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Old 06-09-2009, 06:15 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,593,756 times
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It still makes me feel a little self-conscious, like I should be carrying a sign: NO I AM NOT STEALING THIS FOOD I WILL PAY FOR IT I SWEAR

 
Old 06-09-2009, 06:21 PM
 
Location: Sacramento
2,568 posts, read 6,736,563 times
Reputation: 1933
I let my kids carry toys around the store so I can shop in peace. When we get to the register I give them to the cashier to put back. I don't know how much trouble that is for the merchant but if I don't do it I don't get to buy the things I do need.
 
Old 06-09-2009, 06:32 PM
 
Location: chicagoland
1,636 posts, read 4,220,952 times
Reputation: 1077
Quote:
Originally Posted by suzie02 View Post
I let my kids carry toys around the store so I can shop in peace. When we get to the register I give them to the cashier to put back. I don't know how much trouble that is for the merchant but if I don't do it I don't get to buy the things I do need.
I've done that. At least you give it to the cashier rather than squeeze it between the magazine racks or on the shelf next to the mustard!
 
Old 06-09-2009, 06:55 PM
 
2,714 posts, read 5,343,987 times
Reputation: 6213
I have seen supermarket tantrums and my reaction to them is heavily dependent on the parent's reaction.

I've seen people raise an eyebrow and look at a parent while their child is having a screaming, hysterical fit and the parent says to the onlooker "What the F are you looking at?" Then they ignore the kid or scream at them. (I live in NY where there are a many of these trash talking people. It's very unbecoming).

I've seen kids pulling stuff of shelves and throwing it on the floor, ripping open bags of stuff and the parents seeing this just keep moving and make no attempt to pick up the thrown items.

Kids pressing their hands down hard on packages of chop meat, making hand prints and the parents thinking it's cute and laughing at it.

All of the above things are very bothersome to me and if I see them I head straight to checkout, buy what I have and come back at some other time.

But...

I've also seen the absolutely pitiful look of a haggard, exhausted parent just trying to do her shopping and her kid having a bad day. The mother looks sad and embarrassed and you can tell by her face that she's mortified and between a rock and a hard place needing to buy items but dealing with a crazed kid. It's an almost hopeless look.

For that woman, I would do anything I could to help her and the tantrum would not bother me at all.
 
Old 06-09-2009, 07:14 PM
 
1,122 posts, read 2,309,385 times
Reputation: 749
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nelly Nomad View Post
The Meltdown on Aisle 7. I'm sure we've ALL been through it, either as an active participant (parents) or as observers (other customers and store personnel).

The Location: the store. Take your pick, supermarket, toy store, home improvement center, doesn't matter just so long as it's fairly big.

The Players: Kid(s) and at least one parent.

The Scene: Parent has a full cart and is almost done with shopping. Suddenly, Kiddo has had enough, flips out and has full-blown, arms flailing, feet kickin', screaming at top volume meltdown .

The Decision: Should Parent try to continue shopping? Or just head straight to the check-out? Or abandon the cart and rush the Kiddo out of the store?

************************************************** ***

Although I've been Observer many times, it only happened once where I was Parent. Kiddo was maybe 2-3ish. I don't remember what set him off, but he simply disintegrated. My decision was to run the cart up to the Service Desk and quickly, but sincerely, apologize for having them have to put everything back. My reasoning was I figured they'd rather inconvenience one clerk than have an entire store full of disgruntled customers who might rush through their shopping. It didn't seem fair to me to subject everyone else to the disruption.

So, what have you done when you were in the situation? How have you handled it when you were Parent? Did you leave or stay? Did you try to act like nothing was wrong or out of order?

How have you handled it when you were Observer? Did you rush through your shopping to get out? Did you glare at Parent and grumble about their rotten kid and/or parenting skills?

