Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 06-07-2009, 10:26 PM
 
Location: Missouri
1,554 posts, read 4,535,601 times
Reputation: 742

Advertisements

I have 6 year old who has stole things and I need help to break or scare her. Last year we were in a country store and when I came home she had a pocket full of keys and locks. She told me where she got it. My husband and I tried to explain to a 5 year at the time that it is wrong to steal and how hard working people from the store is losing money because you didn't pay for it. My husband and my daughter took the item back but the owner was nice about it. We made our daughter buy one of the item with her money. A month ago she stole money out of my wallet and lied to me about were she got it. I explained to her why she is in trouble and it is wrong for stealing that she could got to jail for this and tried to scare her. I gave her a time out for what she did. Well yesterday at my daughter birthday party I notice her friends had money and asked were did they get the money. The girls told me my daughter gave money to them. I asked the girls for the money back because the money wasn't my daughter. Well today I asked my daughter where she got the money. She told me lie again and she finally tells me she stole it from her 10 year old sister because she wanted to give her friend money. We once again remind her it is wrong to steal and it is on the 10 commandment and I threaten to call the police. We asked what her punishement should be. She couldn't think of one. She wanted to watch tv. I told her no tv for the day and gave her a time out and she had to clean her room up from the sleepover/birthday party she had. I really need help and very worried what is gonna happen next. I need to break her now before this gets out of hand. What should I do?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 06-07-2009, 10:32 PM
 
Location: Milwaukee
81 posts, read 261,278 times
Reputation: 46
Default Seek Help

If I were you I would talk to her doctor about it and get a referral to a counselor. A five year old may have a hard time expressing herself or even understanding why she just takes things that she want without asking. Is she spoiled? Does you or dad give her whatever she wants? Nip this in the butt now while she's young. TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR ASAP. And if you are a believer PRAY.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-08-2009, 12:44 AM
 
2,467 posts, read 4,844,889 times
Reputation: 1312
Time outs apparently aren't doing any good. Maybe you need to apply a little hand pressure to the situation, if you know what I mean. If it continues even after a few swats on the hind end and time outs and other punishments, then I agree too, to talking to your peds. about it. She could suffer from cleptomania although I highly doubt it at this age, but one never knows for sure.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-08-2009, 02:55 AM
 
Location: NE Oklahoma
1,036 posts, read 3,057,682 times
Reputation: 1093
I don't do Time Outs. The one time my daughter took something from the store I marched her back in there..NOT NICELY and made HER tell the manager what she took. When he was nice (He was saying "It's OK honey and all that" trying to get her to calm down) about it I interrupted and told him "No it is NOT ok..it is a crime. What do you do to criminals??" Of course she was upset, she was in TROUBLE. She was SUPPOSED to be upset. That is the point. If she isn't upset then she won't believe it nor will she remember the even. Forget the damned counseling and "explaining it" Do you think she understands what the Tenth Commandment is? There are few 10 year olds I know that can articulate the commandments, much less a 5 year old. She doesn't need to know WHY she is doing something, just that Mama and Daddy said NO.

No one likes to see a child upset, but if you don't stop this now by drastically reacting to her actions you and her are both in for a horrible future. At 15 you will be facing her in jail and it will be YOUR fault for not getting her attention NOW.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-08-2009, 07:20 AM
 
758 posts, read 1,866,131 times
Reputation: 954
My DS took $50 from his sister once when he was about 7 I think, when we found out we told him that we were going to let her go into his room and pick whatever she wanted to take. She went in and picked all the toys that she knew were his favorites and took them back to her room. She didn't want his toys obviously but she wanted him to feel the same way she did when she found her money missing. He got them back after a week or so and we've had no trouble since.

The same can be done if she takes something from a store. Take her favorite and I mean favorite things and march back to the store have her return the items that she took and make her give her things to the manager as an apology for taking his things. You can call the manager ahead of time and let him know what you are going to do so he is not befuddled when you get there, and also make an arrangement to pick her things up when she is not with you.

I think you need to stress the seriousness of the situation more to her. If that means taking everything she owns until she gets it then that's what you have to do.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-08-2009, 09:29 AM
 
Location: Missouri
1,554 posts, read 4,535,601 times
Reputation: 742
Quote:
Originally Posted by okpondlady View Post
I don't do Time Outs. The one time my daughter took something from the store I marched her back in there..NOT NICELY and made HER tell the manager what she took. When he was nice (He was saying "It's OK honey and all that" trying to get her to calm down) about it I interrupted and told him "No it is NOT ok..it is a crime. What do you do to criminals??" Of course she was upset, she was in TROUBLE. She was SUPPOSED to be upset. That is the point. If she isn't upset then she won't believe it nor will she remember the even. Forget the damned counseling and "explaining it" Do you think she understands what the Tenth Commandment is? There are few 10 year olds I know that can articulate the commandments, much less a 5 year old. She doesn't need to know WHY she is doing something, just that Mama and Daddy said NO.

No one likes to see a child upset, but if you don't stop this now by drastically reacting to her actions you and her are both in for a horrible future. At 15 you will be facing her in jail and it will be YOUR fault for not getting her attention NOW.
I don't care if she is upset. I am trying to teach her that it is wrong for her to do this. I realize she is at a young age. My ten year old took a piece candy out of a candy bin at the store one time and told the checker what my daughter had done and she asked me if the manager should have a talk with her. Boy she was frighten and upset when the manager talked to her. It worked for her.
Quote:
At 15 you will be facing her in jail and it will be YOUR fault for not getting her attention NOW.[/
I know that is why I am asking for suggetions on what to do? I am scared she is going to do this when she is a teen. She needs to learn NOW not to steal.

