12 year old does NOT want to move - - HELP (parents, play)
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I read this with interest because growing up we moved ALOT. I can honestly say the only one I was and am still bitter about was the move the end of my sophmore year. And my brother was one year older so he had to do his senior year with a bunch of strangers....but anyhooooo
A move at 12 while upsetting won't ruin her life. Like the others have stated, get her involved in the process. Let her know you understand that she's upset but the family as a unit comes 1st.
I work in a middle school class. New students transfer in all the time. Assure her that she will make friends quickly if she is open and friendly to others. Encourage her to get into activities where she'll meet kids outside of school. Remember, at this age the world revolves around them, and girls are over-dramatic about everything.
That's a tough age and add to it the fact that she just got herself settled in from being relocated a year earlier...
Promote Colorado and explain what there is in the town you have chosen...and why you HAVE to move. Period.
When I was eleven, we moved from New York State to Southern Florida. I turned 12 a month later. There was NO discussion. Dad got a transfer and that was IT. I would not have expected a sit-down to weigh my opinion on the matter and it was good that I didn't...I would have been disappointed.
(I hated Florida. Child of the wooded hills, not the sandy beach.)
That's a tough age and add to it the fact that she just got herself settled in from being relocated a year earlier...
Promote Colorado and explain what there is in the town you have chosen...and why you HAVE to move. Period.
When I was eleven, we moved from New York State to Southern Florida. I turned 12 a month later. There was NO discussion. Dad got a transfer and that was IT. I would not have expected a sit-down to weigh my opinion on the matter and it was good that I didn't...I would have been disappointed.
(I hated Florida. Child of the wooded hills, not the sandy beach.)
best advice in this thread. sage and sensible. this will probably be one of her first big lessons on reality, disappointment, and fear. be understanding, listen to her complaints, restate things as they are and not as she wishes them to be, and reassure her, w/ the family together, that things will likely work out in less than a year. be firm, however.
Get her involved with the move, picking out the house, her room.
My parents did a major move on me between 8th and 9th grade. I had so much going for me in Ohio, a best friend who's parents were wanting to train me to show thier horse (which was a big deal for me). I played in the school band, played soccor. Had friends of a lifetime ( never moved before ok once when I was what... 16 mos. ) we all grew up together.
Beleive me I fought the move, big time even tried to convince my parent to let me stay with the other family just so I could show thier horses. didn't work. Anyways, keep her involved be honest with her about the move and why ( as others have stated ). One thing do not make any promises you might not be able to keep. Maybe she can get all new furnature for her new room and design it her way paint and all. Let her know wabout the new school show her pictures and tell her about special programs and events she could join in on.
One last thing, understand where she is coming from and speak with her about it. don't just say I know this will be hard on you. Platitudes really don't get far with anyone especially kids. Set her up with a moving kit include address book to keep her friends addresses in and special photo books, plan a big going away party that displays photos with her friends over the past few years and then add in photos of where she will be going.
My friend does things like this all the time. She is a big planner and took in transfer students. She would send them a special packet before they arrive that contianed all sorts of fun things from where they were living ( florida at the time) and when they left to return home she would have a going away party just like I discribed. You would be surprised how much it helps. She may never completely be happy about the move but she will accept it over time. Change is never easy.
I still hate that we moved to Texas so very long ago, my parents did not do much to help out I had some say with the house but not much. My father made promises that he never kept. My mother tried to be understanding but she had little to no help with dad. All in all that is not the way to move. I have been in SA now for about 20+ years even moved out a couple of times but here I still am... like it or not it is home. All things will work out.
Have you taken her to Colorado or at least shown her pictures or travelogues about it? Maybe fear of moving has a lot to do with fear of the unknown.
I've been one that never moved my kids, I still wouldn't want to because I wanted them to grow up in one place, be able to have the same friends, stability and all that but my kids keep asking when are we going to move, or why didn't we ever move. I think my kids would actually be thrilled with the idea of packing up and going some where, moving into a new house but I would sure not be.
You guys have been so great! Thanks. And Kerowyn, those are some great ideas as well! I like the idea of getting her an address book and maybe some stationary and stamps. A photo album is great too! Thanks guys!!!!!!
I'm 16 my parents want to move to Florida I been bullied for 5 years I started my freshman year and I'm making friends I joined the football team but I'm gonna loose everything my friends and all please help Ik they trying what's best but is hard for me to move and loose everything I love
U guys have to understand that Us Kid also have feeling and I know u guys want the best for us but
We attached were leaving everything we worked for example friends ext I'm on my school football team and I feel terrible that I'm moving someone where I can't walk I won't be able to play football and I don't know no one and a place where my dad will probably beat me up and where I'm my big brothers slave I cry each time I hear the worldoving because Ik for me is gonna be the end I been bullied 5 years and now I'm finally fitting in I don't want 5. More years of suffering
I think you're very wise to address your financial situation, and I assure you that your daughter will adapt, but are you sure Colorado is the best place for a fresh start? The housing prices here are seriously ridiculous and rental properties are increasingly hard to find. You may be jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire unless you have jobs and housing lined up already.
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