How does the store view it? Would they prefer Parent leave and come back another time (meaning Store has to restock everything currently in the cart)? Or would they prefer Parent finish up the order, even though other customers are subjected to a less than peaceful shopping environment?
I didn't read past this because I didn't want anyone to alter what I say, lol. Sorry if it is a repeat.

My kids have had moments in the store but never, ever a breakdown. It would never get that far. But first...

I DO NOT take my kids shopping at naptime, mealtime, bedtime, when they are sick, or for a long period of time.

I DO find ways to engage my children while shopping vs ignoring them except the occasional look back to make sure they are there.

I DO NOT allow them to have everything they want and will make a point of saying no 90% of the time starting from the moment they giggle as a two toothed baby at a box of cookies on the shelf so that they are good and use to it. If they as much as go "uhh..." they get "the look" and that is all they need.

These are the EASIEST ways to prevent breakdowns in stores. If a child is breaking down in the store, it is a desperate act for attention because they are lacking something, and I don't mean because you finally had to so no because they wanted somthing you finally could not afford. It is the neglect of the parent and their responsibility to shop in a way that is comfortable to both parent and child....I'm talking about the parents who so desperately want their child potty trained but tell them to use the convience of their pull up because it's just too much work to stop shopping and take them to the rest room.

Now, IF my child dared act out in public, they wouldn't do it again. Ever. My son once did at the local fair. He was 2. He walked past one of those stay at home mom businesses that sells "educational" yet cheap and easy to break toys. We'd let them get free candy treats, free glasses of water (WOW Mom! Culligan is SO cool. ), free coloring books, free balloons, and this was the first time I had said no all day. He started to whine and fuss. I gave him the look. He started to cry, not loudly but I wasn't going to let it get that far. He immediantly got a timeout and we didn't bother walking away, sitting facing the edge of that table. I had told him that his behavior was not acceptable and told to stop crying. He kept crying. In my firm Mom voice that most mothers would not dare use in public, I told him. "You are going to stop...LOOK me in the eye when I speak to you. You will have respect for me. You are going to stop crying right now. You will not like this. I will give you until the count of three to stop acting like this and take your timeout or I WILL take you home and your brother and sister will have fun without out you. Do you understand that?" "Sniffle,yes." When the timeout was done, I required him to appologize to everyone nearby for being disrespectful. "Sorry I was disrespectful." "That's ok sweetheart." was what happened with most of them but one lady said.."Ok,I'll let it go this time, but next time..." she tsk tsked at him shaking her head. His head dropped and he has never acted like that again. As we walked away, my husband, who had been behind us a few stations, overheard the people talking about how well it was handled and wished that they would have done that with their kids. He only found out that they were talking about us when he caught up and I told him. Even though he was not far behind, he did not hear our son crying because I would not allow him to act like that. This is because I expect respect and respectful behavior from my children.

In public too, I will thank them for not running in the store. If my child points out a child acting up, I will say "That is exactly what I do NOT ever want to see from you. Most children act like this because their parents do not teach their children, give in to them when they should not, or do not listen to their children's needs." Last week, my children pointed out a child running unattended throught the store. I said to my children, "Thank you guys for not running in the store." The grandmother got ticked off, came over and started to yell at me for praising my children, saying that I was comparing one child to another, putting them down and that I should not have said that, all right in front of my children. I simple knelt down, and looked them in the eye and thanked them again for not running in the store, that I really appreciated their good behavior. I told them that running in the store was dangerous because they could get hurt or hurt someone else and thanked them for recognising the danger and avoiding it, although narrowly for one of my children who was nearly run into. The whole while, the woman kept yelling. I stayed down in my none threatening postion, with no expression on my face until she left. No more kid running around the clothing racks running into people.

I tell older kids, preteen and teenagers, that if they run into me, I would call the cops and press assualt charges if they don't listen the first time. Ive been injured by them and my children have been too, knocked on their heads on hard floors.

