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Old 06-09-2009, 10:06 AM
 
3,842 posts, read 6,792,498 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by indie05 View Post
Too bad others can't accept that diff people have diff views.

No one PLANS to have their child metldown in public... If your children are angels, great.....if your children are normal kids...welcome to the club...Most of us have been there at least once. How you deal with it is as diff as your parenting style and your kid's temperment. (Again I'm not saying NOt to deal with it)

If the children have a mental issue or some other health issue...Shame on you for not trying to understand what some one else is going through on an everyday basis. (Tantrums are not confined to stores you know)
The OP was asking a very general question, hence the many general answers.

When I see a child scream & the parent scream back "Shut up!" (which i have seen)...I really don't think that there is a mental issue with the child that the parent is working through... I've also heard "If you don't shut up & stop whining, I'm taking you home & beating your a$$". Again, not a common occurance, but I've heard it.

I've seen the children hanging over the sides of the cart & grabbing cans & throwing them on the ground while the parent is on the cell phone talking about getting together for a poker game.

Or the children who do scream very loudly & cry very loudly & kick while the parent is definitely choosing to ignore the behavior. The parents move along saying "You are being annoying". No, really?

Actually, I don't blame any of these above on the children. The parents are at fault for this behavior for they are not only allowing it but encouraging it by their actions.

I am going to go out on a limb and say that parents who have children with emotional or physical challenges don't allow their children to act like monkeys & scream "I haaaaate you" if they can't get a donut or open a box of crackers. I am assuming that parents with children who need extra encouragement & support in public situations have a much better way of handling a meltdown sans letting it occur just b/c their child has a challenge.

It's common sense & a little compassion. None of our children are perfect angels 100% of the time in a public situation or when the relatives are over, etc. ALL children have their moments & episodes. And many, if not most, DO NOT require leaving a store or a some sort of punishment. We've ALL seen the whining & the squirming & the crying. And I doubt the moment we hear a child whine we run to management or immediately take our child out of the store.

But there are parents who do NOT give a darn if their child is running around unsupervised in the store or restaurant or a friends home. They don't care about the screaming, yelling, kicking, etc due to other stresses or issues in their life that are overtaking the raising of children. They YELL BACK at their children or just ignore them to the point of the child being heard throughout the entire store.

I don't see this every time I go to the store nor do I pretend that every time I take my children to the store they sit like little angels patiently waiting while I figure out if $.60 off 10 yogurts at 2/.$99 is worth it....

I highly doubt that the majority of parents in this country allow full blown tantrums for the sake of it & that they occur every single shopping trip. And I highly doubt the majority of parents see other children doing this every time they go to the grocery store.

 
Old 06-09-2009, 10:25 AM
 
5,206 posts, read 5,080,379 times
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When my children were going through the tantrum phase I would park my cart, pick them up and take them to the nearest restroom. Which they hated.

During one doozy of a tantrum, an employee actually poked her head into the restroom to make sure I wasn't abusing my child - "What's going on in there?!?"

After that, I started using a different tactic. I would tell the kids that if they behaved well in the store, they would get something they liked right afterwards (a trip to McDonald's or the dollar store for instance). But if they acted up, they would not get their treat.

It worked like a charm.
 
Old 06-09-2009, 11:00 AM
 
467 posts, read 609,795 times
Reputation: 221
Quote:
Originally Posted by indie05 View Post
Too bad others can't accept that diff people have diff views.

No one PLANS to have their child metldown in public... If your children are angels, great.....if your children are normal kids...welcome to the club...Most of us have been there at least once. How you deal with it is as diff as your parenting style and your kid's temperment. (Again I'm not saying NOt to deal with it)

If the children have a mental issue or some other health issue...Shame on you for not trying to understand what some one else is going through on an everyday basis. (Tantrums are not confined to stores you know)
Thank you
 
Old 06-09-2009, 11:03 AM
 
467 posts, read 609,795 times
Reputation: 221
Quote:
Originally Posted by yodi View Post
If I have just spent the last half hour shopping and have a full cart and my kid has a meltdown I proceed to the checkout lane, pay for our stuff and go home. If people are annoyed with my screaming child while I wait in line to pay for my groceries, the best thing that they could do is let me go first. I don't expect anyone to do that, but if it's that annoying to them, why not? If I see a child having a meltdown in the store I simply ignore it and go on with my day. Kids have meltdowns, it's not that big of a deal.
Your "no big deal" may be someone else's big deal though

Or if your kids are being destructive to the store's property or potentionally themselves or others, its a big deal and time to excuse yourself until they can get a hold of their senses.
 
Old 06-09-2009, 11:11 AM
 
Location: Aurora, Colorado
2,212 posts, read 3,122,009 times
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You leave. Every single event is a learning lesson. If tantrum=going home, they aren't going to throw a tantrum if you show them that you're serious. If tantrum=bribery in the form of candy, you will have a problem on your hands. Your child will act up if he/she is allowed to do so. Some stores are nice enough to hold your cart and let you come back later. Sometimes, you'll have to start over.

However, as a parent, you also have a responsibility to make sure you're not shopping when your child is hungry or during a nap time. Kids aren't reasonable creatures...they don't think, "wow, I'm really tired and I could use a nap. As soon as mom's done shopping, I'll fall asleep." That translates to screaming, crying, throwing a tantrum.
 
