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We don't give gifts for good grades. We've taught our kids that it's their job/responsibility to do their best in school. When we notice their grades start to fall, we take things away such as cell phone, computer, etc...so they won't be distracted and study more. When they get good report cards, we do take them out to dinner and celebrate. I don't get the bribery thing at all.
I think this is a characteristic of Gen something.
I am OK with the idea of offering a carrot for good grades. That is do a deal with them that says if they get certain grades then they will get such and such reward. I think that helps them to focus when maybe they would be distracted. And why not make it a significant reward. But significant effort would be required.
I am also all for celebrating achievements too.
However, having said all that, I think it needs to be in the right context. If the kid has no chance of achieving the right grade then all it will do is reinforce in them the idea that they are a looser.
Also, I strongly believe that the child needs to know that no matter what their grades, that their parents love them more than anything.
My daughter was in first grade this past school year, and my mother kept offering rewards for grades on report cards (which is strange because she never offered me rewards, but I digress). I told mom that she should not be rewarded for something she should be doing anyway. We have a lot of schooling to get through and I can imagine how expensive it could get. As a teacher and a parent, I think students should be praised for their grades but not bribed.
I agree!
At the end of the year, the children are rewarded by a dinner and dessert of their choosing. If report cards are exceptional, perhaps going to the go karts. too.
My husband gets paid for his job. When I go to work I get paid. My kids "job" is going to school. I see no reason why the kids shouldn't get a reward for doing well (like a bonus).
They still have to participate in the household chores. That is not a job, it is just something people have to do to maintain a household.
Our 12-year-old insists that everyone she knows gets big rewards for getting good grades on their report cards. I'm talking I-phones, shopping trips, cash, etc. Is this the norm? We've always treated her to dinner at a restaurant of her choice at the end of the school year. Now it doesn't seem to be enough for her. We've explained to her that we do the best we can, we're not wealthy, and even if we were we don't believe in throwing big gifts at someone for doing well in school. If anyone has ideas on how to better explain this to her, I'm all ears! Thanks!
There are very good replies. I agree kids can be rewarded not bribed.
My suggestion is to set the tone and let your child know every parent rewards, punishes, train, etc. their kids differently and stop comparing. That is the bottom line and let her know how you decide to recognize her achievements.
Also she needs to be told her reward for will be later in life also, not just from parents. Good work is a must from everybody. Exceptional achievements above and beyond may be recognized as you decide, not based on what other parents do.
So following that line of reasoning, a father should be paid for mowing the lawn and taking care of his family. A mother should be paid each night for reading to her children. A father should be paid for carrying his sleeping child to it's bed. A mother should be paid for doing dishes. A father should be paid for cleaning the garage. A mother should be paid for doing the shopping. A father should be paid for helping the kids with homework.
Since when did being an active member of a family become a paid position??
What I meant is that going to school is their job like my husband's job is to be a lawyer and my job is to be an accountant. We get paid for our jobs. Why wouldn't the kids get paid, in a different way for doing their jobs?
The household stuff is not a job, it's just stuff that has to get done.
I say..while you guys are steady hashing out the rights and wrongs and essential character building aspects of this. *I* will be teaching my son about character building. He is going to have a good lesson in it.
He is going to wish he built a better character after I whoop him on the game.
Whatever a parent can do to keep the grades up I guess?
I think the I Phone is a bit over the top.
When I was younger and report card day came I saw many rewards.
1. because I was never a perfect attendee anyhow, I was allowed to pick two days off in the semester and go somewhere as a family (mom stayed at home step dad worked the nightshift) The zoo was always alot of fun during the day when no one was home. (kindof like vacation days for being on the job and doing well for an amount of time)
2. For every A I got a buck and for every B 50 cents. If I ever had any D's or F's the money was not given for the A's and B's. (Like a raise in salary)
3. My father would take me bowling for a good report card and let me play as many games as I pleased! Which was always alot. (Like a company picnic/party)
4. My grandmother AND my father AND my mother AND my oldest sister would each take me to the video store near them which rewarded good report cards with free rentals! They used to do that back then (Many resaurants and other facilities offer discounts and free things to firefighters, teachers, doctors and so on)
I see nothing wrong with a little positive reinforcement and incentive! In the real world we ARE rewarded for a job well done whether it be salary/monetary or awards of recognition and so on.
But some parents obviously can go waaaaaay too far. But they are the parents of that child and they can do as they please
This is about where I stand on the issue. I don't think it's a problem unless the reward is outlandish.
We give our kids $50 for their final report card of the year if they have maintained straight A's, they get bday presents and Christmas presents but nothing else during the year. And the amount has been the same for the last 18 yrs. The other report cards of the year they get told "good job" unless they have a low A or B then they are told to bring it up. And before anyone gets upset over the last sentence, we have that expectation for them because we know they are more than capable of getting all A's. We don't consider it bribery but a reward for a job well-done.
My husband gets paid for his job. When I go to work I get paid. My kids "job" is going to school. I see no reason why the kids shouldn't get a reward for doing well (like a bonus).
They still have to participate in the household chores. That is not a job, it is just something people have to do to maintain a household.
I agree with this. Now, see I don't pay an allowance for household chores. For that reason.
One of the mistakes that I have made and sometimes still do is that I do not reward myself.It makes living a chore.
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(Many resaurants and other facilities offer discounts and free things to firefighters, teachers, doctors and so on)
