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Old 06-08-2009, 04:02 PM
 
1,986 posts, read 3,469,933 times
Reputation: 1289

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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrMom2 View Post
good point about the mental issues of older kids. Thats another good reason for strangers to mind their business: you don't have all the facts, as such...butt out.
You mean it's permissable and we should all turn our heads if it is a case of mental incapacity? No way. It is no more acceptable for an older child or person to be wailing in a store than a small child no matter what the reason. It is no less distracting, it is no less grinding on people who go in a store to get their business done and go home. If a person can leave with a small child, a person can leave with an older child or person making the same amount of noise. I used to work with multihandicapped young adults and when they were a distration to those around them, we left where ever we were. Sometimes it was McDonald's (their favorite spot) and they lost out because of their behavior. They dealt and so did we, but we didn't go back in.
Quote:
Originally Posted by indie05 View Post
Shopping centers like Walmart are IMO public places... How many people have actually abandoned their carts while they were shopping because of someone else's screaming kids and gone home???? I do not have the time or energy to quit shopping half way and return.


What may be irritating to you may not be irritating to me and vice versa. Parents dealing with a melt down don't need other people's criticism...unless of course their child takes to throwing stuff on passers by, it's no different than an obnoxious person talking loudly on their cell phone... and inconveneince ..but you deal with it and move on....

Restruants are a diff story altogether...People are paying in part for ambience..so I have taken turns with my husband at eating out..no fun, but hey... Grocery shopping...C'mon...those check out aisles are begging for tamtrums with the stocks of candy
Your attitude is condescending, arrogant and selfish in my opinion. If your child had a tantrum in my presence, I would call you on it. I don't go to the store to hear your child scream. Period, and I don't need to deal with it.

Your time isn't any more valuable than mine is.

Walmart is not a public place and neither is any other business. The Walmart here does't hesitate to call the police to take out people who they deem trespassers. Any place of business can require any person to leave who is interfering with their business.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrMom2 View Post
In a court of law, then "Legally" its private property owned by someone whose paying rent and property taxes to have their establishment there. You don't have a right to be there. They let you be there because they want your business (ie money).

Public would be a government operated park or beach or even a library. Even then you can be asked to leave by the powers that be.
Exactly.

 
Old 06-08-2009, 04:13 PM
 
199 posts, read 570,099 times
Reputation: 108
Quote:
Originally Posted by stormy night View Post
Your attitude is condescending, arrogant and selfish in my opinion. If your child had a tantrum in my presence, I would call you on it. I don't go to the store to hear your child scream. Period, and I don't need to deal with it.

Your time isn't any more valuable than mine is.

Walmart is not a public place and neither is any other business. The Walmart here does't hesitate to call the police to take out people who they deem trespassers. Any place of business can require any person to leave who is interfering with their business.
Wow this sure sounds condescending to me... If you have an issue with my kid throwing a tantrum you are welcome to talk to management about it...I don't care to hear anyone else's opnion on raising my child.... so "calling me out on it" Please try it out on someone.
 
Old 06-08-2009, 04:19 PM
 
2,385 posts, read 3,708,293 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jeninmt View Post
We called this scenario "The Great Ruby Red Slippers Meltdown" in our house. When my daughter was around 7-8 years old, she saw sparkly red sequinned shoes on sale at a Target store and decided she HAD to have them. I told her no, we were there to pick out shoes for church, and those were not appropriate. She threw herself on the floor, flailed, screamed, begged... it was not a pretty sight. Until that time, her father (my ex) would automatically give in or take her out of the store immediately. That day, I decided to end it. I told her she was embarassing herself and stepped over her and went about my shopping a couple aisles over. After about another minute, she quit, came over whimpering and picked out appropriate shoes. She also apologized to the lady working in the shoe department.
I would be careful about this approach.

I was a very ornery little kid. My dad's favorite activity was to go hiking in the woods in a state park. For reasons I don't remember, I decided I didn't want to be there anymore, and threw a fit. He decided to leave me there, thinking I would get scared and follow him. I didn't. I turned in the other direction and wandered until I found the police, told them my dad had left me and with them we found him. He got in trouble. So yeah, just make sure that your kid feels completely dependent and scared without you, otherwise leaving them to go about your business may not work.
 
Old 06-08-2009, 04:27 PM
 
1,986 posts, read 3,469,933 times
Reputation: 1289
Quote:
Originally Posted by indie05 View Post
Wow this sure sounds condescending to me... If you have an issue with my kid throwing a tantrum you are welcome to talk to management about it...I don't care to hear anyone else's opnion on raising my child.... so "calling me out on it" Please try it out on someone.
Why, because I choose not to listen to your screaming child? What makes your time more important than mine? What makes it ok for your child to disrupt my shopping when I pay just as much to purchase my items? What makes your child so special that he/she can interfere with the time I spend in a store?

