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No because their parents believed that they deserved a reward for their deeds. If one believes it for grades, why would one expect it not to permeate the rest of their attitudes?
I don''t care what you do. I am explaining my thinking.
Deeds such as what? I'm genuinely curious. I mean, if you're talking about a general allowance for chores, and rewards for excellent grades, practically everyone I grew up with had that, and we're all productive members of society. What else were they being rewarded for?
Deeds such as what? I'm genuinely curious. I mean, if you're talking about a general allowance for chores, and rewards for excellent grades, practically everyone I grew up with had that, and we're all productive members of society. What else were they being rewarded for?
You tell me. You are the one who believes that people deserve rewards for things. If they :deserve" rewards for working hard or figure out a way, then what other hard work or figuring out "deserves" a reward? What else can the child wind up believing about their motivation than that they "deserve" things?
If one JUST pay for grades, then I think I would not agree with one but one is unlikely to see bad motivational effects though I would watch it through the years. But if one really believes that a person deserves rewards then one is considerably more likely to build a secondary motivational scheme that never helps build the primary motivation toward the end itself. SELF motivation.
You tell me. You are the one who believes that people deserve rewards for things. If they :deserve" rewards for working hard or figure out a way, then what other hard work or figuring out "deserves" a reward? What else can the child wind up believing about their motivation than that they "deserve" things?
If one JUST pay for grades, then I think I would not agree with one but one is unlikely to see bad motivational effects though I would watch it through the years. But if one really believes that a person deserves rewards then one is considerably more likely to build a secondary motivational scheme that never helps build the primary motivation toward the end itself. SELF motivation.
YMMV.
Um, you said "No because their parents believed that they deserved a reward for their deeds." I'm asking about the parents you claim to have observed. As I said previously, I haven't seen detrimental effects for giving kids allowances and rewarding A's. You said "deeds" - I'm curious as to what deeds you have observed that resulted in lazy, shiftless kids so consistently. My experience and observations have been quite different.
Our 12-year-old insists that everyone she knows gets big rewards for getting good grades on their report cards. I'm talking I-phones, shopping trips, cash, etc. Is this the norm? We've always treated her to dinner at a restaurant of her choice at the end of the school year. Now it doesn't seem to be enough for her. We've explained to her that we do the best we can, we're not wealthy, and even if we were we don't believe in throwing big gifts at someone for doing well in school. If anyone has ideas on how to better explain this to her, I'm all ears! Thanks!
How about the reward of knowing that she can pull in $200,000 a year as an adult if she gets straight As, goes to an Ivy School, gets into med school, and becomes a radiologist?
I don't know about you, but I think that's better than a $500 iPhone or a gift certificate to Outback Steakhouse. If only somebody could have drilled that into my head when I was that age.
Um, you said "No because their parents believed that they deserved a reward for their deeds." I'm asking about the parents you claim to have observed. As I said previously, I haven't seen detrimental effects for giving kids allowances and rewarding A's. You said "deeds" - I'm curious as to what deeds you have observed that resulted in lazy, shiftless kids so consistently. My experience and observations have been quite different.
I am not sure what you want me to say. I have explained my thinking. It has nothing to do with the individual deed but the balance of feeling deserving of a reward for doing well/right/smart ... whatever.
How about the reward of knowing that she can pull in $200,000 a year as an adult if she gets straight As, goes to an Ivy School, gets into med school, and becomes a radiologist?
I don't know about you, but I think that's better than a $500 iPhone or a gift certificate to Outback Steakhouse. If only somebody could have drilled that into my head when I was that age.
Hah, if only that sinks in! Sometimes I feel college and career choices happen too early. I'd almost breathe a sigh of relief if it became the norm to take a year or two off to do internships after high school, to understand not only what they are suited for, but to further appreciate the value of work when it comes to money. I think a lot of kids don't understand how grades and effort can affect salaries (obviously career choices as well).
Then again, maybe handing them an iPhone or whatever expensive gift is what disconnects the item from the money, and therefore the appreciation of what they "earned." I guess I'll see when my kids hit that age, I'm sure things have changed since the 90s when I was a teen. But I distinctly remember getting a few bucks for my grades, and then thinking, "Wow, this is great, but if I want X item, it costs a lot. I could get it from savings (I worked at the time), but it took me two weeks to earn that money. Is it worth it?"
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Originally Posted by somebodynew
I am not sure what you want me to say. I have explained my thinking. It has nothing to do with the individual deed but the balance of feeling deserving of a reward for doing well/right/smart ... whatever.
Sorry you didn't understand the question, I think it is fairly straightforward.
LOL! No, I am sorry you did not understand the answer.
I asked what deeds (since you brought up that people you knew rewarded "deeds") you were referring to. This was about grades. Plenty of parents pay allowances for chores, and reward excellent grades. That doesn't mean they fling money at their kids for everything under the sun.
In fact, the "lazy and shiftless" kids I know are those who get neither of the above, but have no problem wheedling money out of their parents to go to movies, hang with friends, buy the latest whatever. Case in point would be my 15 year old brother. Try to get him to do his homework, study... impossible. He doesn't "do" chores. However, my mother "had" to give him $50 a week for the past school year because his friends had elaborate sweet sixteens every weekend. She "had" to give him money when he begged to go to a movie. When I was younger, gifts for my friends came from money I *earned* - the aforementioned good grades, or allowances, or eventually from work (obviously different prior to middle school). Made me think about budgeting, especially since money that is worked for has a different value to a person when it is handed over without a care.
Know how many times I had to ask my mother for money from middle school onward? Zero. All money from that point onwards was either gifted from family at birthdays, earned at a job, earned doing chores/babysitting, or as a special bonus when I brought home As. I probably budgeted better at age 14 than most twenty-somethings.
I was never paid for good grades and I don't pay my children for them. However, there is some research by the freakonomics guys that hints it could work for some kids.
We reward our kids for good grades and I don't think it necessarily turns kids into self entitled little brats. I was rewarded at times....not consistently...but some of the rewards I got were remarkable. I struggled and strugged with math and my father made me a deal. If I turned my bad grades around and got A's that year, I would get a cat. Guess what...I did and we got our very first cat. My hard work must of paid off since I got over my math phobia and became very good at math, eventually becoming an engineer. My parents didn't give me big monetary gifts but they also tossed a few dollars my way for an good report card. That cat was something else and the best gift of my life from my parents. Aside from a new car when I graduated from college!! (I attended a miltary academy so they didn't have to pay a cent aside from funding an initial account and plane tickets home, lol).
I think it is good to instill a sense of discipline into kids though and explain how good grades and lead to other good things in life. With my daughter, who unfortuately is emotionally troubled, this is not a lesson she has grasped, even at 13. If she pulls in a B though, we are darned sure to give a little reward. Same with my son who is 10 and a bit delayed. He tries his best but still struggles. Giving a little money isn't going to bust the bank or ruin our kids in our opinion.
Have to do what is best for your family. I know many families that don't reward good grades. It is just expected.
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