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Old 06-08-2009, 06:54 AM
 
Location: Australia
1,492 posts, read 2,654,865 times
Reputation: 1693

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Abandon cart.
Take child home. They need sleep.
Unfortunately child needs smack on bum but these days if you do it in public, you get in trouble.

 
Old 06-08-2009, 07:26 AM
 
Location: Here... for now
1,747 posts, read 2,619,392 times
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I didn't mention how I've reacted when in Observer role. Often, my reaction depends on my proximity to the Meltdown and Parent's reaction. If I'm close and Parent looks like they're trying to take action, whatever it may be, I'll try to distract Kiddo, like wyoquilter said. Or I'll offer a sympathetic, "yeah, I've been there" look of solidarity to Parent.

However, if it looks as if Parent couldn't care less about the ruckus, I admit, I get annoyed. Depending on my mood, I'll admit, I have given Parent the dirty look (Parent, not the child) because Parent should be taking SOME action. Parent is the only one who can take control of the situation and has chosen not to.

If I'm aisles away and the racket just.won't.stop., I get annoyed. I wonder, why won't they leave??? Of course, in some cases, there's probably a good reason why Parent can't shuttle Kiddo out and MUST continue shopping, but I'm willing to bet that's not the case most times. Sometimes, I've rushed my own shopping just to escape the racket.

Thanks, DubbleT, for providing a response as a store employee. I've often wondered how they feel about it.
 
Old 06-08-2009, 07:33 AM
 
Location: chicagoland
1,636 posts, read 3,654,996 times
Reputation: 1061
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gerania View Post
I've taken my cart to the courtesy desk and asked them to put it somewhere until I could come back in and get it. If I didn't have a cart full, I just left.

It's annoying to hear parents repeatedly tell children that they will leave unless the tantrum ends (like that works) or they behave themselves and then they don't follow through, just keep repeating the same threat.

If they CAN'T put your FULL cart in a refrigerated area for you to come back later then continue to the checkout without any stops in between. You cannot be expected to leave your entire cart especially since you will probably have to bring your child back anyhow I'm assuming and it could happen again.

It is a public place. You have every right to be there screaming kid or not. I hear teens swearing and see older kids running around and see ADULTS coughing and sneezing without covering their mouths all the time. It's life and it's a public place and these things are bound to happen. YOU can't be expected to bow down to each and every person who doesn't understand (usually those without children or who do not like them) but at the same time like NellyNomad said, I've seen parents who don't give a crapola about the ruckus. As long as you are making an effort to get out of there and are aknowledging the fit, you should just focus on getting out of there AFTER you pay for your groceries AS FAST AS POSSIBLE WITH AS MANY APOLOGIES AS YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE GIVING!!

Last edited by miasmommy; 06-08-2009 at 08:14 AM..
 
Old 06-08-2009, 07:55 AM
 
3,842 posts, read 9,242,210 times
Reputation: 3177
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gerania View Post
I've taken my cart to the courtesy desk and asked them to put it somewhere until I could come back in and get it. If I didn't have a cart full, I just left.

It's annoying to hear parents repeatedly tell children that they will leave unless the tantrum ends (like that works) or they behave themselves and then they don't follow through, just keep repeating the same threat.
With #1, rarely, if ever had issues. I think one of the main reasons was b/c I did not do shopping during times were he or I were overtired or hungry, etc. We also went earlier in the AM, which is the best time for him

With #1 & #2, they feed off one another. One starts, the other picks up & it intensifies.

I refuse to threaten my children. Not b/c I don't believe in consequences to poor behavior, but b/c of "If you don't stop, "A" will happen" mentality. Ok, a toddler is going to find this intriguing & those see what does indeed happen.
Power control starts. I don't play those games.

I have come VERY close to leaving the cart at the courtesy counter but has not happened. I've seen parents do it, though & it has stuck with me that is the way to go if necessary.

Seeing that mine are 3 1/2 & 1 1/2, my dh & I have worked out a schedule where I can go grocery shopping without the kids, which is once a week, very early in the Sat am.

The times I do have to take them shopping, I try to limit the time in the store to the bare necessities. While it reinforces to them positive behavior in public, it also does not require them to be confined to a cart with hundreds of things to grab for a time limit that can be a little overwhelming to toddlers.

I cannot stand it when parents continue shopping as their toddlers scream, cry, kick & yell at the top of their lungs & the parent continues to look at the cereal as if it is the most important decision in their life. The food can wait. Take your child out of the store, get them under control. If they are in such a state, go home & return later. Keeping them in the store is continuing to allow the poor behavior.

Whining & wiggling around a lot in the cart is one thing. Happens to all of us. Full blown tantrum is another.

Last edited by 121804; 06-08-2009 at 08:08 AM..
 
Old 06-08-2009, 08:51 AM
 
199 posts, read 569,518 times
Reputation: 108
Well... aometimes you just HAVE to finish up your shopping ...you may have what spend an hr doing it and you may have a couple of more items to pic up... I think to just up and run...adn coem back for another hr is not a luxury I have.... I am truly sorry for other people who have to put up with it, but if teh child is not hungry...just hates shopping what can you do? I try to bring along toys to distract, but I stopped judging parents who are dealing with this situation.

I used to be a great parent before I actually became one When I would see achild have a melt down I used to think "wow they really need ot discipline that child" ...now after a couple of meltdowns of my own child...I have learned to let it go..put your head down and do what you have to...be it leave your cart...or if you don't have the luxury of time to do that...get thorugh it.... most parenst understand...most non-parenst ..do not...
 
