a handful of people were upset because they sacrificed the ability to hear those speaking for shade farther away. But out of RESPECT I took the kids so they could run off the last of their energy before leaving. I pointed that out to one parent and they said, "Are you kidding? That is what most of the kids did ALL weekend. I can't believe your kids made until now with out a single problem. The more you do this, the more you'll realize just how good they are. Everyone here appreciates how well your kids behaved."
If they only knew that all the medical personal in the family has believed that our extreme case ADHD kids should be on meds and counseling/therapy for the attention and listening problems, speech impediments, not playing with toys right.

But imagine how it would make you feel if you heard this, after spending one day that weekend with your mother, who, after hearing the littlest speaking, pointed out that one of her brothers is retarded and believes that I should face the truth. Even though heís not developmentally delayed and can read at three, to HER, there is something wrong with him. Itís constant with my family and I find myself defending my children and our stance toward parenting constantly. But everyone else we are not stressed out being around says wonderful things. But then again, I am arguing with awfully stupid people when it comes to parenting, who wither believe the way to get your kids to listen is to beat them, neglect them and sleep in until noon, or let the children decide how things will happen in the house.

If the feedback says anything, there are many here who agree with me. Maybe some of them just don't bother arguing with those who don't care about their kids behavior as much as everyone else.
 
Old 06-15-2009, 10:13 AM
 
1,122 posts, read 1,947,143 times
Reputation: 731
Quote:
Originally Posted by 121804 View Post
So, when I see the parent bend down to the child's level and SCREAM "I said shut up!" and then the child either looks terrified or starts an even bigger tantrum, I should just say, "Hmmm, bet they are just having a bad day.."

Absolutely not. To scream back at your child, taunt them, or tease them is cruel & mean. For a child to scream back at their parents, use foul language & throw things is completely & absolutely unnecessary. It interferes with other parents or shoppers who are managing to control their emotions and tempers & sets an extremely awful example for children AND other children.

Cracks me up the excuses parents have for their OWN POOR BEHAVIOR and pass it on to the kids. What an example....

Most parents who have a few working brain cells & put 5 minutes into the raising of their children handle tantrums correctly and in a positive manner for their child.

I don't care if the parent is Mary Poppins, June Cleaver or the lady from Married with Children...there is no reason to scream at the top of your lungs AT YOUR child in a place like a store or restuarant when they are right next to you nor is there a reason to allow that behavior from your child when shopping for milk and cheese.

Whining and crying b/c the child is overtired, overstimulated, hungry..that is one thing. Screaming & yelling b/c they can't get something they want or are looking for attention is completely different. If a parent is unable to separate those events, that is quite unfortunate.

When I see a parent loudly yell back at the child or say a harshly sacrastic comment that brings the child to tears...I'm seeing a tiny glimpse of EXACTLY what kind of parent they are.. and obnoxious is only one word to describe it.....
I agree about not screaming at kids. And if my children notice the bad behavior of parents or children, I will say right then and there, in front of the parents and kids, to my children, that the behavior is not exceptable. It only takes once for a kid see another kid hit their parent to think that it is exceptable behavior and I will not be afraid to use the moment to teach my kids right off that it will not be tolerated by either of us. There is no reason to yell or scream at your kids. If anyone has a kid that acts up in the store, they need to look at themselves first to find where they are learning the behavior.
 
Old 06-15-2009, 10:30 AM
 
467 posts, read 837,813 times
Reputation: 223
Quote:
Originally Posted by flik_becky View Post
I agree about not screaming at kids. And if my children notice the bad behavior of parents or children, I will say right then and there, in front of the parents and kids, to my children, that the behavior is not exceptable. It only takes once for a kid see another kid hit their parent to think that it is exceptable behavior and I will not be afraid to use the moment to teach my kids right off that it will not be tolerated by either of us. There is no reason to yell or scream at your kids. If anyone has a kid that acts up in the store, they need to look at themselves first to find where they are learning the behavior.
Kinda hard not to react in a defensive way sometimes if your kid is screaming, cursing and getting right in your face or taking a swing at you with something that could hurt you.

Or even something as simple as nonstop whining and griping that's pushing your buttons to the limit and you can't take it anymore and have to raise your voice to be heard OVER his whining.

"Stop complaining. Sit down. Be quiet. I don't want to hear anymore. You're done talking about it now!" Parents are only human and are entitled to lose it once in awhile
 
Old 06-15-2009, 10:45 AM
 
Location: Sacramento
2,568 posts, read 5,784,172 times
Reputation: 1904
Quote:
Originally Posted by flik_becky View Post
My children are not perfect. They are very well behaved and I am proud of that. Not just of them, but us too for dedication and long lasting consistency in raising them that way. I'm not a casual parent. I take my role very seriously and take a lot of pride in raising great, well behaved kids. They are handfuls more than most children, my boys are little alpha males, our daughter was a huge handful, but although we have difficulties, I don't use it as an excuse to be a lazy parent.

