Desperate mother (BF, support, parent, daughter)

[bjsmith]

I have a 19 year old daughter who is still in high school, she wont grad. until 2010. she is xtremely lazy and doesnt do anything around the house. she is working pt at the mall. i still pay for everything she wants and she can be very demanding. i have a boyfriend who wants to marry me but he doesnt want the responsibility of my daughter who he thinks should be on her own already. my daughter is a little slow in comprehending, in fact she's pretty dumb. I need help in getting her on her own, but im afraid what will happen to her. Any advice what i should do?

[Kevin1975]

I think you got the wrong web site.

[gvsteve]

Originally Posted by bjsmith

i still pay for everything she wants and she can be very demanding.

Step 1: Stop paying for everything she wants.

[veuvegirl]

Originally Posted by gvsteve

Step 1: Stop paying for everything she wants.

Exactly. She is lazy because you are allowing her to be lazy. Stop paying for everything, give her a deadline to get a job and start paying you rent. The only way she'll fend for herself is if you make her.

[Obrero]

Originally Posted by bjsmith

I have a 19 year old daughter who is still in high school, she wont grad. until 2010. she is xtremely lazy and doesnt do anything around the house. she is working pt at the mall. i still pay for everything she wants and she can be very demanding. i have a boyfriend who wants to marry me but he doesnt want the responsibility of my daughter who he thinks should be on her own already. my daughter is a little slow in comprehending, in fact she's pretty dumb. I need help in getting her on her own, but im afraid what will happen to her. Any advice what i should do?

I think you should dump your boyfriend. He should have NO SAY in what you do or don't do with your daughter. She is still in High School for goodness sake...there are other ways of making her responsible than putting her out on her own.

[Honeycrisp]

Originally Posted by UKOK

I think you should dump your boyfriend. He should have NO SAY in what you do or don't do with your daughter. She is still in High School for goodness sake...there are other ways of making her responsible than putting her out on her own.

Agreed, would put your boyfriend on hold if he's coming between you and your daughter, if he doenst like it, too bad. You're responsible for her til she's out of HS which is just another year away - in the meantime, work with her so she can budget and get some independence which is probably what she wants - she needs your support (and will, for a while). Realistically, working p/t at the mall won't enable her to support herself if you want her out of the house, work with her to help her find some direction where she can get some education after HS so she can get a good job and eventually become self supporting - but it's not an overnite thing.

[Stone28]

If you go down to the bottom of the page and click the forum jump you will see a parenting forum. Thats where you can get the best answer's for your question. You will also see your not alone, I remember seeing similar threads there. You can also try doing a search.

[annaegel]

I went to special schools for learning disabilities. I don't know if your daughter has learning disabilities, but you can get training for a trade to get her a job and hopefully out of your house. In New York City, they had a division back when I was a young adult called OVR (Office of Vocational R???). New Jersey probably has something like that. Perhaps you can talk with the high school counsellor. Maybe they can make some recommendations.

What are her/your plans for when she does graduate? What kind of job can sustain her? Without a trade, she probably cannot live on the job she is currently at now.

I don't want to tell you what to do like the previous people, but maybe sit down with her and explain that you cannot keep supporting her in the same way. She needs to realize your not always going to be there paying for everything. Something has to change.

I have a friend whose daughter has bipolar. She was pretty demanding too. She got a GED and tried to go to college, but kept dropping classes. She ended up bumbing around with a boyfriend.

The mom ended up moving to Florida and the daughter grew up quite a bit. She is now taking on full college credits and working at the same time.

Your daughter needs to grow up a bit. She sounds immature for her age.

I would suggest talking with the school counsellors about your concern for your daughter, especially what she is going to do AFTER high school.

[colleeng47]

Originally Posted by bjsmith

I have a 19 year old daughter who is still in high school, she wont grad. until 2010. she is xtremely lazy and doesnt do anything around the house. she is working pt at the mall. i still pay for everything she wants and she can be very demanding. i have a boyfriend who wants to marry me but he doesnt want the responsibility of my daughter who he thinks should be on her own already. my daughter is a little slow in comprehending, in fact she's pretty dumb. I need help in getting her on her own, but im afraid what will happen to her. Any advice what i should do?

Mom, maybe a change in your attitude might help your daughter. If she is, in fact, "slow", she will need a lot of support to become independent. I would tell the bf to take a hike. What will happen if your daughter does move out, you marry him, and she needs to move back home for a while?

[zas]

Why is she 19 in the 11th grade? Do she want to finish hs?