The store that my youngest daugter stole from was a Amish Country Store. My husband had her show what she stole and said sorry. She didn't want to do it but she did. The amish lady was no help she was cuddling her. What can you do?

I am well aware time out isn't working. That is why I am asking for advice on what to do?

Quote:
wyoquilter Time outs apparently aren't doing any good. Maybe you need to apply a little hand pressure to the situation, if you know what I mean. If it continues even after a few swats on the hind end and time outs and other punishments, then I agree too, to talking to your peds. about it. She could suffer from cleptomania although I highly doubt it at this age, but one never knows for sure.
Thanks for the suggestion but spanken does not help either. When she was younger she used to get quite a few and she become a hitter to everyone. So we stop and had to break that cycle of hitting. She used to use her nail on sister when she was mad but now she doesn't do that anymore. How do you explain to a 6 year old that stealing is WRONG for a child her age to understand?

Quote:
skahar My DS took $50 from his sister once when he was about 7 I think, when we found out we told him that we were going to let her go into his room and pick whatever she wanted to take. She went in and picked all the toys that she knew were his favorites and took them back to her room. She didn't want his toys obviously but she wanted him to feel the same way she did when she found her money missing. He got them back after a week or so and we've had no trouble since.

The same can be done if she takes something from a store. Take her favorite and I mean favorite things and march back to the store have her return the items that she took and make her give her things to the manager as an apology for taking his things. You can call the manager ahead of time and let him know what you are going to do so he is not befuddled when you get there, and also make an arrangement to pick her things up when she is not with you.

I think you need to stress the seriousness of the situation more to her. If that means taking everything she owns until she gets it then that's what you have to do.
Do you think I am to late for this? or should I do this next time. Should I have my daughter go into her room and steal her stuff withour her knowing? How do I go about doing this?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-08-2009, 10:04 AM
 
199 posts, read 651,284 times
Reputation: 108
Quote:
Originally Posted by kareybear View Post
Do you think I am to late for this? or should I do this next time. Should I have my daughter go into her room and steal her stuff withour her knowing? How do I go about doing this?

I wouldn't reciprocate bad behaviour like that...Think of teh mixed signal you are sending her? you SAY don't steal...but you do the same? She's only 5 though...not old enough to understand a loot of things... Instead of expaling teh monetary value of things tell her and show her she is hurting other people as well as her parenst with this.

About her stealing...is she doing it "sneakily" meaning waiting for people not to be around etc? or just walking up to something and taking it? Is she hiding it form sight or taking it out in full view?

Lie ing and stealing are al from teh same family I think. Have you ever asked her why she does this? If she saw someone else do this etc?

At 5 years of age..I dunno she's still really young. Talk to your ped, maybe it's a phase?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-08-2009, 10:33 AM
 
Location: Here... for now
1,747 posts, read 3,003,580 times
Reputation: 1232
I think Indie has raised an excellent point. Does your daughter deliberately "steal"? Is she sneaky? Does she hide the stuff she takes? If so, then she already has an inkling that what she's doing is wrong. However, if she's just "taking", that's a whole different story.

In one case, you say she took money to give to her friends. Perhaps, in her little 6-year-old mind, she thinks she's being nice. She's sharing! Don't we encourage our kids to share? Perhaps she doesn't yet grasp the concept that you can only share what actually belongs to you.

If it were me, I'd go with the explaining and consequences route, rather than timeouts and/or punishment (unless she's deliberately "stealing"). I would not "steal" things of hers because that sends a mixed signal. I would explain why she can't just take things without permission. At her age, it may take a few times to get through.

As for the consequence, I like shakar's suggestion of going back to the store to make amends with the manager. As shakar suggests, I'd give the manager a heads-up call so they are on the same page as me. Rather than "taking" daughter's favorite things to give to manager, however, I think I'd help daughter select one of her prized possessions to take as an apology gift. I'd explain to daughter that she must do the talking (I'd help her practice) and she must make the offering.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do. I'm just glad you're going to do something now, rather than just hoping it'll stop on its own.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-08-2009, 11:00 AM
 
2,884 posts, read 5,913,621 times
Reputation: 1991
Does she have a way to get money that is more rewarding than stealing?

Meaning, does she have a way to earn money? She obviously wants it, so why not turn it into a positive and productive experience instead of a battle for control.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-08-2009, 12:01 PM
 
758 posts, read 1,866,131 times
Reputation: 954
No I do not suggest you have your other daughter sneak into her room to steal her stuff, do it right in front of her and when she is upset that's when you explain to her that is how your other daughter felt when she took her money.

I don't think it's sending mixed signals at all as someone suggested. It's teaching them to respect other peoples things, and by having her feel the same way as the "victim" she may have a better understanding of how her behavior affects others.

I'm not sure about letting her pick her prized possesion to give, 6 yrs is old enough to realize that it's not a good idea for her to give away her favorite thing, she may just pick out something she doesn't care about. Also sorry if I wasn't clear but she should be the one to give her stuff to the store manager while she apologizes.

As for when you can do this, if it has been more than a week I would wait until the next time she does it. The longer the time in between the crime and punishment they tend to forget what they are being punished for.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top