But I have low tolerance for ignorance. Actually, my saying goes, "Debate the ignorant, leave the stupid alone." Meaning that if someone is saying something because they just don't know, simple ignorance, take the time to help them learn it. But stupid people, the ones who turn their ignorance around to somehow be the problem of the person with the knowledge or skills, or just don't believe that they may possibly not know something, don't waste your time. They are stupid by choice, not taking the time to acquire the knowledge.

Don't take this as me knowing everything. I have many ignorant moments. But I have the knowledge to shut my mouth and listen to learn something new when the opportunity arrives.

AND, if my children have a moment where they aren't "perfect" it isn't THEIR fault. It's MINE for either not teaching something or allowing something to happen. My children will only be as "perfect" I choose to make them.

We just spent a weekend camping with 200 people, mostly strangers, and never have to worry about out kids. There are just a few parents who could sit back and let their kids just run knowing that they will respect other people's space, not litter, not fight, go out of sight, ect. And guess where all the kids were playing? In front of our camp as usual. At the end of the weekend, everyone gathered to tell us goodbye, hug us, and tell us how great our kids were and thank us for our help keeping all the kids entertained and busy from morning until night. I didn't know what they were talking about because they could all clearly see my boys biggering about which seat was theirs in the truck and I had to tell all of them three times to do something. And we had just finished a meeting where I had to leave with my son and another little girl because they were playing. At the back where they should have been fine but a handful of people were upset because they sacrificed the ability to hear those speaking for shade farther away. But out of RESPECT I took the kids so they could run off the last of their energy before leaving. I pointed that out to one parent and they said, "Are you kidding? That is what most of the kids did ALL weekend. I can't believe your kids made until now with out a single problem. The more you do this, the more you'll realize just how good they are. Everyone here appreciates how well your kids behaved."
If they only knew that all the medical personal in the family has believed that our extreme case ADHD kids should be on meds and counseling/therapy for the attention and listening problems, speech impediments, not playing with toys right.

But imagine how it would make you feel if you heard this, after spending one day that weekend with your mother, who, after hearing the littlest speaking, pointed out that one of her brothers is retarded and believes that I should face the truth. Even though heís not developmentally delayed and can read at three, to HER, there is something wrong with him. Itís constant with my family and I find myself defending my children and our stance toward parenting constantly. But everyone else we are not stressed out being around says wonderful things. But then again, I am arguing with awfully stupid people when it comes to parenting, who wither believe the way to get your kids to listen is to beat them, neglect them and sleep in until noon, or let the children decide how things will happen in the house.

If the feedback says anything, there are many here who agree with me. Maybe some of them just don't bother arguing with those who don't care about their kids behavior as much as everyone else.

O yeah and you write veeeery long posts too.
 
Old 06-15-2009, 02:45 PM
 
1,122 posts, read 1,947,143 times
Reputation: 731
Quote:
Originally Posted by suzie02 View Post
O yeah and you write veeeery long posts too.
First off, It's not writting...its typing. If I had to write, I could never get it down so fast. Second, how slow do you type? And, how slow do you read?

I read the full pages of posts very quickly and type very quickly so it doesn't seem very long to me.

But anyway, what does that have to do with a breakdown in isle 7. It's about parent's knowing and not knowing how to deal with their kids. I feel sorry for kids whose parents don't bother to take the time to listen to them and teach them.
 