For kids who are screaming, I always investigate and ask the children if they are ok, if they have been hurt by anyone, ect. We witnessed a women who had harmed a 3 month old child and were able to help that child and ever since than I am very sensitive about it. Boy oh boy do the parents find a way to calm their child after that.

Last edited by flik_becky; 06-09-2009 at 07:28 PM..
 
Old 06-09-2009, 08:03 PM
 
Location: Aurora, Colorado
2,212 posts, read 5,141,825 times
Reputation: 2371
Quote:
Originally Posted by cleasach View Post
I have seen supermarket tantrums and my reaction to them is heavily dependent on the parent's reaction.

I've seen people raise an eyebrow and look at a parent while their child is having a screaming, hysterical fit and the parent says to the onlooker "What the F are you looking at?" Then they ignore the kid or scream at them. (I live in NY where there are a many of these trash talking people. It's very unbecoming).

I've seen kids pulling stuff of shelves and throwing it on the floor, ripping open bags of stuff and the parents seeing this just keep moving and make no attempt to pick up the thrown items.

Kids pressing their hands down hard on packages of chop meat, making hand prints and the parents thinking it's cute and laughing at it.

All of the above things are very bothersome to me and if I see them I head straight to checkout, buy what I have and come back at some other time.

But...

I've also seen the absolutely pitiful look of a haggard, exhausted parent just trying to do her shopping and her kid having a bad day. The mother looks sad and embarrassed and you can tell by her face that she's mortified and between a rock and a hard place needing to buy items but dealing with a crazed kid. It's an almost hopeless look.

For that woman, I would do anything I could to help her and the tantrum would not bother me at all.
Very well said.

I am not one who expects kids to behave like adults. Biologically their brains are different and they don't have reasoning skills. My children behave at restaurants and grocery stores because they are expected to do so. It doesn't happen overnight and yes, I have left numerous grocery carts in the store and had to come back after my husband got home (sometimes at 10:00 at night!). That only happened a few times and when they realized I was serious, it never happened again. We go out to eat a lot, but in fairness to the kids, we eat at places that are more friendly to families (mostly chains that have crayons and activity books) and we don't expect them to sit there for 2 hours while we savor our food and wine. The last time we had to leave a restaurant, our 1 year old was absolutely screaming and inconsolable. Turned out she had an ear infection but we left because it was clearly not a night to be out in public.

Yes, there are people who don't like kids and will give you a dirty look as soon as you sit down (even if your kids are acting perfectly fine). However, there are many parents who act like they have a right to be out in public and the rest of us should just mind our own business. Those are also the same people who don't pull out their checkbook until after all of their groceries have been rung up and then proceed to write as s-l-o-w-l-y as possible. They are also on their cell phones while ordering at Starbucks. People like that think the world owes them a favor because they are in it and we are all just here to make their lives easier. The fact that they have kids just adds to their rudeness. The rest of us do everything in our power to keep our kids under control.
 
Old 06-09-2009, 08:03 PM
 
3,842 posts, read 10,488,605 times
Reputation: 3206
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
I fully admit to multiple instances of being in the grocery store and giving my kids something to eat because they are hungry, or to appease or distract them. For instance, if we've been out shopping for clothes and shoes and we need to stop at the store for a few things on the way home, I've been known to bust open a box of granola bars or package of string cheese. I always pay for these things, of course.
I do it all the time when I have both boys with me. Either fruit snacks or licorice. Both love books, so if we are in WalMart or Target, I grab a few books & they look through them. I just have to be careful #2 doesn't rip the pages.

When we lived in SWFL, the Publix grocery store in our neighborhood always gave away a sugar cookie (), a slice of american cheese, or a piece of fresh bread if you asked at the bakery or deli counter. They even advertised it in a little coloring book that was in a kiosk by the entrance. I asked a cashier once why they did this & she said b/c it cut down on parents leaving opened packages on the shelves. It was great. Made me a repeat customer.
 