Old 06-08-2009, 11:44 AM
 
1,986 posts, read 3,466,718 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by indie05 View Post
Well... aometimes you just HAVE to finish up your shopping ...you may have what spend an hr doing it and you may have a couple of more items to pic up... I think to just up and run...adn coem back for another hr is not a luxury I have.... I am truly sorry for other people who have to put up with it, but if teh child is not hungry...just hates shopping what can you do? I try to bring along toys to distract, but I stopped judging parents who are dealing with this situation.

I used to be a great parent before I actually became one When I would see achild have a melt down I used to think "wow they really need ot discipline that child" ...now after a couple of meltdowns of my own child...I have learned to let it go..put your head down and do what you have to...be it leave your cart...or if you don't have the luxury of time to do that...get thorugh it.... most parenst understand...most non-parenst ..do not...
For one thing, you're thinking only of yourself, what you have to do and what you can tolerate.

I am a parent and no, I do not understand when a parent is shopping with a screaming child in the cart or dragging along. I did not tolerate that from my own children, and I don't appreciate being expected to tolerate it from someone else's child or children.

I don't care what the reason, it is consideration for all others in the store to remove yourself and your screaming child until that child has been brought back under behavioral control.

It is distracting to try to shop when someone's child is screaming and having a fit. It's easy to forget things and puts all those in the store under stress. Why? because you need to get through whether your child is screaming or not.
 
Old 06-08-2009, 11:57 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
546 posts, read 1,463,681 times
Reputation: 583
My husband had this happen to him about 3 weeks ago. He went food shopping with our 2 yr old (who is normally well behaved). I dont know what happened but an hour later, DH showed up sans food with a screaming child. He brought our son in, looked at me with an apologetic smile, and went right back out. Our food store is a minute away so he dropped the cart at the front desk, drove our son home to me, and then went back.

I've only had to deal with this as a parent once, and we left. For one thing, if your child is having a full meltdown, at that point nothing is going to stop it but time. And it's not fair to other customers to deal with a full out screaming tantrum child. You can always go back shopping another time.
 
Old 06-08-2009, 12:14 PM
 
3,842 posts, read 9,242,210 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by indie05 View Post
.... most parenst understand...most non-parenst ..do not...
As a parent, I do understand whining & grabbing of things. I understand hearing newborns crying & older toddlers starting to get overstimulated. I understand the haggard look on the parents & smile when I see them trying to just get through the trip.

But, as a parent, no, I do not understand nor do I tolerate full blown screaming, yelling & crying even in my own home let alone a public place.

It take less than a few minutes to take the cart to the courtesy counter, leave it there, and take your child outside for a few minutes to get the situation under control. If your child is so hysterical & the situation is beyond crazy, not sure how food wins out over it...but, whenever I risk going to WalMart, I see this all the time, so guess many parents feel it is ok to ACCEPT this behavior.

Whether it be a grocery store, restuarant, friends home, or public place...there is absolutely no reason why your child should be permitted to have a serious temper tantrum. They don't like shopping? Too bad. They'll have to deal & learn that there is also a level of expectation that is expected of them in circumstances in which they'd rather not be.

I am dealing with this with my 3 1/2yr old. Some things he just would rather not do. Doesn't mean he yells, screams, kicks & makes a scene. He is expected to adjust to the situation and as a parent, I do my best to help him & give him the tools to properly handle his frustration or whatever it may be.

It has NOTHING to do with luxury but rather to do with the nitty gritty of parenting & how you, as the parent, handle the situation.
 
Old 06-08-2009, 12:27 PM
 
Location: Upstate NY
1,289 posts, read 2,326,206 times
Reputation: 3689
As an employee of a small retail store (at the mall), please take your child elsewhere. I don't even see why people bring children into our store to begin with, considering we sell many adult things (personal massagers and things with crude language). But the number one thing I hate is when parents bring screaming children into the store, even worse when they let them run around and knock stuff over.

It's bad enough that Piercing Pagoda is just outside our door (little kids getting their ears pierced sometimes scream very very loudly).


If the meltdown is at a supermarket or something and it were me I'd grab what I need and head for checkout while trying to get the kid to calm down. If I'm at my wits end I'd probably leave the cart where it is and leave.
it does depend on the age of the child. If the kid is older than ten I'd make him or her go sit in the car.
 
Old 06-08-2009, 12:38 PM
 
467 posts, read 845,001 times
Reputation: 223
Quote:
Originally Posted by miasmommy View Post
...It is a public place. You have every right to be there screaming kid or not. I hear teens swearing and see older kids running around and see ADULTS coughing and sneezing without covering their mouths all the time. It's life and it's a public place and these things are bound to happen. YOU can't be expected to bow down to each and every person who doesn't understand (usually those without children or who do not like them) but at the same time like NellyNomad said, I've seen parents who don't give a crapola about the ruckus. As long as you are making an effort to get out of there and are aknowledging the fit, you should just focus on getting out of there AFTER you pay for your groceries AS FAST AS POSSIBLE WITH AS MANY APOLOGIES AS YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE GIVING!!
Its not a public area, its someone's property and business and the store has every right to ask you to leave the premises, esp if they get the idea your making them lose any business.

If you refuse to leave, they can have the police remove you and trespassing and/or public disturbance charges could be brought, although unlikely.

As an observer nowadays, I wouldn't do anything, although I may be tempted to. Its just too volatile a society we live in nowadays (everyone's sue happy) and to get myself drawn into a domestic dispute isn't something I need. I'll just grit my teeth, bear it, and mind my own business and let the store management handle it if they feel a need.
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