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Old 06-08-2009, 12:23 PM
 
Location: NYC
16,061 posts, read 26,632,023 times
Reputation: 24847

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I stole once as a kid, around 5 or 6. My dad found out about it, and made me take money from my piggy bank, walk into the store the next day and tell them I stole a pack of gum. I was so embarressed, I never stole again. It was one of the best lessons my dad taught me. Because of this years later as a teenager I was with friends who were shoplifting, I walked out of the store, and went off on my own, my friends were arrested, and I thanked my lucky stars for my dad's lesson!
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Old 06-08-2009, 12:57 PM
 
Location: Alaska
5,356 posts, read 18,483,523 times
Reputation: 4071
Quote:
Originally Posted by indie05 View Post
I wouldn't reciprocate bad behaviour like that...Think of teh mixed signal you are sending her? you SAY don't steal...but you do the same?
What was being advocated was not stealing. It was more in the lines of retribution for the actions of the younger son. The idea is to get her younger daughter to feel what it's like to lose something.

To the OP, I don't think it's too late act on it. Just tell your daughter that you've thought about it and that's it's only fair that your older daughter is paid back for the loss. I'd discuss it with your older daughter first so she takes things that are cherished by your younger daughter. Also, make sure it's dis-apportioned, that is things worth $100+ to her. The consequences need to be greater than any gain.
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Old 06-08-2009, 02:04 PM
 
Location: Missouri
1,554 posts, read 4,532,603 times
Reputation: 742
the answer to people question. She is stealing without know one knowing about it. The first time she stole is at that country store is when I got home I notice both of her pocket was full. The second time she took money out of my wallet without me noticing and one day came to me with money in her hand and said look at all this money. The other time is when I saw a lot of money in one of the girls luggage and she told me she wanted to give her friend something. She has no concept what money is because she always giving her money to her sister(sharing). She is a very sharing person. No she does not earn money in our household. I really don't think she is into money.
Someone else asked is my daughter spoiled. Yes she is spoiled someway than not. We give her choices.Such as what game to play, to have soda once a week, dessert three time a week etc... but we disicipline her as well but only as time out. I think she is bossy brat personally. I don't know what to do for this. She will asked me something and I say NO then she pushes it and asked again and again then I tell her N.O. and give her a time out. I never give in but I think she gets away with a lot of things because of my hearing impairment. I don't hear very well so not sure who to believe when it comes to punishment. Don't get me wrong she is a loving person but can push your buttons. Is this a better understanding.
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Old 06-08-2009, 02:52 PM
 
2,467 posts, read 4,842,285 times
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Maybe you should get a police officer to come and talk to her about what stealing is and how it is wrong and that it could land her in jail. Or better yet take her to the police station and let them show her around the facility while they explain what stealing is and that stealing is worng. Sometimes hearing a jail door slam is enough to put a little scare into them.
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Old 06-08-2009, 04:47 PM
 
Location: Australia
1,492 posts, read 3,219,706 times
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Spank her
Make her take the stuff back, or at least go an apologise to the person she stole from or call them if they are some distance away.
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Old 06-08-2009, 06:34 PM
 
3,562 posts, read 5,203,037 times
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I don't think that your kid had the ability to understand what stealing was at 5. She may not get it now. She probably does not "get" money.We spend an awful lot of time telling our kids that money does not matter, yet we spend an awful lot of time dealing with it or the lack of it. So, it may have filtered down that it was really important and vital to have it. She may not have been able to really see that she was doing something to hurt her sister, but rather that she gave something "important and vital" to her friend. Most kids at that age cannot see someone else's POV.

I took my son to Hobby Lobby after we watched Star Trek. I picked up two bottles of paint. He took one out of the cart and was using it as a phaser, he put it in his pocket and took the other one out of the basket. I flipped. In his defense, he thought (because I asked him) that if he put the one in his pocket his hands would be free to use the other one for whatever. I tried to tell him that he was on camera and that it is considered stealing.

A week later, we had stopped at a convenience store early in the morning and my son grabbed a piece of candy from a basket near the register. I had told him no, he thought it was a sample and that it was free. The grocery store that we go to will often have samples of cookies at the bakery area in the same basket looking thing and the candy was a mint that you might get at a restaurant. He took one anyway.

So, he tells me later that he took a sample. I said, no, that was not a sample. I told him that he was on camera. That they could take that to the police station and that it would go to the prosecutors office as evidence and he could be arrested for conversion. So, I took him down and he paid for it and it scared the bejeezes out of him.