Old 06-09-2009, 08:26 PM
 
Location: Right where I want to be.
4,507 posts, read 9,037,574 times
Reputation: 3360
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
Unless, of course, theyr'e throwing the tantrum SO THAT THEY CAN LEAVE, in which case, you've just reinforced and rewarded nonpreferred behavior, which will most likely be repeated because it worked.
Sometimes giving them exactly what they want can be very effective. They don't want to be out shopping and instead have a fit and want to go home. OK, we'll go home and leave the grocery cart but we'll also be home when the next play date comes around or when we usually go out for ice cream on Sunday afternoon. Oh, and the park...?? No dear, we can't go to the park this evening because mommy has to go finish the shopping and you are staying home with daddy. You did want to stay home didn't you dear? Isn't that why you were screaming in the store? I'm sure next time we go the store that won't happen and then we can go to the park together. I'd like that much better.

We often use 'give them just what they want' as a tool to modify behavior. For example...eating vegetables. I'm not going to make them eat vegetables but leaving them on the plate is just what they want. I'll give them what they want...they don't have to eat them. But, when we all have dessert they will have none. I'm sure that you will eat your vegetables tomorrow and be able to join us for dessert.

Cleaning up the toys. No, you don't have to do it if you don't want to but if I do it for you I take them to Good Will.

Funny, we never had many fits about cleaning up toys or eating veggies and only one fit while shopping, although we gave him what he wanted...which was to go home, he never repeated the fit. Perhaps we gave him a bit too much of what he wanted. After all, even someone who likes cake will get sick of eating it too much.

When ever we hear certain types of complaints our response is automatic, "Are you sure that is what you really want?" They know we'll give it to them (sometimes in extreme doses) but once they have a minute to process the totality of their 'request' they quickly change their mind. It's a lot easier than battling for everything (and extremely effective).

How does that old phrase go....Those convinced against their will are of the same opinion still. We don't have to do much convincing, we can always just give them what they want. Their choice.
 
Old 06-09-2009, 08:30 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
24,012 posts, read 28,376,368 times
Reputation: 41122
Quote:
Originally Posted by NCyank View Post
Sometimes giving them exactly what they want can be very effective. They don't want to be out shopping and instead have a fit and want to go home. OK, we'll go home and leave the grocery cart but we'll also be home when the next play date comes around or when we usually go out for ice cream on Sunday afternoon. Oh, and the park...?? No dear, we can't go to the park this evening because mommy has to go finish the shopping and you are staying home with daddy. You did want to stay home didn't you dear? Isn't that why you were screaming in the store?

We often use 'give them just what they want' as a tool to modify behavior. For example...eating vegetables. I'm not going to make them eat vegetables but leaving them on the plate is just what they want. I'll give them what they want...they don't have to eat them. But, when we all have dessert they will have none.

Cleaning up the toys. No, you don't have to do it if you don't want to but if I do it for you I take them to Good Will.

Funny, we never had many fits about cleaning up toys or eating veggies and only one fit while shopping, although we gave him what he wanted...which was to go home.

When ever we hear certain types of complaints our response is automatic, "Are you sure that is what you really want?" They know we'll give it to them (sometimes in extreme doses) but once they have a minute to process the totality of their 'request' they quickly change their mind. It's a lot easier than battling for everything.

How does that old phrase go....Those convinced against their will are of the same opinion still. We don't have to do much convincing, we can always just give them what they want.
LOL - I used to use that same philosophy of "give em what they want" when DD used to complain that "it wasn't fair" that she had more chores than her younger brother. I replied that would be fine, I would gladly reduce her chores/responsibilities but that her privileges would also be adjusted accordingly. No sleepovers or staying up later or whatever. Worked like a charm
 
Old 06-09-2009, 08:44 PM
 
Location: 53179
14,416 posts, read 22,404,472 times
Reputation: 14476
Quote:
Originally Posted by wyoquilter View Post
He still has more money in the bank than me.
Haha, me too. Seriously....
He has a savings account opened by his grand parents.
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