I've got news for you. You have no business infringing on someone else just because it isn't convenient for you to do the right thing and keep your child from being obnoxious to everyone around.
 
Old 06-08-2009, 04:38 PM
 
199 posts, read 570,099 times
Reputation: 108
Quote:
Originally Posted by stormy night View Post
Why, because I choose not to listen to your screaming child? What makes your time more important than mine? What makes it ok for your child to disrupt my shopping when I pay just as much to purchase my items? What makes your child so special that he/she can interfere with the time I spend in a store?

I've got news for you. You have no business infringing on someone else just because it isn't convenient for you to do the right thing and keep your child from being obnoxious to everyone around.
You are pretty obnoxious too. There is no "right" thing to do, else why debate the topic? Just YOUR opinion of what is right I take it? I think I shd follow my own rule and ignore your comments because it seems as bad as a tantrum to me right now.
 
Old 06-08-2009, 04:43 PM
 
Location: NW Montana
283 posts, read 643,228 times
Reputation: 259
Quote:
Originally Posted by Violett View Post
I would be careful about this approach.

I was a very ornery little kid. My dad's favorite activity was to go hiking in the woods in a state park. For reasons I don't remember, I decided I didn't want to be there anymore, and threw a fit. He decided to leave me there, thinking I would get scared and follow him. I didn't. I turned in the other direction and wandered until I found the police, told them my dad had left me and with them we found him. He got in trouble. So yeah, just make sure that your kid feels completely dependent and scared without you, otherwise leaving them to go about your business may not work.
I was only an aisle or so over looking at shoes. I would never leave her and head too far away. The leaving was more of my way of saying "This conversation is over" than trying to scare her. My husband now tried to scare our eight year old at a Walmart by leaving him alone when he refused to leave the toy section and our son found a school friend and took off with him and his family. My husband felt like a heel and it scared the crap out of HIM, not our son.
 
Old 06-08-2009, 04:46 PM
 
1,986 posts, read 3,469,933 times
Reputation: 1289
Quote:
Originally Posted by indie05 View Post
You are pretty obnoxious too. There is no "right" thing to do, else why debate the topic? Just YOUR opinion of what is right I take it? I think I shd follow my own rule and ignore your comments because it seems as bad as a tantrum to me right now.
Any mature person would see what the right thing would be. It's immaturity that would allow a child to scream in a store with no regard to anyone else.
 
Old 06-08-2009, 05:06 PM
 
Location: Right where I want to be.
4,507 posts, read 7,833,194 times
Reputation: 3304
Quote:
Originally Posted by indie05 View Post
Well... aometimes you just HAVE to finish up your shopping ...you may have what spend an hr doing it and you may have a couple of more items to pic up... I think to just up and run...adn coem back for another hr is not a luxury I have.... I am truly sorry for other people who have to put up with it, but if teh child is not hungry...just hates shopping what can you do? I try to bring along toys to distract, but I stopped judging parents who are dealing with this situation.

I used to be a great parent before I actually became one When I would see achild have a melt down I used to think "wow they really need ot discipline that child" ...now after a couple of meltdowns of my own child...I have learned to let it go..put your head down and do what you have to...be it leave your cart...or if you don't have the luxury of time to do that...get thorugh it.... most parenst understand...most non-parenst ..do not...
I'll also disagree with you. I'm a parent and I don't understand at all. I've never been in the situation where I HAD to finish shopping...like when and for what? If you really need something just run in and out...get that ONE thing and save the rest of the shopping for another time.

I also left a cart in the store (with apologies) the one time it was necessary so no...I don't understand.

I also don't understand why it takes an hour to shop....I might scream too if I had to spend an hour in the grocery store. Make a list first, have a plan so the shopping takes half that amount of time if you have to bring the kids with you.

After a couple of meltdowns you have learned to let it go..??? You should expect the meltdowns to continue if your solution is to put your head down and keep on going.
Quote:
Originally Posted by skbs View Post
I would like to know, since there are actually posters suggesting not to do the grocery shopping with children. How many of you actually have the luxury of NOT bringing your children with you shopping? My husband works about 75 hours a week.... and running in and out on the weekends with other things. I am just wondering if this is seriously an option for the majority of you.... if so I am very jealous......
No, I didn't have that option. My DH also worked crazy hours when the kids were little and I always took them shopping with me. I made sure I didn't take them when I knew they would be tired and hungry. I didn't plan an afternoon at the park and then even a short shopping trip on the way home. When we did go shopping we played I-spy, counting games (count how many things are orange in this isle), alphabet games and such. When they got older I gave them their own little list of things to shop for and put in the buggy. It isn't all that hard to keep them engaged.