Old 06-15-2009, 03:06 PM
 
1,122 posts, read 1,947,143 times
Reputation: 731
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrMom2 View Post
Kinda hard not to react in a defensive way sometimes if your kid is screaming, cursing and getting right in your face or taking a swing at you with something that could hurt you.
Whose kids do this??!! Mine don't and would never DREAM of it. My children witnessed a kid hit and kick his dad and shockingly told him.."Why are you HITTING your Dad!?" They STILL talk about a year later with such shock. They say now, "Why would you hurt someone from your family?" They can't comprehend it. Dad kept telling him in a soft voice not to do it but never put him in a timeout or did anything about it. My kids do NOT act like this and I do not need to scream or yell at them, ever, to get them to act so well behaved. BUT...we do not allow anyone to swear in front of our children. We do not hit or allow any hitting in our family. We teach our kids to be nuturing and endearing with each other, they do not get in our face. They do not see or hear their parents fighting (because we never do, we might have a good arguement once or twice a year), they don't see us hitting each other, screaming at each other, calling each other names. They see us respect each other. We respect them. But we are firm. We set ground rules and expect them to be followed and we follow through. Lots of parents will give their kids three strikes you're out or a count to three, five or whatever to listen. We expect them to listen immediantly. If they don't, no yelling, screaming, hitting, ect. We just react by taking said kid and putting them into a timeout immediantly. That way they know when we say something, they don't have another chance to do it if they feel like it or another three seconds before they really have to stop. When we say it, we mean NOW. We save yelling for REALLY bad situations. Our daughter is a bit of an airhead sometimes and likes to look behind her when she runs. We usually watch with amusement and laugh when she runs into the wall again, but we will yell when if it's immediant danger. Why do we do it this way? We want them to know when we do have to yell, it is VERY serious and they react accordingly. No need for them to get use to the yelling and screaming and no take us seriously.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrMom2 View Post
Or even something as simple as nonstop whining and griping that's pushing your buttons to the limit and you can't take it anymore and have to raise your voice to be heard OVER his whining.
I have one that thinks he likes to whine, and another one who is just loud. Not screaming, just too loud. I will only say, in the tone I want them to use, "You are whinning. You are whinning. You are whinning. you are whinning" or "You are too loud. You are too loud..." You get the point. I interupt them over and over until they are talking to me in a respectful tone. When one crying at me (not do to injury or any other exceptable reason), I say, "You are crying at me, you need to take deep breaths, blow them out. When you are ready, you need to take to me with confidence." It makes them feel better and is very effective.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrMom2 View Post
"Stop complaining. Sit down. Be quiet. I don't want to hear anymore. You're done talking about it now!" Parents are only human and are entitled to lose it once in awhile
I don't need to yell at them. They get immediant timeouts. If I am still trying to speak to them, they get a quick sharp "eh" sound that stops them in their tracks everytime they start to speak about it again.
 
Old 06-15-2009, 03:16 PM
 
Location: Boise, ID
7,966 posts, read 22,093,158 times
Reputation: 9105
I don't have kids, but I used to be one

If my sister or I decided to pitch a fit in a store...any store... we were promptly removed. There was none of this "if you don't stop..." or "do I have to turn this car around?...". She just dealt with it. Very rarely did either of us cause a scene...we knew it would have the opposite of the desired effect.

Movie theaters especially, if we made noise for more than 10 seconds, it was out to the car.

I worked retail for about 10 years, and I agree with most of the other retail workers in here. I would much prefer to restock your cart or basket than to listen to screaming children, any day of the week.
 
Old 06-15-2009, 05:00 PM
 
Location: Sacramento
2,568 posts, read 5,784,172 times
Reputation: 1904
Quote:
Originally Posted by flik_becky View Post
First off, It's not writting...its typing. If I had to write, I could never get it down so fast. Second, how slow do you type? And, how slow do you read?

I read the full pages of posts very quickly and type very quickly so it doesn't seem very long to me.
You were responding to my post but because of the length of your post I wasn't going to read it. I was just letting you know that. BTW I received a rep for saying your posts were long.
 
Old 06-15-2009, 05:44 PM
 
Location: Santa Barbara
1,474 posts, read 2,561,651 times
Reputation: 942
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lacerta View Post
I don't have kids, but I used to be one

If my sister or I decided to pitch a fit in a store...any store... we were promptly removed. There was none of this "if you don't stop..." or "do I have to turn this car around?...". She just dealt with it. Very rarely did either of us cause a scene...we knew it would have the opposite of the desired effect.

Movie theaters especially, if we made noise for more than 10 seconds, it was out to the car.

.
Do we have the same parents ? It just wasn't tolerated. My mother never raised her voice in public but she would give us THE LOOK. We knew that we would be grounded or have something taken away. We all went out to dinner from a very early age but my parents were quick to take us out if we misbehaved. It just wasn't a problem with us. A good friend of mine growing up was still climbing under tables at restaurants at age 10. I was SOOO embarrased at the ruckus she was causing and I was the same age. Her parents had given up. She was a handful and they were older.

Everyone encounters loud noise and hassles of some sort. It generally doesn't bug me because I can flee if it gets too bad. What drives me more crazy is the random person talking VERY loudly on their cell phone not paying attention to what they are doing be it checking out at the grocery store, ordering food, whathaveyou.

Parents have enough to worry about without me bugging them. BUT, if I see someone hitting their child or doing something that seems dangerous, I might say something. Or at the very least report it to someone.
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