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Old 06-08-2009, 12:41 PM
 
467 posts, read 845,001 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Puru View Post
...If the kid is older than ten I'd make him or her go sit in the car.
good idea, but sadly its illegal in many places as long as the kid is legally a minor. Best to just leave period if its that bad. I'd probably abandon the cart too, as that isn't going to be my priority at the time (in a super bad situation).

 
Old 06-08-2009, 12:43 PM
 
596 posts, read 738,557 times
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My child threw a tantrum in a store once. I took him outside in front of the store, calmly explained what I was going to do and why and pulled down his pants and spanked his bare bottom. A woman pulled her car over and started yelling at me about "beating" my child. I was tempted to tell her to mind her own business, but instead I pointed at my ear and shook my head to indicate I was hearing-impaired.

I think when people see someone spanking their kids, they automatically assume that this is a regular occurrence and the parent is abusive. In fact, I can count on my hand the number of times I feel it necessary to spank my son.

BTW, my son never had any public tantrums or outbursts ever again.
 
Old 06-08-2009, 12:51 PM
 
467 posts, read 845,001 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SactoBankerGirl View Post
My child threw a tantrum in a store once. I took him outside in front of the store, calmly explained what I was going to do and why and pulled down his pants and spanked his bare bottom. A woman pulled her car over and started yelling at me about "beating" my child. I was tempted to tell her to mind her own business, but instead I pointed at my ear and shook my head to indicate I was hearing-impaired.

I think when people see someone spanking their kids, they automatically assume that this is a regular occurrence and the parent is abusive. In fact, I can count on my hand the number of times I feel it necessary to spank my son.

BTW, my son never had any public tantrums or outbursts ever again.
Although I agree people should mind their business, its also not that much trouble to take Junior to the car and have your privacy there. Chances are more likely of people minding their business as they won't even notice you unless they are looking in your car for some reason.

Your scenario supports (my opinion) of why any disciplinary actions you take should just wait until you get them in private and then give them the verbal lashing they need without public interference. In the meanwhile let em fuss all they want on the way to the car, you'll get your chance in a few minutes to say your piece and cut loose, but at least no one got in your business on the way there. Busybodies only make a situation worse and some crafty kids will capitalize on it if they know it'll get you in trouble. In your scenario, that lady would have driven right past and been none the wiser to your existence had you waited another 30 seconds. Imagine had she called the cops and made a federal case of it. Who needs that extra garbage.

I don't support being physical or spanking either, but I still get my point across to the kids.
 
Old 06-08-2009, 12:53 PM
 
Location: Sacramento
2,568 posts, read 5,839,397 times
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I got to say I go shopping all the time and I do not witness all this screaming kids.

When I was a foster mom I did go on shopping at Walmart while I had a 6yo crying in the shopping cart. She was crying because she wanted a certain item I was not going to buy her. She was testing the limits since she was new in my care. I believe ignoring her was a better way to deal with her at that point. I did get some people ask me what was wrong with her but no dirty looks. Since she saw the tantrum didn't work she never did it again.
 
Old 06-08-2009, 12:59 PM
 
Location: Rocket City, U.S.A.
1,806 posts, read 4,994,320 times
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There is a difference between the minor outburst of ick and a prolonged drama...one settles itself rather quickly (Oh, this won't work...fiddlesticks!) and the other is something of a torment strangers do not deserve. That is the continued, unending wail of a child and/or the parental oblivion that often accompanies it.

If it is a baby, you remove the child from whatever confines it and hold, sooth. Take away to another quiet area - outside, foyer. Do not allow screaming to continue. It is a BABY. Do not ignore.

Toddler.
Take the cart to the customer service desk, or excuse yourself from the table. Explain that you need to deal with a situation and will be back in a few minutes. All will understand and appreciate the effort. Walk outside with child, determine the cause of discomfort. Also determine whether or not this is something that can be rectified while in the current environment. Act accordingly.

Older child...few excuses for this, mental conditions aside, which is something else entirely. Normal tantrum scenario, do NOT ignore. Fine at home, anything but fine in public. See toddler. With age comes consequence.

If you threaten to leave if, actually LEAVE if. Otherwise that doesn't in any way act as a deterrent or punishment and is nothing but additional noise.

Last edited by 33458; 06-08-2009 at 01:12 PM..
 
Old 06-08-2009, 01:02 PM
 
467 posts, read 845,001 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 33458 View Post
If it is a baby, you take the baby out of whatever confines it and hold, sooth. Take away to another quiet area - outside, foyer. Do not allow screaming to continue. It is a BABY. Do not ignore.