This is what I have going for me: I have explained that there are different types of trouble. There is a type of trouble that the consequences are that I can't come and get him and make it go away. So, we have to be really careful of what we do. There are kids that have been arrested over a quarter in candy. It does happen.

At any rate, I would tell her if it happens again she does not get a sleepover. And follow through. I would try to explain that it is hurtful if you take something from someone. I would do whatever I could to get down to her level of comprehension and work with that. That is all you have is her level of comprehension. I might say that it would be better off if she did not go to the store for awhile. If that means that you sit in the car while dad runs in then so be it. I would tell sister that if she has something valuable then it needs to be put way away. In fact, you could pick up a metal box with a key and put the key where only you and she know where it is. I would tell 6 year old that trust is something that has to be earned and that if people are afraid that she cannot be trusted then she won't be able to go other people's houses or sleep-overs.

I would not go in and take something from her. That might be more confusing if she did not grasp it to begin with.
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Old 06-08-2009, 06:37 PM
 
Location: SE Florida
9,367 posts, read 25,126,577 times
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She's only six. Up the consequences of her actions. Make her feel it more than you. And stick with it.

Hang tough and this, too, will pass.
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Old 06-08-2009, 07:31 PM
 
Location: Here... for now
1,747 posts, read 3,002,329 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skahar View Post
No I do not suggest you have your other daughter sneak into her room to steal her stuff, do it right in front of her and when she is upset that's when you explain to her that is how your other daughter felt when she took her money.

I don't think it's sending mixed signals at all as someone suggested.
I think you and I are pretty much on the same page, shakar. When I mentioned "mixed signals", I was referring to having the other daughter sneak in and steal. That's not what you were suggesting. I agree, having the daughter be right there when the possession is taken (and knowing WHY it's being taken) is the lesson.

Quote:
Originally Posted by skahar View Post
I'm not sure about letting her pick her prized possesion to give, 6 yrs is old enough to realize that it's not a good idea for her to give away her favorite thing, she may just pick out something she doesn't care about.
Ok, maybe not her most favorite thing, but something important to her. Parent has to approve the offering because Parent should have a good idea whether the offering is truly important to the child.
Quote:
Originally Posted by skahar View Post
Also sorry if I wasn't clear but she should be the one to give her stuff to the store manager while she apologizes.
You were crystal clear and I 100% agree!
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Old 06-09-2009, 09:58 PM
 
Location: Missouri
1,554 posts, read 4,532,603 times
Reputation: 742
Thank You everyone for your suggestions. Please keep them coming. I do want to tell you she has not stole anything from a store since the last incident but she is stealing from us. Someone mention not take her to the store with me. That is not an option and no relative around where I live. I try my best to keep close on eye on her and she has stay very close to me. I hope this doesn't happen again but I want to be prepare and ready to do the right thing.
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Old 06-09-2009, 10:26 PM
 
Location: NE Oklahoma
1,036 posts, read 3,055,624 times
Reputation: 1093
When the manager or whoever is on duty tries to be NICE and smooths it over Especially if they say "It's OK" interrupt and say NO it isn't OK. Saying "It's OK" is something that adults say but don't mean. It isn't OK it is WRONG. If they persist in It's OK then ask them, what do you usually do to other older people who steal things?

[quote=Pandamonium;9198226]
A week later, we had stopped at a convenience store early in the morning and my son grabbed a piece of candy from a basket near the register. I had told him no, he thought it was a sample and that it was free. The grocery store that we go to will often have samples of cookies at the bakery area in the same basket looking thing and the candy was a mint that you might get at a restaurant. He took one anyway. quote]

Even if it is a sample a young child should be taught to ask for permission. If the cashier or whoever is supervising the samples says No, then they cannot have one. How likely is that? They probably aren't going to say No, but it is the procedure that is the point. I taught my children to ask for one of whatever it is. Then it isn't stealing. You have permission. Clear rules. Either you have permission or you don't. If you do, it is OK. If you don't, it is stealing. Even if it is a flier on the table. I know that sounds ridiculous but one time we were at a restaurant and my daughter wanted the flier. I said do you have permission to take it? She said No. Then you need to ASK for permission. She did and they gladly gave it to her. I know it seems redundant or maybe just overly cautious but I would rather my child be cautious and safe than not.
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