Old 06-09-2009, 11:26 AM
 
4,267 posts, read 3,035,085 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrMom2 View Post
Your "no big deal" may be someone else's big deal though
The only person that I can control is myself, my actions and my reactions. If I am bothered by a child screaming in a store then I can choose to leave the store, move to another part of the store or I can choose to have some compassion for the parent of the child, be thankful that I'm not currently in their shoes and ignore the tantrum.

Quote:
Or if your kids are being destructive to the store's property or potentionally themselves or others, its a big deal and time to excuse yourself until they can get a hold of their senses.
Destroying property or being a threat to themselves or others is different then a child having a screaming fit and of course would call for different measures from the parent. Most, if not all children that I've seen having meltdowns in public have been the screaming, crying kicking and screaming kind and those are the kinds that I can choose to ignore and go on with my day. If a child is being destructive or hurting themselves or others then of course as a parent I would choose to leave the store with them.
 
Old 06-09-2009, 11:54 AM
 
Location: Right where I want to be.
4,508 posts, read 5,411,408 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by indie05 View Post
..Most of us have been there at least once.
And I think most of us understand this. What I don't understand is those who have much more frequent meltdowns in public. This is a parenting/discipline issue...not a 'we all just have to be more understanding' issue. If you are going to take your kids out in public on a regular basis they need to learn to behave in public. This is happening all too often. We can barely get out to a restaurant/movies/shopping without having to endure some misbehaving kid and parents who either won't or don't know how to deal with it. If it was an occasional occurrence I could be more understanding but it's not. Now that the kids are out of school it will be worse.




As for letting the shopper with the screaming kid ahead of me in line...I don't think so. I'm not going to stand behind you while your kid screams....I'm going to check out and get the heck out there...hopefully get my car loaded and cart returned before you and the screaming kid make it to the parking lot.
 
Old 06-09-2009, 01:26 PM
 
1,986 posts, read 2,455,003 times
Reputation: 1252
Quote:
Originally Posted by NCyank View Post
.. If you are going to take your kids out in public on a regular basis they need to learn to behave in public. This is happening all too often.

As for letting the shopper with the screaming kid ahead of me in line...I don't think so. I'm not going to stand behind you while your kid screams....I'm going to check out and get the heck out there...hopefully get my car loaded and cart returned before you and the screaming kid make it to the parking lot.


Once when I was getting groceries, I heard a child scream from across the store. This screaming continued for about 10 or so minutes. When I got to the last aisle, I came upon the source. A child of 2 or 3 was in the seat part of the cart and his grandmother was leaning on the handle. She encouraged him by saying things like 'That one was louder than the other one', and 'Is that as loud as you can scream?'

THEY WERE PLAYING A GAME OF HOW LOUD CAN THE KID SCREAM in the store. It stopped when I got close because I made a comment about how rude, annoying and uncalled for it was.

Some people just plain don't care about anybody else.

Those of you who think everybody else should just ignore it, consider this: People in the store have their own problems. We go even when we've had a really tough day at work, when we've lost a loved one and we are grieving, when we have someone sick who needs something at home, there are as many situations as there are people. A lot have some really heavy things on their minds and just need to get some things and leave. Some are thinking about how many groceries can they buy and still have enough money to pay bills.

I've had a migraine and had to go to the store. Migraines make a person extremely sound sensitive. Sometimes when I have to pick up groceries, I am under extreme stress with a lot on my mind.

How can you possibly think your screaming child takes precedence over what other people are coping with at any given time? To me that's arrogance. Children are children, and I think the general public affords a huge allowance for that, but everybody doesn't love your child and everybody doesn't need to listen to that child scream and have a tantrum.
 
Old 06-09-2009, 01:34 PM
 
Location: chicagoland
1,636 posts, read 2,633,156 times
Reputation: 1042
I'm sorry but parents of fit throwing children ALSO HAVE HAD BAD DAYS ARE WORRIED ABOUT BILLS, HAD LOVED ONES ILL AND ARE WORRIED ABOUT HOW THEY ARE GOING TO PAY THE BILLS AND MAYBE HAVE A MIGRAINE!!!!

It goes both ways. Sounds like some of YOU think YOUR day and YOUR lives are more important than the parent with the kid??????

And if someone was making rude comments about my child I would only look at it as childish as well and think "wow, kindof stinks having TWO fit throwing "children" in one isle!"
 
Old 06-09-2009, 01:38 PM
 
Location: (WNY)
5,384 posts, read 6,877,183 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by miasmommy View Post
I'm sorry but parents of fit throwing children ALSO HAVE HAD BAD DAYS ARE WORRIED ABOUT BILLS, HAD LOVED ONES ILL AND ARE WORRIED ABOUT HOW THEY ARE GOING TO PAY THE BILLS AND MAYBE HAVE A MIGRAINE!!!!

It goes both ways. Sounds like some of YOU think YOUR day and YOUR lives are more important than the parent with the kid??????

And if someone was making rude comments about my child I would only look at it as childish as well and think "wow, kindof stinks having TWO fit throwing "children" in one isle!"
I have to say I agree with this.... The day my child lost it at the grocery store I actually HAD a migraine (I am on 200mg of TOPAMAX-if your migraines are as bad as you say you most likely know what that is).... and all I wanted to do was GET DONE AND GET OUT...and in a hurry.... so, like Miasmommy said... "it goes both ways".........(and I wasn't the a$# playing a game of how loud can you be.....)
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