I also made a shopping list before leaving home and did not expect the kids to tolerate an hour of me wandering around the store. I really think parents walk the line of not expecting their kids to behave and expecting them to behave in unreasonable circumstances. A 2 yo just isn't going to have the patience for an hour of shopping and you parents should know that. You can't stick a 3 yo in a cart for an hour when you know it's going to be nap time or lunch time and then say "he just hates shopping, there's nothing I can do about the screaming."

There is a middle ground, plan ahead. Don't wait until you have no food in the house and then have to shop. Make sure the kids are well rested, fed and be ready to engage them while you shop. Don't plan to shop when you know they are tired, hungry, grumpy, sick, frustrated, etc.

And when your child does have a fit anyway (most do at least once), take them home or outside for a calming down time or whatever else is necessary.
 
Old 06-08-2009, 05:12 PM
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
9,535 posts, read 13,377,961 times
Reputation: 20050
Quote:
Originally Posted by indie05 View Post
Shopping centers like Walmart are IMO public places... How many people have actually abandoned their carts while they were shopping because of someone else's screaming kids and gone home???? I do not have the time or energy to quit shopping half way and return. I have, whatever is in my cart gets paid for and I'm out of there. I don't have the tolerance to listen to some kid have a tantrum. I'll finish my shopping at the store down the street or I'll come back later.

What may be irritating to you may not be irritating to me and vice versa. Parents dealing with a melt down don't need other people's criticism...unless of course their child takes to throwing stuff on passers by, it's no different than an obnoxious person talking loudly on their cell phone... and inconveneince ..but you deal with it and move on....
Obnoxious phone calls rarely give me a headache, screaming children on the other hand...

Restruants are a diff story altogether...People are paying in part for ambience..so I have taken turns with my husband at eating out..no fun, but hey... Grocery shopping...C'mon...those check out aisles are begging for tamtrums with the stocks of candy Those aisles are perfect opportunities to teach a child how to handle the word "NO" without it turning into a meltdown.
Maybe if you were on the last aisle at a grocery store I could understand ignoring the tantrum and pushing on to the checkout, but other than that it's extremely inconsiderate to everyone around you.
Please, take the 10 or 20 minutes to walk your child to the car or the restroom and give them a chance to calm down. Take them home if they can't/won't get themselves under control. If the tantrum is that full blown you need to focus on the kid, not on the shopping.
If the tantrum is a result of the 'gimmes' you need to follow through with appropriate discipline once you've left the store. It's not letting them win if there are consequences besides just leaving the store when they tantrum.
My daughter lost out on a trip or two to her favorite fast food place until she could "prove" to me that she knew how to behave in public, meaning no more tantrums. She was 3 or 4 and absolutely hated going to grocery store, but she quickly learned what behavior was not going to be tolerated.
 
Old 06-08-2009, 06:01 PM
 
Location: Oregon
1,532 posts, read 2,291,823 times
Reputation: 6918
Quote:
Originally Posted by breeze823 View Post
I've been pretty lucky with mine. I always had to do my grocery shopping with a baby, toddler or pre-schooler and they always behaved fairly decent. My twins, who are 7 now, would behave better when they were little than they do now at a store. I guess they were so used to going with me. I refuse to take them now as they act like maniacs when we get in a store. My older 2 would fight each other constantly, which drove me crazy while shopping, so I refuse to take them together with me now.
When any of mine did act up inside the store, we'd make a trip to the bathroom if I couldn't control it and have a little chat. Also, it's not fair on the child if you are dragging them through the store during nap time or or close to it.
And I think it's plain rude when other shoppers glare at the parent as if it's their fault the child is misbehaving. I haven't really experienced that but have friends who are good parents, but for one reason or another their child acted up and everyone in the store acts as though it's the first time they've seen something like that.
And as a parent, other people's children who are acting up in public, really doesn't bother me. It happens, it's life...

Your situation sounds alot like mine when my kids were younger. As toddlers they actually did pretty well. But I always tried to make sure we were not shopping during nap time and that they wouldn't be hungry. I was always a "get in and get out" kind of person, too, because the last thing I wanted to deal with was a fit.

My shopping problems were also more when they were older (7&8) and just plain being obnoxious! Not fits over things they wanted, just fighting or playing too loud or rough. They are 10&12 now, and shopping is much easier with them (yay)!!

If I am in a store now and see a kid having a fit, and see that the parent is trying to deal with it, but embarassed, I usually say something funny or nice to them, or just offer a smile, because we (parents) all have been there in one way or another. No need to make them feel even worse!
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