Toddler.
Take the cart to the customer service desk, or excuse yourself from the table. Explain that you need to deal with a situation and will be back in a few minutes. All will understand and appreciate the effort. Walk outside with child, determine the cause of discomfort. Also determine whether or not this is something that can be rectified while in the current environment. Act accordingly.

Older child...few excuses for this, mental conditions aside, which is something else entirely. Normal tantrum scenario, do NOT ignore. Fine at home, anything but fine in public. See toddler. With age comes consequence.

If you threaten to leave if, actually LEAVE if. Otherwise that doesn't in any way act as a deterrent or punishment and is nothing but additional noise.

good point about the mental issues of older kids. Thats another good reason for strangers to mind their business: you don't have all the facts, as such...butt out.
 
Old 06-08-2009, 01:07 PM
 
596 posts, read 738,557 times
Reputation: 1080
Quote:
Originally Posted by 33458 View Post
If it is a baby, you take the baby out of whatever confines it and hold, sooth. Take away to another quiet area - outside, foyer. Do not allow screaming to continue. It is a BABY. Do not ignore.

Toddler.
Take the cart to the customer service desk, or excuse yourself from the table. Explain that you need to deal with a situation and will be back in a few minutes. All will understand and appreciate the effort. Walk outside with child, determine the cause of discomfort. Also determine whether or not this is something that can be rectified while in the current environment. Act accordingly.

Older child...few excuses for this, mental conditions aside, which is something else entirely. Normal tantrum scenario, do NOT ignore. Fine at home, anything but fine in public. See toddler. With age comes consequence.

If you threaten to leave if, actually LEAVE if. Otherwise that doesn't in any way act as a deterrent or punishment and is nothing but additional noise.
This advise is perfect! There is nothing worse than threats that are not followed up with action.

Another thing I would add is not to take infants and toddlers to a store unless it is absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, try to make sure they are well-fed and well-rested.

I know some trips to the store are unplanned and unavoidable when you HAVE to get 1-2 items, but when you stroll the aisles for 45 minutes until the child is bored to tears, it is your own fault.
 
Old 06-08-2009, 01:10 PM
 
3,422 posts, read 9,436,301 times
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Now that 3 of my 4 kids are school-aged I can usually shop with just the baby, but when I had 3 under school age and my husband was deployed a lot I dreaded shopping day. It was not so much tantrums but general disorganized high activity and constant chatter, mixed with sneaky fingers and unrelenting requests for items.

I do remember having to abandon a cart (without perishables) once.

I am sure I have had to take kids to the bathroom to have a talk, but generally I have found that I can pick one item that they would like and offer it as a reward and that helps. I also had a supermarket that would give a free cookie to kids, and I would wait on the free cookie til we were 2/3 of the way done. That way they would try to behave so they could get the cookie, and they could also get the cookie as their boredom started to peak and it would carry me through the rest of the shopping trip.

Personally, I'd rather a parent take 10 min to take a child outside to cool down and determine whether the shopping trip can resume or its just beyond help, than to have to hear a tantrum while I am shopping. When my husband is around, I go grocery shopping alone to get a quiet break from the chaos of my family. Sometimes I even go early in the morning so there are hardly any shoppers (I have run into other moms at that time who are there alone and who appreciate the relative quiet as well).

Take this or leave this: I had also found a tootsie roll pop and very very fast, focused, grocery shopping could get me through the store when I needed to go and had to take the kids.

I love the program some stores have (I think Harris Teeter is one of them) where you buy online and pick up your groceries on your way home from work. I have never lived where that was offered, but its a great idea.
 
Old 06-08-2009, 01:27 PM
 
596 posts, read 738,557 times
Reputation: 1080
Now that my youngest is eight, we do this and find it works well:

I tell him that if he behaves and does not touch ANYTHING in the store, then he can choose one item as a reward when we are finished shopping. This makes him focus on his behavior and it makes him really think about "Out of everything in this store, what do I want the most?" So, as we are going up and down the aisles, he really has an goal!
 
Old 06-08-2009, 01:30 PM
 
Location: (WNY)
5,384 posts, read 9,588,355 times
Reputation: 7646
I would like to know, since there are actually posters suggesting not to do the grocery shopping with children. How many of you actually have the luxury of NOT bringing your children with you shopping? My husband works about 75 hours a week.... and running in and out on the weekends with other things. I am just wondering if this is seriously an option for the majority of you.... if so I am very jealous......
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